about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I'm thirteen years old. I have identified as a girl for most of my life, but I have felt rather confused lately.

I feel like I have two genders, if that makes any sense. I sometimes feel like a girl, but there are many times when I feel, er, gender-neutral I guess.

If it helps, I am attracted to girls . . . I just don't see guys in that way. And I prefer to wear gender-neutral clothes.

I guess my question is, why do I feel like this? And does this mean something?

Thanks for any advice!

I wish I had the education to answer this question properly as it is a very important question. First let me assure you there is nothing wrong with you. This may be the way you were born. I say may as at your present age puberty and hormones are playing havoc with your sexuality. Meaning it is during this period in your life that your sexual identity emerges. Your sexual identity and gender identity can be different.

What I'm going to recommend and because this is such an important question is: That you discuss this with your mom. This is not something you should be confused or ashamed about. Your mom is not going to have any better answer than I have. She may want you to wait until you are further along in puberty and see if you still feel this way.

This to me would be wrong. You need the help of a professional psychologist to help you as you work your way through puberty and this identity situation. No you do not have any type of mental illness. Psychologist do not just work with the mentally ill. In fact what is troubling you is exactly what they are trained to help with. To help you feel good about who you are and not to be confused about who you are sexually.

Without the help of a psychologist or sociologist you can easily become confused which you may already be starting to be. This could lead to depression then yes you would have a mental illness.

My advice to your mom is lets avoid you becoming depressed as there is no need for that. It is my belief that neither she or I can answer your questions and it is important that you get the right answers to these question. The proper help to do so is by arranging for you to see a psychologist or sociologist.

What you need to know about seeing either one of these professionals is you have total confidentiality when you see them. What is said between you and them is confidential and stays between you and they. In effect they become your new best friend with whom you can tell your deepest darkest secrets knowing no one will ever hear them from the psychologist or sociologist.

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So im a 16 year old girl and im just confused about life. I don't really have close friends and I can't really do a whole lot of things outside of the house. I always pictured that when i get out of hs and college that i'm just going to be a loner, i'm going to write and try to help people and hopefully travel but eh i dont know. Sorry this is hard to explain. I just feel like i'm going to watch my whole life past by without it being exciting, or actually living and that i'm never going to have a lot of fun or have a really creative life. I just want to know what i can do. And id love to hear about other peoples experiences when you did something crazy or had one of those deep meaningful nights. I dont know something. Thanks for helping if this makes sense to you haha.

You actually make a lot of sense. You are 16 years old and in a manner of speaking you are wondering about the meaning of life. Specifically what life has in store for you.

What I can tell you is a little like what you have written, in that it is a bit confusing on the surface of things. Life is what you make of it. Meaning you can be that person, once you finish with schooling. That goes to work each day then comes home gets into comfortable clothes and sits in front of the TV and eats dinner. Not very exciting but safe, or you can make something of yourself and your life.

Now I am much older, in fact I am old enough to be your grandfather and the world was a different place when I was your age. When I finished school I joined the Air Force, my choice rather than wait to see if I would be drafted.

I'm somewhat of an introverted person and the Air Force in a sense forced me out of my shell. I had to interact with others to do my job. I learned a lot and I enjoyed the time I spent in the service. I also traveled to far off places I would never have traveled to on my own.

After leaving the service I took a job with an Airline as a customer service agent. Yikes I had to talk to people. I met my wife while working for the airline. I then spent the next 35 years as a manufactures representative selling into the wholesale trades industry. More talking to complete strangers. I was actually quite good at my job winning many awards for outstanding sales.

For a strange kind of relaxation over those 35 years I have been associated with different volunteer fire departments. Todays' fire fighter spends more time caring for the sick and injured then they do fighting fires. More talking to strangers. I guess you can say I am no longer as introverted as I once was. I learned how to come out of my shell.

I have also dabbled in politics, asked to run for political office and served on several committees. I found I could have a greater impact dabbling in politics from the outside then from within, so that is what I did. While I did I had the opportunity to meet our governor and had direct access to him, I still have direct contact with many State Senators, U.S. Senators and Representatives and even had the pleasure once of meeting President Clinton and Vice President Gore. No I am not a Democrat. At the time I was a state leader for Mr. Perot who was running for President.

These are just some of the things I have put into my life. When I was your age I never envisioned any of this for myself other than joining the local volunteer fire department. These were just opportunities that came my way that I either took advantage of or was encouraged to do so.

