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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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i am a 16 year old female. Im going to be honest and just sate that im a teenager, im bored, im really shy and spend alot of time alone. Im not the best at socializing so being alone just seems more comfortable for my personal persona. Now that i have that out of the way heres what happened. I have an ipad, and i downloaded an app. The app is a video chat room, the kind where you meet random strangers. Yes it sounds bad, but its just seeing your face. Id never even give out my full name let alone personal info. There was no reason for me to just not go on this because ive heard its bad even though i was seeing first hand its fine and its honestly really fun, plus i wasnt participating in dangerous activities.. Im sorry, but its true. well i never gave my mother any reason to be suspicious of me and i had no reason to think someone would snoop through my personal stuff. Occasionally i would take screen shots just for whatever reason, or leave the app logged on because i didnt assume my mom would be reading it. I mean, if ny mon read everything, every text, listened to every conversation i had, id probably never be allowed to leave my room from all her paranoia over innocent things.well when i was sleeping my mom decided to go through my entire ipad. She read all the conersations, sometimes sexually explicit. She saw every photo i had that was only for me and my eyes obly to see. If nobody was to see them, tere would never be a problem. Since my mom saw these things its like my entire life, and the universe around me seems to have blown up. What makes this SUCH a bug deal is how my whole life my biggest fear is my mother to think of me as anything but an innocent angel. I just cant live with her thinking of me poorly. Because i try so hard to maitain this perception the downfall of all this, which is basically my whole lfe because as i said i really dont have much else in my life like friends or other things to keep me going. I would never want anyone to see these things, they are personal and harnless untill of coarse seen by someone else, which they shouldnt have been. My mom is probably disgusted with me, who i am, and the perception shes had for 16 years that just now is ripped apart, and its too late to ever change it. The fact she saw this probably makes her mad at me. its her fault for looking. She had no reason to. I hate myself, my life, and i dont know how to feel about her. Im un so much pain. I cant leave my room to even eat. I wouldnt ever want to "talk" about this with her because the dynamic of our relationship has always been that everything is very taboo, even mentioning this would make me look all types of disgusting. she has mentioned it non stop. She wants me to delete everything which i will but the thought that she even is aware of things she doesnt approve of makes me want to vomit. I feel sick. I blame myself but i cant see any way to solve this. I cant say i wouldnt have done this beause it remains harmless if it was not brought to her attention. I took those pictures out of boredom, yes they were innapropriate but what harm does it do if no one sees them. She invaded my privacy. I understand shes my mother and what she was doing. But i went from being a girl who she probably thought never even knew any of this type of stff to looking like a perverted whore. I just cant deal with this. Its too much. Way too much. Im so lost and i feel sick to my stomach. and all that and my mom still has this knowledge in her head now. I just....i want to die. This problem is bigger than my entire life. My life was so simple and i had one value and that was to not let anything even close to this ever reach my mothers knowledge. Of coarse i would do the exact opposite of what she thought of me to be previously because im a kid and thats what people do. I valued my mother judgement enough to spare her of this, but she took it upon herself and read right into my personal life. The fact that she continued to rea and look bothers me...why didnt she stop. Why does she act so disgusted and make me feel horrible when she didnt have to continue to look.... I just really dont know what to do. What do i make of this situataion....
I have a solution for your boredom, shyness and wanting to toy with pretending to do things that you would not normally ever think of doing in real life, and that happens to be a game called Second life. Some people take it very seriously and pretend get married to someone on there, or experience what its like to be a vampire. You get to choose free skin and eyes and hair and put together your avatar. People who put a little money in can spend it to get more realistic skin and eyes and such but if you don't see things as an artist does, you wont notice the difference. People can experience being a fairy if they wish. You mention that all mom seems to talk about is what is taboo. She comes then from a negative and fearful standpoint, and likely has repressed a lot herself. No wonder you like to imagine having the freedom to spread your wings and do stuff she would never approve of. I really think second life is for you. Do check it out. Its a hard learning curve. But its easier with someone to help you. If you decide to try it, let me know cus I have a friend who plays and she may be willing to help teach you and show you where to find all the free clothing. This game keeps RL real life separate from SL second life. No one will ever see real photos of you and only know you by your SL name. So its safe.
Since you don't actually come out and spell out what was inappropriate I can only guess but what is inappropriate to one person may not be to another, so I can't really say if anything you said or did on line was inappropriate.
It's sad that you feel you have to be two people, the one your mom thinks you are and the one you want to be. I do not know if the person you want to be is all as awful and perverted as your mother may think. 16 yr old teens have a lot of hormones going and if they are not sexually active, they should at least be exploring their sexuality on their own. This includes looking at and learning all about their private parts, and masturbating. Its hard for teens to get their hands on vibraters and dildos but use of that should be normal too. From how you describe mom, she'd likely think that to be perverted. I may have gotten the wrong impression, but if your mom is very sexually repressed, I don't want to see that affecting you and scewing your view of what is normal and what is perverted. If you care to share more, you can go to my column and from there be able to write anything additional that i will be able to respond to. if you comment in the section where you rate 1-5 what i say, i cannot respond there. I'd like to help dear but I am not sure I really have a grip on your situation.
Hi,
I'm 14 n I live in Australia I can't find a site that can answer my question, am I able to go and buy a packet of condoms from the pharmacy at my age with out being asked for ID????
Here in US we have Planned Parenthood and I know they provide condoms for teens for free so there must be the eqivalent in Australia. Went looking on the web.
Here is link to F P Q Family Planning Queensland. Although Queensland is in the title there are 9 other location.
http://www.fpq.com.au/publications/fsBrochures/Fs_Condoms.php
The tab "About Us" will bring a pop up list with tab at bottom "Contact us" this will provide phone numbers. They should be able to tell you if its possible to buy condom at age 14 at a pharmacy. Or you can ask them about getting them for free at their location.
The tab for "FPQ locations" has a pop up list of all ten locations, click on the one closest to you.
The tab "Education services" has a list that pops up with a choice for "Working with young people" the short video clip of teens shows them talking about the relaxed non judgemental atmosphere of FPQ and the best part, free condoms.
They sound like your best bet for answering your questions or providing condoms but you may have to make a phone call to them to ask.
