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humorist-workshop
Thank you, but......
Hi There..........Thank you so much for you reply. It was hard to read, but I need to hear it. So here is the thing I do not get, WHY when I wanted to walk away (before he let me go in 2009)did he ask me to say because I may be "her"? WHY would he tell me that he cannot imagine his life without me in it and that even if we removed the physical part, he still wants me in his life? WHY ask me questions about his house he is building if I am not even going to be living in it? WHY tell me that his family told him, after meeting me at a dinner party, that I am "an amazing woman and a keeper"??? WHY offer to pay my son's 1st year university when I was having trouble with OSAP 3 years ago?? WHY want to spend New Years Eve with me this year and Valentines weekend together in a few weeks?? Am I really that stupid......gullible???
I hear what you say about dating others, but I have and after being single since 1997 and raising my 2 kids alone, I find that the men I meet are after one thing and one thing only. They do not care about who I am as a person, woman, mother. With this man, I am free to be who I am. We get each other and with other men I would truly be settling. I did that once in my life and that was toxic. I would rather be alone forever than to be with just anyone. He knows and comments all the time that men stare at me all the time and he knows that I do not sit by the phone waiting for him to call me once every 6-8 weeks for a wonderful weekend together. As a man, why would you want to risk losing her when she gets you like no other ever has and potentially she meet someone else? Even though we are not "dating", it still makes me sad to think about him when he is out with his single friends. God, I sound like an insecure 20 year old, but I am not.
I welcome anything else you may want to add.
Have a good evening.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I wish I had the answers to the questions you have. I would go so far as to say I would love to give you the answers you want to hear. But I don't and I can't.
I understand where you are at at this point in your life. You want Mr. Right after having Mr. Wrong and staying with him for however long you had and putting up with whatever abuse you may have had too.
I do not see this man as Mr. Right. In fact based on the additional information you sent in this message he reminds me of a boy in his teens years who has found himself an easy Mary. You and I are not that far apart in age that I believe you know what I mean by an easy Mary.
I'm not trying to insult you when I say this but 6 to 8 weeks between phone calls tells me that this is how he sees you. As someone who will drop everything to be with him or an easy Mary who sits by the phone waiting for a guy looking for a last minute date and will give him anything he asks for.
The other things you write about, the questions, the advise he ask from you, what his friends tell him they & he think of you. To him this is all window dressing that keeps you available to him when he has need of you. In short I think he is playing you.
I know this hurts as I can see you have deep feelings for this guy. Unfortunately I do not see these feelings ever being returned by him. I see him as a player.
I see you as someone close enough in age to me as to be my sister. If you were my advice to you would be to get back in the game and find someone else. I know you think he is the only man out there who is the one for you. Your wrong, there are better men out there.
Yes, most men are looking for one thing, sex. But you are the one who controls whether or not sex happens. If you give in and have sex on the first or second date then this is how a guy our age is going to view you. Lets face facts here. Divorced people with children are not viewed as virgins. It is expected that we, they, them, all have sexual desires and if there is any chemistry between us sex will happen.
This does not mean sex has to or is even is destined to happen. There are men out there who understand that in order to have a sexual relationship it has to be earned like anything else. We earn it through earning your love, trust and respect. You do not earn any of this by trying or demanding to get into bed with you on the first few dates.
There are men out there for you to find. How you find them is looking for something that provides a common ground for conversation. A common interest is where you start. Sit down and make a list of all the things that interest you and things you like to do. Hiking, camping, taking nature walks, photography so on and so forth. If you are a religious person put that on your list as well.
The look for clubs and activities that cater to these activities and possibly to singles as well. This is where you will meet single men or people who know single men who have these same interest. This is where you will meet men who will learn to know you before they want to hoping to bed with you.
Yes sexual attraction is high on the list of how we meet people. If sex is your only interest you go to pick-up bars. If you go to pick-up bars to meet people you are sending the wrong message.
I'm sorry if I have hurt you with this answer or if you find this hard to read. It is not my intention to hurt you. I do this to help people and I won't lie to them just to make them feel good.
In short my advice is to let this guy go and go find someone else. That man is out there waiting to meet you. You sound like a lovely lady. Someone I would want to find if I were single.
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