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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Would it be strange for me (a 22 year old woman) to date a 38 year old man? Have you ever dated someone 15-20 years older than you?
I did, when I was 18-19, I dated a 34 year old, and it did not work out because he was just looking for ''fun'' with a younger girl. It's not like I was looking for marriage right away. I just wanted someone who was serious enough to live with after about a year, and maybe have a long term relationship, and maybe get married. (He told me after 1 year that he never even saw us making it past 1 year, and broke up with me for another girl my age because I was "too serious" to presume that our relationship would turn into getting an apartment together.)(In fact, I found out he had dated girls as young as 15, 16 and 17 before me, which is illegal of course but I won't go into my opinions on that.)That guy was immature himself, a kid in a man's body who refused to grow up. He was a recovering meth AND heroin addict who was clean for 7 years BUT he did drink alcohol every day. He went to work, but he was doing the same job he did for 15 years and was content with not attempting to move up in the company.
Anyway, this 38 year old has 2 young children, elementary school age, and is divorced for 5 years and would like 1 more child and a new marriage. I've been dating him and I was wondering if he saw me as a kid or what? I mean, he told me about what he wanted. That could mean he could see me filling the position of being his wife in the future?
Honestly I would not normally date someone significantly older, like 45 and up. We would probably not have much in common and I would be wary of WHY they want a 22 year old at age 50. Duh. They want to feel young again and that means they want sex with someone young enough to be their daughter.
I want love. I want marriage in a year, or two, or five.
It is not all that strange for you to be dating someone that age. Some people may view him as being someone close enough in age as to be your father and this chronologically speaking may be true. On the other hand you may be looking for someone who is old enough to offer you the type of love and security that someone your age cannot offer you.
At 21 you are as they and adult who is single and fancy free. You have free will to chose who you date, have a sex life if you chose to and who you marry and when.
When it comes to a love relationship that you hope will lead to marriage there are only two opinions that count; yours and his. I would advice that you look beyond the infatuation of the initial stage of love though.
If you are looking for someone who can offer you the security that an older man should be able to. That security comes with a bit of a price. In this case it comes with two children, to whom you will be a step-mother to and if they live with him you will help raise them.
At his point in life a night out will be more sedate. A nice dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe a movie afterwards and then home. If he is raising his children don't expect him to bring you home to spend the night until well after he has introduced you to his children and they are comfortable with having you in their lives.
If you two marry then vacations will most always be geared to age appropriate family vacations with the his children. Of course if you two have children you have to make sure that his children do not feel that you favor your biological child(ren) over them in anyway.
You will be missing a lot of things your friends may be doing by marrying guys there own age. Depending on their joint earnings ability they could be flying off to far flung corners of the world or doing things you wanted to do while you are here at home raising his children.
While there is nothing strange or inherently wrong by dating or even marrying someone this much older than you. I suggest you give a great deal of thought. Look at what you will bring to the marriage, what you will get from the marriage and what you will be missing by marring someone in this mans situation.
Once you have looked at this from all the different angles and if you decide this is what you want. Then I say go for it.
Hi There..........Thank you so much for you reply. It was hard to read, but I need to hear it. So here is the thing I do not get, WHY when I wanted to walk away (before he let me go in 2009)did he ask me to say because I may be "her"? WHY would he tell me that he cannot imagine his life without me in it and that even if we removed the physical part, he still wants me in his life? WHY ask me questions about his house he is building if I am not even going to be living in it? WHY tell me that his family told him, after meeting me at a dinner party, that I am "an amazing woman and a keeper"??? WHY offer to pay my son's 1st year university when I was having trouble with OSAP 3 years ago?? WHY want to spend New Years Eve with me this year and Valentines weekend together in a few weeks?? Am I really that stupid......gullible???
I hear what you say about dating others, but I have and after being single since 1997 and raising my 2 kids alone, I find that the men I meet are after one thing and one thing only. They do not care about who I am as a person, woman, mother. With this man, I am free to be who I am. We get each other and with other men I would truly be settling. I did that once in my life and that was toxic. I would rather be alone forever than to be with just anyone. He knows and comments all the time that men stare at me all the time and he knows that I do not sit by the phone waiting for him to call me once every 6-8 weeks for a wonderful weekend together. As a man, why would you want to risk losing her when she gets you like no other ever has and potentially she meet someone else? Even though we are not "dating", it still makes me sad to think about him when he is out with his single friends. God, I sound like an insecure 20 year old, but I am not.
I welcome anything else you may want to add.
Have a good evening.
I wish I had the answers to the questions you have. I would go so far as to say I would love to give you the answers you want to hear. But I don't and I can't.
I understand where you are at at this point in your life. You want Mr. Right after having Mr. Wrong and staying with him for however long you had and putting up with whatever abuse you may have had too.
I do not see this man as Mr. Right. In fact based on the additional information you sent in this message he reminds me of a boy in his teens years who has found himself an easy Mary. You and I are not that far apart in age that I believe you know what I mean by an easy Mary.
I'm not trying to insult you when I say this but 6 to 8 weeks between phone calls tells me that this is how he sees you. As someone who will drop everything to be with him or an easy Mary who sits by the phone waiting for a guy looking for a last minute date and will give him anything he asks for.