Okay, so I finally asked the cute guy from work I'm crushing on to hang out with me and some of my co-workers to go bowling and he said yes (yay!) Okay, how am I suppose to flirt with him during bowling? I mean I don't even have his number yet. Were going this saturday, and I'm freaking out because I really don't know how to flirt in a group setting. And I extended the invitation for him to bring his friends or co-workers so you know he wouldn't feel awkward. So that's more pressure. I just want this night to go well in the romantic department, and any help on how to make him notice me during the bowling would be great!
Read more: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=614896#ixzz2flRpOSdN
He must know you are interested in him simply by asking him out. But some guys can be a little dense and slow on the pick up so they need something more obvious. So here's a cute help article on how to flirt by touch. You can flirt with speech but anyone can hear that. If you want it to be less obvious in the group setting, it won't be as easily noticed. Those few who do see, won't be totally sure if it was a natural or accidental touch or flirting. But since many people have a little of the matchmaker in them, they may think that since you both are single that there is an attraction but not give it much more than a fleeting thought.
http://www.wikihow.com/Touch-a-Guy
Have fun and don't overthink it. If all else, by end of evening if he hasn't asked you out you can honestly pull him aside in a private moment and tell him, "Hey, I am really interested in you but I am also very nervous so I hope I didn't put you off by anything I said or did tonight.
A final statement like that to the evening gives him a chance to let you know that he is equally interested and the opportunity to ask him out. If he doesn't either he's more shy than you or he's not interested enough to be more than casual friends, although I highly doubt that with him taking the opportunity to visit your department that time.
I'm a Female. 13 years old . and it was back to school. so on the second week of school i met this boy.! and it was love at first sight!! well, for me it was. we don't talk that much. and sometimes he does mess with me. (in a friendly way) and I have kinda, sorta fallen in love!
Lets clarify first, you want a guy asking you out who is very interested in you right, not one who you can pester into asking you out who doesnt like you in the first place.
So the real issue here is not first how to ask him but how to know when someone is attracted to you.
There is body language that we all do when interested in someone else. When seated we will change our posture to face the other person and lean towards them ever so slightly as we become more interested, we find reasons to touch the other people, even seemingly accidental brushes of the arm against another. An interested person will stand close enough to you to be at arms length away. Ever have someone walk up to you and stand too close? It felt like they were crowding your space and you had to take a step backward? Its because you had no attraction to him or you would have welcomed the nearness. Another body language trick is that we mimic each others actions subconsciously not really aware we're doing it. Next time he's around and has eye contact with you, try moving your hand through your hair and see if he touches his hair in some way, touch your face like for scratching an itch and see what he does. If he is messing with you as you say, its a sign he is interested in you, unless he messes with every girl in your little circle of friends.
So what you will need to do is flirt back and see what he does. He will need this more blatant show of interest to know you are as interested in him as he is in you. Once you've shown him your interest by flirting, it will not be so strange to just come out and ask him if he'd like to go out together. If he's interested, he'll now know you are too and you aren't asking just to have a boyfriend. He'll likely say Yes! Heres a site on how to flirt by touch.
http://www.wikihow.com/Touch-a-Guy
22/f
Okay so I've been best friends with my friend for about 15 years. almost 2 years ago we had an argument (I went away for college and she stayed home for hair school). I was upset whenever I came home she would never see me or didn't have time to see me on my breaks from school. So we stopped talking. I've tried reaching out to her before through a text maybe 3 times last year to hang out or to talk about what happened but I got no response back, yet she still managed to say happy birthday to me last year. Well today I decided to try one last time to reach out to her I said I wouldn't be back from school till thanksgiving but I asked if we could get lunch and catch up and she never responded back. I honestly don't know what I did 2 years ago, our moms ran into one another and my mom mentioned that her that my friend and I should meet up sometime and my friends mom said "oh I don't think they will ever be friends again". Again, I honestly don't know what I did and I think for someone to be friends with you that long and gets treated like that by ignoring me and not answering me is awful. She still talks to my other friends from time to time but not me. I don't even know if its worth it to say anything else to her since she's not answering me and I've tried so many times, but I really put a lot and cared about our friendship ya know? I guess I am asking, what would you guys do in my situation? would you keep trying to contact her or just give up? what should I do?
Thanks!
So if I understand correctly, you both had an argument, and it was not resolved before you both went to your perspective colleges. Some people take longer than others to get over a hurt. I'm guessing youre about the same age so you were both were about 19, 20 at the time. Looking back to when I was that age, I can say I thought I was mature and grown up but I was still not making the best adult decisions. Its a scientific fact that our brains aren't fully done growing and able to make good rational decisions until we hit our mid 20's. You're getting there but not quite there yet. You may be a bit more mature and willing to apologize and not have anything between you but she might for no good reason at all choose to hold a grudge.
It's either that or in the two years she's discovered that she doesnt feel she has much in common anymore with you. Friends can change a lot and drift apart from high school through college. and thats because you're still growing and changing as a person.
What can't be explained is why if thats the case she wouldn't just simply tell you and say that she doesnt wish to continue to be close with you.
You've done what you can. For any relationship to work, especially when it comes to a man and marriage, it takes both people putting in maximum effort to make it a good relationship. It can't be one sided effort. So, stop trying, try not to be angry. Perhaps in a few years she will grow up and feel bad about how she left you hanging and out of the blue approach you. So don't burn your bridges, allow her to contact you and apologize. If you repair things but find you both no longer have much in common to spend mass times with each other, then agree to be good acquaintences and each go your own way and continue to build new friendships.
so ive had an advicenators account for about 5 years now and have gone through on and off phases of using it. i used it a lot when i was in freshmen year of high school and again a few times end of junior year. basiclly in looking through my 9th grade questions im literally humiliated at how pathetic i sounded and in shock/denial that i was ever that big of a loser. to sum up, i was really normal in middle school then aparently 9th grade and a bit of 10th was not my prime. i sounded friendless and pathetic in all my eager advice seeking and typed things i would never even let myself think now. then i got to 11th and 12th grade and had the time of my life, i got everything i was so desperate to have in my earlier high school years and more, and am completely happy with my life and the person i have become. i honestly feel like i am my best version of myself, and very happy who i am and confident in who i will be. but the thing is i most probably thought that after my normalness in middle school also and at the time felt like nothing could bring me down and change who i am into the dishoveled mess of a person i became few years later. so how do i know that wont happen to me again? could college freshman me, thrown into uncertainty yet again with no remnants of my glory days of high school become post middle school high school freshman me again? is it honestly possible to have so much personal progress reversed instantly just because of a change of enviroment? well aparently it must be since that happened to me in 9th grade already. or is it an age thing and i can just laugh at kids back then and be sure il keep with me who ive become? sorry this was more of a rant than a question but really any answers or comforting words would be apreciated.
