Member Since: June 19, 2011
Answers: 7
Last Update: September 19, 2013
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Magii
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I broke up with my boyfriend of two years a month ago. I was feeling distant, alone, and grown up when I started college. It felt great at first. I went on dates, dressed up, got guys' numbers, and had fun. This didn't last long. I began to miss my ex. I dream of him every night, miss his touch, crave his company. I miss him more and more everyday.
I find many things holding me back. For one, we fought a lot. It was mostly my fault, seeing as I struggle to control my emotions and often both physically and emotionally abused him. I know this isn't an excuse, but I grew up watching these behaviors in my household. I was constantly doubting of our future together. I couldn't seem to stay committed, either. But now that I realize that I let go of someone who never gave up on me even when I gave up on him, I miss him like crazy. We still talk every so often, but it's rare. He's apparently talking to a girl online from Georgia (we live in Florida), and when I confessed I missed him, he had many concerns. He wondered if I would really change, and also told me he was thinking of being with his online girlfriend (who, he added, is EXTREMELY insecure, clingy, and doesn't give her all towards him...), and said I truly needed to prove that I missed him and would change. I told him to give me a few months to pick up the lost pieces of myself and find my soul again.
I'm terrified. He said he's afraid he'll allow me back in and get hurt. I really want to change. Not for him, but for myself mostly. My bad control of emotions and lashing out and negativity could also destroy future relationships. (link)
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ooh, this is a tough one.
I've been on his side of things before and it doesn't feel good. What type of things are you willing to do to show him you care? What are you going to do for this change for the better?
Now from his perspective, I can see how he can be worried about getting hurt. It happened to me multiple times. You REALLY gotta prove that what you say isn't just words. Slowly before getting with him, talk to him. Treat him as a best friend. It'll show him that you can be dependable. That means less arguing over stupid little things and stuff like that.
Hope this helped even if only a little! :)
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Riley does have anger issues. When you bring that to his attention he gets angry. He says he doesn't have anger issues, he can handle his anger very well. And everyone agrees with me, that its a lie.
Uhm, the ones that I can think of at this moment from the top of my head is:
Hey Beautiful;
Goodmorning goregous;
"Kaci I'm falling in love with you quick, and I am not afraid because I know in my heart things between us will straighten up and I'll be with the girl I've dreamed of"
"Kaci I don't want to find anyone else because I know I could love her the way she deserves to be loved, because of how much I love you"
"I think your beautiful; everything about you just amazes me"
than I tell him my faults, and the bad things about me, and he replies with
"I don't care about that. I see right through you kaci; nothing you say or do will make me think any less of you. Your amazing in my eyes"
ect..
But As of confronting Riley; I've tried for almost 5 months. He just doesn't listen and when he does, his favorite line is; "I don't do that". He doesn't own up to anything thats his fault; or he usually, flips it around and tries to find a way to put the blame on me.
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Well for the Jesse part, it does sound like he's putting out lines. Usually guys who just make surface comments is just feeding you lines. He may be different but generally, surface comments don't really mean much.
As for Riley, lying, and trying to blame you for stuff that he does is wrong. I understand you love him dearly, but I think it may be time to break up and stay as friends until he matures a little before trying to have a relationship again.
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I'm just not sure. Yesterday at work I got off at 3:30; and Jesse came in at 3:35 and he was suppose to close; and I stayed with him the entire time and helped him out; ususally I hate working long hours; but last night I did it was ease. I feel a sense of guilt towards Riley. I mean, me and Riley have our good moments; more than our bad; and I truely love him. He's not allowed to get a job ti'll he is 18, and thats not his fault. Thats his mom because she lives off the government; and something about if he gets a job; she'll lose his check from his deceased dad; so he can't ti'll he's 18. I take Jesse home from work everytime we work together because he usually doesn't have a ride; Riley hates it. He gets mad. He knows about how Jesse feels for me, and he knows that I like him too; but I told him that I love him, but like Jesse. He told me to quit talking to him, but for some reason I can't.
I'm truely just scared. What if Jesse is just feeding me all the things I want to hear, just to get me where he wants me, and than change into he might really be? Than I'm really going to regret leaving Riley for him. Me and Riley spend everyday together; almost every minute unless I have to work; so he sees my parents ALOT. I feel bad because I don't want to change boyfriends on my parents because they get attached; my dad thinks I don't need a boyfriend; I need to focuse on school; but even with a boyfriend, I make good grades and I don't let them interfer with my work. I am already so comfortable with Riley. And he tells me I'm going to be the one to have his kids one day, and that I'm the one he wants to spend his entire life with. I'm torn in between the two, and I don't know what to do.
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Damn. This is a hard one and I see your dilemma.But from what I see is this. Riley as a temper problem and yells and Curses at you. But you love him dearly.
Jesse is a guy that you work with and is a total sweetheart. But you never know if he's just feeding you lines. But my question is, if you don't mind me asking that is, what are some basic things that are sweet that he says to you?
But other than that I'd say confront Riley about his anger problem and try to help him with it. That way you can stay together. But then you'll have to set the friend/co worker only boundaries to Jesse. You don't have to cut off all communication and not talk to the guy but still let him know where he stands with you.
But if the temper thing with Riley starts getting to be too much, I'm gonna say leave him but just stay as friends. Then give Jesse a try. And if you give Jesse a try, if he does turn out to be a jerk who's just feeding you lines, you'll always have Riley as a really close friend to help you out.
I really hope this helps.
