|
Had premarital sex, now I want to be a virgin again.
i had a boyfriend for 2 yeras.i broke up with him 2 years ago.now my parents arranegd my marriage with another person. can my husband be able to find that i am not a virgin? is hymenoplasty surgery realy worthless & have side effects? how much cost of this aurgery?in calcutta which hospital do this surgery? please dont tell that "tell him the truth" it is the matter of my parents selfrespect.i dnt want my parents suffer for my fault.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
Hi, I'm one of the older advisers on this site. Probably old enough to be your grandfather. In general it is my hope that the wisdom that comes with age will be helpful to those hows' questions I answer.
I have to go along with DangerNerd in his answer to you. I also researched Hymenoplasty; after reading the benefits and possible post operative side effects, I would have to advise against such a procedure for you.
There is an old saying about telling a lie. You need to write it down for you will always remember the truth but you never fully recall a lie.
I understand the tradition behind the arranged marriage that some cultures believe in. What I don't understand is that in this day and age, especially if you are living in the USA, that parents still force this on young women.
You have two choices here. If you are living in the USA or an other western country. You need to be truthful with the man your parents have chosen for you. You can do this in two ways. You tell him that you are not a virgin, that is number one. Number two is if you do not wish to marry him, or that you do not wish to follow tradition and marry by arrangement. You should ask him to keep your secret and hope that he does.
If you do not live in the USA or other western countries but live in what we refer to as the old countries; then I would suggest you simple tell this man you do not believe in arranged marriages and leave it at that. I am not aware of any of the old countries, with the exception of one or two of the Muslim ruled countries where you can be forced into an arranged marriage.
I hope I have been helpful to you.
]
I am sorry to say that most men who are tricked like this eventually find out. I found out when the "virgin" I married turned out not to be one. Her mother accidentally told me she had been in another relationship just before me. Her mom thought I knew.
I didn't find out for a long time, but if I had found out earlier, I would have ended the marriage.
The other user has already provided a link to explain the risks of the hymen reconstruction surgery, and you should read that.
The other user obviously has no idea what your culture is like, and I apologize for that.
The problem is a simple one. You knew that you were shaming your parents when you did this. Now you must live up to that shame. It isn't their fault you did what you did, you are right about that, but one way or another this will come out some day.
These secrets don't stay hidden.
It is possible that your husband-to-be will keep your secret. Perhaps your beauty will be worth the shame your culture puts on a man who marries a woman who has already been used by another man.
Who knows? If you know the man well enough to guess, or to ask him about this, you can find out.
You can also tell your parents that you do not wish the marriage. You may be better off depending on caste, to tell your parents, or at least your mother, and see what she says.
This is not hopeless, but you need to know that the secret is going to come out some day. Better now than after you have been married 10 years.
Remember: Being a virgin isn't about having a hymen. It is about being sexually pure and it being IMPOSSIBLE for you to have a sexual disease.
You aren't sexually pure, and it is possible for you to have sexual diseases because you don't know, honestly, all the people the man you already gave yourself to has slept with.
You should have yourself tested for STDs, even if you choose not to marry, many of them can ruin your health. You must get tested for your own health.
I assume this was also your question:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Please don't just keep asking until you get someone to lie and say what you want to hear. Even if someone does that, it will not make the truth go away.
Perhaps some day you will marry for love instead of an arranged marriage. Perhaps you will find a man who doesn't care who had you before him. There is always hope.
]
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You may want to read that before thinking about surgery, I honestly think it's a ridiculous thing to do to your body. You are talking a lot of money and time into something that will possibly someday be a waste of your time. (Assuming you will have sex again at some point in your life)
No, Your husband can not tell if you are a virgin or not and to be truthful that is your business. Even surgery is not going to change the fact that you are not a virgin..All you are doing is just replacing your hymen that doesn't mean you are a virgin again.
]
More Questions: |