What I can tell you is we all have this habit of under estimating what we are capable of. What I have found is, to try and fail is never wrong it is a learning experience. To not try at all is wrong for then you learn nothing at all.

In sales it is said if you leave home in the morning and return in the evening and not sell something you were unemployed that day. I never worried about the selling. If I did not sell something today then I would sell two something's tomorrow. To me to leave home in the morning and not learn something during the day then I had an unproductive day.

My motto has been; "The only person I have to be better than tomorrow is the person I am today." To do that I have to find something new to learn while during the work day.

As I said what I was going to tell you is a little confusing. In short you are a normal 16 year old. As you go through life others will see things in you that you will not see in yourself. Trust their judgment. Never turn down an opportunity to grow and to learn. Challenge yourself and always set the bar just a little higher than you think you can reach. Most importantly make sure you set aside some time for family and fun.

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Hi i am Ranjit.i'm from India.i love my girl frnd very much,and trusted her,but she broke my trust.she had a relationship in past and had sex with him.all this matter came out after our 2years relationship from an other source.when i asked her about it she confss that it's true that she had a relation,but her past bf was very rude by character and tortured her mentally and physically and also sexually.she was abused by him.so she feel shy to tell me. i feel very bad that she lied to me that she doesn't had any relation in past,and she is a virgin(which she is not).she also lied about her original identity about her father's occupation,her looks,her background.we met in online at first.she gave me lot's of wrong details.whn i proposed her she agreed and slowly she tell me the truth about her life but not about her past life.but i don't mind it that she frst gave me the wrong information about her life.i angry with her because she lied to me about her past.now she tell me that she was afraid that i leave her and take her in wrong way.so she unable to tell all that matter.i am so much confused with my relation. i love her truly but now i can't trust her. I always support her ,take care of her.but she ruined me.now i think she used me,i had sex with her 2times. I can't understand what to do! Now she say sorry and tell that she love me,and wanted to be with me.and she lied because she don't want to tell her past life.plz suggest me. I feel horrible.

Ranjit, Those of us who would answer this question did so yesterday. You're probably not going to get any different answers today. You have 3 somewhat different suggestions on what to do about this.

I realize that you are hurt by this revelation and the cultural significance of what has been exposed. Now you have to make a decision. Only you can make that decision none of us can make it for you.

It would be wrong of any of us to make this decision for you. Sure it would give you someone to blame if we did and down the road it turned out to be the wrong decision. For this reason we do not, at least most of us do not make decisions for anyone. We offer suggestions. From therr it is your choice to accept or reject our suggestion. Still the choice as to how to proceed remains yours.

The only other suggestion I can make is if you are having trouble making this decision is to seek guidance from a member of your religious elders or clergyman.

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Is there any guys who are single in coeur d alene Idaho I am13 and really want/need a bf

This is not a dating site. You will not find a boyfriend by writing to this site. You are also too young to use any of the commercial dating sites there are out there.

I suggest you find a boyfriend the old fashion way. By talking to boys at school. Just for your information; at your age boys a still shy around girls so the girls have to do the asking and meeting. Also at 13 you are just a bit to young to have a steady boyfriend and to be dating.

Yes I'm a dad, actually I'm old enough to be a granddad. My daughter or granddaughter would have to be much older before I would consent to any steady boyfriend or dating, at least 16 years old.

There is a reason for every stage of our lives. Right now in your stage in life is the time to grow and mature. To learn about life and how to protect yourself in certain situations when dating.

My advice is to relax. You Only go around once in life so enjoy each and every phase in life to its fullest. Enjoy being a new teenager and doing things that young teenage girls do. When the time is right a boy will find you. Do not rush things for when we rush something is when we make mistakes.

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I put a bottle inside my anus

I would suggest you find something else to stick in your anus especially if the bottle is made of glass. It could break and do serious damage to the interior of your anal track. Try using your thumb and or fingers until you find something better.

Masturbating over going out and looking to have sex with someone at your age is what I would consider being safe or as you put it careful with the exception of what you are putting in your anus. At your age you are too young to be having any type of sex be it heterosexual or homosexual.

In fact based on what little you have written you are still trying to figure out your sexuality. This would be normal for someone your age.

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Last summer, I read a story about someone whose son had died. The person who wrote it said that losing a firstborn is more difficult than losing any other child. Being a second born, this upsets me very much. I know that my mom doesn't feel this way, but I'm Worried that my dad might. I hear people say that they love their children equally, but what good does equal love do when you feel this way?