The other things you write about, the questions, the advise he ask from you, what his friends tell him they & he think of you. To him this is all window dressing that keeps you available to him when he has need of you. In short I think he is playing you.
I know this hurts as I can see you have deep feelings for this guy. Unfortunately I do not see these feelings ever being returned by him. I see him as a player.
I see you as someone close enough in age to me as to be my sister. If you were my advice to you would be to get back in the game and find someone else. I know you think he is the only man out there who is the one for you. Your wrong, there are better men out there.
Yes, most men are looking for one thing, sex. But you are the one who controls whether or not sex happens. If you give in and have sex on the first or second date then this is how a guy our age is going to view you. Lets face facts here. Divorced people with children are not viewed as virgins. It is expected that we, they, them, all have sexual desires and if there is any chemistry between us sex will happen.
This does not mean sex has to or is even is destined to happen. There are men out there who understand that in order to have a sexual relationship it has to be earned like anything else. We earn it through earning your love, trust and respect. You do not earn any of this by trying or demanding to get into bed with you on the first few dates.
There are men out there for you to find. How you find them is looking for something that provides a common ground for conversation. A common interest is where you start. Sit down and make a list of all the things that interest you and things you like to do. Hiking, camping, taking nature walks, photography so on and so forth. If you are a religious person put that on your list as well.
The look for clubs and activities that cater to these activities and possibly to singles as well. This is where you will meet single men or people who know single men who have these same interest. This is where you will meet men who will learn to know you before they want to hoping to bed with you.
Yes sexual attraction is high on the list of how we meet people. If sex is your only interest you go to pick-up bars. If you go to pick-up bars to meet people you are sending the wrong message.
I'm sorry if I have hurt you with this answer or if you find this hard to read. It is not my intention to hurt you. I do this to help people and I won't lie to them just to make them feel good.
In short my advice is to let this guy go and go find someone else. That man is out there waiting to meet you. You sound like a lovely lady. Someone I would want to find if I were single.
I am a 48 year old single mother of 2 young adult children. I met him 5 years ago and the chemistry and connection was so intense from that moment. Here is my problem.......I am so in love with this man, but he tells me that he wants to have his own biological children. He actually broke up with me in 2009 because he felt he had to do this even though he agrees (and so does EVERYONE who knows us and sees us together) that we have this incredible bond. We eventually hooked up again, but we seem to be Best Friends with Benefits. We are amazing together on every level...emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. My kids adore him and he adores them. We are not a couple yet when we are together we do everything that couples do. He knows he can count on me for anything and visa versa. He tells me that I am amazing woman.....caring, honest, trusting, dependable, beautiful inside and out......but then WHY won't he go further with me? I know that I should ask him because I do not want to do this forever, but I am afraid that he will walk away for whatever reasons he has and then I will never see him again. So I am doing this because the alternative is worse......Losing Him. He knows that I go out and that the possibility of meeting someone is there, but yet he still makes no moves. I THINK THAT MAYBE IT IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE HAS MY HEART AND I WOULD NEVER WALK AWAY.He is building a house and sometimes he asks me..."So where should the his and hers closets go? Would you prefer the 2 sinks on the same counter or should we do them on separate counters? Hun, imagine being in the hot tub outside and then walking to the master bath in the jacuzzi bath?". He seems to talk about me in his short term future, but when he talks about his long term, I do not seem to be in it. He has NOT done any dating (not seriously anyway) as per his close friends. So HOW is he going to find "HER" and fall in love.....date her long enough to find out if she is HER.....marry HER and then hope that she can in fact have kids (I had infertility issues in my mid 20's)since he is now 48 and she would have to be at least in her early to mid 30's. I get asked out a lot by really nice men, but I compare the connection to him. And I won't settle. He has never been married and never had kids and his best friend is the same. His friend likes to go to vegas and they go together a lot and that bothers me. So, If I am "all that" then what is wrong? I actually told him that I would have his child via surrogate (he actually proposed that to me in October) and ever since I so-called his bluff, he has not mentioned it since although he cried when I told him I would do it for him and with him only!!!!!! I am stuck and don't know what to do. I would do anything for this man. He told me that he is afraid of losing people he loves......His dad(of a heart attack), his sister (of ALS) and then he says......"And I am afraid of losing you". That is the closest he has every come to saying that he loves me. When we make love there have been times when he gets tears in his eyes when he looks into my eyes right after. There are times we have cried together. What is he afraid of? Is it that he does not want to give up his batchelorhood.......go and come as he pleases.....not have to answer to anyone......Then why say to everyone who knows him that he wants to get married and have children? I have offered him all that. He has offered to take me to Vegas many, many times and many, many times since he has gone, but with his single friend who has a passion for strippers. He invites me to his best friends house for dinner and they have told me that he just does not allow just anyone into his life.....you have to be very special to be in it. They all adore me and think that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him. I do not want to lose him as that would be like grieving a death. When together, he is the one who reaches for my hand.....he is the one who reaches to kiss me......he is the one who holds me tight in bed as we fall asleep and kisses me gently through the night. Am I wasting my time? What is with all the confusing and mixed messages? But again, I am afraid to ask because he might feel pressure and walk away, although he once said he could not live without me in his life. People search a life time to find what we share,,,,,,,,,why would he not want to keep it forever? Why would he want another man to have all that I give to him Mind, Body and Soul??
