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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
umm, well im 13,female. and i got really drunk with a couple of friends. And my mistake happened, i had sex and we didnt use a condom, but i didnt get pregnant. i really liked this guy, we were talking for 6 months.am i slut for letting this happen ?
First let me say you are not a slut by any definition of the word. Next let me also say I am an adult more in the age group of a grandfather.
Technically what happened to you was that you were raped. Yes, raped. Rape is defined as the sexual knowledge or intercourse without consent. You were drunk and unable to defend against or give consent. We will skip over the law concerning age of consent you are way to young for that to even be part of the problem.
Next if the boy who raped you is more than 16 or 17 depending on the laws in your state he has committed more than one felony. I could list about four more. The real problem here is not whether or not you are a slut. It is did he intentionally get you drunk so he could have sex with you. If so he is not the nice guy you thought he is or was and you need to stop him from doing this to others.
To do this you need to tell you parents. Yes they will be upset. First by the fact that you were raped and second that you were drinking. Hopefully this is something that happened recently and you still have the clothes you wore, including your panties. Save these now, put them in a plastic bags as the police will want them for evidence.
Yes, your parent are going to have to report this to the police and let them handle it. Just going to his parents will not stop him from raping another young girl. Just how the police will handle this I'm not sure and that is not your concern. Your concern is preventing him from doing it again and getting justice for him raping you.
Now I'm going to chime in on drinking. Your 13 that is 8 years below the legal drinking age in every state. There is a reason for young people not being allowed not to drink alcohol. Unfortunately you have learned the hard way. It is not cool and it is not good to get drunk at any age as alcohol lowers ones inhibitions and abilities to perform even everyday tasks.
I am a member of a fire department rescue squad. I cringe every Friday and Saturday night that I have duty for there are not many of those nights where some teenager are not involved in an automobile accident. Over 90% of these accidents are speed or alcohol related; sometimes both.
Since we respond on to two major interstates many of these accidents are fatalities. If you don't think it causes us hurt to have to use the Jaws of life to cut lifeless young bodies from twisted metal. Then I will tell you it does, each and ever time we have to do this and we do it all to often.
Their is one call that will haunt me for the rest of my life. It happened on a city street. A young girl not much older than you was racing to catch up to her boyfriend when she hit a bump and lost control of her car. She wasn't wearing a seat belt. When we arrived on scene I looked in the car, it looked like she was sleeping and had a bloody nose, she was dead. Most of the bones in her body were broken. Worst of all the accident happens two blocks from where she lived and we had to wait 3 hours for the medical examiner to arrive before we could remove her from the car. Her parents had to watch as we cut the car open and took her from the car and placed he in a body bag.
Have I grossed you out. Good that was my intention. Maybe by doing so I will keep you from getting in a car with someone that has been drinking. Maybe you will remember this story when you start to drive. Maybe I just saved your life. I hope I have.
21 female
I've had sex once, and it was amazing. It wasn't with a boyfriend or anyone though. By anyways, after I had sex I freaked out making myself think I was pregnant for no reason. I'm on birth control, have been for years now and I always take it the same time. And I'd always always always use a condom BUT i just don't think I can calm down any time after having sex. I don't know why I'll always think something went wrong and I got pregnant.
Even if I'm with someone I like or even love, I still feel like I'd be like this. Does it mean I shouldn't be having sex then? Does anyone else feel this way? After I had sex for the first time I actually felt sick to my stomach because I was freaking myself out.
My unprofessional thoughts are you still at age 21 have some type of concerns about premarital sex and possible pregnancy. Even though you have taken all precautions against pregnancy that limit you to a .01% chance of becoming pregnant. For some reason this is still a major concern for you when it should be more of just a concern. If you were 16 I would not be concerned. Being 21 my concern is that either for religious or other moral reasons you have a concern about premarital sex.
To have a moral reason against premarital sex is not wrong. If you do have a reason for not having premarital sex and are having sex for reasons of say, to keep a boyfriend or other reasons you feel are immoral; then you have a conflict of conscious that you need to resolve.
If as I said; my very unprofessional reasoning is wrong. Then I suggest you might want to consult a professional therapist to find out what may be bothering you. You have done all the right things to prevent pregnancy. Your chances of becoming pregnant are minimal, but possible. Even so you should be able to relax and at your age enjoy a worry free sex life.