I've heard some other sucky things about second borns, like that their parents resent them for taking their time and attention away from the first. Or that they're destructive to the family structure. I even heard that fathers fall in love with their first child at first site, but take months to feel anything for their other children. I hear a lot of things that make me resentful of the position of the first born. I also kind of hate parents who feel this way about their second child.

Be honest, does anyone here with multiple children have any of these feelings?

As a parent I can tell you we love each of our children equally be they first born, second born or last born. What deferrers between them is how we parent each child.

All children are not alike, they are unique individuals as such we need to parent them differently. You may be a self-motivated child. So a carrot and stick type of parenting may not to motivate you. Your sibling(s) may not be self motivated as such parenting them will be different.

How each parent chooses to parent each child may appear that one child is being favored over another. This is not true, this is just how or what we have found that helps us to teach this child right from wrong and to motivate this child to do what is expected of them. In the process Our other children may think we are favoring their sibling. If so then that is our fault as we did something wrong.

You guys don't come with handbooks like new cars. We have to learn how to operate you, so to speak, on the job from the day you are born. Are we going to make mistakes? Unfortunately that answer is yes. Hopefully they are little ones we can easily correct.

The biggest mistake we can make is to give any of our children the feeling we love one of them more than the other. This is just not true. IF one of our children were to die it is going to hurt us regardless of whether it is the first, second or last. Any parent losing a child would rather die themselves then have one of their children lose their lives.

If this is truly how you feel then somewhere mom and dad have let you down. If this is just a feeling you have because you read about it. Then forget what you have read for it is just not true. If this is truly bothering you then I suggest you ask mom to get you some counseling to work out why you feel this way and to work with you and your parents to correct why you may feel this way.

In my book there is no reason you or any other child should feel less loved than one of their siblings. It's just not possible for a parent not to have full love in a child. We can be unhappy with you over something you did or didn't do but not love you; no chance in that ever failing.

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Ok you answered one of my questions before http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=614950

I know you explained that I should go down on my boyfriend too. But I just don't get pleasure off that or simply I don't like oral sex. Im not really sure? The only reason i let him do it is because my boyfriend says he wants to do it on me. He wanted me to do it on him once and I told him I couldn't and he didn't care I find that bad because I can't return it. I told him the way I felt and still didn't care. He said he wanted to give me pleasure. The only thing I do for my boyfriend are hand jobs but I just don't like oral I don't know if something is wrong with me but I also have dental problems with my teeth their sensitive. But I don't know if I should ignore this. I believe in inter sex when marriage and so does my bf but were not big on religion

There is nothing wrong with you. As I said sex is a learned experience. If you are not comfortable with a certain sex act don't do it, this would include giving your boyfriend oral sex. Down the road you may change your mind and that is your choice.

As far as allowing him to have the pleasure of giving you oral sex. Here again it is your choice. All I can tell you is giving oral sex to a girl can be very fulfilling and enjoyable for the male. This is of course that the female receives pleasure from what he is doing. I think you said you felt okay while he was giving you oral it was afterwards you felt dirty. There is no reason to feel that way but if you can't get past it and this harms your sex life together than you have every right to tell your boyfriend to stop.

Remember what I said about consent and consensual sex. Both of you must consent for any sex act to be consensual. Even if you consent just to make your boyfriend happy then the act is not truly consensual.

There is one other thing about a good sex life I may not have mentioned. In order for me to know your likes and dislikes when it comes to sex or anything else in life; you need to tell me. I know what most women like in bed but every women is just a bit different. You need to tell me and show me what you like, how you like and what is a big no or turn off for you. If you don't then the result is the difference between a so-so sex life and a terrific sex life. The same goes for him too. You need to know where and how he likes to be touched. A hand job is not always just jerking up and down on his penis. So talk to each other.

Yes it is sex, the dirty deed. But the dirty deed is meant to be fun and can be if you know your partner's likes and dislikes. Then when the time is right and you're ready to bring a child into this world you can do the deed for what it was truly meant for. Until then enjoy a good sex life for practice makes perfect and eventually a baby when you want one.

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yes i understand her conditions.but she lied to me that she is virgin, and her past life and many things which related with her past. yes m from india,and here we r expecting that our wives will be virgin . my problem is that why she lied to me.now i feel she just used me to survive in life and better future. i feel terrible . i love her but can't trust her. what to do???

I understand to a point how you feel. I cannot put myself totally in your shoes because my background and upbringing are totally different than yours.