Please help.
Your situation is not all that unique. While neither of you can be considered middle aged you both can, in differing ways, be felt to be set in your ways.
He is telling you one thing verbally though his actions are saying just the opposite. He is telling you he wants biological children. Yet to have them would mean finding a women to marry young enough to be his daughter or at the very least a much younger sister. Realistically this presents a social problem for him with his circle of friends. While May - December marriages work better with older women. They do not work all that well for older men.
Now I have taken a lot of liberty in my thoughts about what he may be conflicted about in the above. Compounding that conflict, taking the same liberties are his feelings for you. Assuming his feelings for you are similar to your for him there is still the over riding fact of his desire for biological child. you in a sense called his bluff on this desire and he has not acted on it. So is this desire real or just an excuse not to marry a women who is socially acceptable to his circle of friend. Thus allowing him to stay single and enjoy the life he has made for himself.
That I believe is the question. The problem is not you. The problem is him and he not knowing or knowing what he wants and not wanting to say it out load. It just may be that he planned on being a bachelor and enjoying the swinging bachelor life style that his window of opportunity passed him by and know he just making excuses.
It is really hard to say I can give you reasons I think he may be as he is. Though only he can tell you for sure.
What you have to decide is: Is what you have now studying enough that you can face going into your golden years possibly alone except for your children? If the answer is no then as hard as it may be to leave him this is what you have to do and start accepting offers to date from other men.
Will you find someone exactly like him? Maybe, maybe not. What I am sure of is there is someone out there that will give you love in return for the love you give him, just as long as you don't compare him to this guy.
Hello, I don't know how to start this out, but here goes, I was raped 33 hours ago, is it too late to file charges aganist him? It's an old boy friend. of mine.
He's a stalker, I'm sure that won't make any difference. We broke up 3 months ago, on my 50th birthday.He got me to his house, I trusted him, I thought we were going to just be friends, and put the past behind us,.
When he pushed me in his bedroom and locked the door, I kept saying please please please don't do this to me. You can't talk to me the way you are, and you can't keep my aganist my will. He said I'm going to have sex with you all night long and there is nothing you can do about it.
He tied me up and heald me againist my will. He hid my keys, phone, clothes, and purse.
After he had his fill I said you planned all this out, and he said yes.
What I would like to know, what can be done now, to him?
Can I still be examed close to 50 hours later?
Will I ever feel normal again?
I am so very sorry this has happened to you. You need to report him to the police. You are the victim here please remember this.
No one asks to be raped. Part of the healing process from a rape is understanding that you did nothing to bring this on yourself. Your rapist will say anything and everything to prove he did not rape you. As long as you did not consent to having sex with him or said no or stop it is rape.
If he incapacitated you, got you drunk and had sex with you it is rape. You have to be able to consent to sex otherwise it is rape and you are the victim.
It is almost never to late. Rape has a five year statute of limitation for prosecution in almost every state. Even though you may have washed yourself there may still be evidence that will be found in an examination. Hopefully you haven't washed the clothing you wore. Gather those clothes and place them in a trash bag for the police to examine including your panties and bra.
Yes you can still be examined this long after the rape happened. Many women who have been raped do not report the rape immediately.
As to what will happen to him. After reporting him to the police and after they gather the evidence you give they will arrest him. Based on the results of that evidence the prosecutor will decide how to proceed and what degree of rape he will be charged with.
Will you ever fell normal again Yes, but you cannot do this alone, you will need help. For this I would like you to call an organization called AINN. RAINN stands for; Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 hot line 1-800-656-HOPE.
Their trained counselors ho answer the hot line will help you find the right kind of help in your own home town to help you through this. So please call them right after you call and speak to the police or if you want help reporting this to the police then call them first and they will help you.
Just remember that you are the victim and you can prevent any other women in your area from becoming a victim by being strong and reporting him now. The police are open 24/7 you do not have to wait for normal business hours to make this report. Just pick up the phone and dial 911.
Hi,
I have a past situation that still bugs me from time to time & I would appreciate a non judgemental outsiders advice who can step into both shoes please.
There is a long story to this situation, over about 4 years long but the same question remains...Do I tell my partner the whole truth about the situation or continue with him knowing parts or most of the truth, leave it in the past, let it go & move on?
I have been with my partner for 10 years (with a few breaks in between). He was around when this went on & does know a lot about it yet there are parts that I blocked out, feared revealing, were too painful, regretted, was a different person at the time & or traumatised by. Needless to say, certain parts have come back or are clearer now.
I am not fully sure why it comes back to bug me except that it is a part of my past I am ashamed of, the whole truth of it has not been disclosed to anyone, fear of always being defined as the black sheep in the family, no one understands, will I now lose my partner, if I do tell will it really make me feel better & improve our relationship?
I realise this is a grey area & that is why I get so caught up in the whole thing. Do I tell or don't I? I have bit my lip a few times plus started to say more about it then stopped, changed the subject or brushed it off but I am also sick of swallowing it back down, feeling caught in the web, letting it affect my soul & have it return.
