adviceman49's advice column | Page 158

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

140865

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Hey. I'm kinda worried about my mum because I was standing next to her and she told me she suddenly couldn't see me standing next to her because her sight was just black. She just can't see the sides. Everything else is fine. :(
Has someone experienced this before? Thanks!

Your mom needs to see an ophthalmologist or an ophthalmic surgeon. These are medical doctors who specialize in the care of the eyes. These visits would most likely be covered under her medical insurance and not insurance she may have for vision care as her problem may be medically rather than a vision problem.

I am not a doctor so I can't say for certain what the problem is. While there are a number of different reasons for what your mom is experiencing my belief is it may have something to do with the retina and not the lens of her eye. If mom has fallen or been in a car accident or in someway had something strike her head that would validate my concern that this may be a retina problem.

Mom should do one of two things. She could go see her family doctor and let that doctor examine her eyes. Based on examination her family doctor would recommend what if any type of further treatment and doctor she may need. The other choice is to contact one of the doctors I first recommended. She should not wait for if my guess is right this will only get worse and be harder to fix.

I am a 15 year old female and have been masturbating for 4 years now. My parents don't know and I'd like to keep it that way. After I was done masturbating, I felt fine, but after 2 or 3 minutes, I was experiencing terrible lower back pain ln my sides. Does masturbation have anything to do with the pain? Is there anything I can do to ease it?

First; there is nothing wrong with masturbation, it is just something not spoken about in polite conversation though according to a recent survey 85% of us masturbate. To put it another way in a household of 4 people 3 of them masturbate. Masturbation is part of sexual foreplay which is mutual masturbation, which includes oral sex, fingering and hand jobs.

Second; You have probably caused some muscle pulls possibly do to the intensity of your orgasm or the intensity and length of you masturbation. You probably have nothing to worry about.

since you are 15 years of age and this pain comes after doing something with your sexual and reproductive system. You can by act of Congress see a doctor without parental knowledge or consent. The Act or Law is called HIPPA and while this law covers many things within it is a clause that covers young people 14 years and older. Young people 14 and older for the purpose of their reproductive health can visit a doctor with or without parental consent.

Parents may not be in the exam room when the young person is having any exam related to their reproductive system. Parents can have no knowledge of these visits, what you are treated for or what you and the doctor discuss. When it comes to your reproductive health you have total confidentiality. Only by written consent to the doctor can release this information to anyone and this includes your parents. You can even ask for birth control medication and the doctor must prescribe. All you need to say to the doctor or nurse is you invoke your rights under HIPPA.

Congress did not write this law to promote sex among young people. They wrote this law so young people would seek a doctors help for anything related to their reproductive health that they might be too embarrassed to go to a parent with. Congress felt by grant young people this limited medical confidentiality would both help educate them about their reproductive systems, and stop the spread of STDs.

Short answer: While I don't think you have anything to be concerned about. If you want you can go to any women's clinic or a doctor of your own choosing to be checked out. Do not be concerned to tell the doctor you masturbate. It is normal to do so for one thing. Second the purpose of the law that allows you to see a doctor without parental consent is so you can and will be truthful in discussions with the doctor. If you are not truthful with the doctors they cannot help you.

My boyfriend broke up with me.I want him back but he don't. I have a friend who talk with me everyday.My family don't know about my boyfriend or my friend.My friend is a boy and my family don't like me talking with a boy.Now my whole family knows that I always talks at midnight with somebody.They are going to find it out.If they finds that my friend is a boy, they are going to hate me anyway.So,I want to die to show my boyfriend that I could die for him and I want to die to get myself out of all this trouble.Someone give me a way to die. please!!

Your being mellow dramatic about this. Killing yourself to prove to someone you would die for them proves nothing. If you slowed down and reasoned with yourself you would see it actually a quite stupid thing to do for you would never know if he knew or even cared.

Living and moving forward, showing him what he is missing by breaking up with you. Now that is a plan that will hurt him because now you have control. You can decide if you want him back or if you are better off without him.

Speaking as a parent there is very little if anything a child can do to cause us to hate them or stop loving them. You can do things to strain that love to the breaking point, though I know of no parent who has ever stopped loving their children. There is a big difference between hate and getting mad or upset.

If you are that young that your parents feel you are too young to be dating or spending all your time talking with boys. Then yes I would suspect when they find out they will be upset with you. To hate you for disobeying them? I truly doubt it. Once again you are over dramatizing the issue. Have a little more faith in them. Yes you will loss some of their respect and trust and that is you’re doing for not following their rules. This does not add up to them hatting you.

