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I'm so lost with myself.
Okay, well, I'm a 14 year old girl. Typical teen but everyday is like a constant reminder of how much I have failed. The weird thing is no one says anything to me. I wake up every day wondering what the fuck my life is about. I wake up every day feeling like a failure to everything. I talk to myself. I think myself as fat and I weigh 155. I feel so horrible about myself that it is effecting my personality. I used to be happy and hyper but lately at lunch at school everyone seems to be annoying to me. Everyone talks about the same damn things. I really feel like I can't get out of this so called slump. Trust me, I have no friends at all that I would consider good friends cause they all hate me and talk behind my back. I get fucking sick and tired of this shit. I don't know what to do. I don't like telling my parents or family about it nor do I go to my counselor I used to see. What's wrong and how can I fix it because I feel like i"m done. Completely done. :/
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Maybe its simply that there's a lack of purpose of goals or dreams for yourself. I will say its hard at 14 to know what your purpose in life is, what you are meant to accomplish in this lifetime. Do you think George Washington when he was 14 knew that one of his biggest life accomplishments was going to be the 1st president of the US. At 15 he couldnt go to school any longer. They were poor cus dad died when he was 11.
If I recall correctly he became a leader in the militia of 1,000 men. He had to think of more than himself, he had to think of the others under his command.
So he had a bad stroke of luck when he was young. He didn't focus on where he was at though.
So my only advice at this point is to try something, taking your focus off yourself and seeing what you can do for others. There are always opportunities to do something that will benefit others....the list is endless. The reason I stress volunteering help to someone or to an organization is that it will build character. It will also help put things into perspective, what you think is an awful life versus what others have to face. Use your imagination. Here's some examples to get you thinking in that direction. You could start with asking any teachers you like and get along with if you could help them out with anything before or after school, photocopying, and such. As a parent I volunteered an hour of time every morning in grade school and believe me, that teacher always had lots of stuff for me to do and really needed the help. Go back to a teacher in grade school and stop by after highschool and ask if you can help with correcting tests, making photocopies, etc... You'd be helping her and also building your self worth and self esteem.
I remember as a caregiver taking my client to a churches 'soup kitchen' dinner once a week for those of low income. They used who ever would volunteer to place servings of food on peoples plates. They didn't all cook. Some just served up portions and there were always teenagers as half the people in the buffet line dishing up food. You could check if there is a local church or soup kitchen you could offer to help at. Or offer to help at a local food bank.
Do you like animals? Animals are so trusting and accepting of anymore who will give them love and attention. Find out where the closest pet shelter is for pets awaiting adoption. Tell the people you love pets and want to volunteer your time to give some love and attention to the animals. If its too hard to get to, go just on weekend and ask mom or a relative to take you there or maybe learn if theres bus service to it. I wish I had thought of volunteering time at a pet shelter as a teen, that wouldve been loads of fun.
Guess what, here's a real fun one time thing you can do for Halloween. If you as well known by a neighbor who has little kids, volunteer to take them trick or treating for her. You can still dress up. or not. Lots of teens at this age feel silly going trick or treating. I did this as a teem for a sis 9 years younger. Lucky I had big pockets on me cus the folks insisted on giving me treats for being such a good sister.
Then there's Christmas and Toys for Tots or various other wishing trees or other places that will need volunteer help.
Do you like to read? B thankful you have vision to be able to read. Some old folks can hardly see anymore to read. Talk to a director of an old folks home. Some people there don't have anyone visiting ever. I don't like hospitals and it felt a little like that and its uncomfortable at first but this one place let me bring in our rabbits for people to have on their lap for a short while petting, even our big black lab. The people love the change of pace. Some people are losing their minds and wont make sense, you dont have to deal with them Seek out the ones who are lonely but still in their right mind. Read to them. Ask them what it was like when they were a kid, older folks can remember their past better than just last week. I even found that some people wanted help decorating for Christmas. Once I made paper snowflakes for one lady, everyone else wanted them too so I got the okay from staff to put snowflakes taped to the windows of the dining room. Once you start thinking about it and start keeping yourself busy with maybe several volunteer things, you'll find you don't have time to think about yourself.
No, its not an avoiding reality thing but getting busy doing all this stuff. It might seem like that but I am pretty sure if you give yourself the time for your heart to really get into it and keep doing it, not just one month and stop or a year and then stop cus you feel a tiny bit better, do it because the purpose of life is love, learning how to love and be loved, everything revolves around love. If people could really love each other, no matter sex, skin color,age, differeence of any kind, there'd be no war, no starving people, no homeless, no people who couldn't afford health care...everyone would be equally taken care of in a loving world.No, you can't fix the whole world but you can make a different in your little bit of the world. If every person alive made a difference in their little bit of the world...we would have a world full of love and happy people. This was long but I felt I had to give lots of details cus you may have been too depressed to think of it on your own. Good luck dear.
aptaken
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Hi there. Don't trivialise yourself and listen to anything that suggests that 'you're a typical teen' and your're supposed to feel like that because of your age. Like it's just teen-stuff, something you just grow out of. It's really something you're 'growing in to'. You're no longer defined by your parents, no longer just their daughter with no proper personality of your own. With no independent thoughts or actions. And of course when we start to become responsible and accountable for our own actions...then feelings of failiure and questioning ourselves (what's life about, where am I going etc) will start to arise. You doubt friends (no longer just childhood 'mates' but proper people now) and then, yes they all drive you mad and annoy the hell out of you. That feeling of 'Hey...I'm hurting and my head's full of stuff that's messing me up...how come nobody can see it?' That's not an uncommon adult feeling either! The reason it's feeling so overwhelming is that it's new to you, you're having these thoughts for the first time. And the reason it seems that you're all over and washed-up is because you haven't lived and fought your way through them yet, and come out the other side. You will, and you'll have periods like this for all your adult life. And you'll have plenty of carefree, girlish laughs and good times too. You'll love a bit, hate a bit, hurt a bit, laugh a bit. The good and bad times are all part of adult life. They come and go. We handle them...you will too. One answer you've already dismissed will prove a lifelong help, I feel. That's the parents and 'friends' that don't understand. I think you'll find they DO understand, and the counsel of good true friends and family will be special to you all your life. Hang in there young lady!
