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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Hey guy's got a serious question here. I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 and a half years we are expecting a baby girl in march. I am not ready for this type of commitment and would like to not piss away my twenties. Should I stick it out with her or break it off? it gets hard turning down girls and not being able to do the things I want. I will be there for the baby if we do break up though. What do you guys think?
If you plan to be there for the baby, then you are being responsible for that life, and that means you are ready for a commitment...a commitment to a child. It is more than just tossing money her way.
When you say "don't want to piss away my twenties" I need to understand where you are coming from and what you mean by that because that statement can mean a whole ton of different things and each advice-giver here may take it a different way. Later you mention having things you want to be able to do. What kind of things are we talking about that you feel you couldn't do if giving a life long commitment to one woman?
I think the best thing I can do for you is to explain the Who, What, When Where, and Why's of relationships and you decide for yourself what you need to do. For this to work, you need to be willing to look deep inside yourself, and not lie to yourself but be honest in where you're at.
WHAT is the purpose of dating, and what is the purpose? From puberty on, we find ourself attracted to someone, so we talk to them, if we like how their mind works and find conversation interesting, we move on to hanging out more together to learn a bit more about each other, each others: likes, dislikes, wants, needs, desires, dreams, hopes, goals, morals, beliefs, and if it all jives very closely with what we stand for, then we get into a dating relationship, living together and become sexual with each other. At this level, there is only one step left, and that is to decide whether this is someone who you want to be in a life long partnership with.
WHO is the type of person that will make the perfect girlfriend or life long partner for you depends entirely upon who you are and where you are at in life. A guy who is not ready to look seriously for a life long partner, such as in marriage, should not be considering long term dating of just the one girl, should not be living with her like a couple is he does not want the responsibilities. A guy can be up front and honest with the female and says, this is just a friend with benefits thing, I am not looking for and even serious about life long commitments and don't know when I will be or if I ever will be. If she agrees to the conditions great, if he never tells her, shame on him, thats misleading the woman. Women for the most part have that nurturing wife/mother aspect to them and making a house a home thing going on and so even if they lie to themselves and agree with your terms, many can still deep down be desiring this and hoping for the day you are willing to say you'll be with her til the day she dies.
We've done What and Who, so lets tackle Where.
WHERE are you going or do you have a direction. You need to ask yourself if you prefer not having any direction at all, as carefree as child when you were young and the parents were the adults who took care of you. The fact is, that at your age, you are an adult, whether you chose to act like one or not. Carefree would mean, having no commitments at all. Well...looks like you already have one, to the unborn child of yours. With being an adult, comes adult decisions and responsibilities. You can no longer go back and recapture your childhood and be just as carefree, and without adult responsibilities. Lets say You know for certain that you never want to marry or commit to any relationship and only have women for sex partners and you most certainly do not want children, not saying thats wrong..if thats your thing, cool, but with it comes adult responsibility. Can you guess what it might be? For one, being honest and up front, stating you are not marriage material, and you are only looking for sex partners. In this case point two is that as a responsible adult male, you get yourself snipped--a vasectomy so that you can never accidently get a female pregnant so you can continue to enjoy a sex life, which is important
WHEN are you ready to be in a relationship lifelong? Obviously, it would be when you meet the right woman. Its not a matter of staying in a current relationship or breaking one off, its a matter of IS this the right person. And guess what? Most people have no clue if someone is the right one for them to make a life long commitment to. And the reason why is because they never stopped long enough to ask themselves what they really were looking for and come up with a real physical list of those qualities. They also need to look critically at themselves and ask themselves what they have to offer in a relationship, and make a list of those qualities of themselves. When you have both lists in hand, it will be better to spot the woman for whom you'd make the best partner for and she'll have the qualities that you are looking for. If you are looking no deeper than skin deep right now, you are not ready yet.
WHY would someone want to commit to another person life long? Obvious answer is "You love them" but we love all sorts of things throughout our lifetime and we don't make lifelong commitments, do we? Is love enough? We love a certain flavor of icecream, we love a certain genre of music or particular band, etc... We love many things, but that kind of love is not enough for a relationship that lasts life long, which is what the majority of women seek, life long.
So what you are looking for is a reason Why you want to be in relationship with a certain female. I call it being "In love" and differs from a general love for something. AN inlove person will feel such a strong connection to the other, they can't stand to be apart, and are so eager to be back together, even a trip to run errands, you find you prefer doing together, because the whole world and generic tasks seem to be more enjoyable when shared with the presence of the one you love, you want to take care of the person in all aspects, be there to comfort when sad or hurt, you don't ever want to be the one making her sad or hurt, you feel a certain pride in the fact that she chose you and you want to show her off to family, friends and be seen with her in general public cus you want the whole world to know she is yours and you're proud of the fact, and of her. You find you have an immensely great patience with her, and understanding of her, even expressions, body language, and there is never any real arguments or misunderstandings because the two of you communicate well and never tire of talking, asking for clarification, supporting each other and encouraging each other and compliments and building each other up. The thought of losing this person in an expected accident makes you feel devastated and as if there is no purpose to life anymore. This and more is what you feel when you are in love. In the amount of time you spent together, you would know it by now if it was there. If it is, then don't make a mistake thinking you'd be pissing your 20's away. I have watched you tube channel relationship experts called "The Male Room TV", the two guys once they hit their mid 30's, began to regret pissing away their 20's and all the women they hurt and wished they could be with now, but its no longer possible. Now close to 40, they are finally ready for life long relationship and are sharing what they have learned the hard way. If they could go back, they'd do it all differently and go for the commitment and the inlove with a gal even during their twenties.
If you are really honest, and can say you don't feel anything deep for this girl, at least not the kind to tie her to a relationship for 2 1/2 yrs, then ask yourself, what the f&%k am I doing? Did you talk things out ahead, set down boundaries, such as..."this will be only a living arrangement , or we will be sex partners only cus neither of us are ready for marriage and want the ability to see, date and have sex with others while still with each other, then thats okay. It is hard to make a comparison between potential partners if you don't have others to make comparisons between so dating around is the natural thing to do but must be agreed upon in the beginning. If one person changes their mind anywhere along the way, then they must break up because they can no longer or want to comply with the original agreement.
Hopefully this helps you to decide what you need to do.
here goes.
I am in my 20s, had relationships with guys and very much enjoyed them and plan to keep enjoying.
One niggling thing has got me very confused. One particular girl has me questioning my sexuality.
We met working together and thought her to be a kind, open person from the beginning. I admired her passion.
I noticed the way I acted around her. At first I believed it to be admiration of her work ethic and the effort she would pour in her work.
Started to overly look forward to going to work if i knew she would be there. Did my best to make her laugh if I thought her stressed, would always be aware where in the room she was, like 'pulling focus' on her, everything else faded in the background.
So i thought - i have a girl crush on her. I have known many straight girl friends have similar crushes with others so tried not to think about it too much.
We're now pretty good friends.