Good question.
Fact is, those of us who want to grown up and mature will grow leaps and bounds from middle school to high school and then again from leaving high school to leaving college. One of the things most of us are unaware of and that explains a whole lot is that while our bodies may have fully matured somewhere along that time line, our brains weren't done growing, maining the frontal part responsible for thinking things out and making the best decisions possible.. You did the right thing is relying on others as 'sounding boards' tossing out your questions or ideas to see what perhaps peers but also older adults think. You will find this a useful tool throughout much of life. The ultimate decision is always going to be yours. But you may be missing different angles or perspectives or consequences you have not thought of. My daughters are all in their 20s and while they need me less and less to give input, they are making better decisions as they grow older. So would you revert to being like a lost soul in college? Highly unlikely considering you've had some time to mature since 9th grade. Will you come up against challenging life situations? Yes. And you may have difficulty coming up with the best solution.
Never think it is wrong to ask for the opinions of those who've got more life experience. We can share our mistakes and how we now know what the warning signs are, or what to avoid. We can't go back and undo in our lives but are glad to do that for any of the younger people in our lives or who write in here., in hoped it will help them to glide through life with less major issues than we had.
Mine is a love marriage having grown up girl(23yrs) and a boy(21yrs. My husband loved a girl opposite to his house. But somehow both could not express each other though they know they love each.After 28 years he met her. She is also married having two grown up boys. He is completely swept by her charm and confessed me that he married me out of conceit. But till he met her he was sincere and honest and very loving and caring. Now he talks to her from his office. She is going to visit us with family in a couple of weeks. Though I found her friendly, unable to digest that my husband talking to her. She also expressed "she shares him with me" which annoyed me very much. Few months back we went to meet her (on my husbands interest). I was totally shattered the passion and love they have for each other. I am unable to stop him, at the same time I cannot take it easy. She is of course very friendly with me. What to do? He says he just treats her like a friend but shows lots of concern towards her. His concern for her makes me jealous. He is 51, me 47 and she 45. I know at this age physical attraction may not be there. All these years he was very close to me but he and she are very possessive for each other. When I talk to her I too feel friendly. But she can not take certain things like my husband showing love to me or supports for any reason. Please advice how to handle the situation.
When you said: I love my husband more than I love myself, I hope you only said that out of feeling hurt and that it is not true.
If you do not love yourself, you will find your identity in children, a mate, job, anywhere but inside of you where it should be. Therefore if something happens to take husband or children away like death, you feel you lose your identity because you were living your life through them, not experiencing it for yourself. My first bit of advice is that you find your own inner strength, re-discover who you really are. If you can feel totally fulfilled and love yourself, then it will be easier to deal with your situation and not feel it reflects bad on who you are.
Next, I would like to mention that with his comment that he married you out of (conceit), I think you meant pity, but no matter what word, any word will be less than the one that matters, marrying you out of 'love'. So there is already a problem. If I understand correctly, that divorce is a shameful thing in India, and even if allowed, you would need some kind of support if you were single again.
In America, we talk about people reaching an age where they have their 'mid-life' crisis. I think it happens to people all over the world. It especially happens when a person made decisions in their life when young, that went against where their heart was really at, this can be in relationships, or a choice for job/vocation and suddenly they reach an age when they no longer want to go against who they are inside, no longer want to deny it, and want to stop living the pretend life where they changed who they were to fit what was expected of them or where they did not try hard enough to get what it was they wanted. I discovered at 48 that my husband was never in love with me..he finally admitted it, but he was also verbally abusive the whole marriage so when the kids became adults, I left him. I am now remarried to a wonderful man and experiencing real love for the first time in life.
You went against the social norms once, I don't know if it can be done again. Whether your husband ever gets a change to be with her or someone else like her in real life is not the issue, the issue is that he is not in love with you. I know it hurts to finally learn that. But it is better knowing the truth so you can make some decisions for yourself based upon that truth.
His sisters are older and so they can see that no good will come of this. While an occasional conversation with someone of the opposite sex is normal in marriage, to crave the emotional, mental, soul connection to another person means there is no more marriage, only in law and on paper, but no longer in his heart.
Put yourself in his shoes, if you made his mistake and married someone you should not have married and you realize you can no longer go on pretending, wouldn't you want to find a way to remedy your situation? Your husband thinks that doing what he is doing is going to help him cope. All it will do after this initial good feeling of being relaxed and happy is become a demand inside of him for more. He will want more and more. Whether he ever would have sexual relations with her, who knows. But he will now realized he is no longer happy with what he has with you.
There's nothing wrong with you. Please understand that two very nice people can be together but not be right for each other because the type of spark of romance, or chemistry as we call it is missing for both people or felt only by one. that is not enough for the couple to be happy til the day they die. Your children are young yet and have not enough life experience to know better, they mean well but you can't go by what they say.
I would have a talk with the husband.
Since he married you for the wrong reason, you want to make a deal with him. How about if you both start looking for another partner. He could look for a woman who is much like the lady he is in love with. She is in love with him too or wouldnt have a problem with him showing you attention. She married the wrong man too. Whether she leaves her husband for yours, the issue here is how you get yourself out of this situation. Will the social laws in India I know its not easy.
So perhaps, you and husband could agree to date to find new partners and then once you both have found them, then make the separation legal, I hope there is divorce in India. If not, you could always become a domestic partner with someone who is in love with you and do so for the rest of your life. But the problem here is getting your husband to admit that this is what he wants in the end. He may not have thought it out beyond the good feelings he gets from her. Show him some sympathy...everyone deserves to be with someone who really loves them. Tell him that you want him to be happy and understand that you aren't the one who can do it. So whether he ever gets the chance to live the rest of his life out with the other woman, he needs to at least make those steps...be willing to support you in your search for a new partner and maybe be willing to give you his opinion of them. Just because he made a mistake doesnt mean that he can't spot a problem with another guy. If he was willing to see you off happy with another man, the reasoning here is that he is now single so that if the other married woman is so much in love with him, it is more tempting for her to now leave her husband to move in with your husband and become a new couple.
