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Why am I emotionless?
I am recently 15, and I have felt emotionless on and off for 4 years. The longest I have not felt emotions was about a year and a half. Sometimes its short periods. Its not that I just think that I don't feel emotion, it's that I actually don't. I have felt emotion before, but it's almost as if its stopped. I want to feel something, I feel as if I'm a walking statue. Can someone help me find some answers on why this may be happening?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I am the exact same way now i had alot of friends but i started pushing them away about 2 years ago and i started to love being alone but now its gotten worse to the point where i am totally cold and my mom and my brother thinks im a psychopath or something because i dont show any empathy to anyone well ive allways been a little bit like this but its gotten worse and now around last fall i started to get really full of rage and i cant stop thinking about killing someone or something and the thought of it makes me get goose bumps and feel excited and some days are really bad like yesterday = Friday and im allways hoping that something will happen out in public where i can use violence on someone and hurt them really badly because i have alot of aggressive friends that i avoid at all costs im 17yo BTW
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The real question is are you really feeling nothing or you choose too feel nothing? As a teenager, we face many explainable things. I don't know what have you experience but feeling numb/ choosing to be numb is your mind's choice. I am currently 19, and the truth is, me too felt what you're feeling right now. Its scary but I, we have too face it. try to think when did it first happen and why. You will surely find some answer. But again to be safe,everybody will suggest that you have to see a psychologist.
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While it is true that in puberty one is going through lots of changes and one could be the emotions affected from time to time, if you have found it serious enough to write in about, I am taking this to be more serious than just related to overall body changes of youth.
Your choice of words to describe yourself as 'a walking statue' made me think of a disorder I've heard fleetingly of before. I actually had to go do a web search to see if I could find something on it and what its called. It may not be what you have, but it is described as feeling like a robot...emotionless. Here it is:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You'll see there is a real name for it, DPD...depersonalization disorder. A medical journalist even wrote a book about his personal experience. Even if you don't have it to the same extremes, this 'Psychology Today' article link mentions the importance of going to seek medical help. So, my advice to you is to not ignore your condition but to mention it to your parents and show them the link I gave you.
If they have medical insurance that will cover it, it would be a good idea for them to have you seen by someone. If they don't have insurance and cant afford to have you seen by a professional, then second best would be to get the book mentioned in the article, write to the people in psychology today article and find out what other 'self help' books or material they recommend for you to work on this yourself. I do not have this disorder myself but as a pre teen child can recall a couple of times at age 8-10 when my whole family was full of emotion, crying over Grandma boarding a plane to go home after a 3 month visit and i felt no emotion and frankly...it freaked me out. I can imagine having that lack of emotion 24/7 and I know as positive a person as I may be, that over time, I would lose my ability to see any purpose in being alive if I could not fully experience life. So I know instinctively without it being said by the professionals, that there is a good chance if a person doesnt get professional help, there is a slight chance that one such person may decide to end their life over it. So this is serious enough if its what your really going through to get help.
If it is something else instead, then its better to be safe than sorry later.
Good luck dear
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Indifference is common at 15, it is general apathy or the absence of emotion, but it is not usually a permanent state. It may sound like BS to you, but hormones play a HUGE factor in brain health, and what you are going through at 15 isn't abnormal. As a human, you have emotions, you were worried enough to ask for advice in this forum, and worry is simply another form of fear (an emotion.) Also, stop labeling yourself as emotionless, depressed, or use negative words to describe yourself, the way you speak and feel about yourself reflects onto others but more importantly reflects on you and your self esteem. After you are finished with puberty (18 for girls on average) (19 for guys) Get some professional help if it doesn't get better. There are lots of options out there for you, take care.
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Feeling the way you do is one of the signs of depression. This does not mean that by itself means you suffer from depression. Feeling emotionless is just one of the signs a doctor would need to see when screening you for depression to make that diagnoses.
Now when it comes to teenage depression this is something relatively new as far as a diagnoses goes. In fact as recently as when your parents were your age and might have felt as you do doctors and parents called this a phase children went through and would grow out of. In most instances the child did.
Doctors now know this is not a phase that this is a reaction to a hormonal imbalance that affects moods mostly caused by puberty and the new stresses of teenage life/ Because of this new insight doctors are able to help kids who are suffering with this by balancing the hormones, mostly that they are not getting enough of. Usually a simple pill taken once a day usually for a year or so as your body adjusts to puberty.
You're too young to see a doctor without parental knowledge or permission. My advice is to talk with mom or mom and dad and ask to see the family doctor. You are old enough that you can see the doctor without a parent being in the exam room if you want.
When you are with the doctor ask to be screened for depression. It is a simple test where the doctor will ask you a series of questions. Be honest with your answers as this is the only way the doctor can make the diagnoses.
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