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This guy won't let me live my life!
I am 13 female and i have had this friend ever seice 5th grade. we are now in 8th grade and he says that he loves me and that i have to kiss him on his b-day (he is 14) and that i have to date him and telling me what I can and can't do in my life. I used to like him until he started to get controlling and telling me i have to kiss him if i want to or not. I even locker by him at school. But I like another guy, but he dosne't really want to talk to me cuz the guy keeps telling everyone that i am his girl and am taken. And i was fluirting with a guy and he totally freaked out, he said i can the only guy i can talk to is him, but he goes and fluirts with all the girls in our grade and a few in the grade older then us. I really don't know what to do, he has been my friend for a long time and i don't want to hurt his felling, but i want to have a life, any suggestion would be wonderful and very very helpful.
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Hi, I'm old enough to be you grandfather. I'm an adviser on this website to answer questions like your hoping that the wisdom of my age will be useful.
We receive many questions like yours, from young teenagers with controlling boy friends. There are a few different ways to handle what is happening. Most importantly your boy friend has to learn, possibly the hard way, that his controlling ways are not acceptable.
The first way: You tell him straight up that you do not like his controlling ways. You are not a piece of property he owns and controls. You go on to tell him you are not his girlfriend. You are friends and you will continue to be friends IF he changes his controlling manner.
Second way: Since this is happening at school you can inform a teacher or the principal. His controlling is a form of bullying. I'm sure you are aware that schools right now are acutely aware of students being bullied in school.
Third way: The way I most like. You go and tell your parents what is happening with him. Our primary job as a parent is to care for you, to watch out and protect you.
In this instance what is happening with your friend, if allowed to continue could escalate to a point that someone could get hurt. I'm not sure you will fully understand but someone who is a controller will always be a controller. It is a character fault. This is not something that can be corrected with medication.
Character faults have to be dealt with in a manner that trains the person to first recognize their behavior is wrong, then train them how to deal with it. Left unchecked a person with a controlling personality will eventually hurt someone. It may or may not be you. You have the opportunity now to stop him before he hurts someone.
By going to your parents and telling them what is happening they will know what to do to protect you and see to it that he gets the help he needs.
So my advise is that you have three choices but I would prefer that you go and talk with your parents. As I said our main job as parents is to protect you. So give them the opportunity to do so.
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(Im 13 as well)
Tell the dude what you think and stop controlling your life in school...Politely
If that doesnt work (do like me)And be mean sometimes it helps.
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