It is driving me slightly crazy. I have known her now for over 4 years been through a lot together and those feelings have not changed one bit. If anything as the friendship continues its making me love more about her. My heart breaks when she is upset. When shes angry, angry at me, bossy, patronizing, nothing changes.
Everyday things remind me of her, a certain time, place, discussion we talked about. I dream about her.
I repeatedly get those oh so cheese butterflies in the stomach when we meet. it is ridiculous!!
I don't get like this very often, a few times, all with men.
She is probably the most straight girl I know and have been on many a nights out with her, where we both, met and hooked up with guys.
Have to control the level of happiness I feel when i am around her in case i give anything away. And i do have to check myself because I don't want to jeopardize this friendship.
To make things more complicated: in the many years we chatted about anything and everything including crushes/unrequited loves. I have not been able to help myself in explaining how i felt about a 'certain' person to her.
This is a big part of the dilemma, the one person I would tell I cant because its about her!!! Such a cliche i know!!
I have come close to saying everything, she is bright, with enough hints she would get it. She has said on numerous occasions since that I could say anything to her and she would still be my friend. Even gave me a choice of answers, for me to not have to explain myself and just be done with it: a)getting serious with a guy [was involved with at the time] b) I'm Pregnant c) I'm Gay d)other
I know that if i turned around and said i was gay she would not care. Many of her best friends are gay and so has no problem with it at all.
Again the issue is more complicated then that. I don't think i am Gay, I like men too much!
My biggest fear is If i told her i might be bi and the reason is because of how i feel about her. She will awkwardly stay friends with me, drift apart till there is no friendship anymore.
I value this friendship too much.
My age tells me I cant reason it out as a 'hormonal/puberty curiousness'
from vary recently, we no longer work together, i thought that might alleviate things. Not seeing her for longer then a week, Stop the build up of affection I have for her. Doesn't work. After a month or so yes. As i rationalize how stupid my putting her on a pedestal is. Same way as people filter memories making them better then they really where.
So I think yeah no problem, reality will bring everything down, she cant have that much of an effect on someone. Turns out the first glimpse of her is enough to knock that logic over.
The issue broadens when I worry she thinks my unrequited love is a guy we both work with. She has told me many times she fancies him and for me to not give the name of my crush away and somewhat avoiding meeting her up for drinks if we are both free (though it kills me) could give her the impression I'm trying to hide my liking him and distancing her and as a result make our friendship less strong. which is the last thing i want. Ahhh!!
I dont know what to do with it all!! Keeps buzzing around my brain, many sleepless night.
Any advise welcomed
HI There,
I know that it is possible for two females to be such close friends, closer than twin sisters, that they feel things with each other, can't stand being apart and always thinking of, would do anything for the other, etc... but the two are not sexually excited by each other. Yes this is a special kind of love.A crush isn't forever love, but girls can have a long term non crush real deep love for each other without it being sexual.
Bi sexual or gay women want and desire other women sexually and are sexually stimulated by them. This is different from looking at a female one admires so deeply they feel overwhelming feelings of love for but not sex.
I don't know to what extent you are feeling things with her so I can't be the judge. Bi sexual doesnt necessarily mean that you are going to be into alot of women, it may be only one. How life goes for a bi woman can go many ways.
The majority of bi women I know, do not like men too much but met one they are head over heels in love with/married to, and it works, but they have many female friends/sex partners. There are bi women also who are more in what is called a polyamory situation.They have their male partner and maybe a couple other guys they are in relationship with/sex too and there is just one special female that they are deep loving sexual partners with.
You won't know which way it will go for you until you venture out and start to mingle with such people to discover for yourself.
Don't be concerned over having to have some label for yourself. All variations are normal. Your friend sounds like she is pretty level headed and wouldn't spook out if you worded things right.
The best thing I can recommend is the same advice I've seen relationship experts give guys and gals when they want to confess that they are in love to someone. The best way is to tell them that you are beginning to develop deeper feelings for her. If it were a guy, you'd say the same thing and explain it with, "to me it feels like stronger than just friendship feelings. If her curiousity isn't piqued by that prompting her to ask you to give examples, or what do you mean by stronger feelings, then you know she subconsciously doesnt want to hear it, wants to ignore it, so do not say anything, but if she asks, tell her. Tell her the details as if she was a 3rd person that you were asking their opinion of. Tell her if she asks, what you told us. Then ask her what she thinks it all means. Does she think you could be just developing a deep friendship love or could it be bi sexual?
You also need to keep in mind that as in heterosexual dating, even then there will be one partner really into the other developing deeper feelings while for the other, they love the person but just don't feel any sexual attraction. There is nothing that can be done to change that and make the one person who isn't attracted that way, become attracted that way. It shouldn't mean dropping the friendship totally if that one element isn't there. The area of relationships is tricky and most of us learn simply by going thru the experiences, not running and hiding from them. While there may be some guidelines such as the advice i gave of how to start the conversation, what continues to happen from there on, is so varied, that there just couldn't be a relationship book that could cover every angle, every response, every possible thing said. You will need to go with your gut feeling of what seems right to do and to say, or not.
Best wishes to you dear.
I am 18 year old girl, i have had sex several times and have been fingered several times (all with my current bf). We have ben together for awhile now, but every time we have sex or he fingers me i always bleed. i have been able to keep it a secret this far but tonight he found out.
my question is 1.) what do i do about the bleeding?
And 2.) how do i calm him down, he thinks he "broke" me..
It may be best to see a doctor about the bleeding. I dont know if this is the problem but I have heard from a girl who wrote in who had a septate hymen wanting to know if the surgery would be painful. Its the first I'd ever heard of it but it could be a plausible cause. In these cases the hymen isn't off to one side or the other, its a tougher strip right down the middle of the vagina causing two smaller openings. Most girls will experience great pain inserting tampons not to mention attempting to have sex and there will be tearing which causes bleeding. You may have a higher pain tolerance so that part isn't an issue for you. Use a mirror and try to view yourself to see if you do have this strip of hymen membrane down the middle or have your boyfriend look. If neither of you can tell, either way, going to Planned parenthood or to the family doctor would be best, just to make sure everything is okay. I don't think it is something serious. But if you say you bleed, not only with fingering but with penitrative penis in vagina sex, then some skin is being torn each time and a doctor can take care of that.
Guys who have no idea whatsoever about the female anatomy and how it functions are more likely to think they "broke" something. Just reassure him that he is not at fault and that you will go see a doctor to get this taken care of once and for all.
(f,16)
So technically i fell in love with a guy who is one year younger than me, but he like hangs out with my friends and he is very mature for his age thou. I love him. We have been dating for 2 months and i knew i could trust him with literally my life. Like we were getting to the point where it got INTIMATE in our relationship.So,I told him that I USE to smoke ciggerates, cause apparently he smocked weed. But i was wrong... he didn't and i eventually ended up telling him my secret which he seemed cool knowing about. After like a day thou, we were alone together, he told me that he couldn't do it anymore and he wanted out of our relationship because i USE TO SMOKE! and let me Emphasis on the word USE. AS IN LIKE A YEAR AGO! HAVEN'T GONE BACK TO IT SINCE. I've even like explained that to him but he wont listen, he keeps saying hes sorry and everything like that.. i've been crying and throwing up for the past 4 days and i cant even stand to see my now ex boyfriend. How do i stop thinking about him, i think i've tried everything..