All I can say to you is this. Given what she has been through I would have to give her some benefit here as to the why. If I still loved her and still wanted to spend the rest of my life with her I would try to see why she lied. As I said I don't see this as a true lie. I see this as survival instincts which is different, at least to me.

Is she in all other ways a good, honest women. Someone who is going to love, care and honor you. Someone who will raise a family with you. If so, then you can overlook the past; since her past was forced on her. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment and she if you would be any different. Remember what I said about learning to trust again. Especially learning to trust men.

I can tell you that learning to trust you was not easy for her. That tells me you are an exceptional person. As such I believe you can overlook this and move on. Only you need to know that she is not a virgin. This is not a shame on you or her for it is not something she had control over. This is not something you should hold over her for the rest of your lives either.

If you are the exceptional person I believe you to be then I believe you can overlook this and move on. Forget the past and just concentrate on the future together for that is what marriage is all about. Two people making a future, building a family and growing old together.

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Ok I'm 18 and my bf is 20 we've been together for a year now he decided to go down on me and I like it but I don't feel good about it after. I don't really know how to explain how I feel but when he goes down it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong but he always says he feels good about it idk what to do it seems like he gets more pleasure off of this then I do and I like it when he does but I don't know something in me tells me its wrong I don't know why is it because I don't love enough or if I'm selfish I don't really know. I also feel like I hold back all those pleasure/sexual feelings in me I really don't know why either whats wrong with me?

I do not know you well enough to know for sure that what I'm about to say is correct. Though 2 things you need to know. First: I have been doing this long enough and seen this question or questions like this to be fairly certain what is bothering you. Second: I'm old enough to be your grandfather and what I am about to say is straight talk on the subject of sex. Probably not the way your parents taught you.

There is nothing wrong with oral sex both giving and receiving. I'm a little surprised given your age that you feel the way you do about it. I will place the blame on what your parents may or may not have told you about sex and religious training you have received.

Oral sex is considered sodomy. sodomy is by definition any sex act that is not penis to vagina penetrated intercourse. It is by religious, formerly by law unlawful in most states unlawful, to be a sin. Anal sex would also fall under this definition.

In the mid 1960's this country and the world went through a sexual revolution or rather sex came out of the closet so to speak. In short any sexual act between two consenting adults, as long as no one was physically hurt beyond a person's individual acceptance, was fine. The key word here is consenting. As long as both partners or in the case of group sex all partners, consent to a sexual act it was okay. What happens in the privacy of ones bedroom is no ones business but theirs.

What this means is that any sexual act between two consenting adults is fine. There is nothing wrong with oral sex. Yes your boyfriend performing oral sex on you gives him a 2 fold pleasure. Satisfying you and bringing you to a climax this way is one way and it is also enjoyable for him as it is a very intimate act. Almost or maybe more intimate than intercourse.

About the only sexual position we are born knowing is the missionary position as it is almost an animal instinct. Anything else is learned as partners grow more trusting and want more intimacy in their sexual relationship. There's nothing wrong with experimentation in sexual acts and nothing is weird as long as you both consent and understand stop means stop now and no means no.

I can't tell you that it is wrong to feel the way you do if it is part of your religious upbringing. You must practice your religion as you see fit. What I will tell you is millions of men and women of all religions practice oral sex and other forms of sex other than just the missionary position. The millions of us that do believe we are not committing any sin and will not burn in hell for doing something that gives us so much pleasure and intimacy.

Ultimately you must make the choice that is right for you. It is neither right or wrong to feel as you do. It is your choice to embrace what your boyfriend is doing for you and enjoy the love and affection with which he does so. It is also your choice to return the love and affection by giving him oral sex as well. I know he will not only enjoy it what you give him but will love you all the more for doing so.

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I first met this girl, she was nice, we liked each other.I proposed her and she agreed ,she tells me that she loves me so much and is willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. after years i found that she lied to me about her past that she don't had any relationship in past and a virgin. but after i found the truth she ultimately tell the whole truth that she had a relationship with a guy who was tortured her mentally and physically and abused her.and she is not a virgin. i feel very bad , angry with her why she lied to me.she tell me that she was afraid that i after knowing her past i leave her,so she hide it from me. but now i can't trust her. i don't like it that my would be wife is not a virgin. i think she used me. but now she say sorry to me, wants to be with me.and wants to marry me. I LOVE HER ,but i feel very bad.and can't trust her.i feel that she is lying to me. but she is nice girl,very intelligent and very bright student,and not demanding. I don't know what to do, is there any one that will talk to me? Any advice appreciated thank you.