We each have our own standards, morals and limitations. No one should force you to do something against these or tell you they are wrong. They are yours and that makes them right. If you have concerns that you are wrong or right and cannot resolve the conflict within you yourself then you seek advice of a professional. That professional can be a member of your Church Clergy, you family doctor or a therapist.
For you own best interest and piece of mind you need to resolve this conflict or what ever is causing you to be so sick after sex.
at my daughters school next year,(9th grade) in PE there will be a swim unit and boys and girls have it together? Why is this allowed? Wouldn't this make girls feel uncomfortable. Wouldn't boys use this opportunity to harass or humilate girls? Also, why are boys allowed to be shirtless in the presence of girls? Why is no sense of modesty maintained
I'm not sure if you are born in this country or from one of the middle eastern countries were mixing of the sexes is not common. Here in this country, the USA, the mixing of the sexes is is not only common it is encouraged as part of the social adaption of middle and high school.
In school for PE when the weather is warm enough both boys and girls are outside for PE. It is not uncommon for the boys PE teacher to choose up sides for a ball game then have one side take of there shirts. Whatever game is being played the teams are called skins VS Shirts. This has been a common practice since I was in school back in the late 50's. I'm sure your daughter has seen boys without shirts during her PE classes before.
If your sense of decency or religious values are affronted by your daughter being in a coed swimming class then you need to speak with the school principal. Just be aware that by separating your daughter from the rest of the class you make her a target for the other children to tease. Yes there are rules against teasing and harassing; teachers are not everywhere and children are not always in school.
It is none of mine or anyone else's business as to how you want to raise your child. I will offer you this one piece of advice. As parents we want to protect are children as much as possible, that is a role as parents. At some point there are things no matter how hard we try that we cannot protect them from. At this point we need to take up our next most important job that of teacher. We need to teach our children what they are seeing, why they are seeing it and how to decide if this is wrong and why or if it is right and why.
The world is an ever change place. Just last night my wife and I were reminiscing about television and some of the shows that were on in the early days of TV. They were great shows, very entertaining. Unfortunately they would be humongous flops by today's standards and what viewer want.
We cannot hide everything from our children or they can be seriously hurt, both physically and otherwise when it is time for them to go out into today's world. Among all our other responsibilities as parents it is our job to prepare our children to become responsible adults and take there place in society.
16/f/India
Okay so I am in senior year. Here 12th grade is VERY important..My admissions into a good college will be only on the basis of the marks I score in my "board examination" which is held at the end of the year. The papers are not checked by my teachers but by some other teachers who don't know me and are teaching in some other school. This is done to make the examination fair. The cutoffs for any college where i live (new delhi) are CRAZZY. I mean nothing below a 475/500 is acceptable.
I have Physics, Chemistry, Computer science, English and Maths as my subjects.
Im telling you all of this just so that you know there is a lot of pressure to perform well.. and I have to in order to get a good college.
Ive just been real distracted for a while. I don't know how to concentrate on my studies. I dont feel like sitting with my books. It is freaking me out because every day matters to me. Please help!!!!!
If it helps. I havent been that bad in my studies. I wont say its cutting edge but then im one of the top 10 students in my class. Its just that i dont know how to get that extra edge..so that i can actually get into a college here. a very good college..
It Has been over 40 years since I have been in any type of higher education situation. What I feel is you may be putting to much pressure on yourself and this is sort of natures way of telling you to back Down a bit. Here in the USA any student in the top 10 of there class can be almost guaranteed the college of their choice.
My advice would be to do two things: Give yourself a little bit of a break. You are on the cutting edge, you just don' see it. If you want advice from others of your age who are in your position put this question out for all advisors to review and offer advise.
when you are so far down how to find the strength to climb back up?
I like how you posed your question. Usually we are are asked how.
To answer you question, you have already started to climb back up, you have asked for help. Asking for help is the first and biggest step to climbing back.
If you are feeling down to the point where you feel like you may hurt yourself then pick up the phone and dial 911 or the emergency number for where you live. The call taker will send the appropriate emergency services to your home to keep you safe and take you to people who can help you. If yo do not want to call for emergency services then go to the nearest hospital emergency room tell them you feel like you are going to hurt yourself. Do not worry about insurance or how you will pay for care. The hospital will treat you first and then they will find programs to pay for your care.