We try to tell each other everything. We are normally great communicators. He has been my rock & is a wonderful man. This is something that stops me feel honestly worthy of his love & I believe creates distance between us (from my part) that I do not want us to have. We are looking at getting engaged/married & starting a family soon.
Is it something I must get over & leave alone or it is to be fully shared in hope it does bring us closer after the possible tears & hurt?
Thanks in advance!
In general, at least based on what little you have divulged, I agree with the other advisers. There is an old saying; "The truth will set you free."
I have a suspicion that I may know what your hiding. Though without actual confirmation from you I am hesitant to advise one way or the other. I understand your fear of not wanting to divulge to much in an open forum. You can if you want to write any of us in a private message that just one of us and the webmaster can view, telling us just what it is your hiding from your man. With this knowledge we can be direct in our answer to you.
From where I view this something 10 years in the past shouldn't be all that harmful as to ruin a relationship if revealed now. It is in the past. As you say your a different person now and so is your significant other. You are both more mature now then 10 years ago as well.
If you don't want to reveal to us what went on back then and do want a good answer or help with this decision. I would suggest a few sessions with therapist who is bound by law to confidentiality. In this way you can get everything out in the open, verbalized for you and the therapist to hear. Then the therapist can help you find the right answer to your question.
Looking for a fast and easy way to hurt myself .. wanting attention and/ or to end up in the hospital.. this is the only thing i can think of, i've tried messing up my kidneys and bladder i have tried cutting i have tried beating my head till it bleeds ...nothing..
By what you have written to us you are what is referred to by doctors as; "A person who is a danger to themselves." A person who is a danger to themselves is in need of medical attention.
You can go to the nearest hospital emergency room and show them what you have written to us and they will examine and care for you. You can also call 911 and tell the call taker you need help. Tell the call taker what you have told us. Help will be sent to you and they will take you to the hospital.
You are crying out for attention by writing to us. Just why this is so I can't say I am not a doctor. Maybe you know the reason and maybe you are not sure. It could be your depressed about something. Whatever the reason is you don't need to hurt yourself to get the attention your asking for.
So please don't hurt yourself. Either go to the hospital yourself or call 911. As A first responder with the fire department I have been on numerous calls such as this. We don't take chances and we don't make diagnoses, that's for the doctors to do. We make sure you have not done any physical harem to yourself, treat whatever harm you may have done and transport you to the hospital for the doctors to treat.
I would prefer you call 911 that way I know you will be treated properly, and transported the proper hospital. I also hope the doctors are able to help you with whatever is bothering you.
Write back and let me know how you are doing.
It's not like I am a child or even a teenager. I am 21 and am pregnant. I am 5 months along and I feel like I have begun to bond with this baby already. I do not want to give it up for adoption but both of my parents think I should, because my boyfriend refuses to stay with me or marry me. I don't know if their preference for adoption has to do with the fact that they think I'm immature, not ready, or even because the father is Mexican. Real Mexican, he and his parents have never been to the United States. It's not like my parents are telling me this because I'm in college or anything. THEY made me drop out of the school I was attending for 2 years because they would not cosign a student loan when I got laid off and could no longer pay for school out of pocket like I had been doing the whole time. Honestly, whatever I do in life, my parents say I can't handle it. They like to put me down. But fuck it, they live back east in New York, I moved to San Francisco when I was 18, then San Diego/Tijuana. They want me to live in Pennsylvania with family but...no way! I never learned to drive! and I know they are just going to make me feel bad about myself and put me down all the time and try to talk me into adoption. I enjoy them as parents from 3,000 miles away, because they are shitty parents. Should I stay or should I go? By the way, I am on unemployment. I know the state of California would provide me with more state aid for my low income for WIC and low cost prenatal care...than Pennsylvania because I know people who receive food stamps and SSI, and it is significantly higher in CA than PA. Eventually I could get a job again of course. Right now I live with my boyfriend but he has been getting more and more distant as I get further along in pregnancy, which hurts. A lot. Eventually we're just going to both go our separate ways, I can tell because he says he hates kids and he doesn't want one and he doesn't love me anymore. I am also not sure if he has told his parents but I have only met them twice, before I got pregnant. He also takes other girls on dates and doesn't come home every night. Last time we went on a date was 6 months ago. It's kind of like we are just roommates now. Whatever though, it's reality and I still want the baby and I still want to be on the west coast...is that a bad idea?
I can't really help you with which state to chose to live in. What I know about the welfare system would fit on the point of a pin. What I do know is California is basically broke and Pennsylvania is in a much better financial situation. I would advise you use the web to check out what PA has to offer you; then make that decision.
More importantly is the fact that your boyfriend cannot just walk away from this child. Not while he is living in this country. We have laws that make him responsible for this child until the child is 18. Any welfare office is going to want to know who he is and where he can be found so they can go after him for support.
It would be better for you and the baby if you see a lawyer before the baby is born and have the child support worked out before you apply for welfare. Once the courts have ordered support the welfare office will help enforce the order so they can recoup what they spend. If they initiate a support order they will only get what they are looking for. You may be entitled to more support than that. It all depends on your boyfriends earning capacity.