So calm down, put the knives away and prove to your former boyfriend that he not you is the big loser here. You will have plenty more boyfriends before you find the man you marry. Yes each time you and a boyfriend split up it will hurt some. As my mother would have said to you; "There are plenty more fish in the sea." "Pick yourself up; re-bait your hook and go fishing again.

You have a long life ahead of you. Don't let this one idiot of a boyfriend ruin your life. He doesn't know what he is missing. Show him what he is missing by finding someone else.

I am a 25 year old female who is still a virgin and I have been dating this guy for about 4 months now and he is 26 years old and the other other day he asked me how I felt about having sex with him and I told him I would but I said I think you need to know that i am still a virgin and then as soon as I told him that he said he didn't think it would be a good idea after all and I asked him why was that ? He said he didn't want me to regret losing my virginity and wanted me to keep it as long as I could so then I explained to him that I have done everything else I just haven't gone all the way yet so he said I still want you to wait to make sure it's what you want to do . I told him I was sure that I wanted him to be my first he said I know you say that but what about after you lose your virginity ? what's the big deal ? why won't he let me go all the way when I really want to ? I mean I know he explained it to me but I have never had a guy tell me before that they didn't want to fool around. why is he different from the others? Thanks for all your help in advance everybody .

This is a guy you should give serious consideration to making a life with. This is a guy that respects you and wants your respect as well. He is concerned that after you and he have sex the ideals that have kept you a virgin all this time will cause you to have regrets. Regrets that may cause you to feel bad about him.

Let me try to explain. I'm sure in high school you like most teenage girls spent a great fending of boys who wanted nothing but to get into your panties. For them it was how they handled puberty and the raging hormones they had. For many it was a game boys played, how many girls could they get into bed. If they happened to get a virgin the scored more points. Respect for the girl was not in their vocabulary.

From what you have written I see a guy who does respect you. Something he has learned since his teenage years. He knows the value a woman places on her virginity and what it means to bestow it on the right person. His refusing to take this gift at this time says a lot about him and his feelings for you.

I would say not only does he respect you. I would say his feelings for you run deeper than that. I would say he may be falling in love with you. If he is falling in love with you and your relationship continues to grow. Then when it is right for him to accept this gift you have kept for him, it will be that much more precious to him.

In short There is nothing wrong here other than you have met a guy who may have actual feelings for you and is not looking at you as a fling to have sex with and move on. My advice is to get to know this man better and to see if this relationship can grow into something more.

If a gal sees her period on dec 2nd 2013, if she sees her period 27th of the same month,is it normal

If you are a teenager I would not see this as abnormal. There are 24 days between periods depending on your normal cycle that's is not all that early. If you are an older women with a set cycle then I would still not be to concerned but I would wait and see what happens next month.

Understand we are not doctors and our advice is based on our own knowledge or research on any given subject. If you have a concern it is always advisable to check with a doctor. In this case your GYN would be the doctor to check with.

If you're a young teenager discuss this with your mom. Your menstrual cycle has nothing to do with sex and everything to due with the normal function of a young lady's body. This is something both you and you mother share each month. There is no reason to be afraid or embarrassed to go to your mom for advice on a subject of like this. On this subject mom is the best person to ask as she knows you better than us as we are total strangers to you.

Besides if you are younger than 14 mom would have to be the one to call the doctor and make an appointment for you if needed.

explain how the limit of proportionality affects the extension of any force added after that point?

You will find most of us will not help with schoolwork or homework as there is more than enough reference material on the web to help you. We will answer most any question posed to us but we are not going to give you the answers to your homework.

I'll try to keep this short. About 2 years ago, I discovered my boyfriend putting pictures of girls faces on pornstar's bodies. The pictures were taken off of facebook. Not only did he do this, but he had countless folders of these girls stored away. Some, were his ex's. Others, were girls he had crushes on in the past.

They all live in the same town as I do, and while I was going to a local breakfast shop I saw one of the girls he had done this to. The girls don't know about the pictures, I haven't exactly told too many people. It wasn't her fault, I know that, but I felt my heart sink as soon as I saw her. I felt the same pain I had felt when I found out about all of the pictures, and I fear that this thing that happened will haunt me for forever.

Yes, I am still with the man who did this, because I have been trying to put the past behind me after he has assured me that he truly feels terrible for what he has done.