If you do not feel as if you are in imminent danger to yourself or others then you can do the following:
Call the: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255): Suicide hotline, 24/7 free and confidential. They will help you find people in your own town who can help you.
Call your family doctor and ask for help; follow the doctors instructions.
Suicide is usually caused by some type of depression. Depression can be controlled and even cured with the right kind of help. It is just a matter of finding the root cause of the depression. I know this as I am a depression survivor. It took a long time to get to the root cause of my depression and a longer time for me to learn to deal with it. But I have and now I have been tolled my depression no longer exists.
You've taken the first step. The following steps get easier as you go along. The hardest step is behind you and a better life is in front of you. Just follow the steps and continue to ask the professionals for the help you need.
I'm around 13 and I REALLLLYYYY want a cell phone!!!! So I am willing to pay for it all, I have my eye on a lg neon 2, I found a good fido plan for 100 min, unlimited texting, unlimited weekends and evenings for 25 dollars a month! My parents are still against it and I need advice? Also, I don't go out or anything, but I DO go out for lunch at school (off school property) thank you in advance!!!!!!
There are good reasons for and against anyone having cell phones. There are more reasons for younger people, people your age not to have a cell phone then to have a cell phone.
I know, not the answer you want to hear. What you see is some, probably not all of your friends have cell phones and you want one too. My mother would tell you; "if Billy jumps off the Brooklyn bridge does that mean you have too."
I'm much older than you and a parent/grandparent as well. It is not easy for us as parents to say no when we see our children wanting something their friends have. We have our reasons for saying no and while they may not always be monetary reasons they are just as valid. Parents are not being mean by saying no and they do not really have to give you a reason. There is something about you and a cell phone that bothers them. Until they can justify you having a cell phone they are not going to allow you to have one. Remember they are the ones that are ultimately responsible for the contract with the carrier as you are to young to sign a binding agreement.
I'm sure when they see a better need other than just because your friends have one, they will allow you to have a cell phone. Until then the more you pester them the longer they will say no.
I know this is not the answer you are looking for. I thought you might like to have an adults point of view to weigh against the others.
21/f
Long story short here..
I'm not experienced when it comes to sex. I had sex once and it was with a guy who knew what he was doing so it went smoothly. I've never even given a hj or bj.
Now this new guy in my life he is very inexperienced. We were talking and he said he can't last long (probably because he hasn't had sex often) and asked me if I had any suggestions. Now, I'm not experienced either so I couldn't help. Is there anything that can help him last longer, anything I can do to help him too?
Is it bad that we're both inexperienced? I feel like it's so much easier when one person knows what they're doing.
Any advice is welcomed and appreciated!
I'll answer the second part of your question firs. The answer is yes, because you feel cheated. He has gotten off and may be sated or satisfied and your still, well hot and need to be satisfied.
As for his premature ejaculation. Which is the technical term for what is happening. This is not uncommon for the inexperienced male. My unscientific reason for this is so when first sexual intercourse happens it is quick and not more harmful to the female than necessary. Then as both partners get use to intercourse and the female can stand longer penetration time the male can delay ejaculation. As I said, this is my very scientific reasoning that does not stand up to today's reasons. But you said it yourself, "(probably because he hasn't had sex often)"
If you like this guy and want a, better, sex life together. There are ways to help him overcome his premature ejaculation. There are methods that you can use that will teach him to last longer. There are things he can learn to turn you on more so that you orgasm faster.
One of the nice things about sex is it allows you to learn more about your partner. Things that you would never learn fully clothed sitting on the couch. If you like this guy and see yourselves making a life together then I suggest you see if as your sex life continues if his premature ejaculation doesn't start to abate.
If it does problem solved. If it doesn't search the web for ways to help him. Of course the best thing is you can consult the many clinics that deal with sex related problems. There is nothing for him to be embarrassed about. This is a condition that affect many men. He should not allow it to stand in the way of spending the rest of his life with a wonderful women who is concerned about him.
I understand what you are saying, i really do and i have researched every posable way of how to do this, i have been researching this since i was 13 its something i really want and my parents will do anything to make me happy. I already live like a boy, even using there rest rooms. I even have have alot of money to go towards it i have been saving every bit of cash i get my hands on for this. How do u suggest i tell my parents? thanks
To correctly or properly tell you how to inform your parents I would or should know them. Since I do not know them and I am not all that knowledgeable of someone wanting gender reassignment. I'm not sure what is the best way to go about telling ones parents that you want to change your gender. I thought about this last night and finally decided there must be support groups for those wanting and those that have gone through gender reassignment.