I know it sounds crazy...but I am not well versed on whether you have an real legal ways to accomplish this.
I wish you my best. This is not a time to comtemplate suicide, ending your life. Because you may be throwing away a chance to experience the best of life yet to come.
We have been in a relationship for eight mounth now and i'm a virgin but my girl friend she's not and we are both 18, i want sex with her but i'm scared to tell b'coz i felt shy,i think she can reject so what should i do!
I'll address your question but first would like to point out that I noticed your title mentions you both being 17 and in next sentence you state 'we are both 18'. I am wondering if you are worried about state laws and maybe not being legally of the age of consent? If that's one of your concerns, you can always look at this link to wikipedia's age of consent. In the US some states laws differ from the federal law of 18. Here's the US link.
http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_sexual_consent_in_the_United_States
If you're in another country, they should have a listing on the web for it too.
If you want sex just because you are a virgin and she's had sex before so this looks like your chance, thats not a good enough reason for her. Whether a good or a bad experience in the past for her, your girlfriend will reshape her values and what she wants by her experiences...so what she's done before may not be what she will do this time sexually. Perhaps it felt hollow and meaningless with a connection of deeper feelings for each other.
You said she loves you. How do you feel about her? If you are crazy about her, that should be coming out in your actions. Do you compliment her, not just her looks, but her smarts, her accomplishments, etc. Do you kiss and hold hands and snuggle with her, when she's upset, do you listen and then offer your comfort with a hug, do you do special deeds for her that weren't necessary, like offering to get a refill on her drink, opening doors for her, etc... (if she says, its okay she can do it herself, you can win points here if you state "I realize you're capable of doing that for yourself. I just want to do this as one of many ways to show you how special you are to me, how much I like you/love you.") Do you give her little gifts for no special reasons, things with some thought put into them,not the average flowers, chocolate and jewelry that everyone else does. Something meaningful. For example a daughter of mine is crazy about anything 'Pirates'. Neither I nor her boyfriend can go wrong picking up something pirate themed, or even sending a cute pirate photo via facebook, a pirate mug, keychain, t-shirt...you get the idea. It could even be something small and silly like a pencil topper. Its not the gift but that fact that you were thinking of her, it shows her that she's always on your mind.
If you've done all that stuff for a good foundation, then what you say is real easy, something like, "I love you so much. I hope that you can tell by what I do for you that its true. The only way I have not shown you how much I love you is by making love to you. I really want to do that for you." Then this becomes a good time to find out if she has just relied on condoms before or if she is on some kind of birth control, and if she isn't to talk about her getting on it so you don't have to watch her freak out when her period is late due to stress or illness and she thinks she's pregnant every other month.
If she says she's not ready, find out what happened before, was she forced by a guy, was she threatened with him leaving if she didn't give it up. These are adult topics but teens have to tackle them if they want to have sex. You need to be able to be supportive so she has trust in you and can get past whatever is holding her back. If for some reason she says she just wants to be friends...then you have another conversation t o have. The chemistry you feel sexually may only be one way. She may love you as a friend but never be able to love you as a man, a lover. If thats the case, consider yourself lucky to have her for a best friend and tell her so, but let her know that if you come across a girl who there is chemistry with that way, you will start dating her and you wont have as much time for her friendship. Dont let a girl drag you on in the friendship state and not allow you to see anyone else romantically. Either she;s into you that way or not and tells you so.
So with all I've said, you dont have to worry about rejection, be concerned more about your response. There has to be a reason for her saying no. It may be no forever, or a temporary no.
Lastly, sex is a lot more than just oral sex and putting a penis in a vagina. Do some study on line as to how to pleasure a female, and give her not just clitoral but g-spot orgasms. Once any girl that you love experiences this kind of lovemaking, she is not likely to ever not be in the mood. You're still 17/18 but nows the time to start learning this. There may be ways, subtle ones, that you discover in dating that a girl is not the right one, and you part ways and start dating another, this is part of the learning process to find the one who will make the best long term committed partner for you one day. It is painful, there's heartbreak but it cant be helped. Good communication is important always even in breaking up so neither partner thinks the worst, they're just nice people, right for someone else, just not for each other.
Hope this helps you in your current situation and for the future.
Okay let's just say I'm 32 years old, I've been married to only 1 man the whole time. But since we'd been married 6 years. I've had numerous partners. See when we first got together it was just us 2, until I couldn't deal with being with a virgin. So we started having an open marriage., except my side was open as his was more less closed.
Everytime he wanted to see another woman I got in the way of it all. Then we started being seperated again just recently because of my appetite I can't go very long without it and if I do, I just go crazy. Wanting, needing and longing for it all the time. My question is what do I do? Stay married or keep sleeping around and having an open marriage?
As will happen in many marriages, two people end up together who are not sexually compatible.
What you imply with your choice of words is that you couldn't deal with being a virgin in a marriage, that would lead me to think, he married you but didn't have sexual relations with you.
Or you may have been trying to say that you wanted to have your first sexual experience but wanted it to be in a marriage, not as a single. I learned the hard way, thats the wrong way to go. I now know its better to test the man of your interest to see how you do sexually BEFORE committing to a life long relationship like marriage.
Since the two most important foundations for a successful healthy marriage be that 1. you have lots in common and are best friends
2. sexual compatibility, that spark or romance and the desire for each others.
I'll be frank here. My ex and I tried swinging. Swinging and open relationships only work to enhance the sex life of two people who already have a good sex life. If the two are not compatible, which hubby and I were not, then open marriage and swinging does not help, it causes jealousy and fighting between the couple. All the swinging did was to show me that I was with the wrong man, we were sexually compatible..never had an orgasm with him, didn't get it enough and it was just sex, it never felt like him loving and desiring me. I am the type who wants the man to look at me as the only thing on the sexual food chain that is going to satisfy his hunger and desire and come after me in a like manner.
So, it seems you are with the wrong man. Either that, or he is a great lover and gives you plenty but you are addicted to sex and can't get enough and will sleep with many many men to keep trying to feed a habit, addiction that there is no relief from. It's rare, but does exist. If thats your case, go see Your Dr or counselor to get refered to a specialist who deals with sexual addictions.