Sincerely,
Nobody :'(
A good reason for him being so shallow is that he like all people in their teens and early twenties are still immature, or more to be accurate...the frontal part of the brain is still not completely done growing and wont be until mid twenties. This part of brain is partly responsible for good judgement calls, and how one handles relationships and he is just not ready. Most of us aren't fully capable at that age. Some will be a bit more mature than others. Part of learning about healthy relationships will be going through the bad experiences too, learning from them and seeing the warning signs in the next person so you don't waste your time with another immature guy. Now about how you are feeling:
I remember when a daughter became depressed over losing a great boyfriend. There are certain things that happen inside you physically, basically your 'feel good' hormones levels are 'depressed' or dangerously low. When all is well in our lives, our body is naturally able to create all that we need. Stress uses up way more of it. You are going through emotional stress, and there are ways to get your body producing extra's of these hormones to help you be able to cope better for now. As for the memories, only time can heal that.
Here's a list of what helps, it may seem silly but it really does work. I gave it to my daughter. She didn't act on it but went to a one free visit with a psychologist who gave her the exact same things I shared with her.
Naturally treating Depression, low levels of Serotonin and other hormones
When the levels of neuro transmitters in our brains dip too low or are non existant, people will be depressed....Depressed levels of the hormones our bodies naturally create means one of two things.
What is a neurotransmitter? A neuro-transmitter is a chemical messenger that carries, boosts and modulates signals between neurons and other cells in the body.
Many people just need the right environment, a certain input into their life for these hormones to be self produced but others have a malfunction and no matter what positive steps they take, their body is incapable of producing these hormones naturally and so they must take artificially created hormones in the form of a prescription drug prescribed by a doctor to bring up those levels. Why take a prescription drug if your body is perfectly capable of bringing up those levels on its own. Its just lacking the right ingrediants. The best way to find out if it helps is to try the steps that will raise the levels of hormones such as serotonin and oxytocin naturally. If you do not find any improvement, then you need medical intervention.
Here's the things that help.
Scientific research has found that when people hug or kiss, levels of oxytocin rise because more are created. If you study 'Hugging therapy' online, you will discover that people need a certain amount of hugs daily for those levels to rise. One hug a day is not enough and almost all of us never even get one a day let alone one a week. One thing to keep in mind is that one cannot give a hug without getting one in return. And another thing to keep in mind, a short weak half hearted hug will not be strong enough to start creation of oxytocin, you need the full body, hard long lasting bear hug to begin to feel the effects almost immediately.
Another thing to combat depression is movement. Many people when depressed dont want to do anything but lie in bed all day. Inactivity will not help. Movement will and can come in different forms. The quickest most effective ones that don't require a long time invested are running, jogging, jump roping, skipping, dancing. Just skipping rope 5 minutes or dancing to one song will already have a positive effect. More is better.
Sound energies and the vibrations it carries have long been known to have positive effects on a person's wellness. One is the effect of vibrations in something like the Tibetan bowls, crystal bowls or gong therapy.
Music is a more widely used and available therapy. Both listening to and singing along are great therapy that can raise your feel good hormone levels quickly. The key is the melody more so than the words, remember, its sound therapy. I look for the melodies where when I am listening, it makes my heart feel lighter like a balloon about to float out of my chest. Thats the best way I can describe whether a particular melody is having the correct effect on you. A personal example would be Clocks by Coldplay. I can play that a couple times and my mood is immediately lightened.
Laughter and humor. The sayings “Laughter is the best medicine” or “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” are not just cute but meaningless sayings. There is truth behind it. Laughter will create and release the feel-good hormones in you, and especially so if it is prolonged laughter, such as watching a comedy act or a good comedy movie and not the light chuckle or two but the more effective belly ache laugh where your eyes start crying and you feel you have to pee.
We live today in a world that is harsh and cruel instead of peaceful and harmonious. Our brains require the use of lots of neurotransmitters to help us be able to handle the onslaught of daily stresses. The hormones get used up on a daily basis without us replenishing them, like the taking of a daily vitamin. Think of it as needing your daily H vitamin, happiness vitamin or hormone-inducing vitamin. So many of us are going for days without having any neurotransmitter hormones to help us cope mentally with daily life. After so many days, we finally have a break down and can not function any longer and that break down is depression.
Thanks for helping… I am a 21 year old Female. I met a guy in the Army online almost a year ago. We have met before; however majority of our relationship has been long distance. He is in Hawaii and I am in Florida. He has 3 more years in his contract and he hopes to reenlist.
My dilemma is that I want to move to Hawaii and be with him and hopefully get married one day. WHAT IS STOPPING ME? 1. I just got accepted to a master’s program to become a teacher. Long story short, we stopped communicating for a while and I tried to move on with my life. The program is going to take about 2 years to complete 2. Hawaii is so far and I've never moved so far from my support system/family. 3. I'm scared, and honestly couldn't see myself making such a huge leap.
However, I love this guy. I’m young and I feel like these should be my happiest years. Even though I am about to accomplish a huge goal in my life (graduating with my bachelor's in Psychology) I’m still not happy. I feel alone and empty, and simply by talking to him I feel like I mean something that I’m important. Being a psych major, I know that all of our feelings and action derive from somewhere.
I don’t want it to seem like I need a guy to give my life meaning. I have goals and dreams of my own. I want to work in education so eventually I plan to get me doctorates. I just feel like life is too short to continue doing the same thing when I’m not happy. He wants me to come to Hawaii, but he also wants me to do what’s best for me. Which would be staying in Florida to get my master’s.
My ideal course of action: Graduate in May. Find a job in Florida and work, so I can save money. Also, so I can gain experience, so when I move to Hawaii finding a job would be less difficult. Before this year is over I move to Hawaii, work, and continue my education. I want to spend my life with him, so marriage will fit in somewhere.
Did your psychology teach anything about how the human mind will fantasize to fill in the empty spaces about anything that we don't have enough information on or enough sensory input? Thats an important piece to know in life.
So whether an LDR on line or doing on line dating in your local area, the more time that is spent pursuing a relationship on-line, the less real it becomes because the biggest part of it is all imagined. And yet we will trick ourselves into believing its real because its something we want. I know, because I have experience in that.
The only way to really learn about another person is face to face, in person, hanging out 24/7, seeing if their actions support their words, promises and beliefs, how they act when happy, sad, angry, upset, etc... A computer screen does not tell you that. Pretty words are cheap, can they back it up with actions? You won't know until you are spending close to 24/7 in their presence.