What also worries me is that I recently read an article about a man who devoted a whole website to actions much similar to what my boyfriend had done. He photoshopped pictures of girl's faces onto porn stars' bodies , as well. This man pushed the envelope further by falsely accusing the women to be whores, and planted the blame on them.(basically, he denied ever photoshopping the pictures. this was because the website was a forum, and people would degrade the women in the pictures) Eventually, so the article says, the man was forced to stop by the police, that this was a form of harassment, and he could get sent to jail if he didn't stop (sorry for the lack of detail)

However the point is that my boyfriend had thought to do this same degrading, terrible thing that this man was getting in trouble for, deeply disturbs me. The only difference is in my boyfriends point of viewm it was for his pleasure..

Still, it gives me a strange perspective.

I just don't know how to cope with this post-anxiety that seems to always creep up on me at random times, and I honestly feel emotionally mind-f*cked, to say the least.

I don't know where to go from here, since it's already been so long of a time. He seems to still really love and care for me, but I just can't shake the fact that there is a "what if" to it all. I also think that this type of behavior is abnormal and I am with someone who is always hiding something, or has a wall up.

Overall, I'm really just asking advice for my own sanity. What would be the best solution for me? How do I get out of this loop of insecurity?

Thank you

I would have stopped short of saying boyfriends behavior was deviant had he not posted these pictures on Facebook. Doing something for ones own pleasure that is not meant to see the light of day by others may be somewhat narcissistic but I would stop there and not go to fully abnormal.

How did you find he had a whole scrapbook of these pictures? Did he show them to you or did you ask about the pictures after seeing some on Facebook or did you find them by snooping through his things? The reason I ask this is that the trust issue comes in to play now.

You have good reason not to trust your boyfriend after discovering this about him. From your point of view this behavior is deviant and to trust he will stop just because he was found out... well that does not always play out well. On the other hand if you found out all this about him by snooping through his things he too has trust issues with you.

Trust or lack there of on either part is the biggest reason for insecurity. If you feel you cannot ever trust him or learn to trust him again then you have an insurmountable problem. You cannot have a loving relationship without trust.

These girls that he has photoshopped their faces and you all live in the same town. If every time you see one of these girls he has used their face to do this with and you feel like you're keeping a secret from them. Then that is going to cause additional trouble between you.

To me this is a no win situation for you. The best option I see for you is to have yourself a pity party and get back in the pool to find someone else to love who will love you. Someone you can have a loving and trusting relationship with that I don't see happening with this boy.

I am a 22 year-old college student, and I live at home with my parents and my grandmother. My 28 year-old older sister lives away from home, and is in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend of four years.

Today I went to mass with my mom, and I never noticed how badly my sister's situation affected her. For awhile she told told me that she chose not to get involved in the situation, and that my sister made her choice. In her opinion, she chose her boyfriend over the family.

Before leaving mass she suggested that I light a candle for my paternal grandmother who passed away in February, and since I know the kind of relationship that she holds with members of that side of the family I was kind of puzzled. So I kept on asking her why she was crying over her death, and she told me that it was because my grandmother would have been there to talk to her about this situation when she was alive and healthy.

I am very concerned about my mother because she's not the healthiest person. Yet, admittedly, I'm not the right kind of person to go to about the situation I'm too temperamental, passionate, high-strung, and I hate when certain things like this are out of my control. Also, under certain circumstances in the past, I have not been the best person to go to in drastic situations although I do try to be supportive.

I have no idea what to do, I have tried talking to my sister but this always turns into a fight. As far as she's concerned, regardless of the situation that occurred between them less than two months ago in which her friends and family found out about her situation with her boyfriend, she's happy and safe and he's in love with her. I can't help but think that she's only there because her boyfriend is controlling the situation.

My mom is not the healthiest person in the world. She has diabetes that went untreated for years, this condition left her blind in one eye, unable to wear heels, and with her kidneys unable to function properly making it where she needs to go to dialysis every other day.

The main thing is that unlike most people, she does not have a close group of girl friends who she can hang out with to get her mind off of things. This probably results from the fact that she has never been particularly involved in her community, and she doesn't work.

So, how do I handle this situation? I told her to go to church and ask to speak to a priest (we're Catholic), to talk to a cousin who she grew up with, and to even talk to my sister's friend who has been extremely helpful in this situation, and has definitely shown that if we need to talk to she's there for us.

You have not given a lot of information on the type of situation your sister is in other than it is an abusive relationship. There are two types of abusive relationships. There are physically abusive relationships and verbally or mentally abusive ones.

