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internet lies
Trying to keep this short: boyfriend of four years, have lived together three - have had issues with finding messages and texts, nothing ever extremely horrible, though. ex girlfriend used to text him pictures of her face, he'd say cute, but confronted and reply was that meant nothing, he's known her forever they just talk sometimes. fb message to a girl and told her she was pretty, but it was an old coworker. lots of random messages at like, 2am when i'm sleeping to girls (only girls) saying hey, none of the girls really reply though (at least that i can see), he was just bored and wanted to talk to people. always an answer. the one time i definitely found a DISGUSTING conversation, i got so upset and ran out of the house. when i came back, we were talking and when i wanted to go back upstairs to show him, he told me he wanted to see why i was upset and when he saw that he deleted it cause he was embarrassed but it was an old conversation with a girl he re-added on Facebook and when you re-add someone, old conversations pop up. i saw it was more recent on his message box and the month of the conversation was the but once again, i'm not a Facebook expert i wasn't sure if that was exactly true and since the message was gone i couldn't prove it anymore, so i let it slide and haven't looked at anything again since.
well, till today. my friends just recently broke up over this issue so i don't know if that was it or what came over me, but i looked. facebook, didn't see anything (but there's the archived option where i found those things before but mobile doesn't show you that stuff). no texts. but then i saw he had a myspace app and apparently he still has myspace, none of our friends do and this profile i found seems to be new, not the old one i knew him to have. the earliest date for a profile pic upload was like a month ago but i don't know if that's just how it looks with privacy settings and whatnot, i have no idea how new myspace works. all his friends on there though are trashy girls, with their cleavage out or they're half-naked. there is not one guy. and he's "connected" to alot of them and their photos which i googled and i guess that means you like their photo and their stuff will instantly post on your stream or something. also, lots of "hey" messages on there as well, but not a lot of replies again. one woman, a conversation. she's married. he says he's single. then he says he lives in new york (she lives there) he makes a comment she's gorgeous. she keeps her side of the conversation completely normal, non-flirty. she just seems like an older lady that wants to chat with people. he says a lot of other random things that aren't true in there (i guess just for conversation? idk)
he's on her top 8 or whatever haha, he doesn't have one. so i don't know how to really take it. i haven't read anything truly sexually or anything but still the fact he has this page and it seems to have it to talk to trashy chicks is pissing me off. especially when we just had a fight (which we've had a lot) about him thinking i'm cheating on him, when the only friends i have are HIS friends cause he didn't like my girl friends cause he thought they were sluts.
i just don't know how to feel - like i understand i crept, i betrayed his trust but i found things - what about MINE? i know nothings indefinitely said, whether he deleted it all or not i don't know... i feel like i just can't come at him with "YOU SAID THIS GIRLS PRETTY AND THATS IT". lots of people nowadays seem to think that that's ok, harmless flirting. i don't do that with guys, though. i don't message anyone. i just feel this is shady. i have a tendency to go into arguments, get flustered and then i just back out cause i lost my point and ground and i don't want to do that. i took photos this time of the conversation, checked the dates so i know everything's from like, two days ago and i can show them again if i need to.
i just need opinions. is this a line crossed? would you say anything or just know that this is there and keep that in mind? part of me just wants to make a myspace just to solely send him a friend request on it, just so he gets the message that i know its there and i can see his friends and stuff. and i just won't even say anything to him about it.
and sorry if this posted twice - i went to double check and see if it posted and i didn't see it listed so i thought maybe it didn't submit!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
1) He seperated you from your friends because they were "sluts" but yet he seems to love sluts on myspace. (so here is his vocab.....sluts= independent women that will teach you to know better, pretty girls=sluts he likes to oogle)
2)He flirts even though he knows it bothers you
3)He is friends with nothing but slutty girls
4)He created a new secret profile to chat up said sluts
Conclusion: He is garbage and if you don't wise up and gain some self respect you will have men like this treating you like garbage your whole life.....MOVE ON....it doesn't matter how much you love him or how long you have been together....He doesn't feel the same, that's apparent.
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K3587 gave you wonderful advice. I just want to point out one more thing.
You said,"we just had a fight (which we've had a lot) about him thinking i'm cheating on him, when the only friends i have are HIS friends cause he didn't like my girl friends cause he thought they were sluts."
This sounds like the actions of a person who is controlling. One thing such a person will do is find ways to discredit family and friends and disapprove of you spending time with them. If you don't stop hanging out with your friends, a controller will then demand that you stop or he will leave you or some other ultimatum, and in some cases physical abuse enters into the picture. This is emotional abuse though to be honest. Another thing such a person will do, in order to take the attention off themselves is to accuse other people of doing what in actuality they are doing or something they are doing that is similar and also wrong. So when he accuses you of cheating on him, its in order to take your focus off of him so you are too busy defending yourself to hopefully notice what he is up to. I know all this cus my first husband was like that and my close friends husband controlled who she could see. I've seen it up close and personal.
Part of the issue contributing to the problem could be where your mind is at. What I am saying is that self confident women don't usually end up with such a guy and if they are fooled in the beginning, once he shows his true self, they dont hang around long. Women with low self confidence, who have a needy streak to be partnered up with someone rather than be single for the moment, are much more vulnerable. I am not saying that you are, just to look closely at yourself to see if you are or not. If you decide that indeed you need to work on yourself and confidence and knowing you deserve better, then work on yourself and gain the confidence to demand better out of the guys you date.
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Harmless flirting is only harmless until the other girl goes with it. I have no doubt that given the opportunity to cheat on you, he would. I know, because I was this guy. I was unhappy in my relationship and sought other outlets. It was "harmless flirting" until an opportunity arose and I slept with another woman. I came forward about my infidelity. We worked through our problems, I rebuilt her trust in me, and now after 9 years together we're engaged. The point is, I don't believe a cheater is always a cheater. I do believe, however, that there is one of two issues here: he's either not serious about your relationship, or there is a problem with it and the communication is not up to par for him to discuss it with you. The latter was my issue.
I say confront him. If he gets angry and defensive, point out that this is not the first time and there is overwhelming evidence against him. If he wants out of the relationship, it's a sure sign he's been wanting out but didn't want to pull the trigger. He was hoping he'd get caught and you'd do the dirty work and end it. If you think he's worth it, don't let him off the hook that easily, and fight for him. Otherwise, kick him to the curb.
This is a problem that can only escalate with your inaction.
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The lines were crossed a few times
Why isn't he spending time with you and sleeping rather then sending random messages at 2am to these women? I believe a relationship should have it's boundaries. Harmless flirting can certainly send the wrong message to people even without intentions of doing so. This ex of his, He needs to tell her it's over and that he is happy in a relationship with you. There should be no reason at all that he should even be in contact with an ex, It is baggage and drama. Sounds to me that maybe he isn't totally committed to being in a relationship or perhaps he is looking to find someone else. Sounds to me that he isn't understanding that his actions are disrespectful. Does he hide the fact that he is in a relationship with you? Do these women he flirts with know that he is in a relationship?
I would sit him down and express how you feel. If he is at all understanding of your feelings then he should lay off the flirting. It's a bit much, If he wants to be in a serious relationship then he needs to man up and stop playing around or he will be in a relationship by himself.
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