Something else I experienced: A person as nice as they can be online, can be hiding things, or embellish certain things about themselves because they figure once you do meet, that when you discover that they aren't what you stated you must have (in my case non smoker and someone into natural health, healthy food, and exercise...) they think in person, you'll be willing to let those things slide. Some I met in person, I found were heavy smokers, or obese, etc...things I was led to believe on line and in phone calls that they did not smoke or eat junk food diet. And these were the ones I chose to meet as soon as possible after a few days or a week of talking online.
I learned to use the computer only as a tool to hear about a guy, not to evaluate if he met the standards I had set. I had been previously married, and knew what I wanted to avoid now in many areas.
Some guys were good at hiding mental problems, anger problems etc...and that didn't show until the 3rd date. At that point I dumped them and continued on. I was divorced from an abusive husband and knew what warning signs to look for now but there is no way to see these warning signs over the computer.
You already know you'd be away from your support system if you moved to live near him or with him and that puts you in a precarious position if he doesnt end up being all you thought he might be. You dont want to end up settling for less or someone you actually have chemistry with on line but not in person...the pheremone thing in common, can't be discovered online but in person and can take more than one or two meetings to realize whether it is there. What some think may be that chemistry is actually new relationship energy. Many girls a couple years older than you and in a relationship/married or not are finding their intense feelings faded away after 6 mos and so did his.
Your guy is in the military, and until a guy is at the point where he is not re enlisting, its a strain on a relationship that has been long established, even harder on a brand new one such as my oldest daughter who married a Navy man. If all went well and you married, you'd have to suffer great loneliness as she did, something you're already complaining and concerned about. Its lonely being the wife of a military guy, ask any girls your age who are married to one. The only people who will know how they feel is other military wives they befriend and they are a poor substitute for having the man in your life 24/7, a guy who is able to be there for you to comfort you when you're upset, cuddle up when you're cold, and kiss you to make you feel special and loved.
But of course, all the things I mentioned, only happen to Other people. They would never ever happen to you. Why? You have a 100% GUARANTEE, that it won't happen to you....although I already know from experience that knowing it will never happen to me and being 100% sure, is stupid because this 100% guarantee is issued by my subconscious mind, where all my emotions and feelings are and also my wants and desires. So my subconscious, knowing what I want sooo badly...will do anything to make it happen in order that I can be 'happy', even if it means taking big risks, and ignoring what I have to lose, in order to gain what I wanted. This kind of decision needs to be made with your conscious mind too, fully aware of all the possibilities, good and bad...not pushed ramrod through to the conclusion of ending up in Hawaii to be with this guy by your subconscious mind which often can act before thinking, like a little child. In fact I consider my subconscious to be my inner child. A parent knows what happens when a child is allowed to run the show so to speak or run the home. Everything will end up out of control and miserable for all involved.
If your inner child is also allowed total control and decision making powers over your future, you could just possibly end up with a sh#t-load of troubles cus our subconscious or inner child does not always make the most sound decisions.
Then of course, there's nothing better than the school of hard knocks for some of us. Once you experience some of the realities(not fantasies) of life, it will be easier for you to know that the psychology was great information but didn't always make as great a connection understanding wise, until you began to go through some of lifes experiences. Only then will the psychology make sense. And the moment it does dear, no matter what way you choose to direct your future path, as soon as you know if it was a good or wrong decision act accordingly...stick with it if it was a good decision, or bail immediately if it wasn't.
There's this guy from work I really like.. He use to flirt with me all the time.. Back then I didn't know who he was. I learn his name the same day another guy from work asks me out.. That was about a month ago. I have been dating the other guy ever since. I have no feelings for the other guy. The first guy, however, I can not stop thinking about. I don't know why he has such an impression on me. I say hey to him at work sometimes nowadays and he seems to be a little hostile in response. I can't understand him. Maybe he liked me and found out about me and the other guy? It's been awkward between us. I could be all wrong about this and he could have been just messing with me when he was being all flirty. Or maybe he liked me and stopped liking me. I don't know but he is driving me crazy. I can't help being into him. What do you think? He is very good looking. I think much better than me; he could probably easily get a girl much more attractive than I. Maybe that's insecurity talking.
FIrst things first, you need to be aware of something called 'pheremones', and the pheremone connection will explain a lot. Here is a link to an article on it.
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-connection-between-pheromones-and-attraction.htm
I want to draw your attention to this portion of the article: "According to some researchers, it is not the presence of human sex pheromones which is in doubt, but rather humans’ ability to detect these pheromones. Most mammals possess a structure known as the vomeronasal organ (VMO) within their noses which functions as a pheromone detector. While a VMO can be found in humans during the fetal stage, the organ seems to disappear as development progresses. Some researchers argue that the absence of a VMO prevents humans from detecting pheromones, thus making a link between sex pheromones and attraction impossible. Others have suggested that the VMO in humans has not disappeared, but has rather evolved into another structure which has not yet been pinpointed."
So just because it can't be fully explained doesnt mean you can't pick up on it. Your conscious mind hasn't made the connection but your bodys senses pick up something of a closer match to guy number 1 than #2 whom you are dating, and that bodys sense is picked up by your subconscious mind where all our emotions live. So you feel more attraction, excitement or curiousity about one than the other. Or with some people, you'll feel non at all. This is very important in a long term relationship, as important as being able to become best friends, and to become intimate with each other. So any time you give dating someone a try and after some time, you still feel no pheremone attraction, then you are with the wrong person. I can't say that #1 is the right guy either yet.
So, to stop dating #2, don't do it to be available for #1 but because #2 is the wrong match. Sometimes you feel attraction hit you full impact all at once, and with others it will build slowly over time. My husband studied basic psychology and his mentor was a psychologist. He learned that the pheremone connection will affect things like body smell or taste. Two guys can be freshly showered and clean. Not wearing any cologn, etc... and the natural body scent of one is offensive to you vs the other you notice nothing or it feels comfortable. The same with kisses, the scent of the breath, the saliva...if theres isn't a strong enough pheremone connection, it could feel like kissing a dad or brother rather than a potential love partner.
Have you asked yourself why you accepted the other guys invite to go out? Were you trying to be polite and not hurt his feelings? If you are afraid of crushing someones feelings by saying no to them, you need to learn quickly how or else you will end with friends and partners who are not in your best interest to give your time to.
The best way to stop seeing someone is to nicely tell them that you are finding that you don't feel any 'chemistry' with him. That word, instead of a long 'pheremone' explanation is something that most people do understand. Chemistry alone may not be the only reason two people are not compatible but that word seems to be understood by most. If by chance he doesnt understand the lack of chemistry, then tell him its like the difference of what you would feel with a sibling vs a suitor, and he feels more like a sibling.