Checking the web this morning I have found there are a number of support groups out there. I searched under the following searches;"gender reassignment support groups then under trans-gender support groups". I found there were many listings under both headings. Some of the groups even had on-line group listings. I'm sure one of these groups may be helpful to you as to how to tell your parents.
The only other advise I can give you is: That after reading your notes I have a feeling your parents have some inkling as to your gender identity concern/problem. It may or may not come as that much of a shock or problem for them when you tell them.
As a salesman I have always been one to be prepared for all the question I could be asked before making a presentation and knowing all the answers to the questions I might ask. What your about to tell your parents, I believe requires you to be prepared for both the best and worst of circumstances. This is one of the reason I suggested starting the psychotherapy portion of the procedure so that you could avail yourself of the professional advice to handle the worst of the circumstances.
Whatever, whenever and however you decide to tell your parents, make sure you do so quietly and as straight forward an honestly as you know how. Regardless of how they receive the information you owe them your honesty.
This is the best I can do for you with this question. I hope I have helped you.
hiya im 18 and female, for sometime now i have been questioning my gendre and wanting to be a boy. I walk like one, talk like one and i often dress like one as i find it more comforting, more myself. I just dont know how to bring it up with my parents, i am scared of there reaction. I have even researched all i need to know about the operations. How do I start the conversation of? please help me i feel trapped
You just can't walk into a surgeon's office and ask for a sex change operation. Not in the USA or any other country I am aware of.
You first need to go through psychiatric counseling. You also have to live, dress and work as the sex you wish to adopted before receiving the required approvals before a surgeon will proceed with the operation. This includes using the public rest rooms of your adopted sex. There is nothing that says you will even get the permission unless you are able to convince the team of doctors you need to convince.
That being said I wonder if this is the right time to even speak with your parents about this. The cost of the psychiatric visits alone is considerable, then there is the surgery costs as well. None of these costs are covered by insurance or any National Health insurance that I am aware of.
Unless your parents have the money to underwrite the costs, which could be well into 6 figures, and you feel they would. What would you gain by telling them now if they are not in a position to pay for the doctors or if they would not if they could afford too.
I feel the first thing you need to do is seek out a psychiatrist trained in gender transformation and have an initial consultation. After the consultation if you feel you can move forward the psychiatrist and the psychologist you will be working with will help you with how and when to inform your parents.
Ok first off
Me: 15/F
Her: 14/F
We got together last year on the 26th December and today she said that she cant take the emotions of a serious relationship when she is this young. She sayd that we're are both to young but she still loves me. She said to wait until she is older (16-ish) or has left high school (18) I love her so much. I will wait until she is ready. She is my first, my one and only true love and I told her I will wait. But I know its gonna be really hard for me. I leave highschool at 16 so ill be introduced to new people after that. I know it's gonna be really hard for me. Has anyone got any advice for me? All advice is loved.
First loves are always true loves, your one and only love. I remember my first love as if it were yesterday and yesterday was over 40 years ago.
I was 16 at the time and had just received my drivers license. My family was going on vacation, a car trip up to Canada across the the Trans-Canada hwy down into Michigan and back home. I of course did not want to go. My father bribed me by allowing me to do most of the driving. I called my girlfriend every night.
We had an on and off again romance until I went into the military. She married shortly after I went into the service. I married shortly after I returned home.
This is pretty typical of teenage romance. You will be going off to college while she stays home to finish high school Absence doe not always make the heart grow fonder, it makes for loneliness. You will meet new people as will she.
Your girlfriend is just being realistic. My advise: Enjoy the moment and see where it leads.
I am a 36 year old woman with a boyfriend about 10 years younger, he is very "long" and I bleed almost everytime we have sex...sometimes alot, sometimes a little. It does hurt sometimes in different positions but it's kind of a pleasure pain. Should I be concerned about this? Is it possible that he is just too big? We have been together for several months and I figured by now I would be "stretched out" to the point the bleeding would stop. I have seen my Gyno about this and she says nothing to worry about but she is also in and out in 5 minutes.
