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I'm not sure what to do
hello, my name is Sam. Im 13 almost 14 year old guy. There is this girl on my swim team and i really liked her. I asked her out and she told me it was wrong timing, because she had just broken up with her boyfriend. I told her that that was fine. I gave her some time and about 3 weeks later i asked her again. She said no. Again because she wasnt ready. Then i asked her if she reslly meant that, or if it was just an easy way of "putting me down" she said honestly a little bit of both. Well then she told me later that she likes a guy in my grade (shes one year below me) and asked me if we could just be friends. Honestly.... I dont want to be friends anymore. I want to show her that i am better than him. And i dont know what I should do.
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realationships are tough at your age everyone's hitting puberty and all of the hormons are kicking in when she let you down it was beacuse she was interested in that other guy you should be her friend that way if he lets her down/breaks up with her you can comport her proving you're the better man
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Hi Sam,
I'm glad you wrote to us for this type of advice. Your current age is probably the toughest age for any teenager. It is the beginning of your teenage years plus you are battling the building effects of puberty. I believe you are in need of some grandfatherly advice. Since I am of that age hopefully the advice I am about to offer will be helpful to you.
As I said this is really a tough age for boys and girls as well. Both of you are just learning the social graces of attraction and dating. It s also a time when you learn about rejection.
When this girls said no to you and said she was interested in another boy in your grade. It had nothing to do with you looking bad or smelling bad or anything else. It had everything to do with chemistry. A chemical produced by the hormones that come with puberty. We all have them and they are called phenomenons. They are odorless and have everything to do with attraction.
He may have no interest in her yet she has gotten a whiff of his odorless sent and found him attractive. At the moment she has set her sights on him and him alone. This is one of many reasons we sometimes refer to women as fickle for we do not understand why they are this way. You are attracted to her for the same reasons. Though men will move on if rejected more easily.
As my mother always told me when I was your age; "There are plenty of fish in the sea, just keep fishing." Ten years later I landed a wonderful fish and we have been married for 41 years as of last July.(Don't tell my wife I refered to her as a fish)
There is nothing wrong with being friends with her. You can at least stay in touch with her this way. You never know she may realise what a catch you are and change her mind about dating you. In the mean time you keep fishing. You will catch some fish and you will throw many back into the sea. Then one day you will catch a keeper.
Remember you are only 13 and your are just know developing the social skills you will need later in life. The friends you make and have today in school will be long time forgotten by the time you finish college and are ready to marry.
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If you don't want to be her friend, that's completely fine. Don't be her friend because sometimes it's hard to handle friendships when you really like the person.
Being friends means listening to when she talks about other guys, dates other guys, and being there when she needs you.
Once you really like someone, it's hard to handle that.
Anyways, she likes someone else. I don't think there is really a way to show her you're better unless you don't be needy or clingy from her, or holding a grudge that she didn't want to date you. If you act cool and normal like it didn't bother you, you won't seem immature so that might help.
But if she wants the other guy, don't try to stop her because if she wants you, she'll come to you.
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If she wants to be friends with you, then let her be friends with you. I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but she said NO and you have to respect her wishes. And besides, what if something happened and she needed the support of a friend? Would she be able to depend on you, or would you bail on her because she wouldn't be your girlfriend?
SHE IS NOT THE ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD. There are plenty of others girls who would love to be your girlfriend.
I hope this helped.
~Andrew~
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If you don't want to be friends, that's fine. I think more people should be honest and not try to force a friendship where none exists.
HOWEVER, you aren't going to be able to show her you are better than him, unless you actually act like the better man, be friendly and respectful, and give up on her.
I'm serious. The better guy respects a woman when she says no, and values her friendship as a person.
If you don't want to be her friend, that's cool, but it also means shell never know even if you are 'better' than the other guy. You'll just be the guy who held a grudge when she turned him down and didn't like her enough to bother being her friend.
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