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I know it's so hard now a days to keep a real smile on your face and to find people who actually care. And it's not easy to live in a world where the messages the media is sending is "you have to be perfect to happy." But, guess what? Your imperfnctions are what make you perfect so I'd first like to say that, you are beautiful. If you be your self, I promise you will stumble across someone who cares about you and finds you flawless. There's something about you that makes you the perfect you. At 14, people are so self centered and some people probably feel the exact same way you do. So secondly, you're not alone. If you can't find the courage to tell an adult how you feel then Maybe write in a journal and share the journal with them. I know writing helps me with me emotional pain as well and if you really share how you feel in a journal and they see it, they'll be able to get the message and help you. As for friends, everyone's still trying to find who they are and want to be. Some people are lost and they make take their confusion out on you but don't let that Bring you down and if they're not being nice and loyal maybe they're not a true friend. Try joining a club at school that your interested in and meeting people with the same interests as you or try a new sport! No matter what, stay strong and confident. You'll find someone and they're going to think your absolutely perfect. Xoxo
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Part of what you're experiencing is normal. Growing up isn't easy, especially around your age. Much of what you're going through is compounded by how much more young people are faced with and exposed to these days. There are constants, meaning most teenagers from different generations experience similar things- feeling misunderstood, ugly, miserable, etc, but because of how much more teenagers are exposed to, and how much more social/academic pressure they face now, it's even harder in my opinion to be a teenager in 2013, than it was for me growing up. I was your age in 1998- before smartphones, Facebook,etc., and before it was widely accepted for very young, famous teenagers to basically dress and act as much older celebrities did prior. I mean, look at pop culture- which I think has a huge impact on teenagers everywhere. I remember when only someone like Madonna (an adult) was controversial and scantily clad, and younger stars were more innocent. Now, you've got Miley Cyrus basically nude in a music video, Selena Gomez being a "diva" at that very young age, Kendall and Kylie Jenner strutting along as though they are adults, wearing tons of makeup and not much clothes. They, too, are teenagers. Young, teenage stars used to be fairly innocent, but now everyone is hypersexualized. And seeing this in magazines, on TV, everywhere really, well- it has got to have a negative impact on many young girls' body image, and that is really unfortunate.
As for how you feel about yourself-- lots of teenagers feel down about themselves, misunderstood, ugly, etc. it's easy, especially this day in age, to feel like everyone else is prettier, happier, better, etc., but guess what- you have a lot to offer too. You are figuring yourself out, so it's normal to feel like a failure. But you're not. And teenagers do tend to talk about the same things, do the same things, like the same things---and honestly it has only gotten worse overtime, because pop culture, the mass media, our culture, have all become corrupt and homogenized. If we've become a nation of sheep, teenagers are seriously following the herd, out of a desire to fit in and be cool. That could be why you're so annoyed with people at your school-- they do tend to act the same, talk about the same things, wear the same things. I know, I have felt the same way. But now, teenagers are almost like walking corporate sponsors- consumer culture and materialism have spiraled out of control and bred a generation of technology addicted, shallow, superficial zombies. I can understand why you feel the way you do. It's easy to feel like a failure when your measure of success is a test score, and not who you are and what you really have to offer. It's easy to feel down about how you look, when everywhere you look are models, actors, socialites- many of whom are really, really young- photoshopped, skinny, caked in makeup, with a poster girl/boy artificial smile. It's easy to feel bitter and annoyed with your peers, when many of them are busy gossiping, posting "selfies" on Facebook and Instagram, talking about celebrities/popularity/sex (aka, meaningless and pointless crap).
But don't be discouraged from being your own person, finding good friends, doing what you want, and just being happy! You need to change your circumstances and outlook. That means hanging out with like minded people, getting involved in activities you enjoy, and seeing the positive in things. I know people can annoy you- but don't dwell on them. Focus on hanging out with people who get you, and who you click with. If you feel you're overweight for your height and body type, focus on keeping fit by exercising and eating right-- but do it for you, do it to stay healthy, and not to look like a model or skinny girl on a magazine. We all come in all shapes and sizes, and that diversity needs to be celebrated. We are simply not meant to wear size 0 jeans! But if you can afford to be healthier, then keep active, eat healthy, etc., and you'll see improvements in your self-confidence and energy level as well. Do what you like- whether it's cycling, yoga, jogging, swimming, etc.
Just remember, happiness is NOT skin deep! We all strive to be happy, and can feel sad and worthless when we compare ourselves to others or dwell on the negative. But all those things you're dwelling on can be let go of. Dig deep and find your true happiness within. Do what truly makes you happy, hang out with people you like who bring out the best in you, learn to feel confident in who you are by doing what you like. Above all, be proud of who you are. Fitting in and being popular can mean acting like someone you are not. Comparing yourself to others can really make you feel worthless. Understand that you are not worse than anyone else, you are your own person. It seems to me that you feel misunderstood--it's because you are not following the crowd. You shouldn't have to. " Be who you are, and say how you feel. Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss-- it sounds simple, but it is so true and a motto I try to live by. As hard as it may seem, be gentle on yourself, and learn to love yourself. Take baby steps toward getting there, and you will be happy.
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