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My best friend keeps lying to me
I really love hanging out with her, she's like my only friend, but I'm tired of the lies. First she lies about a boyfriend that is clearly not good for her (never met, doesn't know much about it, he is out of the country until later this year), she chats online to tons of people she doesn't know and I can tell you for a fact it's having a bad influence on her. She tells me her sister is going to call (I know her sister), but I know it's not her sister because she leaves my bedroom and goes down the hall to another room and shuts the door. She tells me she doesn't drink but I know she's been so drunk off her a** she was sick for two days. Do I have a right to be super upset? Should I stop being friends with her? Also, I'm almost 19 and she's almost 20.
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You have every right to be super upset. I would be too. I'd tell her straight up how I feel and that if she doesnt straighten herself out she will loose a dear friend. Maybe she has to loose someone close to her to realize that she is doing wrong. But I wouldn't completely stop being friends with her. I'd just tell her how it is most of the time and that I don't want to hang out with her if she is going to do that stuff. And tell her that she has lost your trust as a friend.
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Honestly, I do believe you have the right to be upset. What I suggest is sit her down and call her out on her lying and talk through it. Don't just stop becoming friends with her. That won't help. If she starts denying everything to call out, give examples. Let her know that she's your friend and concerned about her behavior. Let her know that lying isn't a solution.
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Couple thoughts/options here:
#1: She's lying because she wants you to have a good opinion of her, and worries that if she tells you the truth, you might judge her.
#2: She's lying to make her life seem more _____ (exciting, thrilling, badass, whatever...) because she wants to impress you/doesn't want to seem boring.
#3: She's looking for attention, possibly because she's feeling insecure and/or out of control in some way.
#4: She's a pathological liar (unlikely).
I think that yes, you have a right to be upset, but you also have the right, as her friend, to be concerned, and to try talking to her about what's going on in a non-judgemental way. Should you stop being friends with her? Can you be really be friends with someone you can't trust? That's something you'll have to decide for yourself.
Good luck!
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