The later of the two there is not much you can do about. If there's is a physically abusive relationship and you see evidence of physical abuse on your sister. You can report this to the local police. They can investigate and depending on their investigation and the domestic violence laws in the state; they can arrest the boyfriend with or without your sisters cooperation.

There is not much else I can offer to help you. Though I know of several organizations that can offer more help. One is called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They offer a 24/7 hotline staffed by trained counselors. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE. I would suggest you call them and ask one of the counselors for other suggestions.

If your sisters boyfriend is using her for a punching bag this will only get worse. typically in these situations the abuser will hit, punch and even rape the other. Then become all apologetic, swear they will never do it again and say how much they love the other person. Then sometime later something will happen and they do it again and the cycle continues.

If you don't do something to break the cycle it can and has happened that the abuser ends up hurting the other to the point of either killing them or that person kills the abuser and goes to jail. Another ending has the abused committing suicide. None of these outcomes are good for the abused, abuser or their families.

It is very hard to get the abused to seek help on their own so you must seek help for them. Be there for them and be the strength they don't have at this time. Call Rain, call a local women's center and find out ways you can help your sister.

I know you're concerned for your sister. You concern for your sister tells me YOU ARE THE RIGHT TYPE OF PERSON TO GET INVOLVED, YOU JUST NEED TO BELIEVE YOU CAN DO SO.

I'm an eighteen year old female who thinks she might have depression. I hate that word it's thrown around like an explanation to everyone else's problems when they're feeling low. That's why I don't want to speak to anyone I know about it the would either dismiss it because it's so thrown around plus I don't want to say I might have it if I haven't. I've been to Iapt in the past, I had a difficult upbringing and the doctor showed me how to deal with future situations, but it hasn't helped. It was my birthday yesterday but until I got tipsy I couldn't enjoy myself, everyone had made such an effort but I just wanted to cry. They asked me what I wanted to do after and everyone had different requirements and I iust had to snap and ask them to decide because I felt like I couldn't cope having to make a decision like that the problem was too difficult. I feel so tired lately I don't have the energy to enjoy anything I'm so tired and fed up I any face things, even spending time with my family I love them so much but I just feel so tired and fed up I go to be alone, then my boyfriend jokes he doesn't care but I can't dealt with it it upsets me straight away and f we have an argument I have to walk away or I'm hysterical and it hurts so much. I have random irrational thoughts of hurt or jealously which I don't act on but I feel like a bad person for having them, what is wrong with me? Sometimes I get so fed up with all the problems and endless list of jobs to do I can't cope is think about how I'd feel if something happened to me I love my family I hate my Friends at college now I'm meant I be relaxing but I'm tired and fed up what do I do?

We are not doctors so none of us can tell you for certain if you are depressed. In what you have written there are a couple of symptoms that might point to depression but not enough to lead anyone or a doctor to make that diagnoses.

To be diagnosed for depression. Make an appointment with your family doctor for a complete physical. A complete physical is needed to rule out any organic reason for some of the symptoms you are complaining about.

During the physical, which you have also asked the doctor to screen you for depression, the doctor will ask you a number of questions. From your answers the doctor will be able to make a diagnoses of whether or not you are depressed.

I live with both my mother and stepdad and I love both of them very much, but I have a much stronger relationship with my mother than my stepdad, and he doesn't do anything about it. Does this mean anything?

No, not really. He may feel that you do not want a stronger relationship with him that what you have with him. If you want a stronger relationship with him I believe you will have to take the lead and show him a stronger or fuller type of daughter love than you have been.

I'm 13 and just got my period, but I do swimming 5 times a week and scared of using pads and tampons. don't want to tell my parents and im so stressed I just want it to stop I need help.

First of all there is no reason to be scared of your period. Your menstrual cycle is a natural bodily function of women, something you and you mom both share. As a shared bodily function between you and your mom there is no reason to be afraid to speak to you mom over any concerns you have with your period. Your mom knows you better than any of us who are complete strangers and can better help you with any problem or concern you may have, like this one.

With the invention of the Tampon women have been able to lead a more active lifestyle during their period. This includes the ability to swim while having their period. Prior to then you would have had to stop swimming during your period and other activities as well.

I'm sure mom knows of your love of swimming. She is probably waiting for you to come and ask her about how you can continue to swim when you are having your period. Why is mom waiting for you to come to her. Because she was once your age and remembers how embarrassed she was and doesn't want to embarrass you.

