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Do I sleep with more than one man (besides my husband) to fill my craving?
Okay let's just say I'm 32 years old, I've been married to only 1 man the whole time. But since we'd been married 6 years. I've had numerous partners. See when we first got together it was just us 2, until I couldn't deal with being with a virgin. So we started having an open marriage., except my side was open as his was more less closed.
Everytime he wanted to see another woman I got in the way of it all. Then we started being seperated again just recently because of my appetite I can't go very long without it and if I do, I just go crazy. Wanting, needing and longing for it all the time. My question is what do I do? Stay married or keep sleeping around and having an open marriage?
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I would say that it depends on how much does sexual activity actually mean to you in a relationship. There are some people who can be happily married for a long long time but when it comes to their sexual activity, they don't really give a rats ass.. Then there are people who would consider their sexual activity to pretty much be the relationship.
So if you feel like you cannot be in this marriage without sex, then I would suggest getting a divorce or annulment because it's not really worth it then.
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As will happen in many marriages, two people end up together who are not sexually compatible.
What you imply with your choice of words is that you couldn't deal with being a virgin in a marriage, that would lead me to think, he married you but didn't have sexual relations with you.
Or you may have been trying to say that you wanted to have your first sexual experience but wanted it to be in a marriage, not as a single. I learned the hard way, thats the wrong way to go. I now know its better to test the man of your interest to see how you do sexually BEFORE committing to a life long relationship like marriage.
Since the two most important foundations for a successful healthy marriage be that 1. you have lots in common and are best friends
2. sexual compatibility, that spark or romance and the desire for each others.
I'll be frank here. My ex and I tried swinging. Swinging and open relationships only work to enhance the sex life of two people who already have a good sex life. If the two are not compatible, which hubby and I were not, then open marriage and swinging does not help, it causes jealousy and fighting between the couple. All the swinging did was to show me that I was with the wrong man, we were sexually compatible..never had an orgasm with him, didn't get it enough and it was just sex, it never felt like him loving and desiring me. I am the type who wants the man to look at me as the only thing on the sexual food chain that is going to satisfy his hunger and desire and come after me in a like manner.
So, it seems you are with the wrong man. Either that, or he is a great lover and gives you plenty but you are addicted to sex and can't get enough and will sleep with many many men to keep trying to feed a habit, addiction that there is no relief from. It's rare, but does exist. If thats your case, go see Your Dr or counselor to get refered to a specialist who deals with sexual addictions.
However I will assume there's not addiction, just not having the person with whom you have sexual compatiblity so......
staying for now will still continue the guilt, the breaking of trust, the emotional pain to him cus he can't satisfy you or you're not happy with less, and the longing and wanting and being torn between doing with out or having affairs....And that is the wrong way to live life.
Your only choice is:
You need to have a frank talk and get him to see that you both are not right for each other, never have been, never will be. Its a chemical reaction between you two and you can not change your chemical makeup anymore than you can change how tall your body is. Leaving him is not going to solve all your problems if you haven't quite discovered what exactly is the right man for you. If you need to sleep with multiple partners at one time, you're jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Take it one at a time. Be honest and let the guy know that as much as you desire sex, you also want a guy with other qualities, that you might have lots in common with and that by dating you're not making a commitment, only trying to discover if he's the right one. And let them know what youre looking for, a long term commitment, having children someday, etc...whatever applies. But you need to put it out there right up front..even if some protest...they were the wrong ones if they protest. You can share you're previous situation and how you don't want to end up there again. So give any relationship with a guy some time...get past the first couple months of NRE when your head is still in the clouds.
Its not fair to husband to have this type of marriage and sex life for the rest of his life.
Maybe you can handle it cus you're only looking at living this way for the next week, next month or one more year like this. We can force ourselves to do a lot. But can you see yourself living like this for 10 more years, 20 more years...no matter if there are kids or not? I didn't think so. I couldn't see myself doing that. Thats why I left.
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I would say that this is a question that really has to be answered between you and your husband. If he is okay with having an open marriage then I see no reason for a divorce.
Just remember one thing about an open marriage. It is a two way street. what is good for the goose is good for the gander. You said; Every time he wanted to see another woman I got in the way of it all." This is not right." This is not an open marriage, this is having affairs under the guise of an open marriage.
From what you have written I take it your husband was a virgin when you married. His sex drive may not be what yours is a this time which given the age you have given is normal. A women at 32 has a higher sex drive then a man at the same age. One of mother natures nasty little tricks.
Still there are some things you should be doing to make your sex life with your husband better. Sex like everything else is a learned experience. Since you are the more experienced lover you should be teaching your husband what you like. Everything from how you like to be touched, oral sex and your favorite positions. You should be asking him how he likes to be touched, experiment with him to see what causes him to moan and move about the bed.
What is most important is anything that happens between two consenting adults in the privacy of their home and bedroom is absolutely okay. The key word(s) is consenting and consensual. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. So if you want to try say anal sex, or some light BDSM or other fetishes or fantasies this is fine. Just as long as you both agree to it. Any hesitation on eithers part and you don't do it.
As a virgin he may be missing out on a great deal of good sex if you have not taken the time to show him what you need in the way of se. In the doing so you are also teaching him there is more to a sex life than the missionary position.
In short just going by what you have written. I believe you are being one sided here. You can have a better sex life with you husband if you take the time to show him what you need and teach him to be a better lover. If you do this an open marriage may not be needed. Certainly divorcing him be cause of a poor sex life will not be needed.
If I missed the mark here it is only because I keyed in on the fact that your husband was a virgin when you married.
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