I can see from your writing that English is not your native language. I am guessing that you are from India and possibly cultural backgrounds has something to do with how you are feeling at the moment.

If you would for the moment put you cultural feeling aside I would like to give you a perspective on her issue you may not be seeing. When a women such as your girlfriend suffers a trauma such as she has, the physical and mental abuse and the physical abuse could even include forces sexual intercourse; which would be rape. It is extremely hard for any woman who has suffered this type of trauma to trust another man.

I do not think she intentionally lied to you. I believe that you must be an exceptional man to have earned her respect and trust. Once she found she could trust you she fell in love with you. What she went through is not something she wants to relive in telling anyone which is what happens when she would tell you plus she knew she would most likely lose your love and respect.

Where I live we do not expect our wives to come to our wedding nights virgins. In fact the great majority of us expect to have an active sex life with our girlfriends before marriage. We do not hold their past against them especially one like your girlfriend has had.

Your girlfriend did not ask to be someone's punching bag or to be mentally abused. I am also sure the sex she had with her past boyfriend does not come under the heading of totally consensual given what you said. Sometimes you do things just to survive.

If you love her, truly love her you will put your cultural problems behind you and embrace this women and help her heal. You have already shown her that their are good men out in the world who will love her and not mistreat her. To walk away from because she had no control over her life at one time you will only hurt her more.

Fro my part and the culture I have grown up in. There is no reason to walk away from this relationship. She is still the woman you fell in love with and proposed to. I don't believe she lied to you. Yes she hide something which is not a lie in this case only because of the issue of having to learn to trust you and men in general.

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From india,, 18/f ,, currently i have lost my interested in mathematics. I used to love this subject.. But now i feel it boring. I could not concentrate now... Plz give me some tips on concentration and how to study maths well.....

Math a subject that is hard to understand and harder to master. In the early years of our education math was fun for we could see the benefit of what we are learning and how we can use it in our everyday lives. As we progress the upper levels of mathematics it becomes less fun and more confusing as it is harder for us to see why all these complicated equations are going to be useful to us in the future.

Take me for instance; I never thought the careers I was looking at would make use of things like algebra, geometry and trigonometry. Until one of the things I wanted to learn to do was fly a plane so I tool flying lessons. In ground school they taught us how to plot a course.

In high school I had to take a math class so I elected to take practical geometry. At one point in the semester the teacher asked me to stay back as he wanted to talk to me. When we met he said to me; "adviceman either I'm a very good teacher or your cheating and I'm not that good a teacher."

I asked him what he meant. He said that he looked at my class records and found I had not taken Algebra 1 and without it I should not be able to pass his class. I told him that I was taking flying lessons and his class to me was nothing more than what I studied in ground school. If I'm cheating the only thing I'm doing is converting his questions in to a flight plan plotting equation then figuring out the answer using what I learned in flight school. He didn't believe me so the next day I brought my flight bag to school and my pocket flight computer which in those days was a big slide rule thing. End of story I worked out every question he came up with correctly using my flight tools. End of story I passed his class with and A.

Moral of story is this; math can be boring and tedious. Find a way to apply what you are learning to an every day use. Doing so makes it more relevant and your love for the subject should return.

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So if you had sex with someone who wasn't totally a stranger (like a one night stand)but then left once the 'deed was done' and did not stay the full night and go to sleep, what would the other person (still in bed) be thinking? Or is this a fairly common occurrence?

When it comes to a one night stand most people feel it is just what the it infers. A quick roll in bed for some good hard sex with no strings or expectations beyond that. It may be exciting but maybe not be all that good. To have the other person hang around and face them in the morning may even be awkward. Especially if the sex was not up to expectations.

If the expectation is nothing more than to satisfy a need or urge. I feel it is best that the visiting partner leave as soon as possible after have exhausted your need for one another.

People who are after nothing more than a one night stand rarely fall into to relationships. For relationships founded on sex generally fail down the road when the excitement of a new partner wears off.

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My boyfriend and I had sex a while ago and we didn't use a condom but he didn't cum in me and his dick was only in me for about 5 seconds. I think he popped my cherry cause I bled a little bit. I'm 2 days late on my period and I'm starting to really worry. Am I pregnant??:(

Yes there is a chance you are pregnant if any precum escaped from your boyfriend. Precum has enough sperm in I to a get a woman pregnant. It also depends where in your cycle you had sex.