We are in different times now. We all know that your period is non sexual or not sexual which ever you prefer. It has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with reproduction which is the end result of se but not part of it.

If you want to swim during your period you are going to have to learn how to use a Tampon. Being male I can't tell you much more than that. I do know at first it may be awkward and a little painful it may even feel funny inside you. These are all things mom and you can talk about as mom's in general have a much better knowledge than a guy like me would.

So remember this is not sex. Talk with mom their is nothing to be scared about or embarrassed about.

I was raped at the age of 6. No one knows about this and I want it to remain that way. I am now 24 and engaged to be married to an amazing person and I need to fake my virginity for my wedding day. Please help.

There is no need to fake your virginity. If you have not had any other intercourse other than the rape and you are concerned about not having a Hymen to be ruptured on your wedding night. You can stop your worrying.

The Hymen can be dislodged by many different way snot just by intercourse. Athletics, bike riding, tampon usage and other ways can cause your Hyman to be dislodged. Not having a Hymen would not mean a girl is not a virgin. Fingering and masturbation can also cause a Hyman to be ruptured.

By today's definition of virginity. Virginity is a person who has not had sexual intercourse. Generally for a female this means that a male penis has not entered her vagina.

By definition you lost your virginity when you were raped. Given your age and the fact that your were raped to my mind you are still a virgin. For the act of rape is a non consensual act of intercourse. Rape is also a violent crime for which the person raped is a victim. At the age of 6 I'm sure you knew nothing of what was happening to you until it happened. Even then you could do nothing to stop him as you were to young and to little to stop him. That to me spells victim. You do not penalize the victim, not in our society.

I understand why you may not want to tell your future husband about being raped. As I said rape is a violent crime even more so at the tender age you were raped. It is one were the victim is made to feel ashamed that she had something to do with her being raped. This is not true. No women ever asks to be raped.

I would suggest that before you marry that you seek the advice of a good psychologist to help you with what has to be all the pent up feelings you have about being raped. I seriously doubt your parents sought any counseling given your age feeling you were young enough to move on and forget about it given time.

I'm afraid this is not so. No matter how much you may feel you have control over this, you may not. It may happen on your wedding night or sometime in the future. But one night your husband is going to attempt to make love to you and a scent or a word or something will trigger thoughts of the rape and it will all come tumbling back.

You will freeze up and not be able to make love with the man you love. This isn't a maybe it is almost a probability as most repressed thoughts and feeling do come back usually at the worst possible time.

Rape is one of the most worst traumas a person can have happen. Without proper counseling it is hard to move forward and live a normal life. You need to bring closure. If the person who raped you never was punished, given this was the rape of a child, that person can still be punished under most state laws.

There is an organization called RAAIN which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline answered by trained counselors. They can answer questions, help you find a counselor who can help you deal properly with the rape and if you want help you tell your future husband about the rape. They will also be able to direct you where to get the legal answers about punishing the person that raped you if he has not been punished.

Please call them. To start a marriage with a secret like this is not a good way to start a marriage. If this man truly loves you he will understand. RAINN's number is 1-800-656-HOPE.

Just so you know. I am old enough to be your grandfather and I have been answering questions like yours for quite some time. I know RAINN can help you. I also know you have to properly deal with being raped if you want a happy life with your future husband.

My grandmother is mexican and I think she is racist. She used to talk bad about my mom in spanish all of time. She stopped when she found out my mom speaks spanish and her and my mom have had arguments. She told my dad that she didn't want him to be with my mom because she's black. This just really bothers me. I don't like to be around her cause I think she's racist and she doesn't like my mom. I don't like to go to her house, but she is my grandma. Should I ignore her?

This is a really tough question to answer as there really is no answer as to why someone is a racist. There is no reason for racism today or yesterday but there is racism anyway.

To ignore your grandmother because you believe she is a racist would be wrong. To confront her and tell her she is a racist would also be wrong. As long as she is a loving grandmother and does not impose her view upon you or try to turn you against your mom; you should return the love she gives to you.

If lets say your grandma says something to you about the race of someone you're dating and indicates that it is wrong for you to date that person. Then it would be proper for you to tell her how you feel on the subject and why. Still you do not outwardly tell her she is wrong.

Times were much different when your grandmother was your age. Blacks and many Mexicans were looked at as one people. Because of this many Mexicans suffered as did the Blacks the humiliation of segregation that still existed in certain parts of the country.

