|
I'm into a guy from work. I don't know if he's into me
There's this guy from work I really like.. He use to flirt with me all the time.. Back then I didn't know who he was. I learn his name the same day another guy from work asks me out.. That was about a month ago. I have been dating the other guy ever since. I have no feelings for the other guy. The first guy, however, I can not stop thinking about. I don't know why he has such an impression on me. I say hey to him at work sometimes nowadays and he seems to be a little hostile in response. I can't understand him. Maybe he liked me and found out about me and the other guy? It's been awkward between us. I could be all wrong about this and he could have been just messing with me when he was being all flirty. Or maybe he liked me and stopped liking me. I don't know but he is driving me crazy. I can't help being into him. What do you think? He is very good looking. I think much better than me; he could probably easily get a girl much more attractive than I. Maybe that's insecurity talking.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
FIrst things first, you need to be aware of something called 'pheremones', and the pheremone connection will explain a lot. Here is a link to an article on it.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I want to draw your attention to this portion of the article: "According to some researchers, it is not the presence of human sex pheromones which is in doubt, but rather humans’ ability to detect these pheromones. Most mammals possess a structure known as the vomeronasal organ (VMO) within their noses which functions as a pheromone detector. While a VMO can be found in humans during the fetal stage, the organ seems to disappear as development progresses. Some researchers argue that the absence of a VMO prevents humans from detecting pheromones, thus making a link between sex pheromones and attraction impossible. Others have suggested that the VMO in humans has not disappeared, but has rather evolved into another structure which has not yet been pinpointed."
So just because it can't be fully explained doesnt mean you can't pick up on it. Your conscious mind hasn't made the connection but your bodys senses pick up something of a closer match to guy number 1 than #2 whom you are dating, and that bodys sense is picked up by your subconscious mind where all our emotions live. So you feel more attraction, excitement or curiousity about one than the other. Or with some people, you'll feel non at all. This is very important in a long term relationship, as important as being able to become best friends, and to become intimate with each other. So any time you give dating someone a try and after some time, you still feel no pheremone attraction, then you are with the wrong person. I can't say that #1 is the right guy either yet.
So, to stop dating #2, don't do it to be available for #1 but because #2 is the wrong match. Sometimes you feel attraction hit you full impact all at once, and with others it will build slowly over time. My husband studied basic psychology and his mentor was a psychologist. He learned that the pheremone connection will affect things like body smell or taste. Two guys can be freshly showered and clean. Not wearing any cologn, etc... and the natural body scent of one is offensive to you vs the other you notice nothing or it feels comfortable. The same with kisses, the scent of the breath, the saliva...if theres isn't a strong enough pheremone connection, it could feel like kissing a dad or brother rather than a potential love partner.
Have you asked yourself why you accepted the other guys invite to go out? Were you trying to be polite and not hurt his feelings? If you are afraid of crushing someones feelings by saying no to them, you need to learn quickly how or else you will end with friends and partners who are not in your best interest to give your time to.
The best way to stop seeing someone is to nicely tell them that you are finding that you don't feel any 'chemistry' with him. That word, instead of a long 'pheremone' explanation is something that most people do understand. Chemistry alone may not be the only reason two people are not compatible but that word seems to be understood by most. If by chance he doesnt understand the lack of chemistry, then tell him its like the difference of what you would feel with a sibling vs a suitor, and he feels more like a sibling.
As for guy #1, he may seriously have felt drawn to you, attracted, so if he's acting cool towards you, it could be linked to the fact that you are currently unavailable. Or perhaps he thinks he was being extremely clear of how interested he was in you by just flirting, and was working up his courage to ask you out. So he could be disappointed that with all his flirting, that instead of flirting back and encouraging him to continue to approach you, you accepted the invite of a second guy who had not been flirting with you. Never guess what a guy is thinking or meaning when he says or does something. You need to ask. There's nothing wrong with being wrong if you ask and are set right. But to go on assuming, is bad. So if you can't stop thinking about the first guy and do decide to stop dating #2, then you might try approaching #1 and have a good talk with him. You could let him know what you were thinking, noticing, feeling, what you have learned. etc... he is not a mind reader and will not know that you noticed him, liked his flirting and was waiting for him to show if he just likes flirting for flirting sake or whether it meant he was really interested in getting to know you better. Don't worry about looks. A guy might look like a model in a magazine and yet his preferance in girls will not be for a one who looks like a model, but more the average, natural looking girl next door type. Everyone has personal preferences, like mine are guys who are brunette and long haired will catch my attention quicker than any other. Hope this helps you dear.
]
The best thing to do is to just wait and see what happens. The work place is professional and it's not supposed to be a place for flirting and dating. Don't talk about him to your co-workers or boss. He's either into you or seeing someone else. Whatever it is you can't make the first move. Let him come to you. If he sees that you are not into him anymore, then he will come and talk to you and get the ball rolling. Sometimes by not doing anything to a guy you are interested in just makes him take action, because a guy knows what he wants. You will know if he is into if he asks you out on a date. If he doesn't, then move on he isn't worth the time. Besides, he's just a guy from work.
]
More Questions: |