The rhythm method of birth control calls for a woman to refrain from having sex during the middle two weeks of her cycle. This is because during that time is when a woman ovulates and can become pregnant. Just where in that time period a woman ovulates and releases an egg is different for each woman. This is true for about 80% of woman. The other 20% can ovulate at any time, even during their period.

So unless you know when you ovulate, there is really no safe time to have unprotected sex, even if it is your first time. Given everything that is going on in the world of sex today you should insist that your partner always use a condom even if you are on birth control. Condoms protect against many of the STDS out there and the HIV/AIDS virus. No condom no sex that should be your motto if you are going to be sexually active.

Most likely stress over whether or not you are pregnant is causing your period to be late. There are other things that can cause a period to be late such as a change in diet, exercise routine, antibiotic medication as well as change in sleep patterns.

The best thing to do is to go the drug store an buy a home test kit and follow the package directions. I know you don't want mom finding the test kit. I don't normally advise hiding things from mom but in this case. Buy the kit and put it in your purse. If you don't have to test first thing in the morning then test at school.

If you do have to test in the morning do so, then repackage the kit and put it back in your purse and dispose of it at school. Should you get a positive result wait a few days and test again. These kits produce more false positive then negatives. If you get a second positive then you need to see a doctor for a medical test and you have some hard choices to make. We can discus those at another time if need be but the odds are in your favor that stress is the problem particularly if you have no other symptoms of pregnancy.

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I know u r ri8. but i love him so much really. he is a nice guy but after knowing my past he started behave like this. all the time he teasing me about my past and tell that i deceived him ,used him.i tell him all the matter of past and how much i suffer mentally and physically but he doesn't have any care foe this. his only question is why i told him lie ! i lied because i think he don't accept me and leave me alone.so i hided it. i know i hurt him.but i ll try my best to improve our relation but he don't give me the chance and tell me that if i leave my study and marry him and being loyal with him. then he again love me if i proven to be a good wife to him

I know what I suggested you so is hard but it is the right thing to do. Life with him will be a big mistake and one you will regret for he is a controller and he will never let you forget you lied to him. He will use that one transgression to control you for the rest of your life.

All the love in the world will not set you free from his desire to control you. Be thankful that your transgression actually became your saving grace in it is letting you see the real him. He will not change but he will force you to change and that is very wrong. You will be very unhappy walk away now, while you still can.

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( Im 16 year old female. I feel like i hurt my mother. If shes disappointed in me and you want to say she'll always love me but i dont care. I dont want love. I feel selfish wanting love from someone who i hurt. I didnt even hurt her, she saw something that wasnt related to her at all and she went through it. Why did she stop is a question i cant bring myself to think about. I get sick to my stomach. I could pass out from the pain ) I want to die. Im sad. Im scared. Im worthless. I have nothing to do. Nothing to give. I cause other people pain just by existing an i dont want to do that. I dont want to hurt people. I stopped doing everythig. Its hard to just get myself to sower. Whats the point. Some of the reason why i honestly didnt cause. I feel like a whole other part is the result of my own doings. Something so small and an invasion of privacy led to my whole life crashing down in seconds. What is left. I dont feel bad for me. I cant. I hate myself too much. This isnt something i can just learn from and move on. Its somethig that was invaded of my personal life, and i hate hurting others. Why was seen hurt somebody. It was never ment to be seen. I cant live with myself. I hate this. I dont deserve to waste more time and space of those around me. This is my punishment i guess. This is my pain inflicted upon me. This is whats happening, it is what it is. I cant change it. Maybe I dont deserve to be able to. I feel like this will never end. I cant die but i want to. somebody please, have mercy on me.

From what you have written I get the feeling that mom somehow invaded your privacy and either read or saw something she should not have. Whatever it was hurt her deeply or so you believe.

Lets start there. You believe you hurt your mother deeply and you cannot live with yourself because of it. That in and of itself says you're not worthless. If you were you would just toss it off and move on. Worthless people do not get hurt, which is what you are feeling, over hurting someone else.

Parents are a very resilient animal. Sure we have feelings just like everyone else and yes anyone including our children can hurt our feelings. When it comes to our children hurting our feelings it is a different kind of hurt.

Not knowing exactly what it was that you believe so hurt your mother that you can no longer exist makes it hard to address. Right now she trying to understand the why this before she discusses this with you. Let me say this though, right now whatever it is mom saw or read mom is reexamining what she may have done or did not do to cause you to write or do what she read or saw.

