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I LIED ABOUT MY PAST TO MY BOYFRIEND
I love my boyfriend vry much,and wants to marry him. we r dating each othr for 2yrs. but i lied to him about my past that i don't had any relationshp in past. actually i had a relatn when i jst 13/14 years old. my x bf was very rude and tortured me a lot mentally and physically ..and aslo sexually. so i ended the relation.after few yrs i met in online with my present boyfriend.and started love him. when he proposed me i said yes to him. but i can't tell him about my past and i also tell him that i am a virgin.i was afraid to lose him bcz he is very orthodox.so i can't tell about my dark past.now he knows everything from a person.and asked me and i told him everything about my life. now he can't trust me,he call me a sl*t,, and he said that
i deceived him and used him.he now wants to break the relationship or IF I WANTED TO BE WITH HIM THEN I HAVE TO DO WHATEVER HE WILL SAY. AND ALSO LEAVE MY STUDY AND MARRY HIM AND BE A GOOD HOUSE WIFE.AND he tell me that this my exam. if i passed then he love me again .but i can't leave my study at this time. so he don't talk with me .I really love him a lot.i can't live without him.what can i do??? plz suggest me ..
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Tell him this: he is being unfair to you as a woman- you deserve to live your own life! If you want to do your study then tell him. You do not want to waste your life being a stay at home wife. This is the 21st century. You are sorry you lied to him, because this dating thing happened when you were very young and silly. It was a mistake and you are sorry it happened. You want to work, and have a career because being a stay at home wife doesn't interest you. You love him very much, but you want him to accept and love you back so that in the relationship you are equals. You love him, but if he won't accept you then you're not sure it will work. Really hope I helped and good luck :-)
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You guys have been together for awhile, you thought you knew him but you didn't.
You should never have to lie to someone you are dating about your past. When you're dating, they should accept you for who you are and all the mistakes you've done.
He is right to be hurt that you lied to him. But he's taking it to the extreme. He should be a bit understanding considering the circumstances of what your ex boyfriend did to you.
A boyfriend should never ever call his girlfriend a slut. That is something that would definitely make me leave a man.
If you stay with him, you will be unhappy. You'll be knowing he truly doesn't love you or accept you. He is using you, being manipulative and controlling. These are not qualities you want in a man.
I believe that you love him, but you shouldn't be with someone who asks unreasonable demands from you. He's now showing love.
When you love someone, you love them with all their faults and mistakes. You don't use the faults against them. So he doesn't truly love you the way you deserve to be loved.
I know you can live without him. You can find someone who deserves your love and doesn't use your past against you. Don't settle for this guy. He's not a supportive, loving boyfriend.
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Your boyfriend is being harsh, unreasonable, demanding, and controlling.
He is not someone that you should continue to be with. You are probably better off without him.
I understand that he feels like he can't trust you right now because he is probably shocked to hear that news since you kept it to yourself, and it was something that he wasn't aware of before getting into a relationship with you, but the name-calling is still disrespectful. I don't know every detail about your relationship but from what you wrote, I don't understand what would make your boyfriend think that your using him.
If he loved you, he wouldn't stop loving you just because he wants you to stop your studies and be a house wife. His expectations are unrealistic, demanding and controlling. It sounds like he is now manipulating you.
YOU ARE NOT WRONG for telling him about your past. It can be essential or important for you to tell this information to someone that you are in a relationship, but that's something that you want to say in the beginning. You shouldn't feel like you were wrong for telling him. I'm saying this incase you feel regret for telling him about it. Your boyfriend particularly had a problem with it, and the way that he's treating you now and talking to you shows you what kind of a guy he is and can be.
It is unnacceptable for someone to tell another person that they have to do anything and everything that they say. That is very manipulating and in a way, it can be abusive. You never know what this guy is capable of doing or tell you to do. It sounds like you would be treated like a slave by him.
Your relationship would never be fair with him.
Do what makes YOU happy and continue to do them if it's a POSITIVE thing. You should continue your studies. Don't let anyone discourage you or tell you that you should stop doing what your doing.
He is telling you that if you want to be with him you have to do whatever he say. He says that you'll have to leave/quit your studies, marry him and you'll have to be a good house wife. What in the world? A GOOD person/significant other would not talk to you as if you were a puppet or robot.
You don't owe him your life. I suggest you stop seeing this guy and move on. Believe me, there's millions of people out here in this world, you have to find someone that you are genuinely happy with. Someone who is in a 50/50 relationship meaning everything is fair and there's a compromise and you make each other happy to the best of your abilities.
Best Wishes & Regards!
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You need to let this relationship end.
You made a mistake, but that mistake doesn't mean your boyfriend gets to punish you, and demand you submit to him.
Your boyfriend has only two choices:
He can forgive, or he can choose not to forgive you.
He has chosen not to forgive you.
Even if you do everything he demands, he is likely to continue not forgiving you. He has made that choice.
Stay in school. Find someone else. Your boyfriend is no a man who can respect and love you the way you deserve. Do not sell yourself into a life of judgment and hate. We all make mistakes, and we all deserve forgiveness and respect from our partners. If they can't give us that, then they are the wrong people to be with.
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I do agree with Adviceman, Your boyfriend's demands are a bit unreasonable.
Unfortunately, You should never lie to people. If a person is religious, It still should not give a reason to lie about who you are, what you've done and where you've come from. It's either they except you for who you are or they just aren't the right person to be with.
Sounds like the boyfriend you have now is not only religious but a bit controlling with extremely high expectations? You see, You aren't an object and he does not own you, nobody does.
I am happy to hear you two have been together for awhile but I would most certainly set some boundaries between the two of you. If you don't, This may end up turning into either A, A miserable relationship or B, A very unhappy marriage.
If he can't learn to let you become you, Then he isn't the right one for you. However my dear, I don't think you should ever feel the need to lie as everyone has made their fair share of mistakes.
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Your boyfriend is being unreasonable in his demand. In fact what I see is someone who is showing you what being married to him is going to be like. He is a controller, someone who is going to want to control everything you do from now on.
It is not the fact that you lied to him. This is just an excuse for what would have come after you married. Controllers are what they are. It is a character flaw that cannot be corrected with psychotherapy of a great deal of love. Count yourself lucky that you are seeing this now rather than later when divorcing could be a huge problem.
Tell him yes you lied to him. It is a time in yo9ur life you truly wish to forget. Now you are seeing a side of him that makes you question whether marrying him is a good idea. Tell him you will not quit your studies. You will finish your education. As for doing whatever he tells you? That is a non starter. Marriage is a 50/50 proposition. As for being a good wife, you can be that but probably not with him.
I know my advice is hard to accept though trust me. We see letter weekly from women in marriages with men that are controllers. Some of these women are not only controlled mentally but physically abused as well. You are luck to see this side of him now when you can walk away without fear or retribution. Do so for your own good.
There are better men out there who will not hold your past against you. In today's world few men expect their new wife to be a virgin on their wedding night. In fact most men expect to have an active sex live with their future wife long before they marry.
My advice is to tell this guy to go away and not return. When you find the right guy, and you will Make sure to be honest with him. As I said most guys will not hold it against you.
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