However I will assume there's not addiction, just not having the person with whom you have sexual compatiblity so......
staying for now will still continue the guilt, the breaking of trust, the emotional pain to him cus he can't satisfy you or you're not happy with less, and the longing and wanting and being torn between doing with out or having affairs....And that is the wrong way to live life.
Your only choice is:
You need to have a frank talk and get him to see that you both are not right for each other, never have been, never will be. Its a chemical reaction between you two and you can not change your chemical makeup anymore than you can change how tall your body is. Leaving him is not going to solve all your problems if you haven't quite discovered what exactly is the right man for you. If you need to sleep with multiple partners at one time, you're jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Take it one at a time. Be honest and let the guy know that as much as you desire sex, you also want a guy with other qualities, that you might have lots in common with and that by dating you're not making a commitment, only trying to discover if he's the right one. And let them know what youre looking for, a long term commitment, having children someday, etc...whatever applies. But you need to put it out there right up front..even if some protest...they were the wrong ones if they protest. You can share you're previous situation and how you don't want to end up there again. So give any relationship with a guy some time...get past the first couple months of NRE when your head is still in the clouds.
Its not fair to husband to have this type of marriage and sex life for the rest of his life.
Maybe you can handle it cus you're only looking at living this way for the next week, next month or one more year like this. We can force ourselves to do a lot. But can you see yourself living like this for 10 more years, 20 more years...no matter if there are kids or not? I didn't think so. I couldn't see myself doing that. Thats why I left.
This questions for the girls and guys, mainly guys though.
Well, i was having sex with this guy he asked if I was on birth control and I said no but he still wanted to cum in me. why do guys asked this but still want to do it with no birth control
What does this mean exactly? Is there something he is trying to tell me? Were any of you in this situation before? Or guys, did you do something like this? Why did you?
does that mean he wants me to get on it are wants to have a kid with me is he trying to give me a hint to get on birth control?
If both males and females of our species could get pregnant and carry a child for 9 months and then have to care for it, you can count on the guys being more responsible.
Maybe they think that in asking if you have some sort of birth control, that they've already done their duty as far as being responsible. They are leaving it totally up to females to make sure they are protected. But then what about STDs. If he isn't at least willing to wear a condom for STD protection which would provide birth control protection too, then the guy does not really care about the girl, no matter how nice he treats her otherwise or professes to love her. A man who really loves a woman will think ahead of time to whether any of his actions might be hurtful to her either immediately or down the line and bring stress to her. And he will use restraint as a mature male will do and do whatever is in HER best interest, not his...and certainly not his immediate interest of sexual fulfillment which to him is using no condoms cus it inhibits the sensations for some men. A mature man will ask the question before he is undressed and waving a hard on in your face. He will suggest you going to planned parent hood for more reliable birth control and he would be willing to take a test for STD's. Young people, even virgins can be a carrier of an STD and not know it. In particular I am thinking of Herpes. A person can be a carrier and not have had an outbreak. The outbreak is more likely is some major stress has come into the persons life. Herpes the oral kind can be passed in a kiss from a parent to child..if the child has chapped lips or some break to the skin that makes it all the easier. Then lets say the carrier who got it from a kiss is going through major stress in school and now is gonna give a blow job. She has no sores yet but the germs are passed to him. Its his first time having sex. Now he has it. They break up. Next girl he's with he passes it on to her. Things like birth control and getting tested for STDs is not a topic to haint at and play games skirting around. It is real serious, real adult conversation and must take place before having sex, not in the middle of it, or afterwards. The problem is teens have an adult body before they have an adult mind. The brain doesn't finish growing until mid 20's so the part responsible for making good intelligent mature adult decisions is in most cases, underdeveloped and so we have immature teens making very bad decisions.
There will always be men at any age who are irresponsible and will get angry at you if you try to discuss and bring it up ahead of time.
Take my example of dating again in my forties after a divorce. I used dating sites so I could more easily weed out the guys i did not want. I had a list of criteria for him to meet. One on the list was that he be snipped, has had a vasectomy so he couldn't get me pregnant. Or be willing to do that. Drs didn't advise on me getting that done due to my age and the fact that sometime soon I may go into menopause anyways. I was not going to wait until I was well into menopause to have sex again. Guys wrote me hateful things about me being too picky and the criteria being inappropriate and that I should be sorry for assuming that the guy should be the one to carry this responsibility when I was the one who could get pregnant, so I should just get birth control. I wasnt going to explain but I tried the pill and at my age, it made fibroids start growing and they gave painful period type cramps. Dr. took me off them and suggested men with vasectomies due to my age.
On the other hand I met quite a few guys who when done having kids, got snipped for their ex's or when they starting dating after a divorce because...and this is their words: "Because I don't want to be having kids at my age. I want my lover to be able to have carefree sex without worrying about getting pregnant. Plus at my age I dont need a condom desensitizing me, thats not helpful. And I have been tested but will go again with you if you like.
Thats what responsible, mature caring guys say.
Your guy wants sex free of responsibility...just cares only about himself and his gratification and I'll bet he never really gave you several mind blowing orgasm before he had his turn inside you. The uncaring guys make lazy lovers. The only thing they have on their side is maybe their looks and NRE new relationshi[p energy which can mimic having sexual chemistry but it wears off and once it does, couples break up or start cheating first and then break up.
If this was recent, like within 3 days time, 72 hrs ago or less, then take Plan B pill available at pharmacy. Better yet, call planned parenthood and go in to get yourself on birth control, at least you don't have to worry about getting pregnant. But I would not advertise that you are on birth control or admit it to a guy until you both have a loving relationship, and he's proved that he is mature, doesnt pester you to have sex, but see's sex as making love and wants that to be just one more way besides other ways he has to show you how much you mean to him. He will tell you how much he wants to be able to love you sexually and suggest that you get on birth control and then you wait until its effective if its the pill. But then you get to tell him, you're already on it.
I broke up with my boyfriend of two years a month ago. I was feeling distant, alone, and grown up when I started college. It felt great at first. I went on dates, dressed up, got guys' numbers, and had fun. This didn't last long. I began to miss my ex. I dream of him every night, miss his touch, crave his company. I miss him more and more everyday.