See a lawyer before the baby is born. Many women's shelters and district courts have lawyers or law students who offers free help to women that cannot afford legal help. Check with the local legal aid society.
hello, my name is Sam. Im 13 almost 14 year old guy. There is this girl on my swim team and i really liked her. I asked her out and she told me it was wrong timing, because she had just broken up with her boyfriend. I told her that that was fine. I gave her some time and about 3 weeks later i asked her again. She said no. Again because she wasnt ready. Then i asked her if she reslly meant that, or if it was just an easy way of "putting me down" she said honestly a little bit of both. Well then she told me later that she likes a guy in my grade (shes one year below me) and asked me if we could just be friends. Honestly.... I dont want to be friends anymore. I want to show her that i am better than him. And i dont know what I should do.
Hi Sam,
I'm glad you wrote to us for this type of advice. Your current age is probably the toughest age for any teenager. It is the beginning of your teenage years plus you are battling the building effects of puberty. I believe you are in need of some grandfatherly advice. Since I am of that age hopefully the advice I am about to offer will be helpful to you.
As I said this is really a tough age for boys and girls as well. Both of you are just learning the social graces of attraction and dating. It s also a time when you learn about rejection.
When this girls said no to you and said she was interested in another boy in your grade. It had nothing to do with you looking bad or smelling bad or anything else. It had everything to do with chemistry. A chemical produced by the hormones that come with puberty. We all have them and they are called phenomenons. They are odorless and have everything to do with attraction.
He may have no interest in her yet she has gotten a whiff of his odorless sent and found him attractive. At the moment she has set her sights on him and him alone. This is one of many reasons we sometimes refer to women as fickle for we do not understand why they are this way. You are attracted to her for the same reasons. Though men will move on if rejected more easily.
As my mother always told me when I was your age; "There are plenty of fish in the sea, just keep fishing." Ten years later I landed a wonderful fish and we have been married for 41 years as of last July.(Don't tell my wife I refered to her as a fish)
There is nothing wrong with being friends with her. You can at least stay in touch with her this way. You never know she may realise what a catch you are and change her mind about dating you. In the mean time you keep fishing. You will catch some fish and you will throw many back into the sea. Then one day you will catch a keeper.
Remember you are only 13 and your are just know developing the social skills you will need later in life. The friends you make and have today in school will be long time forgotten by the time you finish college and are ready to marry.
my boyfriend says that he loves me but he doesn't spends money on me. If he does so then also its very rare. Why he does like that?
It would be easier for me to answer this question if I knew your age. Though the bulk of my answer would remain the same regardless of how old you are.
Proving someones value or love to someone should never be measured in monetary form, especially in today's economic times. We measure someones worth in monetary form only for employment purpose. The more valuable the employee is to an employer the more the employer attempts to compensate them. Someones value in this form is measurable.
To try and place a monetary value on an emotion is just plain wrong for many reasons. An example of this would be: Your boyfriend is head over heals in love with you but he does not have a dime to spare. He shows his love for you by treating you properly and spending all his spare time with you.
I on the other hand come from a rich family and my parents throw money at me just to get rid of me. I see you and decide you are someone I want to get to know and try to get into my bed. I have no thoughts of a long term love affair. I am only out to satisfy my carnal desires. I know you have a boyfriend though I feel I can take you away from him buy showering you with expensive trinkets as I know you place emotional value on gifting.
I'm probably not going to treat you as well as your boyfriend is. We will date and I will expect you to be at my beck and call. I will eventually get from you what I want or I won't. In either case when I do or don't I will drop you like a hot potato.
Now I'm not like that but I have known guys who are. Placing monetary value on an emotion is a false value. The real value is in how this boy treats and respects you. He may only have enough money to take you on a nice date each week.Which would you prefer shiny trinkets that you will soon forget about or going out and having a nice time with him each week.
I have known this friend for 2 years, and we were roommates for this year at college. I had bought an extremely expensive black skirt and brought it to college but I didn't wear it after September because it was too cold, so it laid in my drawers for months. The other day I saw my roommate wearing a black skirt that looked really similar to mine, and I asked if it was mine and she said no, it was hers and she had bought it at a major retailer discount store. I searched my dorm room and my skirt was missing, that following weekend I went home and searched my house and found no skirt. When she was in the bathroom I quickly looked at the tag and its the exact size and brand of my skirt that is missing.. I feel bad confronting her but she really doesn't seem the type to steal someone's clothes, I think it might just be a misunderstanding but I'm not sure how to confront her/convince her that the skirt is actually mine.
Confronting your roommate over this skirt is only going to cause problems and an unhealthy living arrangement unless you have someway to prove the skirt is yours.
What I suggest is you have some name tags made that you can hide discreetly inside the hems, waistbands or the cuffs of your clothing. If you are not the type of who can sew real well your local dry cleaner should be able to do this for you for a reasonable cost.
Then if something goes missing and turns up in your roommate's closet or dresser you can get the door advisor involved. Proof of ownership will be the name tags. The dorm advisor will find the tag when they inspect the article of clothing and find the name tag where you tell them it will be.
As for this skirt, unless you have the sales receipt or can get a copy of the credit card charge receipt from the credit card company. It is going to be your word against hers. The college is going to tell you to work it out between you.
