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My boyfriend's getting rough and pushing for sex

Question Posted Thursday April 7 2011, 8:46 pm

Name key (fake names):
Me: Annabeth
Boyfriend: Jaysyn

I'm 16, a sophomore in high school. My boyfriend, Jaysyn, is a senior, 18. He's really sweet, and it didn't take me long to fall head over heels for him. I met him last year when I was a freshmen and he was a junior, and we started dating one month later. He was always very sweet and understanding about the whole sex thing: he wanted it, but every time I tried, I told him the truth--I'm no where near being ready for that, even if I might want it. Every time I said so, he was really sweet, saying he understood and wouldn't dream of making me do anything I wasn't ready to do. Lately, he's been going back on that promise. He's been getting kind of physical about it, too. Pushing me and shoving me and stuff; a couple of months ago we were at his house watching TV in his room because he gets free movies on his XBox through netflix, and he started kissing my neck and touching my leg and stuff. He was getting really touchy, and pushed his hand away and told me to stop, and he got really mad and he raised his hand as if he was going to hit me, but instead he just pushed me away from him, and I almost fell off the couch. I left when he did that and I went home. He called me five times an hour all night after that, and almost ten times the next day. Since then, he's been getting more violently, and touchy feely and rough, and when I deny him sex he gets really pissed. Last night I got up to leave and he grabbed my arm so hard I thought my wrist would break. Then he pushed me and I fell into the table--my knees are bruised. He called me a whore and a tease and told me I was being a bitch, and I left. This morning we had a date, and I didn't expect or want to go on the date after last night, but he showed up at my house right on time. I told him to go away and started to close the door, but he forced his way into the house and apologized for last night and got my oat from the closet and we went out and actually had a good time. He was really sweet, and he acted as though last night never happened. What do I do?

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RoxyK96 answered Friday April 15 2011, 11:25 pm:
I get that you like him and all but you have to get out of the relationship befor eit gets worse. Guys like that dont learn they expect girls that like them to do whatever they want when they want. It doesnt end untill he either gets what he wants (sex, whether your willing or not)or you leave him. It is important that you have someone with you for when you dump him and for the next couple of days so he can cool off. A good suggestion would be a close guy friend or parent/teacher. The most important thing is to get out of this relationship before he gets to violent. PLEASE BE SAFE. AND HOPE THIS HELPS!

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bewise answered Wednesday April 13 2011, 7:28 am:

He is abusing you and these are more than warning bells to get out of the relationship!

You have let this carry on too far already, and it is giving him permission to treat you that way, which you don't want to do! Even if your words tell him to stop, the fact that you are still there tells him that he can hurt and abuse you and you won't leave, so he will keep doing it and it will get worse.

Try to get someone to be with you when you dump him. And to be with you during the fortnight that follows. Staying close to your parents is a good idea, and if this is not possible then find good girlfriends, their parents, teachers, pastors, anyone, and tell them what is happening for back up support.

What he is doing is serious, and you need to get out.

Guys with anger issues go around in circles. They explode, then come back all sweet, and then it builds up with yucky looks, pushy behaviour, until they get loud and rought and explode. Then it starts all over again.

Don't accept his sweetness. You have seen his true character. If you stay with him you will be hurt emotionally and physically, and if you ever had kids with him, it would be horrible.

Please get out!

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sousou1234567 answered Tuesday April 12 2011, 5:25 am:
Oh dear lord!! That is called 'abuse'. No woman should ever be treated like that.
Just the fact that your boyfriend is verbally pressuring sex is a sign of calling it off with him but he has obviously past this point.
You shouldn't be that naive to what he is doing. You should understand and see that your boyfriend is mistreating you, abusing you and next could be attempted rape or worse rape. Do not underestimate a man who touches a woman wrongly. He obviously needs some counseling.
You should not, I repeat should not, come near this guy again or speak to this guy again. If he forcefully try's to speak to you, talk to an adult or simply call the police.

Good luck :]

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emilyan007 answered Saturday April 9 2011, 10:36 pm:
ok heres the thing maybe its not all they want but guy always have one thing in their mind and thats sex weather theii show iit of not iits another thiing... because of how you describe the situation i think he was being sweet about it in the first place cause he thought once you saw he was understanding you would have sex with him and after you didnt he got mad cause you would reject hiim he must have thought it through and decided not to treat you like shit cause then you wouldnt get him in the sack hes a piece of trash for pushing you and hurting you you should dump him cause you deseve someone better

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Sweet_LiL_Angel answered Friday April 8 2011, 10:18 pm:
I would not stay in this relationship it seems he is getting tired of waiting for sex and a man who really cares about you should even try to get you to have sex or call you those awful names you are better than that.

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adviceman49 answered Friday April 8 2011, 10:39 am:
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I answer questions on this site to tell you the way things are. The straight truth as I know them and advice based on the wisdom of my age.

