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I thought we were going to last..everybody did
(f,16)
So technically i fell in love with a guy who is one year younger than me, but he like hangs out with my friends and he is very mature for his age thou. I love him. We have been dating for 2 months and i knew i could trust him with literally my life. Like we were getting to the point where it got INTIMATE in our relationship.So,I told him that I USE to smoke ciggerates, cause apparently he smocked weed. But i was wrong... he didn't and i eventually ended up telling him my secret which he seemed cool knowing about. After like a day thou, we were alone together, he told me that he couldn't do it anymore and he wanted out of our relationship because i USE TO SMOKE! and let me Emphasis on the word USE. AS IN LIKE A YEAR AGO! HAVEN'T GONE BACK TO IT SINCE. I've even like explained that to him but he wont listen, he keeps saying hes sorry and everything like that.. i've been crying and throwing up for the past 4 days and i cant even stand to see my now ex boyfriend. How do i stop thinking about him, i think i've tried everything..
Sincerely,
Nobody :'(
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A good reason for him being so shallow is that he like all people in their teens and early twenties are still immature, or more to be accurate...the frontal part of the brain is still not completely done growing and wont be until mid twenties. This part of brain is partly responsible for good judgement calls, and how one handles relationships and he is just not ready. Most of us aren't fully capable at that age. Some will be a bit more mature than others. Part of learning about healthy relationships will be going through the bad experiences too, learning from them and seeing the warning signs in the next person so you don't waste your time with another immature guy. Now about how you are feeling:
I remember when a daughter became depressed over losing a great boyfriend. There are certain things that happen inside you physically, basically your 'feel good' hormones levels are 'depressed' or dangerously low. When all is well in our lives, our body is naturally able to create all that we need. Stress uses up way more of it. You are going through emotional stress, and there are ways to get your body producing extra's of these hormones to help you be able to cope better for now. As for the memories, only time can heal that.
Here's a list of what helps, it may seem silly but it really does work. I gave it to my daughter. She didn't act on it but went to a one free visit with a psychologist who gave her the exact same things I shared with her.
Naturally treating Depression, low levels of Serotonin and other hormones
When the levels of neuro transmitters in our brains dip too low or are non existant, people will be depressed....Depressed levels of the hormones our bodies naturally create means one of two things.
What is a neurotransmitter? A neuro-transmitter is a chemical messenger that carries, boosts and modulates signals between neurons and other cells in the body.
Many people just need the right environment, a certain input into their life for these hormones to be self produced but others have a malfunction and no matter what positive steps they take, their body is incapable of producing these hormones naturally and so they must take artificially created hormones in the form of a prescription drug prescribed by a doctor to bring up those levels. Why take a prescription drug if your body is perfectly capable of bringing up those levels on its own. Its just lacking the right ingrediants. The best way to find out if it helps is to try the steps that will raise the levels of hormones such as serotonin and oxytocin naturally. If you do not find any improvement, then you need medical intervention.
Here's the things that help.
Scientific research has found that when people hug or kiss, levels of oxytocin rise because more are created. If you study 'Hugging therapy' online, you will discover that people need a certain amount of hugs daily for those levels to rise. One hug a day is not enough and almost all of us never even get one a day let alone one a week. One thing to keep in mind is that one cannot give a hug without getting one in return. And another thing to keep in mind, a short weak half hearted hug will not be strong enough to start creation of oxytocin, you need the full body, hard long lasting bear hug to begin to feel the effects almost immediately.
Another thing to combat depression is movement. Many people when depressed dont want to do anything but lie in bed all day. Inactivity will not help. Movement will and can come in different forms. The quickest most effective ones that don't require a long time invested are running, jogging, jump roping, skipping, dancing. Just skipping rope 5 minutes or dancing to one song will already have a positive effect. More is better.
Sound energies and the vibrations it carries have long been known to have positive effects on a person's wellness. One is the effect of vibrations in something like the Tibetan bowls, crystal bowls or gong therapy.
Music is a more widely used and available therapy. Both listening to and singing along are great therapy that can raise your feel good hormone levels quickly. The key is the melody more so than the words, remember, its sound therapy. I look for the melodies where when I am listening, it makes my heart feel lighter like a balloon about to float out of my chest. Thats the best way I can describe whether a particular melody is having the correct effect on you. A personal example would be Clocks by Coldplay. I can play that a couple times and my mood is immediately lightened.
Laughter and humor. The sayings “Laughter is the best medicine” or “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” are not just cute but meaningless sayings. There is truth behind it. Laughter will create and release the feel-good hormones in you, and especially so if it is prolonged laughter, such as watching a comedy act or a good comedy movie and not the light chuckle or two but the more effective belly ache laugh where your eyes start crying and you feel you have to pee.
We live today in a world that is harsh and cruel instead of peaceful and harmonious. Our brains require the use of lots of neurotransmitters to help us be able to handle the onslaught of daily stresses. The hormones get used up on a daily basis without us replenishing them, like the taking of a daily vitamin. Think of it as needing your daily H vitamin, happiness vitamin or hormone-inducing vitamin. So many of us are going for days without having any neurotransmitter hormones to help us cope mentally with daily life. After so many days, we finally have a break down and can not function any longer and that break down is depression.
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To be with someone, you have to accept who they are and who they were. If he has a problem with someone that smokes, that's fine, then he doesn't have to date them. But you're not smoking anymore and he doesn't care enough to accept your past and that's not someone you want to be with in the first place.
Heartbreak sucks, it's going to hurt like crazy. It's going to hurt even more knowing that he didn't want to try hard enough.
You won't stop thinking about him for a long time. I just got out of a relationship right now after 2 years and it hasn't been easy. So believe me, I know.
The best thing for you to do right now is to let yourself heal. So that takes time, you won't stop feeling for him for awhile. So in the mean time, go out with your friends, don't talk to him, don't hang around him, try new things, ect.
You've done your crying, now it's time to get your head back up and let him go. Don't listen to sad love songs, don't watch chick flicks, just have a good time and show him that he's missing out.
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This sounds like particularly bad break up!
But you'll get over it, I promise. Youre young, youre 16 and there will be plenty of other wonderful guys out there in the future. I get the feeling it may not have been the smoking that was his problem- but if that really was it, then he's not worth your time! seriously! SMOKING A YEAR AGO? THATS the deal-breaker?! What a pussy.
Here's what to do:
First take a moment to calm yourself. If this is how you are after 2 months, whats going to happen when you get into that first fight with the boy of your dreams after 6 months?! YOU'LL BE A MESS!!! xD So breathe. Relax. You can do this.
Don't go see him- don't let him know you're upset. Don't talk to him. If he wants to talk to you, and theres a possibility of getting him back, don't be desperate. "Be mean and keep 'em keen."
Get a hobby- paint, play sports, read books- anything to focus your mind elsewhere. (Don't watch romance movies, and take a special "me" day for valentines day. Or hit the clubs. idk)
You could invite a few girlfriends round for a sleepover to cheer you up and do the cliché breakup thing- ice cream, bad films etc etc. Take your time~
Look at things a little optimistically-breakups are a sweet sorrow in life- but at least you're going through one. Some people don't get the chance! Come back to your friends, all made over, badass and over it. I get the feeling somehow, it'll be his problem more than it'll be yours. ;)
AIM: make everyone say to him: "Daymn you broke up with her? uhmmm... WHY??! IDIOT lol!
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