It is unfortunate but without proof of ownership possession is going to be the deciding factor. Your mistrust in your roommate may be grounds for a change in rooms though.
If you did pay for the garment with a credit card, yours or your parents contact the credit card company for a copy of the sales receipt. You can then go to the retailer for a copy of the original sales receipt. This should be all the proof you need to prove the skirt is yours, unless of course she too can come up with similar proof.
I'm scared my parents fight a lot and I'm the oldest of three kids ( my 8 year old sister and my 4 year old brother) I'm supposed to comfort them but I don't know how to calm my sisters fears without her knowing mine I want to be there for them but I can't do that without crying myself what should I do?
I am sorry you have been placed in this position. I would much rather reach out and put my arms around you and your siblings to hold you close and comfort you then be trying to suggest ways to help you.
It is unfortunate but we adults do fight and in the heat of arguments we will say things that we may not really mean. I can't say that your parents will or will not divorce I don't know them and I do not know what they are arguing over. There are a couple of things that you might try to make life at home for you and your siblings more comfortable.
One is to try talking to whichever parent you feel closer to. Tell mom or dad what their fighting is doing to you and your siblings. Tell them how scared it makes all of you and how you end up crying.
You can also tell them you wrote to us for advise as to what to do to help them. That we suggested that you ask them to get family marriage counselling for whatever is bothering them and that you and your siblings can tell the therapist how scared you all are when they fight.
The second thing you can do if you feel you cannot talk to either one of your parents is to talk to a trusted teacher of your school principal. Tell them what is happening at home and how it makes you and your siblings feel.
Your teacher and principal are not only there to educate you but to see to your well being as well. If this means they need to ask your parents to come to school to talk about your home life they will do so.
As I said in the beginning parent do argue and when they do they do not always mean what they say in the heat of the moment. If there arguing is scaring you and you can't talk to them about it then you have your teachers and principal to talk to or you could try talking to an Aunt or Uncle or possibly your grandparent. I'm sure one of them would be more than willing once they know what is going on to try and help your parents and you kids.
We will always be here if you need someone to talk to.
so I have this gym teacher in high school who is young, (younger than 30 I think) really pretty and good looking and red headed (I love red heads) and she teaches gym and Health and so we are doing the swimming unit and while in the pool she was walking around and she then said to me and some of my friends later that she likes the swimming unit the most because she likes to look at all the boys without their shirts on in the water and it gives her lots to look at. I honestly have zero problem with what she said, but if some kid who was around me heard it decides to go and cry to someone about it, will she get in trouble?
Twenty years ago no one would have said anything at all about her comment. Today we have become overly politically correct and while her comment was not that out of line it could be considered improper by some people.
All it would take is someone to go home and make a passing comment about this to a parent who views on the subject of sex and teachers are more puritan in nature to have a compliant filed. Would the teacher get fired? I can't say, for the tolerance level on this subject is about zero.
For my part I do not see where the teachers comment was that out of line. A hard body is a hard body. She may be a teacher but she is also human and she has been human and female longer than she has been a teacher. As my wife told me when we married I could look at the menu all I wanted; I just couldn't reorder. In my eyes all your teacher did was admit she liked looking at a bare chested menu. I do not see any foul being committed. Then again I do not sit on the Board of Education where you live.
You know where you live and what the feelings are of the community on this type of subject. So you can judge better than I can if a big deal will be made of this by anyone.
From my point of view I think the teacher was having a little fun teasing you guys a bit.
Had my period on 12th to 15th of Jan and had sex on 29th to 31st of Jan what is chance of getting pregnant? And is it possible to start my period soon and what date could that be.
If your cycle is 28 days it is very likely you could be pregnant as you would have had sex at the beginning of when you would be most fertile. Your next period should be on or about the 13Th of February. While it is possible you could be it still depends on just when during your most fertile time of the cycle you ovulate.
For most women they are most fertile for a 14 day period beginning 7 days after their period and ending 7 days before their period. This would account for a 28 day cycle. For you this would mean you would ovulate sometime between the 22ND of January and the 5Th of February.
Sometime during this 14 day period your ovary would eject an egg for fertilization. Sperm lives for 3 days after intercourse. So by the dates you have given you are right at the beginning of your most fertile time of your cycle.
If your ovary ejects an egg at the very beginning of this 14 day period it is possible you are pregnant. Now; not all women are fertile at this time during their cycle. You need to find out just when you ovulate if you are going to use the rhythm method of birth control.
If you are concerned you are pregnant you should take a home pregnancy test. Most of the test on the market are easy to use and very accurate. If you get a positive indication you should then see your GYN for a blood test.
Short lecture from someone old enough to be your grandfather. Besides protecting you from pregnancy condoms also protect you from many STD and the AIDS virus. Now many young men will tell you they don't like condoms as it takes away from their pleasure. BFD, pardon my language, but they are not the ones who will be an unwed mother. They are not the ones that have to tell their parents they are pregnant. They are not the ones who, if you choose to do so, have an abortion. They are not the one who will have to raise this child; for most like he will run not walk away from you.