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My boyfriend and I are inseperable. He treats me like gold...always complimenting me and being so caring and loving towards me. He and I get along great, with an amazing connection and a lot of things in common. He's going to the Navy in December and he says if we last until I graduate, he wants to marry me. He is already graduated, and I am a junior. He is extremely mature, and he is very serious about this relationship, and it is weird for me because I have never ever been in a relationship like this...but I am so grateful. He is amazing.
We went to his cousin's house today and ended up having sex. Although I am sixteen, and he is seventeen, we had parental consent earlier when we first started dating, and we also used a condom. It was a little painful at first, but it felt good. I've had sex before, just not as deep, and I'll admit I'm glad I waited to have sex this time. I've always rushed into it, but having such a patient boyfriend is extremely great, because my other boyfriends have always been a little pushy on the subject. Anyway, I have always been a little insecure. And being insecure gets me scared for the worst....
I am a little scared that because my boyfriend got what every guy wants, he will ditch me soon enough. I am getting nervous just thinking about it. I know I can trust him and that we have an amazing connection outside of sex, and therefore I have nothing to worry about, but I am still very paranoid. He reassured me today, but I would like to know how I can get over my insecurities...
Thanks!!! (link)
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From what you're saying, he sounds like a great guy. I believe that if he said he wanted to marry you and didn't rush into having sex, he won't leave you now that you've done it. Being paranoid about it is normal though. Paranoias are hard to get over. It takes time. All I can say is when you start doubting it, remind yourself that you can trust him and it won't happen.
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Ok so me and my boyfriend live about 40 min apart and he has a job. Needless to say, we only see eachother like once or twice a week. Anyway, that leaves us texting pretty much everyday throughout the day. I'm just wondering why is it that, when texting, if I happen to text back slow (10-20min) he gets pissed at me, yet, he sometimes takes up to an hour to text me back and always says "i hope your not mad" or something like that. So, it's ok for him to do it but I can't? What is that about?? He told me flat out that he's the jealous type of guy, does that have anything to do with it? (link)
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It has nothing to do with it. He honestly has no right to get pissed when he does it too. That's being hypocritical. Call him out on it and tell him you do not like how it's okay for him to do it and you can't. If he brings up the jealous thing, tell him that's just an excuse to get out of it.
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I'm 18f and my boyfriend is 17m we have been together for almost 7 months; we have had our problems like most couples do, and we have got through it. He has a real bad problem with his anger, although he has never layed a hand on me before, or even came close; he just raises his voice at me often, and sometime curses. Well, there is this guy named Jesse. He's 17/m and he works with me, and went to the same school me and my boyfriend went to before we graduated this year; for the last three months, Jesse has had the biggest crush on me. He says he's in love with me and he's not going to stop waiting for me, and he doesn't want me to rush me and my boyfriend relationship; so he is going to wait patiently. I didn't believe him at first; I figured I'd give him a couple of weeks and he'd stop waiting and find someone else; NOPE. 3 months and he is still waiting; we having touched, or anything; so I don't see how he is in love with me; he tells everyone how he feels for me; and he seems very serious about it. He's a total sweetheart; which my boyfriend really isn't the type to have a way with words; and he doesn't really say sweet things to me as much as he should; (being a girl; we like to hear it!) I told him I was going to take my time with my boyfriend; and work out everything we can work through until we come across something that can't be worked through and I wasn't going to do anything to rush us breaking up. He understood and told me to take as long as I needed cause he'd still be there. We both agree if we are meant together we will end up together; The last month I have caught myself thinking about Jesse alot, and I think I have allowed myself to gain feelings for him; but I think its wrong, so I'm telling myself no. My life is about to really start. I graduated high school this May; and now I'm starting college for Medical. I have a car and a job; and I'm trying to figure out whats going to be best for my future. My boyfriend doesn't have a job or a car; and jesse had a job but no car; Riley wants to go to college but he doubts he will because he just wants to work; and Jesse wants to go to college for Culniary Arts;
I love my boyfriend dearly; and I've talked to him about this whole situation and he's hurt by it; and I completely understand; Ive thought about it for the last month and I'm torn. Do I stay with my boyfriend who we fight a little more than most; or try this new guy without knowing if it'll only bee a couple of month thing? Please help me out; I truely don't know what to do; at all. (link)
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Well, first off 7 months is a long time to be together. I honestly believe that no girl needs a guy who will yell and curse at them. I would have have to say break up with your boyfriend, but stay as friends. If you still love him dearly, having him around still would be better. But I say give his Jesse guy a chance. If he does love you as much as he says and is a total sweetheart, maybe that's just what you need.
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I really love hanging out with her, she's like my only friend, but I'm tired of the lies. First she lies about a boyfriend that is clearly not good for her (never met, doesn't know much about it, he is out of the country until later this year), she chats online to tons of people she doesn't know and I can tell you for a fact it's having a bad influence on her. She tells me her sister is going to call (I know her sister), but I know it's not her sister because she leaves my bedroom and goes down the hall to another room and shuts the door. She tells me she doesn't drink but I know she's been so drunk off her a** she was sick for two days. Do I have a right to be super upset? Should I stop being friends with her? Also, I'm almost 19 and she's almost 20. (link)
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Honestly, I do believe you have the right to be upset. What I suggest is sit her down and call her out on her lying and talk through it. Don't just stop becoming friends with her. That won't help. If she starts denying everything to call out, give examples. Let her know that she's your friend and concerned about her behavior. Let her know that lying isn't a solution.
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