The other advisers are correct when they say this is not a relationship you want to stay in. I will put this in the real world meaning of what is happening to you.

By virtue of the age difference between you and him; this will have to be based on the laws in your state. Your boy friend is could be and is guilty of some of the following crimes.

1. Attempted Rape.

2. Assault

3. Battery

4. Forcible entry

5. Attempted Kidnapping

6. Based on the age of consent and the laws of your state possibly statutory rape.

Items one through five are real crimes committed upon you when he attempted to force you to have sex with him. When he grabbed you and through to the floor items two through five were committed.

Your boyfriend may be only 16 but he is showing the type of personality he has; which is an abusive one. So far you have not been seriously hurt; but what about the next time or his next girlfriend.

My advise is that you tell mom and dad what has happened. Let them decide how to proceed for here. They will definitely tell you; and I agree, that you cannot see this boy anymore.

If you were my daughter I would be calling my local law enforcement agency to ask their advice. Your boyfriend has committed real crimes. Yes he is only 16 and you my not want to get him in to this type of trouble.

Look at it from another point of view. By asking local law enforcement does not always lead to an arrest. There are other options available such as referred to juvenile services for behavioral correction under supervision. In this way you are helping him realize that his actions in treating you are unacceptable and have serious consequences if he doesn't change his way.

Then there is the question of his future girlfriend, wife and children to consider. By allowing law enforcement to step in an take what they feel is the appropriate action you could be saving many people a lot of pain and harm.

So please tell your parents and let them handle this from here. Tell them everything you have told us.

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Celestial123 answered Friday April 8 2011, 8:11 am:
I agree with the others, get out of this relationship Now! he does not value your moral standards, if he loved you, he will respect your wish's.stop going out with this guy, you are young and beautiful and there will be many wonderful young men who will come along for you to date and enjoy their friendship.This is the time to date casually and focus on your career.Guys like these could be detected as future wife beaters, STAY AWAY from him.

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infatuatedxxglamour answered Friday April 8 2011, 1:36 am:
I completely completely completely agree with the last answerer! Never ever be in a relationship with someone who pressures you to have sex, no matter how many good times you may have in the in between moments. Its not like its ever going to stop unless you stop the relationship. And the relationship just isn't worth it. End it with him as soon as you can honey, for your own safety.

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WittyUsernameHere answered Friday April 8 2011, 12:13 am:
Cycle of Abuse

1) Building tension. Breakdown of communication, victim feels fearful and wants to placate and calm the abuser.

2) Incident. Physical or verbal abuse, violence, anger, blaming, argument, etc.

3) Reconciliation. Abuser feels or expresses guilt, seeks forgiveness, denies or minimizes abuse, or blames victim.

4) Calm. Honeymoon phase, abuse is forgotten, moved past, no abuse taking place.

5) Go to step 1.

That is pretty much exactly what you described. As having happened more than once.

[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)

Get out. Get out now.

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iloveyoubabyy004 answered Thursday April 7 2011, 10:21 pm:
girl your in a sticky situation, but if i were you i would leave he sounds like he's violate dont let anyone ver hurt you ! you deserve better why would you let him do those things to you if he loves you then he wouldnt hurt you and thats what he's doing he hurting you. so what you love him he doesnt respect you and if he doesnt respect you then your just going to lose respect for yourself and dont do that because I'm pretty sure your a pretty girl. ALL guys want are sex not all but most and i think that if you dont give it up to him then he'll just hurt you more by getting it from someone else. leave him alone he's a senior pretty soon he'll be off to college

kk hope i helped

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Xui answered Thursday April 7 2011, 9:31 pm:
Your boyfriend is abusive, Abuse is NOT love.

You can think you are head over heels and that he loves you but the truth is he IS abusive. A man does not have to hit a women for it too be categorized as so. Hitting, Pushing, Shoving is all forms of abuse.

He does not respect you and he is bullying you into doing something you are not ready for. Guess what, DUMP HIM. That is the best advise I can give you, If you keep dating someone who treats you like shit, They will continue to treat you like shit. I am a victim of an abusive relationship, I was in one for 5 years and I can tell you it doesn't end by sticking around and hoping for something that will never happen. Abusive people need to seek professional help. You are not being a bitch and in fact I give you full credit for being one of the smart ones that knows that she isn't ready. Your boyfriend is the one with the problem and you need to know that you are way better than that and don't deserve to be treated like shit. Dump him and cut contact, Don't talk too him, Don't even answer his text messages. Guys will say and do anything to get a girl to believe them so here don't even believe him when he says he is sorry. What's done is done..and he has done it on more than one occasion. If he loved you, He would of treated you will love and respect and he abuse it and crossed all lines. It's time to find someone else who will love and respect you.

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