I find many things holding me back. For one, we fought a lot. It was mostly my fault, seeing as I struggle to control my emotions and often both physically and emotionally abused him. I know this isn't an excuse, but I grew up watching these behaviors in my household. I was constantly doubting of our future together. I couldn't seem to stay committed, either. But now that I realize that I let go of someone who never gave up on me even when I gave up on him, I miss him like crazy. We still talk every so often, but it's rare. He's apparently talking to a girl online from Georgia (we live in Florida), and when I confessed I missed him, he had many concerns. He wondered if I would really change, and also told me he was thinking of being with his online girlfriend (who, he added, is EXTREMELY insecure, clingy, and doesn't give her all towards him...), and said I truly needed to prove that I missed him and would change. I told him to give me a few months to pick up the lost pieces of myself and find my soul again.
I'm terrified. He said he's afraid he'll allow me back in and get hurt. I really want to change. Not for him, but for myself mostly. My bad control of emotions and lashing out and negativity could also destroy future relationships.
If you grew up seeing this kind of behavior at home, then you likely never saw any examples of the correct behavior for a mature adult in a loving relationship. So you will need to learn that. When people want to learn, we do it several ways, we usually start to study which is studying good examples of people or studying in books on the topic. Or in your case in may be several topics. One being anger control, understanding different personality types and how to get along with all of them, and understanding some of the main differences between how men and woman think and interpret info. so you can learn to understand any guy better, and then of course, and general books on how to be in a committed relationship. It would be good for you to have some people who have a healthy relationship that you can at least talk to, use as mentors. And I am not talking of anyone near your age bracket but those in a committed relationship, married or not whove been together successfully for a long time and both are still happy and in love and treat each other very well.
The moment you feel like you are about to lose control, warn the other person, I'm about to lose it and need time to myself, then excuse yourself, leave the room and just focus first on taking deep breathes, and slowing down your breathing until the feeling of rage or anger or adrenaline has calmed back down. Any issues you ever need to discuss with someone, do it only when you are not angry. If you begin to feel angry in the middle, again ask for a moment to let yourself cool down and stop the conversation at that point. If hes that caring, he will cooperate, but you gotta keep up your end of it. You may need to see a counselor for a while. If you find the right person who you click with, they should be able to help you through healing from what happened to you. Good intentions to not do the same aren't always good enough because
those good intentions are made with your conscious mind but its your subconscious mind where feelings and emotions are stored...good and bad and so the hurts and anger and fear etc from your growing up is still there, untreated, un-healed but once healed you should be able to have a wonderful happy relationship.
Goodluck dear!
Okay so I went out with this guy whom I actually loved and really cared for 5 times. He actually came home and met my family and I lost my virginity to him. My family loved him to death. Everything seemed to go great. He acted like the perfect boyfriend then he told me he told his family all about me and they were excited to meet me at his graduation. I was excited and nervous to meet them. Finally when it was his graduation time, they came and took pictures with him and looked at me like I was some weirdo as I waited on the sidelines for him to introduce me. After a while of ignoring me, I pull him aside and ask him if they no about me. He shrugs and says 'not really' then ignores me. I tell him I'll be right back and leave the gym and sit behind it and bawl my eyes out.I felt betrayed. After a while my guy friends came by and tried to comfort me.I sent my best friend to get him so I could say goodbye only to find out he left without saying goodbye to me. Weeks past without an email or call from him. Summer break I FINALLY called him and ended it. Now it's 3 months later and I like somebody but I'm not sure if I should even take the risk again. I'm graduating soon and would like to start new but I don't know if I should...
What should I do? I'm afriad to get screwed over again.
Hey hon, in dating you are going to be exposed to the bad and the good. Remember what those characteristics are of the bad traits in guys and the moment you see that in another guy, back away from him. My example...I left a verbally abusive ex. 30 yr marriage. Started dating. One guy seemed nice but finally got comfortable enough on 3rd date to let the mask down, no longer be on his best behavior. Some keep the false self up longer. What he did was complain about his house keeper calling her derogatory names and also racist slurs and the moment I heard that, though it wasnt directed at me, I knew from experience that it was directed at me with the ex at first either but a short while after marriage he began to verbally abuse.
Let this be just one of several dating and learning lessons. Keep a high standard. What are you looking for in a guy? If its someone talkative, thoughtful, very patient and laid back...then the moment the guy you're dating continues to stay silent and only give short answers, forgets your birthday or exhibits road rage symptoms because traffic has slowed, or gets angry cus you were a few minutes late, is very intense and seems to want to pick a fight with everyone about little things, then obviously he is opposite of what you;re looking for...dont let the fact that he's so handsome or your heart feels something for him keep you with an asshole.
It will take going through a lot of duds before you find the right guy. I am glad I didn't give up because I found a man who was worth not giving up on the dating process. If you find yourself so afraid that you must build a wall around your heart to protect you from hurt again...then you will likely never be hurt like that again but then the wall around your heart will also keep out any possible guy who really does love and care about you.
Also, dont make the virginity thing eat at you. There is no such thing as losing virginity. Two gay people dont have the right parts to have intercourse, meaning a penis in a vagina. Or those who have only oral sex, there was no intercourse, so is oral sex not sex? It is sex and its' part of many sexual discoveries along the way which wouldnt started with you studying your anatomy and masturbating. That is sex too. We have DNA checks to discover who the daddy was. Virginity was something men made up to protect themselves from giving their inheritance to bastard children.
I have been broken up with 2 times in the same week. Why does it hurt so much? And by the same boy
Hmm, that means the average length of 'dating' someone is just a few days like 3 or 4....and that is not enough time for either person to really find out more about each other, like what you like and don't like about a person. Hanging with and dating the opposite sex to learn who is most perfect for you, starts at young teen years and goes through college age. The idea is that someone you find attractive then is someone you have conversations with, and if you both still like each other enough to want to spend more time together, then you date, and later it becomes a more serious dating, steady dating which comes before long term committed relationships which can sometimes be a marriage.
Anywhere along the line, either person can decide this isn't the person for them. You didn't give your age but because of it being 2 breaks in a week I will guess you to be about 12-14 . Statistics for dating at the age show it to last a maximum of 5 months if they're lucky, most last a much shorter period of time.
At this age, people do not know who they really are, their wants and needs and goals and have even less clue as to want they need and want in a partner. A boyfriend is a real person, not some ornament like a new pair shoes or purse or nail art to be seen with as you walk down the street.