It is wrong to judge a person by the color of their skin. All of us Black, White, Red, Yellow have all made important contributions to our freedoms and way of life in this country.

I do not at this moment remember the mans name though it was a black man who developed blood plasma. The lifesaving gift used in Emergency rooms around the world savings millions of lives each year. It were black men who escorted our bombers to Berlin when the white flyers turning back. There bravery helped shorten the war in Europe.

It was Native Americans in the Pacific talking in their native tongue that helped win the war in the Pacific. They were called the Code Breakers. The Japanese had never heard the native tongue of the American Indian which allowed these code breakers as they were called to relay messages in the clear, during battles between one another, eliminating the need to code and decode messages during the heat of a battle.

I have many more stories about people with different colored skin and their contributions. The moral of the story is that judging a whole group of people because the color of their skin does not match the color of your skin is wrong.

To ignore your grandmother because she has racist
views would be just as wrong.

I have taken two pregnancy tests in the last month and they both came up negative, but I still think I'm pregnant due to missing a period and having cramps/some odd bleeding. Therefore, I have an appointment to see my doctor in the next couple days.

I am not scared of being pregnant since I am 22, live on my own, have a job and want children of my own, but I do have a few questions. I'm not in a relationship with the "father" so how do I go about telling him if I am pregnant? He works in a trucking business and is away quite a bit. I am prepared to be a single Mom if that so happens and I'm just curious about what you might have done in this situation. This will be my first child and I'm actually kind of excited to know if I am expecting. I have not told anyone at all so far; I plan to tell my Mother after I find out and I know she'll be accepting if I am. Do you have any other advice besides what I asked?

I don't think your pregnant either. These home pregnancy test are more prone to giving false positives then false negative results. If you followed the directions on when to test, how long after unprotected intercourse, and when to test at home, a negative test is most likely correct.

You are doing the right thing by seeing your GYN for a follow up test and letting the doctor examine you. Missing a period happens more often for reasons not related to pregnancy than for being pregnant. Stress is the number one period killer with worry over pregnancy being the number one reason. This is followed by work related stress.

Then there are other reasons, diet, exercise, change in sleeping habits, and medications. Taking antibiotics have and can cause you to miss a period. Your menstrual cycle is a very delicate thing. It does not take much to throw it off.

Missing a period, having cramps and odd bleeding is reason enough to see your GYN. It may just be your body preparing for your next period or it could be something more serious.

If and this is a big if, you are pregnant. Write back in a private message and I will respond with all the things you need to do to protect you and the baby from a legal standpoint. As well as what the fathers rights are if he cares to request them.. Whether the father wants to or not he is legally responsible for the well being of a child until the child reaches 18 years old. With in seeing to ensuring he is held to doing what is legally his right is a way of informing him he is going to be a father.

so me and my bf been going out for about a month now and were both 15 and he's close to 16. he is really nice and respectful and never had a gf before and we talk on the phone a lot we don't really talk about sex and I tried to start it off by saying what are you wearing but it got to nowhere or he didn't know what I was trying to do and we only kissed before. with my ex's we loved to talk about sex and loved to make out but my bf is different. in need help or tips on how to get him to talk about sex with me and how to get him a little horny. he's a boy so he must have a little freaky side to him. I don't want to have sex cuz I don't think we both ready, but I like to still have a fun with him like making out, talking about sex and let im know its ok to touch me in some places. like they say everyone has a freaky side it just takes the right person to bring it out can anyone help me with any advices please.

Your correct when you say you are both to young for sex. You are also correct when you say you would like to make out with him. At your ages making out is what is appropriate for your ages just as long as you keep your clothes on.

You say you are his first girlfriend so you will have to take the lead on this. One question to as is "What are you values?" If he asks for clarification?" You can be direct and ask how he feels about sex before marriage, making out with girls, masturbating and other questions. You can also be indirect by asking about Abortion, teen pregnancy and other questions that would lead up to the first questions.

You know him better than I do so which route to take is yours to pick. I'm sure you don't want to scare him off and if he seems shy then the direct route may be the wrong route.

You also have to be prepared for him to respond in the form of a question' One possible answer he could give would be, "I really haven't put much thought into that type of question what are yours." In this case you should be prepared to answer. That answer would be, based on what you have written, something like. "Well I think I'm to young to be having sex but I do think it is okay to make out. IF I like a boy a might let him touch me in certain places, I just won't allow him to take my clothes off. Then go from there.

