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My girl friend lied about her past and her identity
Hi i am Ranjit.i'm from India.i love my girl frnd very much,and trusted her,but she broke my trust.she had a relationship in past and had sex with him.all this matter came out after our 2years relationship from an other source.when i asked her about it she confss that it's true that she had a relation,but her past bf was very rude by character and tortured her mentally and physically and also sexually.she was abused by him.so she feel shy to tell me. i feel very bad that she lied to me that she doesn't had any relation in past,and she is a virgin(which she is not).she also lied about her original identity about her father's occupation,her looks,her background.we met in online at first.she gave me lot's of wrong details.whn i proposed her she agreed and slowly she tell me the truth about her life but not about her past life.but i don't mind it that she frst gave me the wrong information about her life.i angry with her because she lied to me about her past.now she tell me that she was afraid that i leave her and take her in wrong way.so she unable to tell all that matter.i am so much confused with my relation. i love her truly but now i can't trust her. I always support her ,take care of her.but she ruined me.now i think she used me,i had sex with her 2times. I can't understand what to do! Now she say sorry and tell that she love me,and wanted to be with me.and she lied because she don't want to tell her past life.plz suggest me. I feel horrible.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You're upset and unhappy about her past. She can't change it. You're either going to have to accept it or let her go.
If you can't learn to trust her, the relationship won't work. Relationships don't work without trust.
At this point, this is all up to you. If she's been good to you, treats you right and this has been the only problem then the ball is in your court. This is all on you. You can't hold this against her. You need to learn to forgive and move on from this. She already did her part by telling you the truth, that's all you expect from her.
So either forgive her or let her go find someone who won't judge her like this.
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I'm sorry Ranjit but my answer I gave you is not going to change.
If you can't learn to forgive and forget then maybe you should just move on. Unfortunately like I previously said, Almost all women nowadays are sexually active. It is almost impossible to find a women who is not a virgin. Even women who are religious and from cultural backgrounds don't always follow their traditions.
It sounds to me like you can't get over the fact that she had been sexually active. You may need to move on because without trust in a relationship, You have nothing. I feel a bit bad for you to be honest, Your morals are unrealistic and your standards are too high. If you feel this way about relationships then maybe it's time you be single for awhile until you realize that this isn't what a relationship is about. Holding grudges gets you NOWHERE.
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Ranjit, Those of us who would answer this question did so yesterday. You're probably not going to get any different answers today. You have 3 somewhat different suggestions on what to do about this.
I realize that you are hurt by this revelation and the cultural significance of what has been exposed. Now you have to make a decision. Only you can make that decision none of us can make it for you.
It would be wrong of any of us to make this decision for you. Sure it would give you someone to blame if we did and down the road it turned out to be the wrong decision. For this reason we do not, at least most of us do not make decisions for anyone. We offer suggestions. From therr it is your choice to accept or reject our suggestion. Still the choice as to how to proceed remains yours.
The only other suggestion I can make is if you are having trouble making this decision is to seek guidance from a member of your religious elders or clergyman.
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