Yes you may be getting the silent treatment for the moment but only because whatever this is it is because she does not want to say or do the wrong thing. Whatever this may be she feels it is important to address it in the right manner and not in the heat of the moment.

You need to do the same thing. You need to calm down. You need to reexamine what it is mom read or saw that she should not have. Reexamine why you wrote what you wrote or did what you did. What justification you thought you had to do as you did. If in the light of today you feel differently than you did at the time. Well then you can try to fix it with mom by finding a way to tell her.

I am going to assume for this purpose mom found something in a diary or on social media you wrote about her that was not very flattering. I will admit there are times when all of us will say things or think things that are not very kind. If you are the type to keep a diary and you wrote something like that I find nothing wrong with it.

A diary is a very personal item not meant for others to see and yes it would be an invasion of privacy for mom to read it as it is the repository of you most personal thoughts.

Searching your room for drugs and other illicit things is my right as a parent. My parental rights do not invade your privacy by searching your room but those rights only go so far. Even so if this is what happened you and your mom have to come to terms with it.

This begins after you have calmed down and you have both had time to reflect. You could start with writing a letter explaining the why or how of what mom saw and asking mom if you and she can discuss this.

Right now mom may be upset with you. But as far as her love for goes. You are her daughter and there is almost nothing you can do short of murdering another human being to cause her to fall out of love for you.

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How can I win my wife back? I am a 34 year old female. I have been married for a year, but we have been together for 5yrs.

You need to give us more details as to what went wrong. Did she leave you. Is she having an affair. What did she tell you was missing.

It is not uncommon for things to change when people marry. We sometimes go from the romance to the comfortable terry cloth bathrobe life if you understand my meaning. Of course this is a guess on my part.

Without more specific detail there is no way of giving you a good answer.

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I love my boyfriend vry much,and wants to marry him. we r dating each othr for 2yrs. but i lied to him about my past that i don't had any relationshp in past. actually i had a relatn when i jst 13/14 years old. my x bf was very rude and tortured me a lot mentally and physically ..and aslo sexually. so i ended the relation.after few yrs i met in online with my present boyfriend.and started love him. when he proposed me i said yes to him. but i can't tell him about my past and i also tell him that i am a virgin.i was afraid to lose him bcz he is very orthodox.so i can't tell about my dark past.now he knows everything from a person.and asked me and i told him everything about my life. now he can't trust me,he call me a sl*t,, and he said that
i deceived him and used him.he now wants to break the relationship or IF I WANTED TO BE WITH HIM THEN I HAVE TO DO WHATEVER HE WILL SAY. AND ALSO LEAVE MY STUDY AND MARRY HIM AND BE A GOOD HOUSE WIFE.AND he tell me that this my exam. if i passed then he love me again .but i can't leave my study at this time. so he don't talk with me .I really love him a lot.i can't live without him.what can i do??? plz suggest me ..

Your boyfriend is being unreasonable in his demand. In fact what I see is someone who is showing you what being married to him is going to be like. He is a controller, someone who is going to want to control everything you do from now on.

It is not the fact that you lied to him. This is just an excuse for what would have come after you married. Controllers are what they are. It is a character flaw that cannot be corrected with psychotherapy of a great deal of love. Count yourself lucky that you are seeing this now rather than later when divorcing could be a huge problem.

Tell him yes you lied to him. It is a time in yo9ur life you truly wish to forget. Now you are seeing a side of him that makes you question whether marrying him is a good idea. Tell him you will not quit your studies. You will finish your education. As for doing whatever he tells you? That is a non starter. Marriage is a 50/50 proposition. As for being a good wife, you can be that but probably not with him.

I know my advice is hard to accept though trust me. We see letter weekly from women in marriages with men that are controllers. Some of these women are not only controlled mentally but physically abused as well. You are luck to see this side of him now when you can walk away without fear or retribution. Do so for your own good.

There are better men out there who will not hold your past against you. In today's world few men expect their new wife to be a virgin on their wedding night. In fact most men expect to have an active sex live with their future wife long before they marry.

My advice is to tell this guy to go away and not return. When you find the right guy, and you will Make sure to be honest with him. As I said most guys will not hold it against you.

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I'm having my second child in less than a month. My last birth ended in an emergency c-section, so this time around things will be completely different. Is it selfish of me to ask that no one besides my husband and 2 year old daughter be in recovery? My Mom and sisters are acting like it's the end of the world. With my first, I was the last one to hold my daughter and my mom was asking for her own copies of hand/foot prints, asking the nurses to hold the baby up to take a picture, etc. I'm not saying no one gets to see this child when it's born but I want my older child to have that special time first. Thoughts?