Frankly the expression that the girls used on us when I was young and we did not have the AIDS virus to worry about is still appropriate. "No rubber no Lover". It is just that simple, not to mention the fact that having unprotected sex means you are also having sex with anyone else he has had unprotected sex with.
If either of you has a latex allergy they make no latex condoms as well. They are a little more expensive but work just as well. All condoms are 85% effective in preventing pregnancy when worn correctly. You can practice with a banana or cucumber as to how to properly put a condom on you boyfriend.
How t0 stop a woman from lesbian
A persons sexuality is what they where born to be. No one chooses to be gay or straight, they are pre-programmed long before birth as to their sexuality. Being gay is not a disease or a voluntary life choice.
While there are some gays who will try to fight what they are they can not change who they are. Eventually they will make themselves sick by fighting and accept the are gay.
Medical science has proven this. The days of trying to deprogram a gay or lesbian is long over. Just accept this person for who she is. She is truly in every other respect no different from anyone else. She just has a different sexual preference. This does not make her a bad person.
i have a friend.. we have been friends for a while now and we seem to be getting closer.. i went over to his house and we were messing around, there was a little bit of eye contacts,hugging n tickling and he got a boner after this.. whats does this mean?does he like me or what??
P.S i REALLY REALLY like him(more than a friend)
A teenage male in the early stages of puberty and liking someone have almost nothing to do with each other. A teenage male gets a large number of erections each day simply do to hormones produced by puberty. It has almost nothing to do with what is going on around him, although he still can be aroused by sexual interest. Which just adds to his embarrassment and confusion for at this point in his sexual development he can never be sure, by what you described, if this is why he became aroused.
Since he did get a noticeable erection in your presence he may be too embarrassed to ask you out. If you like him you might ask him out. This will let him know you were not offended by his erection.
13/F
Hi! So my birthday is in late July and I can't go to the gym until 14. So... I count my calories and I weigh inbetween 100 to 130 pounds, I believe. I'm 5 foot.
Well, I want to know what I should do until then. I'm really looking forward to the gym, but I won't be able to go until July. What should I do until then?
I would say talk to your physical education instructor at school about a proper exercise program. This is their area of expertise, childhood development and exercise. There may also be an after school program you can join that is free.
As for your weight. I believe you are right in the range you need to be. The only person who can tell you what the best weight for you would be your family doctor or pediatrician.
There are a number of other factors that go into determining a persons proper weight which your doctor will use to come up with a proper weight for you individually. Muscle mass, frame size, height and weight are 4 factors most commonly used by a doctor. There may be other factors unique to the individual the doctor will take into account such as being an athlete.
While their is an overly simple answer to your question. At your age it is important that you have a doctor determine if your weight is proper for you at your point in your bodies developmental age. This is usually done and given to your parents during your yearly physical for school.
My friend is 5 feet (Like me) and she's 12. I'm her height, but we're different ages so... She worrys about her weight and I'm just curious on how much a 12 year old 5 foot tall female should weigh. Thanks!
The average weight for a 12 year old female is between 91.5 to 130 pounds. Remember average means the middle ground between the high and the low. The only person who can tell you what the best weight for you or your friend would be your family doctor(s) or pediatrician(s).
There are a number of other factors that go into determining a persons proper weight which your doctors will use to come up with a proper weight for you individually. Muscle mass, frame size, height and weight are 4 factors most commonly used by a doctor. There may be other factors unique to the individual the doctor will take into account such as being an athlete.
While their is an overly simple answer to your question. At your age(s) it is important that you have a doctor determine if your weight is proper for you at your point in your bodies developmental age. This is usually done and given to your parents during your yearly physical for school.
Te last day of my period was friday and takes 21 days till the next one comes. my boyfriend and i had unprotected sex on wednesday and again today friday? am i pregnant and when exactly are my fertile days?
I can't tell you if your pregnant or not. What I can tell you is your playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded pistol by having unprotected sex with your boyfriend. In a moment I will give you some advice on the second half of your question.
There are two reasons fro using a condom during sex. First it offers protection from pregnancy. Condoms are 85% effective when worn properly. Condoms also are effective in preventing the transmission of many STDS and the AIDS virus.
Your boyfriend may be telling you something to the effect he doesn't like condoms because it dulls his sensations. Frankly that's tough. He is not the one who will have to carry a child, get an abortion or raise a child as an unwed mother.
When I was younger and dating the girls had a saying. "No rubber, no lover." It was appropriate at that time and still if not more so today. We did not have to worry about AIDS back then. Not using a condom means you are having sex with every one he has had sex with and every one they have had unprotected sex with. You are gambling with your health. If either of you are allergic to latex there are no-latex condoms available and if you are over 14 you may legally purchase them. (see below)
As for the second half of your question. I understand there is a kit you can purchase at the pharmacy that will help you find out when you are most fertile. For most women they are most fertile and likely to conceive a child 7 days after and 7 days before their period. In other words in a normal 21 day cycle the middle 14 days are your most likely days to conceive. BUT, there is always a chance you could be one of the women who ovulate at a different time of the month. Possibly right after or right before your period. There are I'm told women that ovulate during there period.
Your period as you know is the cleansing of the womb to make it ready for a new fertilized egg. Ovulation is the ejection of an egg from your ovary to allow the egg to become fertilized. These are two different and separate functions of your body that can happen simultaneously though generally they do not.