As for guy #1, he may seriously have felt drawn to you, attracted, so if he's acting cool towards you, it could be linked to the fact that you are currently unavailable. Or perhaps he thinks he was being extremely clear of how interested he was in you by just flirting, and was working up his courage to ask you out. So he could be disappointed that with all his flirting, that instead of flirting back and encouraging him to continue to approach you, you accepted the invite of a second guy who had not been flirting with you. Never guess what a guy is thinking or meaning when he says or does something. You need to ask. There's nothing wrong with being wrong if you ask and are set right. But to go on assuming, is bad. So if you can't stop thinking about the first guy and do decide to stop dating #2, then you might try approaching #1 and have a good talk with him. You could let him know what you were thinking, noticing, feeling, what you have learned. etc... he is not a mind reader and will not know that you noticed him, liked his flirting and was waiting for him to show if he just likes flirting for flirting sake or whether it meant he was really interested in getting to know you better. Don't worry about looks. A guy might look like a model in a magazine and yet his preferance in girls will not be for a one who looks like a model, but more the average, natural looking girl next door type. Everyone has personal preferences, like mine are guys who are brunette and long haired will catch my attention quicker than any other. Hope this helps you dear.
I am recently 15, and I have felt emotionless on and off for 4 years. The longest I have not felt emotions was about a year and a half. Sometimes its short periods. Its not that I just think that I don't feel emotion, it's that I actually don't. I have felt emotion before, but it's almost as if its stopped. I want to feel something, I feel as if I'm a walking statue. Can someone help me find some answers on why this may be happening?
While it is true that in puberty one is going through lots of changes and one could be the emotions affected from time to time, if you have found it serious enough to write in about, I am taking this to be more serious than just related to overall body changes of youth.
Your choice of words to describe yourself as 'a walking statue' made me think of a disorder I've heard fleetingly of before. I actually had to go do a web search to see if I could find something on it and what its called. It may not be what you have, but it is described as feeling like a robot...emotionless. Here it is:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-search-self/201107/do-you-feel-stranger-yourself
You'll see there is a real name for it, DPD...depersonalization disorder. A medical journalist even wrote a book about his personal experience. Even if you don't have it to the same extremes, this 'Psychology Today' article link mentions the importance of going to seek medical help. So, my advice to you is to not ignore your condition but to mention it to your parents and show them the link I gave you.
If they have medical insurance that will cover it, it would be a good idea for them to have you seen by someone. If they don't have insurance and cant afford to have you seen by a professional, then second best would be to get the book mentioned in the article, write to the people in psychology today article and find out what other 'self help' books or material they recommend for you to work on this yourself. I do not have this disorder myself but as a pre teen child can recall a couple of times at age 8-10 when my whole family was full of emotion, crying over Grandma boarding a plane to go home after a 3 month visit and i felt no emotion and frankly...it freaked me out. I can imagine having that lack of emotion 24/7 and I know as positive a person as I may be, that over time, I would lose my ability to see any purpose in being alive if I could not fully experience life. So I know instinctively without it being said by the professionals, that there is a good chance if a person doesnt get professional help, there is a slight chance that one such person may decide to end their life over it. So this is serious enough if its what your really going through to get help.
If it is something else instead, then its better to be safe than sorry later.
Good luck dear
I am the ninth grade and i just switched schools. There is this girl in my new school i really like. I have wet dreams about her and sometimes i masturbate about her too. I cannot keep a straight face when i speak to her and she also cannot keep a straight face when speaking to me too. We have caught ourselves stealing glances at each other. I think i like her and i would like to know whether she likes me too and if how best i can tell her i like her. Please help me.
If she is caught glancing at you and you both tend to smile at each other, thats a sign that each of you find the other attractive. Another sign, is if you both try to find excuses to get near the other person, or seemingly accidently touch them.
To start a conversation, find an excuse to be near enough to start a conversation. Choose a topic of conversation perhaps about the last assembly, the school sports team, a teacher you have in common, or ask how she did on a test. Once you have a conversation started,then its easier to show an interest in asking questions about her. Don't ask rapid fire or it will seem she's being interrogated. Just natural topics non school related that you and other teens talk about...like a favorite band, or the newest movie or book you're read. Whats her favorite genre for example. If she seems to enjoy the conversation and is responding well, then tell her you look forward to talking again with her soon as you enjoyed your chat. You might even ask if its okay to get her number to text her. But if you say something about how you are attracted to how pretty she is on the first time you approach her, there is a chance she could question your sincerity in really wanting to get to know her and be a good friend. Too many girls at this age are finding that the majority of boys have nothing but sex on their minds at this stage and some may think if asked out when you've never spoken before, that you are after experiencing just sex and nothing else. The best thing a guy can do at this stage is become a best friend. All adult relationships worth anything have two people who are best friends who have love and romance too. So take time to get to know her, and tell her that you are just starting to learn about how to talk to and treat girls and ask her for her help. Thats something a guy rarely does cus he's too prideful and embarrased but can be an very endearing thing for a girl to hear and will gain her interest in helping you. During that time, either a natural dating relationship will develop or it won't. Hope this helps a bit.
ok so my bestfriend is making me chose between over her or my boyfriend . I love them both equally but she always feels replaced and gets upset whenever I talk to him. I really don' know what to do! :'( (12/f/UK)
This is one of the hard adjustments in life that your girlfriend is going to have to learn to go through and how to handle it. Things don't always stay the same. You're all going through puberty and now having interest in the opposite sex. Dating and boyfriends naturally follows. One day she too will have a boyfriend and not have the same amount of time for you and her other friends.
In the beginning of any new relationship, people tend to spend extra time focused on each other, more than they will normally once the newness of the relationship wears down. So in the beginning of dating a new person, it can be true that other friends, and even family get left out as the two are so into each other. Once they've been dating for a while, the couple finds a healthy balance and will find ways to split their focus between their boyfriend/girlfriend and others.
If everyone ignores boyfriends and only focuses on her so she doesn't feel replaced, then how willshe ever grow and learn. You will need to be loveing but tough, tell her that you do care alot about her, that she is not being replaced and that the feelings she is having are needing to be dealt with in her mind because there is no truth to it. Its nothing but negative thinking that will only make her feel worse as she gets carried away imagining things that aren't true. Tell her if she doesn't get over it soon on her own that she might want to talk to a school counselor and get some constructive help on how to deal with her feelings. That is something you can't do for her whether you dump the boyfriend for her or stay with him. Its her issue, not yours. Its unfair of her to make that ultimatum to you and mostly, that is coming out of her immaturity at being young and facing this for the first time. I am sure she still is a good friend so be gentle with her. She's just a little misguided right now.
I am currently in the ninth grade and learning seriously but my grades are not picking up. Wheb i was in the eighth grade i used to spend most of my time playing video games and watching movies but i got "As" in all subject areas aprt from Mathematics and French. When i got to the ninth grade i put awy the xbox and the pc and spent all my free time studying. I always understand what i learn but when the repirts come in, i get low grades. I do not know what i am doing wrong. Can someone please explain to me the best way to learn in order for me to do well in school again.