IF your gynecologist say there is nothing to worry about then you have two options.
1. Take her word for it and ask you BF not to go so deep.
2. Seek a second opinion of another gynecologist.
As someone who had to run through a number of doctors to find out the reason for a chronic pain problem after a car accident, I suggest option 2.
After receiving several different opinions of what my problem was I decided that this was ridiculous and time to see the experts and not the local people. I'm fortunate that our local hospitals are world class teaching hospitals, every bit the equal of the mayo clinic.
I looked on the web and found that all of the hospitals had a patient referral line. I called the referral line and asked to see a doctor based on the last diagnoses I had. After questioning by the referral specialist I was referred to an entirely different specialist and specialty. The cause of my problem was finally properly diagnosed.
I tell you this to show you that not that your doctor is wrong but that your doctor is use to practicing what I call looking for pickles in the pickle barrel medicine. Where as at teaching hospitals the doctors there have to be on their toes to stay ahead of their students who are always looking for the hearing in the pickle barrel. It is just a different way of practicing.
If you have a teaching hospital or level one trauma center near you, call their patient referral line. Ask to be referred to the gynecology department for a second opinion.
Okay so i am a belimic and my mom lives poor just me and my mom and we live in a trailer park im am 13 and a girl in the 6th grade. And My mom thinks that i am beautiful but Alittle bit over weight and so that is why i am a belimic. And she is doing whatever she can to make me a model. She is an achohalic so doesnt really know or remember alot so she sleeps alot and her abusive boyfriend is the one in charge. He always hits me and make me end up crying under my bed as he looks for me. And i think that i am transgender and i hate hOw my mom makes me look so pretty. I have no chance of standing up fOr my self or telling anyone because i will get beat up. People think that just because i am taken away from them that i will be fine but somehow they always have a way to find me. I know this because it has happend before. So please i need help. Thanks
I'm sorry this is happening to you. No child should have to live with the abuse you are telling us about is happening to you.
There are ways for you to protect yourself from further abuse though it does involve telling the right people. IF school has not been dismissed for the summer than you need to tell a trusted teacher or your principal. There are laws to protect you and once you tell them what has been happening to you; by law the must take the appropriate action.
IF school has been dismissed for the summer you have two other choices you can make. The first is you may always call 911. If you are fearful of having the police come to your home, then go to the nearest fire station. Fire stations are safe havens for children and women. If the sire station is unmanned there will be a phone box on the front of the station. This phone is directly connected to either the area 911 center or the fire dispatch. Tell them you are in trouble and fear for your safety. Fire fighters will be sent to care for and protect you while the appropriate people are called to come and help you.
Once the police and child services agencies verify that you are an abuse child, I have no reason to believe you are not and it will not take them long to make the verification. Your mothers boyfriend will be either ordered out of your home or taken to jail. Family services will help your mother deal with her alcoholism while seeing to it you are properly cared for.
Other than reporting the abuse the only thing you may want to do is contact al ateen. This is an organization that will through others in similar situations help you learn how to deal with an alcoholic parent. Call 888-425-2666 to find a meeting group near you.
Now as to being transgender. Your 13 years old and while you may eventually decide you are transgender; right now I would advise against putting a label on your sexuality. It will only harm you to do so. You are just now starting to figure out who you are as a person in general and what your sexuality is. Give yourself time to grow and mature, to figure out just who you are and what you will be. This includes your sexuality.
As for the bulimia: This is not good. You are doing yourself tremendous harm. Being a bit over weight at your age may not really be unhealthy as your body is changing. Given as you say your mom is an alcoholic I am suspect of her judgement in this respect. Bulimia is untreated can kill you.
You need to make whoever you tell about the abuse that you are also bulimic. Social services must also be told of this so they can see to it that you get the proper help.
Big changes are happening right now. Not only is there a huge chemical change going on within you but your body is changing as well. You are going from little girl, or tomboy to a young women. These changes take time not only to adapt to but to completely finish. You have at minimum 5 years left for your body to complete its makeover of the little girl to women.
My father is catholic, and very controlling of every step i take. I still have to call him all the time, where i am, who im with, and i have a curfew. Or more of a limit of 2 hours after my work to see friends. I fell in love with my boyfriend, and we plan on moving out together next month. I dont know how to tell my dad that im leaving and not going back to europe with him.