Boys at this age are going crazy with hormones and want to experience sex more than they want to really learn how a girl thinks and what she likes, etc. The reason you hurt is because you put too much importance on it. If not a single person could see you together with a guy, would you still want to be with him? There is some unwritten rule for teens that they MUST partner up with someone or theres something wrong with you. That is not true. There is no need to hurry into relationship just to feel good about yourself. Feel good and be a whole person first without a boy and you will attract the more mature boys in due time dear.
I would avoid the guy who can't make up his mind. If he comes back and wants to hang out with you, don't go for it. He will see how DESPERATE you are and know that he can say and do anything to you and you will not complain because you want a boyfriend so bad. These are the girls where the guy pesters them for sexting or real sex or is verbally or physically abusive and she caves in and allows it cus he says he will dump her again if she doesn't. You deserve way better than that, all girls do but not all of them are strong enough in how they feel about them selves, their self image and self esteem. I know it hurts. You;ll get over it. Then work on your self image dear. Eventually it will draw the right guy to you.
there is this tutor I work with in the tutoring lab in college. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. My class ended a few months ago but I still see her around and I like to chat with her if I can though I am really nervous and can't really talk well. . I can not go up and talk to anyone for just conversational purposes unless they talk to me first. That is how I made friends. This is honestly annoying the crap out of me
I just had a dream of her showing up at my house to give me something. I then invited her inside and we chatted about things and then I showed her around and things I do and stuff I did. Then in the end when she left I though "I can send her a friend request now" I remember being sad that it was only a dream. I wonder what this dream means. I guess it means I like her and want to be her friend. I don't want to do anything romantically because she is older (28 and I am 22) and engaged. I mean that, hell I didn't even do anything sexual in the dream
The subconscious mind which controls your dreams is also where all your feelings and emotions come from the good and the bad ones.
Since you dreamt of her, I'd say your guess was right that you like her or have a crush on her. But another part of you also feels that nothing can really come of it in real life so because thats the case your subconscious knows the only place you cna experience her is in a dream. The subconscious mind for me has always mixed up and distorted reality, like my daughters are my sisters and grand daughter is my child. So I wouldn't place too much importance on the dream.
So, I know guys have wet dreams, and can ejaculate in their sleep. Is it possible for girls to orgasm in their sleep too? Without touching themselves or rubbing up against anything in their sleep? Has anyone experienced this or heard of it happening to girls?
Just curious. Thanks!
I have to be having an erotic dream to do that, but I have orgasmed in sleep, just by dream only. I don't have those kinds of dreams regularly so it's seldom that happens.
If a female does it on a regular basis, it could be she is highly orgasmic. I have seen on you tube clips of women who tell their stories that they have orgasms all day long when trying to do regular stuff that is not arousing and it is a malfunction in their bodies that Drs. don't know what to do with. If you have a healthy medium of that, then I wouldn't be concerned
hi i have another question what dose it mean if a girl knows you for a hole year but all of a sudden she wants to be your friend
I need to know what you meant by 'knows yu for a whole year' meaning you were close enough to be dating and now wants to be your friend
or has just been someone you come into contact with, such as at school or at work and you see them and know their name but know nothing else about them, and that person has said they want to be friends.
First scenerio...if you were attracted enough to get to the point of dating, thats when two people get a chance to really find out if they have enough in common and that spark and chemistry to go long term. Maybe it took her a year to discover that or admit it to herself and now wants to demote to only friend status because she thinks you're nice enough to be a friend. This isnormal and no need to be confused or upset. Look elsewhere for a romantic partner and keep her as just a friend. Yes, guys and girls can be just friends. However some individuals can't handle it in their minds. If youre one of them, let her know instead of avoiding her without explanation.
Second scenerio is a bit more simple. Some girl has been observing you for a year watching how you handle yourself with other people. She may be a very careful person when choosing friends, even girl friends because she wants to hang with people of a certain character. If she's asking to be your friend, even tho in a group you've been kinda acting like friends, what she's likely looking for is more of a best friend. If there is a spark and chemistry there, it could lead to more than friends but let her know that if you are attracted that way, you'll let her set the pace so she doesnt freak out. After all, she's already moving at a slow pace to know you a year before asking to be friends or best friends.
Any successful relationship, especially those who end up long term, married or not, all have two things in common, they are best friends and second, they have that spark, sexual compatibility. If you know that chemistry is already missing for either one of you or both of you, then know that this offer is only for a friendship.
I met this girl about a month ago and we've been friends ever since. In the beginning of the week (It's now Friday), she started ignoring me so I didn't talk to her because I didn't want to start anything. Well, on Wednesday I texted her and she didn't reply so I didn't bother her anymore.
However, it's getting worse. She keeps making all my friends hate me too, and trying to steal my boyfriend... I tried talking to her today but she yelled at me. I don't think we'll have a strong friendship like we did, but I just don't want her to hate me anymore. What should I do? I don't know if she blocked my number or not, so...
She keeps making all my friends hate me too,
I will start with that statement. Have you ever decided to "Hate" someone because some friends came along and said, 'you should hate Lindsey because she did such and such to me? If you decided to take such an action without knowing if there was any validity to it, what does it say about you? Or more to the point, what business is it to you what transpired between two other people, thats for them to iron out, isn't it? Or let's say you are the one pissed off at someone, so you are the one telling your friends to Hate that person. What does that say about the level of your majority. All this kind of drama simply points out to the fact that likely all people involved are in their teens or below age 25 when our maturity and ability to make good adult decisions finally is complete. Due to lack of maturity, the issue is something that should improve with age.. In the meanwhile, since there is nothing we can do to really influence a person to the point of 'making a change for the better'...I would say for the meanwhile to find some new friends. Even if unknowingly you said or did something that hurt her, her actions she is taking are childish, for not telling you what it was so you could have a chance to apologize. A month isn't a long time to forge a deep solid relationship. All she has proven is that she is a fair weather friend. If she's feeling good, you're her friend, if she's feeling bad, she dumps on you and treats you like sh#t.
I know you must be tired of this treatment. If you are as mature as I think you may be, trust me, there are always some teens who minds have matured a little faster or who are following the guidelines and training of their parents on how to act mature. You will meet them. They don't always stand out in a crowd. But once you find them, they will make much better friends.
Also I wouldn't worry about possibly losing a boyfriend who may end up having no back bone to withstand peer pressure and go along with the crowd. The kind of guy you want at your side is someone who will cover your back when the going gets tough, and stand up for you and encourage you and build you up when no one else will.