It sounds like you may need to speak with your teachers, especially since you beleive you are understanding the subjects you're working on. It could be a matter of how you are interpreting the subjects and how the information is given. Maybe the words are being interpreted one way by you when there a several way it could be interpreted but you are not getting it the way they meant you to. The test questions wording could be a problem.
So talk to your teachers and in your own words explain what you believe to be the answers and why and ask they why it isn't good enough. Your teacher may want to have a conference with you and your parents so they can know also how to help you. I remember the middle school doing this as a routine one trimester into the year with every students parents to give praises and point out what needs more focus and needs help. So it wouldn't be an unusual thing and doesnt reflect bad on you. Unfortunately only one learning style is taught and used in school when people can have totally different learning styles. A good thing might be to discover what your learning styles are and see if there is a way you can get teacher to help supply information in a style that you get better.
Hello! I'm 14/f and I have recently been lookin closely at my completion and not liking what I see. I wash my face with a nutregena face wash once a day currently. On my nose, it is covered with little needle point pores and in them there are blackheads. They are not noticeable unless you actually look closely in a mirror. I want to remove them but my face wash isn't working for them. I want to know any home remedies that will help get rid of them. I know squeezing them isn't very affective but I have tried that a few times and only a few went away. It's not very attractive to have them everywhere on my nose. My skin is also really dry in places so it's not good for me to use products to dry that area out. So what are some home remedies that work for blacked removal?
Use blackhead removal strips if your blackheads primarily reside on or around your nose. The strips contain adhesive that will pull the blackheads from your pores, as well as any existing oil, dirt, and dead skin cells that reside in the same area.
I have tried these before and they work pretty good.
There are several different brand names that carry them. I really can't say if one is better than the other.Here's a video of someone using the Biore brand
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzNsArIH1sw
(Female, 22 years old, Argentina) I lost my virginity a month ago with my former friend of three years, whom I've been dating for two months... I really like him, he's sweet, he takes such good care of me, he's cute, smart, (hot!), and I enjoy spending time with him a lot... so why is it so difficult for me to enjoy being intimate with him? could it be because I recently started this and it will get better? I don't get turned on by him, I get to orgasm because he masturbates me, but I'm always nervous when it happens...
Has anyone gone through something like this?
You are just mechanically going through the motions. This happens for many women when the man is someone they don't have a pheremone connection with. Everyone has pheremones. If you run into someone who is a wonderful person in all ways but both your pheremones are different. When the pheremones are not the same, there can be problems with one or both feeling any passion, being excited sexually by each other. I was sexually mismatched with my ex husband. We eventually divorced. The man I am now married to is someone with whom I have a pheremone match and we both are able to excite each other, feel passion, even in just kisses, after 5 yrs. It's not your fault or anything he is doing wrong. Another guy can do all the same things and get better results if you both are a match in pheremones. theres no way to know ahead of time. Just being in the persons presense and feelings these feelings come up is a way to tell. Good luck.
F/13
Ok I have this crush on this guy for awhile and I really want to get over it .I'm not a feeling person nor am I someone who would tell someone I like them ,so I need help getting over him.every time I'm around him,I always end up saying something stupid.he doesn't even notice me ,the only time he would notice me is when I'm with friends.I know he doesn't like me because he hardley talks to me ,n when we do he seems to see me as a friend way ,I tried avoiding him at school but I don't I try to get him to notice me n I hate it .I just want it to be over.I try talking to new people but it doesn't work .please I need help
You're only 13. Over the next 10 years or more, you will find yourself crushing on guys all the time. Its a natural process, nothing that needs to be avoided or find a way to get over.
Unless the problem is that you are crushing on someone with your subconscious mind and your awake or conscious mind doesnt like this particular boy.
Another possibility, one that many teens suffer from is being a bit shy or not too self assured.
If you want to find a way to get over your attraction to him, and you can discover a way that works for you, will you continue to use it your whole life as a way to avoid changing some things about yourself as far as learning to overcome that awkward feeling when meeting others.
Most people tend to redirect their attention by focusing on a new hobbby or other interests and leaving no time to daydream about the crush. I can't say it works for everyone. Sometimes, these crushes just have to go through their time course...and eventually after some time gos by, you will find yourself get over him. But what happens if you begin to crush over another guy soon after, or the guy with whom no trick helps you to stop focusing on him. If you want to learn to become more self assured, less shy, there are many great videos on you tube. Let me know if you want a list of things to do to overcome your shyness or awkwardness in approaching people and talking to them. I'd be glad to send it to you.
Trying to keep this short: boyfriend of four years, have lived together three - have had issues with finding messages and texts, nothing ever extremely horrible, though. ex girlfriend used to text him pictures of her face, he'd say cute, but confronted and reply was that meant nothing, he's known her forever they just talk sometimes. fb message to a girl and told her she was pretty, but it was an old coworker. lots of random messages at like, 2am when i'm sleeping to girls (only girls) saying hey, none of the girls really reply though (at least that i can see), he was just bored and wanted to talk to people. always an answer. the one time i definitely found a DISGUSTING conversation, i got so upset and ran out of the house. when i came back, we were talking and when i wanted to go back upstairs to show him, he told me he wanted to see why i was upset and when he saw that he deleted it cause he was embarrassed but it was an old conversation with a girl he re-added on Facebook and when you re-add someone, old conversations pop up. i saw it was more recent on his message box and the month of the conversation was the but once again, i'm not a Facebook expert i wasn't sure if that was exactly true and since the message was gone i couldn't prove it anymore, so i let it slide and haven't looked at anything again since.
well, till today. my friends just recently broke up over this issue so i don't know if that was it or what came over me, but i looked. facebook, didn't see anything (but there's the archived option where i found those things before but mobile doesn't show you that stuff). no texts. but then i saw he had a myspace app and apparently he still has myspace, none of our friends do and this profile i found seems to be new, not the old one i knew him to have. the earliest date for a profile pic upload was like a month ago but i don't know if that's just how it looks with privacy settings and whatnot, i have no idea how new myspace works. all his friends on there though are trashy girls, with their cleavage out or they're half-naked. there is not one guy. and he's "connected" to alot of them and their photos which i googled and i guess that means you like their photo and their stuff will instantly post on your stream or something. also, lots of "hey" messages on there as well, but not a lot of replies again. one woman, a conversation. she's married. he says he's single. then he says he lives in new york (she lives there) he makes a comment she's gorgeous. she keeps her side of the conversation completely normal, non-flirty. she just seems like an older lady that wants to chat with people. he says a lot of other random things that aren't true in there (i guess just for conversation? idk)
he's on her top 8 or whatever haha, he doesn't have one. so i don't know how to really take it. i haven't read anything truly sexually or anything but still the fact he has this page and it seems to have it to talk to trashy chicks is pissing me off. especially when we just had a fight (which we've had a lot) about him thinking i'm cheating on him, when the only friends i have are HIS friends cause he didn't like my girl friends cause he thought they were sluts.
i just don't know how to feel - like i understand i crept, i betrayed his trust but i found things - what about MINE? i know nothings indefinitely said, whether he deleted it all or not i don't know... i feel like i just can't come at him with "YOU SAID THIS GIRLS PRETTY AND THATS IT". lots of people nowadays seem to think that that's ok, harmless flirting. i don't do that with guys, though. i don't message anyone. i just feel this is shady. i have a tendency to go into arguments, get flustered and then i just back out cause i lost my point and ground and i don't want to do that. i took photos this time of the conversation, checked the dates so i know everything's from like, two days ago and i can show them again if i need to.
i just need opinions. is this a line crossed? would you say anything or just know that this is there and keep that in mind? part of me just wants to make a myspace just to solely send him a friend request on it, just so he gets the message that i know its there and i can see his friends and stuff. and i just won't even say anything to him about it.
and sorry if this posted twice - i went to double check and see if it posted and i didn't see it listed so i thought maybe it didn't submit!