You are a visitor to the land of the free and the home of the brave. Even so you have all the rights as a visitor granted unto a citizen of this country. As such you are considered an adult. Your father can no more tell you what to do then I can. There is the fact that you live under his roof to consider and even American children are sometimes befallen of the axiom; "as long as you live under my roof you live by my rules."
Your father cannot force you to stay under his roof and he cannot force you to return to your home country with him. To stay here though requires permission of the Department of Immigration. Which is something you need to find out about before burning any bridges, so to speak.
Once you know for certain that you can remain in this country, then you need to sit down with your father and have a conversation with him. You tell him you have no plans of returning to your home country with him and that you gained permission to stay here from U S Immigration Service. It is up to you if you want to tell him why you are staying here and with who.
There are different types of visas you can apply for to remain here. If you wish to remain her and work those are probably the hardest visas to get as you must posses a skill for which there is more demand then people to fill. Education visas are probably the easier ones to get. If you and your boyfriend plan to marry you need to talk to the INS about a resident alien visa.
What do u do if u think you can't get preagant
The only proper thing to do is to see a fertility doctor and you and your significant other or husband both need to be checked. Once you know where the problem truly is then plans can be developed to help you get pregnant.
where did i can fine work
There is a lot more to answering this question than what you have provided. It would help to know:
How old you are?
What you are qualified to do?
Do you drive?
Do you have reliable transportation?
You need this type of information to fill in this order to fill out most job applications. Child labor laws require you to be at least 16 years of age in order to have a part-time job; even a summer job. You are also required to have working papers which are issued through the high school.
If you are under 16 the type of work available are the usual teenager type jobs: lawn mowing, car washing maybe some light house painting, dog walking and baby sitting.
Hope this is of some help to you.
i have a family frind she haves bypoler but she will not take her medison and now she is thrit people
This is a problem with people with bipolar disorder. When on their meds they feel fine and see no reason to take their medication so they go off them.
The best thing you can do to help people like this is to either encourage them to go back on their medication or report them to the proper authorities if they are a threat to themselves or others. If you are a true friend you will doe this for them and not think badly of yourself for doing so. By reporting them to the proper authorities you are actually helping them as they will be at worst taken to a place were there medication will be supervised and they can kept safe.
Depending on this friends age the proper authorities would be; parents, teachers, principale or law enforcement. Do this for your friend so that she cam receive the proper treatment and medication.
If a dentist notices that i use smokeless tobacco, will they tell my parents?
If you are over 14 you and your dentist fall under the confines of the HIPPA law. This law gives you medical confidentiality. Meaning unless you give written authorization; no doctor, nurse paramedic or other medical professional or person in their employ can release medical information to anyone without your consent. This includes your parents.
Unless you had a sore or something in your moth that the dentist needs to know more about it is unlikely he/she could tell you use smokeless tobacco. Still the HIPPA law protects your medical confidentiality with all medical professional you may come in contact with.
16/F A few days ago I had sex with a family friend. It was my first time ever having sex- not that that matters. He has been a family friend since was like 4. I know it's not exactly right but we both like each other so much and have good chemistry. He really cares about him hurting me during sex and also regrets not waiting till I'm 18, but now that we've done it, we don't want to stop. The other night was amazing and we both want to keep this up but without anyone finding out. I don't want to end this one bit but in the back of my mind I'm afraid of getting caught. But all I can think about is enjoying myself. What should I do?
Depending on the age of consent in your state and as long as the age difference between you two is not more than 3 or 4 years, again depending on the laws of your state. You probably only have the wrath of your parents to fear.
I agree you should be on birth control as statistically condoms are only about 85% effective in preventing pregnancy. Condoms also do not prevent the transmittance of all STDs, something planned parenthood or your doctor can teach you about, which is something you should both know about for now and the future.
As for being caught by your parents having sex; yes they are going to go ballistic. Yes they understand that physically you are capable of engaging in sexual intercourse. They also understand that you have the physical desires to have sexual relations.
The difference between how you see things and they see things is the fact of maturity. At 16, while you have the adult physical as well as the adult desire you lack the maturity of an adult to deal with the consequences of your action.
I do not say this to be mean, it is just the reality of the situation. This is why you are scared of being caught. There are other ways to care for your sexual desires without actual intercourse and the chance of pregnancy.
