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Recently lost my virginity but do not enjoy sex...
(Female, 22 years old, Argentina) I lost my virginity a month ago with my former friend of three years, whom I've been dating for two months... I really like him, he's sweet, he takes such good care of me, he's cute, smart, (hot!), and I enjoy spending time with him a lot... so why is it so difficult for me to enjoy being intimate with him? could it be because I recently started this and it will get better? I don't get turned on by him, I get to orgasm because he masturbates me, but I'm always nervous when it happens...
Has anyone gone through something like this?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You do not need to be aroused before you get into bed. Arousal is what foreplayis for. Thinking he is hot is the first part of arousal then he needs to be a considerate lover and make sure you are ready for intercouse,
It can be looked at as a 3 step process to full arousel. Step one: you find him attractive, he's hot. Step two: Foreplay, naked in bed exploring each other, getting each other excited, the start of intimacy it has to be your naked with some one. This is the time when you sow each other what you need to fully turn you on. Refer to my original notes. Step 3: Intercourse. This is the most intimate part of love making. The mating the joining as one. He is inside you. You have hold of him in a most loving manner a women can.. Together if everthing else is right you should enjoy a magical moment together. If you can't the problem may not be intimacy but deeper.
I believe the key to your concern is in your question. "I don't get turned on by him, I get to orgasm because he masturbates me," This tells me you are one of the smaller percentage of women who orgasm through clitoral rather than vaginal stimulation.
When women masturbate or are fingered by their partners there is more clitoral contact. Because of the clitoral contact you orgasm. This is not a big problem and can be overcome by using positions that allow for more clitoral contact during intercourse. You can find these positions by using a search engine and typing in something like "Sexual positions providing clitoral stimulation." Also during intercourse you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris as well.
Being clitoral rather than vaginal does not mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means your partner needs to be more centered during foreplay and possibly a bit more foreplay is needed to excite you.
Once you and your partner find sexual positions that are comfortable and enjoyable for both of you. You will have a more fulfilling sex life and have a hot time messing up the sheets together.
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You are just mechanically going through the motions. This happens for many women when the man is someone they don't have a pheremone connection with. Everyone has pheremones. If you run into someone who is a wonderful person in all ways but both your pheremones are different. When the pheremones are not the same, there can be problems with one or both feeling any passion, being excited sexually by each other. I was sexually mismatched with my ex husband. We eventually divorced. The man I am now married to is someone with whom I have a pheremone match and we both are able to excite each other, feel passion, even in just kisses, after 5 yrs. It's not your fault or anything he is doing wrong. Another guy can do all the same things and get better results if you both are a match in pheremones. theres no way to know ahead of time. Just being in the persons presense and feelings these feelings come up is a way to tell. Good luck.
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