K3587 gave you wonderful advice. I just want to point out one more thing.
You said,"we just had a fight (which we've had a lot) about him thinking i'm cheating on him, when the only friends i have are HIS friends cause he didn't like my girl friends cause he thought they were sluts."
This sounds like the actions of a person who is controlling. One thing such a person will do is find ways to discredit family and friends and disapprove of you spending time with them. If you don't stop hanging out with your friends, a controller will then demand that you stop or he will leave you or some other ultimatum, and in some cases physical abuse enters into the picture. This is emotional abuse though to be honest. Another thing such a person will do, in order to take the attention off themselves is to accuse other people of doing what in actuality they are doing or something they are doing that is similar and also wrong. So when he accuses you of cheating on him, its in order to take your focus off of him so you are too busy defending yourself to hopefully notice what he is up to. I know all this cus my first husband was like that and my close friends husband controlled who she could see. I've seen it up close and personal.
Part of the issue contributing to the problem could be where your mind is at. What I am saying is that self confident women don't usually end up with such a guy and if they are fooled in the beginning, once he shows his true self, they dont hang around long. Women with low self confidence, who have a needy streak to be partnered up with someone rather than be single for the moment, are much more vulnerable. I am not saying that you are, just to look closely at yourself to see if you are or not. If you decide that indeed you need to work on yourself and confidence and knowing you deserve better, then work on yourself and gain the confidence to demand better out of the guys you date.
I am a boy of 23 and My girlfriend likes me since past 7 years and we had been in commitment since last 4 years but due to her fear of being in relationship she breaks with me within 15 days or a month and comes back after 6 months or some gap because she miss me every time also she has been the only girl ever in my life. initially i didn't knew how to handle my relationship and was too much of possessive about her but after 3 years of relation i have changed a lot and want to be with her for rest of my life but again like before her fear for being in relationship haunts her how can i make her understand that i can be the perfect guy and would make her feel special all the time and she need not to be afraid of relationship anymore?
While your being possessive or other actions of yours may have contributed to some of her fear and disappearance, that may not be all that she is fearing. You really do need to talk. Perhaps there is something in her past, maybe related to home life, family or relatives or even a stranger where something that was traumatic to her occured that has caused her to not trust males and men in general. The reason she keeps coming back is because she truly likes you but something else is causing bad memories to rise to the surface and she gets fearful and leaves. Apologize if you've done something that needs asking for forgivness but if the problem continues for her, she needs counseling to deal with it, because until she does, she is too damaged to be able to handle a relationship.
What will i do if he does not answer my call anymore
When a guy does not answer one call, it could be the timing and he is focused on something else that needs his full attention. If ALL your calls go unanswered, and you know he isn't having problems with the functioning of his cell phone, then you should take it as a sign that he really isn't interested in you. He may have shown some interest at one point but once he got to hang around you enough to know you more, he found that he wasnt all that in to you to continue to pursue you to the next level, beyond attraction.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, and the same goes for guys. There'll always be someone else to meet. I know that doesnt help you feel better if you pinned all your hopes on him or had begun to develop strong feelings. But thats life, and attraction isn't always a two way street with both people attracted to each other long term. Often it can start that way but quickly changes to only one person still interested. There is no way to make a relationship like that work.
These two mean girls, who emotionally hurt my best friend, and constantly stabbed me in the back. But now, whenever they see me they yell my name and start flagging me over. I don't like them at all, but they are always clinging to me. Every time I'm out of their sight, they ask everyone where I am. It's so annoying! I want to confront them about it, but I don't know what to say or how to react. Help?
I'd ask them plain and simple why they keep asking me to come over and talk because I don't really consider them my friends.
But you have to be careful in anything else you say because mean people or those who are ignorant or naive or just plain dumb are going to be really offended if they think you're trying to say something is wrong with them and their behavior and treatment of you and your best friend. They just won't get it...soooo you will have to pretend and say words to just "pet them" or pet their feelings so they don't retaliate for something you've said.
That all said, I would tell them that they're really nice people and all, but I really don't feel anything in common with them to be close friends.
Hopefully that should help. Good luck.
I have reached a point where I am very confused about my relationship and it's future. I have been seeing my boyfriend on and off since april of 2011. I have wanted to be in a relationship with him since that time. He has more recently July 2013 decided he's fully on board, wants to get married, and move away to florida within the next few years. We've had a lot of issues, both his and mine along the way, all stemming from his inability to commit..
So fast forward to thanksgiving 2013, when I find out via a google search about the owners of his home, he was married. I believed it to have been over, or he would have told me. Right? Not that that's an excuse anyways. But come to find out, his complete inability to commit, refusing to allow me in his house, not meeting friends, etc. Was because he's been in the middle of a separation/divorce since he has known me (she's fighting him for every step of the way, she didn't work a day the whole marriage but is demanding more than her share). Because her family is the elusive "jerk" room mate excuse he has used for the past two years..
He swears he hasn't touched her since we've been together, she lives in a different state, No kids, all that stuff. And maybe I'm naive but I believe him. My issue is that I resent him, and the circumstances he has put us in. We are amazing together, we used to have so much fun together, he just gets me. We have never felt this way for anyone before. I just felt like if we've been through all the bull that we have, and we're still together. We are strong enough to make it work.
But he's afraid he'll lose more money in the divorce if I live there, he comes over on my days off, but refuses to live here. As I work nights, he doesn't see a reason to be in my apartment when I'm not here. He follows through most of my days off, but it's not enough. Hanging out on days off isn't what someone who's madly in love, wants to marry you and move you away does.. I just feel like we should be so much more. And I'm angry at him, all the time. Even when he doesn't do anything wrong. I have no patience, the smallest things set me off. And we fight all the time. Sometimes his doing as well. I just resent that were dealing with this, that he can't do what's necessary to make me feel confident after a colossal lie. And I'm afraid were going to just end up hating each other because I'm so angry sometimes I make us miserable.