In my mind their is no such thing as friends with benefits. For after the benefits can come responsibilities that you and he are not prepared for. Remember a child does not ask to come into this world, we bring them into this world and are responsible for their well being until they are adults. Just as your parents are doing for you.
Fear is a natural reaction to doing something that could harm you or is wrong. So if you are in fear of getting caught; My advise is to stop offering your friend the benefits until both of you are old enough to deal with consequences of the benefits.
im 17/f. i live in south carolina. my mother little four year old sister and i moved out of my fathers house when he beat the crap out of me almost a year ago. well, my mom and i keep getting into fights.its bad, they mostly encircle around my little sister and how she needs more disciplining because my mom doesn't do it that well. now my mom is sending me back to my fathers so she doesnt have to deal with me talking back to her. what a mom right? my sister is bad and everyone sees it, but you cant tell my mom anything. yes, she is only 4, but she knows not to do alot of the things she shouldnt do when she does it anyways. but back to my point...i am a senior in highschool, i am getting a job. i need to find a place to live. i need to move out and move out soon. i dont want to ask a friend because it would end up being a burden on them in the end. i dont want to ask family because we dont get along in the first place. i dont know what to do. i know there really arent many options for me. i cant talk to my mom about any of this because we end up getting in more of a fight, ive already tried that. and it may seem to be an immature decision, but honestly i didnt decide this on a whim. ive thought long and hard about it, but i just dont know where to begin. i need help please.
I really hate to say this but you don't have many options. When you say your father "he beat the crap out of me"; was this a one time thing or an abuse that happened often. The answer to this question is important as it effects your very limited options.
I am not a lawyer an as such I cannot give you legal advice. You should check with a lawyer on this question which you can do by contacting the legal aid society for free legal advise.
Until you are 18 you are the legal responsibility of your parents. To move out on your own, especially while still in school presents some very unique problems.
There is something called emancipated minor. This requires an order of the courts, which will require a lawyer to go to court with you to request this order and is issued only for certain unique reasons. What this means is that the court is saying regardless of the fact that you have not reached the age of majority the court is giving you that status and all the rights of an adult.
How your school will view this I just don't know. As a minor they have to provide free schooling. As an adult they do not have to provide a free education.
Your other alternative is to go to your county social service office for children's services and ask them for help. You will have to tell them of the abuse to you by your father. Since this is still a chargeable offense they could charge him with child abuse, just so you know.
You would have to tell them that even though your father abused you your mother is sending you to live with him. Child services would then get involved not only on your behalf but also on behalf of your sister. It is possible that child services would put both you and your sister in foster care.
As I said you don't have a lot of options here. You cannot legally sign a renters contract so finding a place to live will be problematic. Even if you do you will probably need some type of public assistance as you could not possibly make enough money to live on. This would trigger a social service intervention on its own.
My advise is to talk to your school principal. Even if school has been dismissed for the summer the principal will still be there. Talk with him/her. They are trained to handle situations like yours and know what to do to help you.
I am going to school to get my social work diploma and will think about going to school part time to get my degree but that is in the future. I just found out that with my diploma I'll be really limited to jobs and am worried. Me and my boyfriend are waiting until i start my career to get married and start a family but we want to start in about 3 yrs tops. I am worried that I am delaying his future and mine because I keep worrying about if I will find a job and if I will enjoy it. I feel like I am putting alot of pressure on myself and when I talk to him about it he is not worries at all. How do I just relAx and not worry about our future so much.
There is and old saying that goes something like this: "You can plan for the future, you can control only what is happening today and you take responsibility for what happened yesterday."
What this means is you can only control what is happening today, right know. You can try and repair what may have gone wrong yesterday, but really you are still just controlling today. As for the future you can plan for it and prepare for it you cannot control it until it becomes the here and know.
What it means in answer to your question is that you should not let the unknowns of the future control what you are doing or want to do in the present. Which from what you write is more of what your BF's thinking is. The future is going to come, their is nothing you can do to stop it. In the present you can plan for it by doing the things you want to achieve and plan for in your life. Then work to control the future when it becomes the present.
Plan the life you want for yourself and live the lie you plan for the best you can. Relax and enjoy your life for life i for ever changing and you will always have to adapt to it in the present. If you adopted a little of your BF's attitude you may find thing more enjoyable and less worrisome.