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Whether to break up or stay with current spouse
Hey guy's got a serious question here. I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 and a half years we are expecting a baby girl in march. I am not ready for this type of commitment and would like to not piss away my twenties. Should I stick it out with her or break it off? it gets hard turning down girls and not being able to do the things I want. I will be there for the baby if we do break up though. What do you guys think?
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stay with her if you truley love her.... shes having your kid for crying out loud dont leave her thats just wrong... and normally no ones ready for a child you just have to prepare yourself... dont put her through that it will cause sooooooooooooooooooooo many problems stay with her
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You are having a baby numbskull. Don't be a dick.
You don't have to be in a relationship with the mother of your child if you don't want to be. You shouldn't force yourself to commit to a relationship you are unsure of, however, you now have a relationship with that child. Period. Forever. You can't opt out of that that, and how you treat women will matter to your daughter. Act like a dog, and she'll grow up expecting men to treat her like someone to fuck around with (or on).
So, don't be a dick.
If you don't want to be with your current spouse, do both of you a favour and don't be, but she's the mother of your child, and you owe her honesty, respect and friendship. So handle the break up like a fucking adult, and set an example for your daughter of the kind of men you'd like her to encounter in her life.
Don't be a dick.
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You had your fun making that baby now its time to man up and take responsibility. Financial support is only part of being a parent and like it or not you are the father of that child.
as for not being ready? You're never ready for the responsibilities that come with parenthood. But when the nurse puts that baby in your arms and she opens her eyes and looks up at you for the first time. All those problems you worried about all through the pregnancy seem to melt away. They don't go away they just don't seem to be as big for that little person you made needs you. You feel it from her to you through your arms.
You know you want to be there for all the first in her life. You want to be there to stare down the first boy who asks her out and you want to be there to walk her down the aisle when she marries. All these thoughts flash through your mind the instant your daughter is placed in your arms.
There is nothing out there more important than this baby. Yes there are more women out there to sleep with.; more wild parties to be had. But nothing more important than raising that child to adulthood.
I know, I've been there. I watched my son grow into a man. He is a Paramedic/Firefighter and in his career has saved many lives. I sometimes wonder if I had not been around to guide him what would have become of him. Would the people whose lives he saved still be alive today.
Yes I am a proud father but not just because of what my son has become but what others have told me he has become. I've been told many times he is one of the best Paramedics in the state. So much so he has been recruited to teach a paramedic course at the local community college he attended.
If you walk away from your daughter what will she become?
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You should be honest with your partner.
Baby comes first. Your daughter.
If you leave another man can fill in the daddy spot.
BE careful.
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If you plan to be there for the baby, then you are being responsible for that life, and that means you are ready for a commitment...a commitment to a child. It is more than just tossing money her way.
When you say "don't want to piss away my twenties" I need to understand where you are coming from and what you mean by that because that statement can mean a whole ton of different things and each advice-giver here may take it a different way. Later you mention having things you want to be able to do. What kind of things are we talking about that you feel you couldn't do if giving a life long commitment to one woman?
I think the best thing I can do for you is to explain the Who, What, When Where, and Why's of relationships and you decide for yourself what you need to do. For this to work, you need to be willing to look deep inside yourself, and not lie to yourself but be honest in where you're at.
WHAT is the purpose of dating, and what is the purpose? From puberty on, we find ourself attracted to someone, so we talk to them, if we like how their mind works and find conversation interesting, we move on to hanging out more together to learn a bit more about each other, each others: likes, dislikes, wants, needs, desires, dreams, hopes, goals, morals, beliefs, and if it all jives very closely with what we stand for, then we get into a dating relationship, living together and become sexual with each other. At this level, there is only one step left, and that is to decide whether this is someone who you want to be in a life long partnership with.
WHO is the type of person that will make the perfect girlfriend or life long partner for you depends entirely upon who you are and where you are at in life. A guy who is not ready to look seriously for a life long partner, such as in marriage, should not be considering long term dating of just the one girl, should not be living with her like a couple is he does not want the responsibilities. A guy can be up front and honest with the female and says, this is just a friend with benefits thing, I am not looking for and even serious about life long commitments and don't know when I will be or if I ever will be. If she agrees to the conditions great, if he never tells her, shame on him, thats misleading the woman. Women for the most part have that nurturing wife/mother aspect to them and making a house a home thing going on and so even if they lie to themselves and agree with your terms, many can still deep down be desiring this and hoping for the day you are willing to say you'll be with her til the day she dies.