The best person to answer this question about your cycle would be your gynecologist. If you are over 14 you can by a law known as HIPPA make an appointment and see your GYN without parental permission or accompaniment. This law gives young people over the age of 14absolute medical confidentiality over their reproductive systems so that they can be open and honest with their doctor on medical issues related to reproductive health. You can even be prescribed birth control if you request birth control. Parental permission is not required. Look up HIPPA on the WEB
***IF YOU SAY, "IM SURE YOUR FINE." GO AWAY.***
So, I'm 13 & get taunted a lot about my small butt and boobs. Although everyone knows me, like someone says my name and their like yeah I know her and I'm friends with pretty much everyone. My friends in my class (boys) say why do you wear a bra and stuff like that, we all laugh then go onto another subject and and it's just a joke. I know it, they know it, we all do. But it's true. I want to get a bigger butt & pair of boobs and my guess for the boobs is massage it for two weeks then see if theirs any progress and I think it'll work. Then for the butt I am going to lay on my tummy, and push my legs up so my butt will be recieving the work out rather than my thighs or anything.
And might I add I weigh 105 where as my average weight for my height and age is 117. So that's some of the problem, but I enjoy being carried due to my lack of weight and being envyed by so many girls for my body. My ex [who is like a brother to me and he is my world. He looks out for me and we're best friends. Only friends but he's nice] said to my friend allure while I was doing something, that if I had a better < notice meaning all I have to do is improve> body then I'd be hot! I know , I know. "I'm sure your fine." I am fine. Really, but in highschool next year I at least want to be up to level with the other girls and have a big butt and at least B sized boobs! That's all I want!
Lastly is Makeup. I want really dark lashes that is like clumpy but so clumpy that they look real thick and spider-leg-y. Haha. I just want really nice thick eyelashes. This girl is my role model and she has really dark eyelashes and of course it's makeup, but I don't care. And I want them dark and people say just buy volumizer and it doesn't work. I was told use the L.A. Kind mascara and I looked for it but couldn't find it.
Thanks in advanced and sorry it was so terribly long.
As for the make-up one of the women advisors will have to help you with that.
As for the other things your wrote about. I'm not going to say you normal or abnormal. Your only 13 and yes while some of your friends may have developed faster than you, you will eventually catch up to them.
You may be at the beginning of puberty and have at the very least 5 more years to go through. Your body will continue to change and develop over that time. You will have whatever size breasts you are suppose to have. Your butt will develop, hopeful, in proportion to your body. The exercise you want to do will not develop your butt they way you want it will add muscle mass. Which will also add wight as muscle is heavier than fat.
I do not know where you found the idea of massaging you breast area to improve growth. Fact is other than surgical enhancement their is no known method that will improve the growth or size of your breasts. They will grow as they are meant to grow as dictated by your genes and hormones while you go through puberty.
I am not making light of your concerns as they are valid concerns. These concerns though should be addressed with you mom and your dad since your genes come from both of them. You need to find out if either parent has a history of late bloomers anywhere in the family. This would include sister and, cousins. You may have to go back a few generations to find out. This more than anything will give you some insight as to what and when to expect things.
There is and old joke that I will paraphrase a bit. The punch line is a little different than this but basically, you will get what you get when you get them. You cannot rush mother nature. When you are 18 and puberty is just about over then you can consider surgical enhancement if you want.
My advice is to relax for now and take a wait and see attitude for the next 5 years. I'm positive you will turn out to have a body to envy your friends. My sister was a late bloomer and she caused a lot of guys heart break once she finally developed.
Ok I know im not her father but she lets her kid get away with murder she even disrespects her own mom. This kid is bad really bad now me I will not tolerate it one bit my own kids dint talk to me no kids at that. She has her moments though she says she loves me one minute then the next she hates me. This kid makes me wanna break up with my gf , every time I go to talk with her she tells me to shut up an leave her alone. What shall I do
My answer to your question depends on some information you haven't provided. Information such as the girls age and your intentions towards her mother.
One thing is for sure all children need discipline and to learn to respect not only one another but themselves and adults. From the little you have written this girl is lacking may be in all 3 areas.
There are times though when the type of behavior you have written about is also a cry for help. How long has her mother been a single parent? Is her father still in the picture.? How amicable is the relationship between the two parents if the father is still in the picture. These could all be relevant to the child's behavior if the father is still in the picture and the child feel caught in the middle. Especially the part where you wrote,"she says she loves me one minute then the next she hates me." This would be typical of a child caught between two parents. By telling you she loves you she may fell she is disrespecting or minimizing her feelings for her father.
What I have written above is all conjecture since the information to make it fact is missing. If any of it is true. Then family counselling is in order for her and her parents and you s well if you see yourself being long term in the family dynamic here.
If the father is not in the picture this too could be the reason for her behavior. Again how you handle this is determined by what your plans are for a future with your girlfriend. If you plan to have a long term relationship which may include marriage at some point. Then you need to step in and provide the foundation this child needs. This starts by having a conversation with your girlfriend on the subject of the girls unacceptable behavior. Your offer to help and may also include counselling for the child.