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Boyfriend has turned platonic roommate, my parents never believe in me: I am pregnant, and need to decide which state is better for welfare
It's not like I am a child or even a teenager. I am 21 and am pregnant. I am 5 months along and I feel like I have begun to bond with this baby already. I do not want to give it up for adoption but both of my parents think I should, because my boyfriend refuses to stay with me or marry me. I don't know if their preference for adoption has to do with the fact that they think I'm immature, not ready, or even because the father is Mexican. Real Mexican, he and his parents have never been to the United States. It's not like my parents are telling me this because I'm in college or anything. THEY made me drop out of the school I was attending for 2 years because they would not cosign a student loan when I got laid off and could no longer pay for school out of pocket like I had been doing the whole time. Honestly, whatever I do in life, my parents say I can't handle it. They like to put me down. But fuck it, they live back east in New York, I moved to San Francisco when I was 18, then San Diego/Tijuana. They want me to live in Pennsylvania with family but...no way! I never learned to drive! and I know they are just going to make me feel bad about myself and put me down all the time and try to talk me into adoption. I enjoy them as parents from 3,000 miles away, because they are shitty parents. Should I stay or should I go? By the way, I am on unemployment. I know the state of California would provide me with more state aid for my low income for WIC and low cost prenatal care...than Pennsylvania because I know people who receive food stamps and SSI, and it is significantly higher in CA than PA. Eventually I could get a job again of course. Right now I live with my boyfriend but he has been getting more and more distant as I get further along in pregnancy, which hurts. A lot. Eventually we're just going to both go our separate ways, I can tell because he says he hates kids and he doesn't want one and he doesn't love me anymore. I am also not sure if he has told his parents but I have only met them twice, before I got pregnant. He also takes other girls on dates and doesn't come home every night. Last time we went on a date was 6 months ago. It's kind of like we are just roommates now. Whatever though, it's reality and I still want the baby and I still want to be on the west coast...is that a bad idea?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I can't really help you with which state to chose to live in. What I know about the welfare system would fit on the point of a pin. What I do know is California is basically broke and Pennsylvania is in a much better financial situation. I would advise you use the web to check out what PA has to offer you; then make that decision.
More importantly is the fact that your boyfriend cannot just walk away from this child. Not while he is living in this country. We have laws that make him responsible for this child until the child is 18. Any welfare office is going to want to know who he is and where he can be found so they can go after him for support.
It would be better for you and the baby if you see a lawyer before the baby is born and have the child support worked out before you apply for welfare. Once the courts have ordered support the welfare office will help enforce the order so they can recoup what they spend. If they initiate a support order they will only get what they are looking for. You may be entitled to more support than that. It all depends on your boyfriends earning capacity.
See a lawyer before the baby is born. Many women's shelters and district courts have lawyers or law students who offers free help to women that cannot afford legal help. Check with the local legal aid society.
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It is your decision to keep the baby and it sounds as though that is what you want deep down. So do so and don't be swayed otherwise. However, you are in a bloody bad fix if the boyfriend is distant and plans to bail on you once it is born. It will be hard to raise a baby on your own, no help, no education outside of high school. Very hard.
Even with social assistance from the State of California without a job caring for yourself and a baby is a difficult task and not the greatest situation for you both to thrive.
I KNOW there's been a lot of BS with your parents over the years and resentment. They probably had no choice over the school being in a position that they couldn't do it financially. If they put you down it was likely not meant to scar you but rather to correct you.
I think what you need to do is say adios to the boyfriend and return home with parents and take their help and get schooling and life on track gradually. Visit a lawyer and have them try to sever this guy's parental rights or get child support.
Keep the baby and be firm on that and be secure that they have your back and can help you. Maybe you'll see that it wasn't easy for them to be parents and perhaps they were not ready or equipped at the time. They did their best and perhaps this baby will enrich and heal any problems you have with family. It could be a real blessing for you. That's your best choice.
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