About 10 years ago (for a few years) my step dad used to touch me in all the wrong places and he told me to not tell my mum, so until a few months ago I was still scared to say anything but then one night I just came out with it and explained everything to my mum, she was angry but not at me but at herself for letting it happen. Since iv told her everything I was worried about happening has happened, my younger brother and sister arnt allowed to see their dad, I feel so bad about this because I wish my dad made the effort and iv taken away their father who loved them, I was worried for my little sister and didn't feel so bad after the police revealed he still had child porn on the computer.
But I didn't want to take it to the police because I knew it would turn out like this... My relationship with my mum, my brother and my sister is completely changing, mostly with my mum, we argue a lot more and I feel like he has put this divide between us, iv talked to her about it and we sort everything but after a few weeks it gets bad again.
Me and my brother had a fight a while back triggered by nothing really but it turned into a proper fight and he started becoming his dad and I went crazy and took all my anger out on him, I felt so bad, but every now and then he almost becomes his dad(my step dad) and it scares me for his future and what could happen to him.
I just feel guilty more than anything, I'd kept it to myself this whole time so why did I have to bring it to attention now? Did I do it for attention, did I ruin peoples lives just for attention? I don't know how to stop it effecting my family life? It also took a lot for my boyfriend to get through it but he has been my solid rock this whole time, I know he's had his doubts and down days about it but he's there for me whenever I get low or me and mum have another argument, could do with some advise or just someone who knows what they are talking about to help me out... what's wrong with me, iv ruined everything.

The people who are wrong her are your siblings and step siblings and possibly your mom. Your siblings and step siblings are wrong for being upset with you fro they should realize what your step-dad did to you was wrong and illegal. In legal term it is called sexual abuse and child abuse. If you had not spoken up when you did imagine what he would have done with your little sister. You have saved her from the pain and suffering you have gone through. If she is old enough to understand you might explain this to her.

As for your older brother. If as you say he is becoming your father; then you need to be careful around him. No one including him has the right to touch when you do not wish to be touched or to touch you in places that should not be touched without your permission.

A parent can touch you in order to discipline you. Still where and how they touch you is confined to proper discipline. They cannot touch you in private places with the exception of your butt for a proper spanking. Meaning a hand spanking only to your butt. Anything else is child abuse and if the touch you anywhere else in disciplining you it could be sexual abuse.

As for your mom. I might be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt here. She is probably feeling bad that by marrying this man she subjected you to this abuse. As a parent I can tell you this is something very hard for a parent to deal with. Our job as a parent is to keep our children safe. She must feel she failed at this when because of the man she married you have been harmed.

She has stopped the harm by seeing to it he has been placed where he belongs, in prison. What she cannot do is undo the harm done to you. IF I was in her place I would feel very bad and hurt that I cannot undo the harm. I do not know and can't say I would handle it as she has though I could understand it if this is the reason for the unrest between you.

My suggestion for all of you is family counseling. For you the reason is to help you deal with what has happened to you in a manner that will help you get past this and live a normal life so later in life when you meet a man he can touch you without you reacting badly.

For your siblings so they can deal properly with what has happened to their dad. To understand you are not the bad person; he is. Having a person such as a psychologist talk with them he or she can present this to them in a manner they will understand better.

For you mom, to help her understand that she is not a bad person and neither are you. That child molesters come in all shapes and sizes. There is no way she could have known before marrying him that this was going to happen. By talking with a psychologist she will have someone she can talk freely to and get things off her chest. Like you she will be able with the psychologists help, put this all in the proper prospective.

If you don't have health insurance and are not going to get health insurance under The affordable healthcare act, then call your Police or prosecutors office and speak with the Victims Assistance Office. Most cities or Counties have Victim Assistance Offices who can help with this.

Most importantly and above all else is for you to remember you are the victim. You did nothing wrong.

Does back hole fucking cause pregnancy

Short answer is NO! IF you look at human anatomy you will see there is no connection between the anal tract and the reproductive tract of the vagina.

Now the other writer is correct in that if any live sperm from you intercourse were to come in contact with the vaginal tract. Then there is the possibility of a pregnancy. This contact would have to be pre-coitus in the anus. For I believe once sperm comes in contact with the anal tract it will shortly die due to all the germs and bacteria living in the anal tract.

One reason I believe this to be true is once a penis enters the anus it should not enter a vagina until it is thoroughly washed in warm soapy water, from tip to groin area. For going from anus to vagina without washing will bring bacteria from the anus to the vagina which can cause an infection.