We've done What and Who, so lets tackle Where.
WHERE are you going or do you have a direction. You need to ask yourself if you prefer not having any direction at all, as carefree as child when you were young and the parents were the adults who took care of you. The fact is, that at your age, you are an adult, whether you chose to act like one or not. Carefree would mean, having no commitments at all. Well...looks like you already have one, to the unborn child of yours. With being an adult, comes adult decisions and responsibilities. You can no longer go back and recapture your childhood and be just as carefree, and without adult responsibilities. Lets say You know for certain that you never want to marry or commit to any relationship and only have women for sex partners and you most certainly do not want children, not saying thats wrong..if thats your thing, cool, but with it comes adult responsibility. Can you guess what it might be? For one, being honest and up front, stating you are not marriage material, and you are only looking for sex partners. In this case point two is that as a responsible adult male, you get yourself snipped--a vasectomy so that you can never accidently get a female pregnant so you can continue to enjoy a sex life, which is important
WHEN are you ready to be in a relationship lifelong? Obviously, it would be when you meet the right woman. Its not a matter of staying in a current relationship or breaking one off, its a matter of IS this the right person. And guess what? Most people have no clue if someone is the right one for them to make a life long commitment to. And the reason why is because they never stopped long enough to ask themselves what they really were looking for and come up with a real physical list of those qualities. They also need to look critically at themselves and ask themselves what they have to offer in a relationship, and make a list of those qualities of themselves. When you have both lists in hand, it will be better to spot the woman for whom you'd make the best partner for and she'll have the qualities that you are looking for. If you are looking no deeper than skin deep right now, you are not ready yet.
WHY would someone want to commit to another person life long? Obvious answer is "You love them" but we love all sorts of things throughout our lifetime and we don't make lifelong commitments, do we? Is love enough? We love a certain flavor of icecream, we love a certain genre of music or particular band, etc... We love many things, but that kind of love is not enough for a relationship that lasts life long, which is what the majority of women seek, life long.
So what you are looking for is a reason Why you want to be in relationship with a certain female. I call it being "In love" and differs from a general love for something. AN inlove person will feel such a strong connection to the other, they can't stand to be apart, and are so eager to be back together, even a trip to run errands, you find you prefer doing together, because the whole world and generic tasks seem to be more enjoyable when shared with the presence of the one you love, you want to take care of the person in all aspects, be there to comfort when sad or hurt, you don't ever want to be the one making her sad or hurt, you feel a certain pride in the fact that she chose you and you want to show her off to family, friends and be seen with her in general public cus you want the whole world to know she is yours and you're proud of the fact, and of her. You find you have an immensely great patience with her, and understanding of her, even expressions, body language, and there is never any real arguments or misunderstandings because the two of you communicate well and never tire of talking, asking for clarification, supporting each other and encouraging each other and compliments and building each other up. The thought of losing this person in an expected accident makes you feel devastated and as if there is no purpose to life anymore. This and more is what you feel when you are in love. In the amount of time you spent together, you would know it by now if it was there. If it is, then don't make a mistake thinking you'd be pissing your 20's away. I have watched you tube channel relationship experts called "The Male Room TV", the two guys once they hit their mid 30's, began to regret pissing away their 20's and all the women they hurt and wished they could be with now, but its no longer possible. Now close to 40, they are finally ready for life long relationship and are sharing what they have learned the hard way. If they could go back, they'd do it all differently and go for the commitment and the inlove with a gal even during their twenties.
If you are really honest, and can say you don't feel anything deep for this girl, at least not the kind to tie her to a relationship for 2 1/2 yrs, then ask yourself, what the f&%k am I doing? Did you talk things out ahead, set down boundaries, such as..."this will be only a living arrangement , or we will be sex partners only cus neither of us are ready for marriage and want the ability to see, date and have sex with others while still with each other, then thats okay. It is hard to make a comparison between potential partners if you don't have others to make comparisons between so dating around is the natural thing to do but must be agreed upon in the beginning. If one person changes their mind anywhere along the way, then they must break up because they can no longer or want to comply with the original agreement.
Hopefully this helps you to decide what you need to do.
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