Speaking as someone old enough to be a grandparent I can say you have every right to restrict who you want in the delivery and recovery room.

This is a very special time for you and your immediate family which is limited to you, your husband and your other children if the hospital allows. You and your immediate family should be allowed to enjoy the moment before the grandparents Aunts and Uncles invade your privacy and try to monopolize whatever time you can have with your newborn before it has to go off to the nursery.

This is a special time for the grandparent as well; this is also very true. But grandparents need to know their place. Just as we become second in their lives to our children. They have to remember who the parents are and who the grandparents are.

It is not the end of the world if you mom and sister wait in the waiting room while you and your husband and first born enjoy some moments alone with your newborn. They have a lifetime to enjoy both of your children.

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Are there any age requirements to buy Midol? I know I could just ask someone just in case, but if I'm already out and shopping I might as well pick it if I'm able.

No, if your state does not restrict the sale of such products as aspirin, Tylenol or Motrin by age. Then Midol would not be restrict. It like the others is an over the counter drug that is general not restricted for sale to any age group.

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This kid in one of my classes overheard that I wanted to kill myself (I wouldn't really do it, I was just mad and told my friend that) and the kid told my teacher. The school called my parents and told them... My parents want to talk about it, and I think my teacher is going to talk to me about it tomorrow but I've just been ignoring them and avoiding it. I don't want to show them my cuts or anything so yeah... What should I do? Just keep avoiding it? I don't want 'help' because I'm slowly getting better on my own and I don't want to talk about it.

First let me say I'm old enough to be your grandfather so my advise will be that of a grandfather talking to a grandchild.

I understand what you mean when you said you wanted to kill yourself. You were mad about something and it just came out. The school may have over reacted. We all say something to that effect during times of high stress. It usually comes out as something like; "I could just kill myself." Most people just ignore the remark acknowledging it for what it is, frustration.

In your case you have to forgive the school to a certain extent. At the present time the amount of teenage suicide is almost epidemic. They cannot take the chance in not reporting your remark to your parents. In fact I am very surprised they did not over react and call the authorities to the school. That has been done at schools where I live.

Now I would like to address the cutting with you. The fact that you cut tells me you are under a great deal of stress. Now this stress can be self-imposed or it can come from outside influences it makes no differences. Stress is a major cause for concern both by you, your parents and the school.

Stress causes pain, pain causes depression, depression causes more pain. Psychologists call this the circle of depression. You cut to feel a physical pain to help relieve the emotional pain you are feeling.

It is unfortunate that you and many like you are under this type of stress. In fact when I was your age it was not looked at as stress it was looked at as a phase we all went through that we would grow out of. Most of us did some of us did not. Females suffer more than males. Why?

Well first of al the root cause is puberty something we all go through. Females suffer with puberty more than males because it causes more problems for them other than just a hormonal change. Their bodies change, the get their periods to deal with. Then their are the social changes they have to put up with, boys become all hands, dating and school and the changes there.

You start dressing differently. Gone are the nice comfortable T-shirts and on go the bra's and other feminine clothing. On top of all this people are telling you to act like adults. Your not an adult you a teenager.

Today the doctors have a diagnoses for what is affecting you. It is called teenage depression and you do not have to suffer with it for they can help you. Contrary to what you may have heard the medication will not make you walk around like a zombie. The medication is a simple hormone replacement to make up what you are deficient in that is causing the depression. It would be no different than taking a birth control pill which is also a hormone pill.

Now that I have explained this to you I would like you to discuss what is going on in your life, to the extent that you are comfortable with, with your parents. Ask them to get you professional help. First from a doctor who can prescribe the proper medication and then from a psychologist who is in reality you new best friend.

A psychologist is someone you can talk to in total confidence and tell him or her everything that is bothering you or ask any question you need and answer to. For what ever is said between is confidential and stays between the two of you. The purpose of working with the psychologist is to find the root cause of a depression and finding a better way to deal with as in your case than cutting. When the psychologists talks to your parents nothing you say is revealed. what your parents hear are suggestions in how your parents can help you at home and how you are progressing in therapy.

Please trust me in what I have said and in what I am about to say. This is not something you can fix by sheer will power alone. You need the help of professionals. Please do as I suggested and talk with your parents to the extent your comfortable and ask for help.

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