The male should wear a condom when having anal sex to protect himself from various infections that can arise from anal sex. Even when wearing a condom complete washing of his penis is still required.

Anal sex can be fun and it can be painful for the girl so caution is advised when entering the anus. Protection is a must as is proper hygiene.

i feel like crying when i talk with other people.ifeel anxious when talk with others. i am 26 years old. i am a lecturer. i feel anxious to talk in class.i dont have any depression . when i talk with others these anxious thoughts pop in to my mind make me feel like crying. please help me to overcome .i also feel somewhat stressed.

This is a definite problem for someone who makes their living talking in front of groups of people. My uneducated guess is you have a form of stage fright or performance anxiety.

None of us are doctors or psychologists and a psychologist is who you need to help you get over stage fright or performance anxiety. As someone in a related field of employment I am called upon at times to speak in front of small to large groups of people. There are times when I will suffer from anxiety and have to push through it as there was no one to take my place.

When this happens I will try to find a friendly face in the crowd and talk directly to him or her. It generally helps get me through my presentation. It seemed that talking directly to that person who appears to be friendly eased the tension I had of speaking to a group of shall we say unreceptive people.

Then there is of course the old standby of picturing everyone in the room naked except yourself. I've tried this, it helped but it was not as good as finding that friendly face.

What really helps is being prepared. Knowing whatever it is you are presenting cold. Being prepared for any and all questions that might be asked. Part of performance anxiety, especially in front of peers, is looking as if you do not know the subject matter.

The only other thing I can recommend is seeing a psychologist for help in identifying the stress that causes your anxiety. Once truly identified the psychologist can help you find a better way of dealing with it.

i am going to get marry in next month. i took small dose of antipsychotic because excess anxiety distracts me during stress (as prescribed by psychiatrist). i am normal for the past 1 year except for little bit of anxiety. i didnt enclose about my medication to my would be. she was deeply in love with me.she is a doctor.how can i take medicine without knowledge of my would be in future

You can't and you should not take medications that your spouse is not aware of. This is not only the moral thing it is the right thing as from the day you marry she is your next of kin. She needs to know these things about you in the event of an medical emergency not as a doctor but as your wife.

Your intended is also a doctor. As a doctor and your future wife she will understand about medications you may be taking. Especially medications that are taken on an as needed basis. Also as a doctor and your wife she will be constantly observing you as you wife and will be able to assist your doctor in finding out why you have anxiety problems.

Stress does cause anxiety. There are other ways of dealing with stress. Medication is one way. It is quick and generally efficient. A better way is to find out the type of stress, there are different types, that trigger your stress. Learn how to avoid or deal with them better than reliance on medications. This takes working with a psychologist.

If your Bride truly loves you and as a doctor also understands anxiety problems. I see no reason not to inform her. Minor anxiety brought on by stress should not be a deal breaker for her. If it is she wasn't the women for you and she to my thinking is not much of a doctor.

So I realize that I'm 23 and still living with my parents. I know I need to first get a better job so I can afford to live on my own. But I guess I'm afraid that I will fail and that I cant do it. Any advice?
Female

Fear of failure is I believe normal. What you cannot and should not allow is to let what is normal become a paralyzing fear that causes you to do nothing. If you never venture outside your comfort zone you will never now the joys of success.

Failure is nothing more than a learning opportunity. A chance to scrutinize what was done wrong; correct how that was wrong and move on. We are human, as such we make mistakes. Not all mistakes are failures.

Don't be paralyzed by fear. Take the first step. Find a place to start living on your own away from mom and dad. It does not have to be your own apartment at first. You can start by looking to see if anyone is looking for a roommate to share an apartment with. There is also the possibility of renting a room someplace. You start by doing what you know you can afford. Then as your income increases you move up to better.

If you start by renting a room some place then the next step is sharing an apartment with someone. After that an apartment of your own and then into your own home maybe renting a room to someone to help pay the mortgage.

Make a plan and a budget of how you want to proceed with your independent living. How much money will you need for step one, step two so on and so forth. Make sure your budget includes all those things you need to maintain yourself as well as you living choice. You need to budget for food, clothing, utilities, medical, medicine, transportation, Insurance, entertainment, savings and incidentals also known as emergency funding.

Not knowing you financial situation as you go through each step is how you can fail. Remember this their are those who fail to plan and those whose plans fail.. There is nothing wrong with a plan that happens to fail at least you planned. You go over your plan, find the weak spot fix it and move on. If you fail to plan your are destined to fail.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>