Good luck dear.
Me and this guy i became friends with starting talking for 3 months straight, non stop..he always showed me he liked me, or made it seem like we were together because of so many things he used to do. When i realized that he wasnt bringing anything up, i decided to. and i confronted him and told him that i want to know what we are exactly, he told me i was special to him and he likes me but that he doesnt want a relationship right now because he isnt ready to change. So i thanked him for his honesty and we went on talking. I realized that he was still treating me the same, constanly being cute, calling, texting and i thought it wasnt fair to me.. so i started being cold with him until he brought it up and asked "why are u being so formal" i simply said "Im not being formal, i just think its best i keep my distance, you made your point clear last time about what you wanted, and i feel like its for the best if i just keep my distance" he said "thats your choice, if you feel like its best for you then okay, i respect your honesty" i told him that maybe we can talk again someday, and he said hed leave that to me. I cant say im surprised because i kind of saw this coming, however, will he miss me at all? we've gotten pretty close, talking day and night, always knowing where the other one is.. i do know that he probably doesnt like me as much as i like him..even though he showed he did, but i guess people just do things like that sometimes. Im hurt honestly, and i KNOW i shouldnt care if he misses me or not, i just want to know if you guys think he will, because it does matter to me, it makes me feel like i was atleast important somehow. I feel down about myself because i feel like he doesnt think im worth it. Thanks for any advice. :)
You did the right thing to put a stop to the amount of time you spend together. Whether a teen in high school or older, the reason for hanging out with the opposite sex and dating when you are attracted to them is to find out more about them, enough to know whether theres enough in common to have a chance of going somewhere or not. Sometimes there is destruction relationship behavior you see in a guy.
Since the biggest attraction for him was conversation...try to imagine him being able to have that kind of conversation with guys. When it comes to genders, females are way better at commmunicating ofcourse have this feminine trait. But it doesnt mean a man is gay to have some feminine strengths such as my husband who is much into conversation, and loves anything that he labels eye candy such as exquisite jewelry
So I am NOT the type of person who sleeps around.
But this week I lost my V to someone at Uni. Whilst they were not a complete stranger, I had only known they existed for about a week.
So this person was all like 'I'll text you' and things, and basically I have heard nothing.
I just feel terrible. For a few days ago I felt elated that I'd finally done the deed so to speak. At the same time though, I now also feel like I was used and abit worthless.
Don't go telling me that that's what you sign up to when having a one night stand please-how can I make myself feel better.
More importantly, will I see this person around and should I add them on facebook, considering we talked at length about our lives and things first.
The reason you're feeling bad about it is because you're looking at this as a loss, not a gain.
The loss being thinking that virginity is something to lose and happens when you have sex. The gain being this is one of the many steps along the way of discovering your sexuality and making your sexual debut.
The concept of virgins and virginity was never a scientifically correct concept to begin with. So you didn't lose anything.
Can two lesbians or gay men consider themselves to be virgins forever just because there wasnt a meeting of two different parts (vagina and penis) as in intercourse. There is much more that defines us and our sexuality than just intercourse.
If the attraction you had to the guy was strictly sexual and even though you 'talked' you were never attracted to his personality, and who he is on the inside, then there is no reason to ask to have him as a facebook friend or even a real friend. This is all part of what we need to learn, the attractions, our likes and dislikes in another person. You don't like every girl you meet for a female friend. It should be no different for a guy. The only thing different is there should be sexual attraction and more, a sexual compatibility.
Maybe he used you. It's not a big deal unless you don't learn from it, how to spot a guy like that and maybe change some of your behaviour such as making such a commitment after only a week. Not saying it cant happen and be perfect, just that it usually doesn't. Its only a bad deal if you allow it to happen to yourself several more times.
I would like to refer you to a site done by a 23 yr old who has been doing videos geared for teen and college age to educate on sexuality, dating and relationships. Short 3-ver accurate information...she's done her studying.
https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen/videos
Look up especially her ones on virginity but I love em all and I am grandma age. Wish this was around when I was your age.
My boyfriend doesn't talk much but our friends try to get us 2 talk but when we do all he says is hello. We can't have α proper conversation what can I do to start one
How is it that this guy got to boyfriend state if he never says anything but Hello?
He may be shy and quiet by nature. To expect someone to change who they are as a personality is not right. Even if a person tries to change to keep a person or attract a person, it blows up in the end. They suffer stress and or resentment from not being able to be themselves and the partner picks up on things like them not really being into the relationship and them growing apart. It happens every day honey. Unless its simply a need to learn how to feel comfortable talking to others and wanting and asking for help, then you and buddies putting pressure on him isn't going to change things. You all must see something in him to want to still hang around even if he's so different.
All I can suggest is to ask questions that cannot be answered by a yes or no as the convo will end there.
IE Billy, did you have a good weekend? which he can answer yes or no.How is it that this guy got to boyfriend state if he never says anything but Hello?
He may be shy and quiet by nature. To expect someone to change who they are as a personality is not right. Even if a person tries to change to keep a person or attract a person, it blows up in the end. They suffer stress and or resentment from not being able to be themselves and the partner picks up on things like them not really being into the relationship and them growing apart. It happens every day honey. Unless its simply a need to learn how to feel comfortable talking to others and wanting and asking for help, then you and buddies putting pressure on him isn't going to change things. You all must see something in him to want to still hang around even if he's so different.
All I can suggest is to ask questions that cannot be answered by a yes or no as the convo will end there.
IE Billy, did you have a good weekend? which can be answered yes or no.
The other would be: Billy what did you do this weekend, or what did you do on Saturday night? Yes and no are not answers to that question.
One more thing, regarding why we date and have boyfriends and girlfriends....the core reason is to learn what we like and don't like in a person. What type of behavior in general we won't tolerate and to get to know more about a person. In learning more, we either discover that so far, we seem to be a good match, lets get deeper into the relationship and bare our hearts and lives and learn more, or we learn we have little in common or there are some major issues that you wont tolerate and you quit dating.
If he is truly a boyfriend, it should go easy...the relationship should flow even the convo and meeting of minds, even for quiet reserved people,, its just with them its less than what you would be comfortable with.
So besides not being very open and sharing and communicative, are there other things you need to look and see if you're a good match even if just for friends and nothing more serious, if not, time to stop wasting time hanging out with him.