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We broke up, but now I want him back.
I broke up with my boyfriend of two years a month ago. I was feeling distant, alone, and grown up when I started college. It felt great at first. I went on dates, dressed up, got guys' numbers, and had fun. This didn't last long. I began to miss my ex. I dream of him every night, miss his touch, crave his company. I miss him more and more everyday.
I find many things holding me back. For one, we fought a lot. It was mostly my fault, seeing as I struggle to control my emotions and often both physically and emotionally abused him. I know this isn't an excuse, but I grew up watching these behaviors in my household. I was constantly doubting of our future together. I couldn't seem to stay committed, either. But now that I realize that I let go of someone who never gave up on me even when I gave up on him, I miss him like crazy. We still talk every so often, but it's rare. He's apparently talking to a girl online from Georgia (we live in Florida), and when I confessed I missed him, he had many concerns. He wondered if I would really change, and also told me he was thinking of being with his online girlfriend (who, he added, is EXTREMELY insecure, clingy, and doesn't give her all towards him...), and said I truly needed to prove that I missed him and would change. I told him to give me a few months to pick up the lost pieces of myself and find my soul again.
I'm terrified. He said he's afraid he'll allow me back in and get hurt. I really want to change. Not for him, but for myself mostly. My bad control of emotions and lashing out and negativity could also destroy future relationships.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Change is in your hand. If your heart says that you must change. Then you should change... Be his good friend. If he really wants u he will surely notice the change and accept u... God bless u...
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If you grew up seeing this kind of behavior at home, then you likely never saw any examples of the correct behavior for a mature adult in a loving relationship. So you will need to learn that. When people want to learn, we do it several ways, we usually start to study which is studying good examples of people or studying in books on the topic. Or in your case in may be several topics. One being anger control, understanding different personality types and how to get along with all of them, and understanding some of the main differences between how men and woman think and interpret info. so you can learn to understand any guy better, and then of course, and general books on how to be in a committed relationship. It would be good for you to have some people who have a healthy relationship that you can at least talk to, use as mentors. And I am not talking of anyone near your age bracket but those in a committed relationship, married or not whove been together successfully for a long time and both are still happy and in love and treat each other very well.
The moment you feel like you are about to lose control, warn the other person, I'm about to lose it and need time to myself, then excuse yourself, leave the room and just focus first on taking deep breathes, and slowing down your breathing until the feeling of rage or anger or adrenaline has calmed back down. Any issues you ever need to discuss with someone, do it only when you are not angry. If you begin to feel angry in the middle, again ask for a moment to let yourself cool down and stop the conversation at that point. If hes that caring, he will cooperate, but you gotta keep up your end of it. You may need to see a counselor for a while. If you find the right person who you click with, they should be able to help you through healing from what happened to you. Good intentions to not do the same aren't always good enough because
those good intentions are made with your conscious mind but its your subconscious mind where feelings and emotions are stored...good and bad and so the hurts and anger and fear etc from your growing up is still there, untreated, un-healed but once healed you should be able to have a wonderful happy relationship.
Goodluck dear!
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At least you truly want to change, not just for him, but for yourself.
Even if he decides he doesn't want to get back together, you still would like to work on changing correct?
So don't talk to him a lot, when you do, don't bring up the relationship or anything, just act like a good friend like how you were before you started dating and what made him fall for you in the first place.
Then you need to learn self control. You already know that how you were acting was wrong and that it screws up relationships, so remember that. Go buy books that will help you, talk to adults with happy relationships, and learn how to deal with your emotions in a healthy way instead of letting them fall out of control.
Eventually you'll start changing and learning and it will be noticed.
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ooh, this is a tough one.
I've been on his side of things before and it doesn't feel good. What type of things are you willing to do to show him you care? What are you going to do for this change for the better?
Now from his perspective, I can see how he can be worried about getting hurt. It happened to me multiple times. You REALLY gotta prove that what you say isn't just words. Slowly before getting with him, talk to him. Treat him as a best friend. It'll show him that you can be dependable. That means less arguing over stupid little things and stuff like that.
Hope this helped even if only a little! :)
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