He thinks I'm over thinking it, that I am making myself more miserable than is necessary over this. But I can't have what I want, deserve and am promised for at least another month or two because of her. And I know it's short term.. but it's the principle. And I've been the one compromising and settling for less for YEARS.. I just don't know what to do. Am I overreacting, should I just accept it and coast. I just feel like he has no right to even ask me to do that. I'm just at the point where I'm exhausted with it, always fighting, always wondering, anxious. I don't enjoy our time together, I haven't seen him in two days and i don't even miss him. I was hoping that would go away or get better.. but it isn't. But the idea of leaving literally causes me to crumble. I love him more than I can express, I just can't do this on his terms anymore..
Trust is a fragile thing and takes lots of time to build or rebuild based on a persons consistant truthful good behavior. Trust is like a bank savings account that should remain full and keep growing larger but one lie after another lie is like one withdrawal after another until he has zeroed out the account. To build up the savings again takes time, same with trust.
So there is nothing he can do to instantly regain your trust. Yes, some people can change and learn from their mistakes, and maybe he will, but can you wait another couple of years not married to him, giving him a chance to prove himself remorseful for lieing, a changed man and someone you now can trust?
Trust isn't the only problem. Your letter has enough negatives about the relationship, or cons of pro's and con's to consider dropping him immediately. It sounds to me like you are almost but not quite sure about leaving him because of the love tie your heart feels.
People can feel a love tie to another person whether they are perfect for you or not. In fact, people have felt love ties for partners who are very abusive towards them...someone any other person would say isn't deserving of that love. So sometimes, a decision has to be made, regardless of how your heart feels at the time by a list of the facts, a list of the pro's and con's. The heart connection can heal over time. But if its basically an unhealthy relationship that you decide to stick with, it can harm you mentally and emotionally which in time will translate into physical problems and illness that can be hard to heal from.
I suggest you make a list of the good points and the bad to see which outweighs the other, it may help in your decision. Here's the list of con's I picked up on:
1. Lying about or hiding his relationship status
which goes hand in hand with
2. Refusing to have you meet friends or family
3. More concerned about money in a divorce than being with you in his home.
4. Small things he does irritate you
5. Making up story of jerk room-mate
6. He stays away from your apt on days you work.
7. He fights all the time. I understand it takes two to tango so even if you start it all, he could choose to not join in and remain calm. He may actually 'enjoy the fight'. He and the ex to be,have been doing it for 2 years over divorce issues.
8. Not giving you credit for your feelings and tossing out the excuse that you are over thinking this to lead you off track.
9. You feel you have been only one comprising. And have anger and resentment towards him.
10. You feel you've been settling for less for yrs
11. You're wondering, can't trust and feel anxious
12. Don't enjoy your time together now
13. Find yourself not missing him
And the pro's?
Other than the fact that you feel love in your heart despite all the con's, the only pro I found is that he doesnt have any kids. Unless he is not telling you the truth there either.
You are not over reacting. Don't settle for less despite how you feel a love there. Deep down, if you are honest with yourself, you don't feel right about staying with him regardless of the thought of dumping him makes you miserable. It just may be that you are more afraid of being alone, lonely, not part of a couple, unmarried than being with the right person.
Going into a marriage where there are sooo many undealt with negative feelings, is a recipe for disaster and will most likely end in divorce.
My guess is that if he says he loves you, perhaps its true, but it's easy to love something or someone without having to prove it by actions.
He is not acting though, like a man madly 'in love' with you or his actions would be entirely different and there would be no questions in your mind despite the fact he is going through a divorce. Having experienced guys who love me and now the one who is 'in love' with me...I assure you, there is a great big difference. The man who is my 2nd husband is 'in love' with me and treats me like a queen. He has not in over 5 yrs ever raised his voice to me or broken my trust and can't stand being apart from me, even for the period of time being at work. He's always eager to be with me AND he is proud to show me off and introduce me to family and friends and any new friends he makes along the way. When a woman isn't truly loved and treated as a precious person to the guy, her love for him will slowly over time die and become non existant. That happened with my first. I loved him but his treatment of me killed my love in the end.
I hope this all gives you something to think about before you decide whether he has earned your love and you stay, or whether you give him the boot.
I don't even know this guy. He randomly asked me for my number, then a teacher I was with said "What did you say?" Then he said "I can't tell you. It's business"... I'm really confused about it honestly. I don't want to give him my number and I didn't, but it's creeping me out. What should I do? And what did he mean by "business"?..
Okay, something doesn't add up. You have every right to feel creeped out. This guy for one thing if he is attracted to your looks and interested in getting to know you, he's doing it all wrong. He should go on line and look for dating do's and don'ts on how to approach a girl. This is one of those classic things guys do wrong that creep a girl out.
Something else that doesn't sound on the level, is why did he ask you for your number in front of a teacher? Isn't that a private thing? Or is he really thinking this out too much and thinking that if he asks you in front of a teacher that he will seem more okay to you cus he's got nothing to hide from anyone knowing he asked for your number?
Okays, lets say he's really socially inept and thats why he did this. So if he was brave enough to ask for your number in front of a teacher, then he should have been brave enough to explain to the teacher why without being mysterious about it. The idea about gals and guys dating is being they are attracted to some qualities about the person beyond the outside attributes that visually attracted them in the first place.
One is not supposed to date someone if they creep you out, and yet many girls do simply because "a guy paid them attention and they have low self esteem and in their minds, being asked for phone number or on a date by a strange guy or a well known one, all equates to validating her existance in her own eyes. Because this has worked for other guys in the past, many never learn how to approach a girl, start conversation and get to know her and then ask her out.
If I were you, I would ignore the incident and pretend it never happened. If by chance he approaches you once again and asks for your number, it's not your job to train him how to approach girls properly so you can politely refuse to give him your number and if he asks why, you can then tell him that his way of approaching you frankly creeps you out and that if he really is a nice guy and truly interested in dating girls that you suggest he might go on you tube and search for dating tips for guys. I have watched some of these and have cracked up laughing as the guy acts out how the guy approaches the pc screen pretending its the girl, his speech, his body and facial language. Its so typical...and yes I have seen it before. Let me know if you want some of the links to look for yourself and I'll provide them.
I'm 12 and have hemroids I'm to embarrassed to tell my mom what should I do
You've been told to just tell mom. I don't think there is a single human who hasn't had them at least once in life. Its something thats fairly common, like getting a skin rash from cheap metal jewelry, dandruff, or acne. All these are things that can occur due to diet and lifestyle and learning through the experience of it, what allergies we may have or special things we need to do to avoid these conditions in the future. But its nothing to be embarrassed about.
If you still wont tell mom, then you can try treating it with something you can buy at the pharmacy, like Preparation H, thats the nationally known brand I know of in America. There are a few remedies taken in herbal pill form from natural and health food supply places that have worked for me. If not talking to mom for help, and trying self treatment doesnt work, you may need to go to a doctor cus it could be something else, not life threatening, just a more uncommon occurance that needs Dr. treatment.