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still a virgin at 25 years old
I am a 25 year old female who is still a virgin and I have been dating this guy for about 4 months now and he is 26 years old and the other other day he asked me how I felt about having sex with him and I told him I would but I said I think you need to know that i am still a virgin and then as soon as I told him that he said he didn't think it would be a good idea after all and I asked him why was that ? He said he didn't want me to regret losing my virginity and wanted me to keep it as long as I could so then I explained to him that I have done everything else I just haven't gone all the way yet so he said I still want you to wait to make sure it's what you want to do . I told him I was sure that I wanted him to be my first he said I know you say that but what about after you lose your virginity ? what's the big deal ? why won't he let me go all the way when I really want to ? I mean I know he explained it to me but I have never had a guy tell me before that they didn't want to fool around. why is he different from the others? Thanks for all your help in advance everybody .
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That is very good that he is asking you if you want to have sex. He is not saying that he is not interested in you, he is saying politely if you really want to have sex. If you do then just tell him I'm sure and have fun but if you don't he is the type where he will still go out with you if you refuse sex. Now that guy is one in a million. Choose wisely and be sure to ask him what he wants too.
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He's just wigged out by female virginity.
This doesn't mean he's not into you, and it also doesn't mean he's a sweet respectful, keeper who you should be sooo very impressed by.
All it means is that he, just like you, has been told from birth by the entire culture around him that a woman's virginity is super duper magically special. He's been told women fall hopelessly in love with the first guy they have sex with, that they never forget their first, and perhaps he's even heard some even more extreme myths that come of the the cult of female purity.
That doesn't make him unique - many guys respond in this way to female virginity.
But it's not a sign of respect. Not at all. Frankly, it's a bit disrespectful. It's disrespectful of your boyfriend to listen to the culture and the myths, rather than you, his girlfriend, who is telling him what she wants and how she feels.
The best way to convince your boyfriend is to simply ask him to listen to you when it comes to your virginity, and not to the culture and myths.
It's understandable for him to be effected by those myths and those cultural beliefs, but he needs to listen to you when to comes to your virginity, and trust what you say about your choices. Trying to 'take care of you' or 'make you wait for your own good' is deeply, deeply offensive behaviour. Of course he doesn't mean it that way, but that is the trap he is falling into - where it is the man's job to protect the woman from sex because women cannot be trusted to make decisions about their own body - and he needs to climb the hell out of it and treat you like his equal. Even if you don't have equal sexual experience, you still have just as much right and ability to make choices for yourself.
It's okay for him to have fears about sleeping with someone who is a virgin, but he needs to own those fears himself, not talk about it like it's all for your sake, after you've clearly told him you are comfortable and ready.
Tell him to trust you and respect you. It's okay for him to have fears, and it's okay for him to need time himself, but it's not okay for him act like he gets to make choices for you, protect you from yourself, or not listen and trust you when you speak.
By all means, have him read what I've written here. I'm sure he's a good guy who is really trying to care for you in the best way he can, and of course he's not obligated to have sex with you if he's uncomfortable, but he needs to recognize that some of the things he's been told all his life are just 'being good to a woman or taking care of a woman' are actually just 'not trusting a woman's judgement about her own life', and the women in his life deserve his trust.
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This is a guy you should give serious consideration to making a life with. This is a guy that respects you and wants your respect as well. He is concerned that after you and he have sex the ideals that have kept you a virgin all this time will cause you to have regrets. Regrets that may cause you to feel bad about him.
Let me try to explain. I'm sure in high school you like most teenage girls spent a great fending of boys who wanted nothing but to get into your panties. For them it was how they handled puberty and the raging hormones they had. For many it was a game boys played, how many girls could they get into bed. If they happened to get a virgin the scored more points. Respect for the girl was not in their vocabulary.
From what you have written I see a guy who does respect you. Something he has learned since his teenage years. He knows the value a woman places on her virginity and what it means to bestow it on the right person. His refusing to take this gift at this time says a lot about him and his feelings for you.
I would say not only does he respect you. I would say his feelings for you run deeper than that. I would say he may be falling in love with you. If he is falling in love with you and your relationship continues to grow. Then when it is right for him to accept this gift you have kept for him, it will be that much more precious to him.
In short There is nothing wrong here other than you have met a guy who may have actual feelings for you and is not looking at you as a fling to have sex with and move on. My advice is to get to know this man better and to see if this relationship can grow into something more.
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Both you and he need to realize the sexual experience is not about losing anything, and certainly not virginity. If something entering your vagina means you are no longer a virgin, then what about use of tampons or vibrators, does that make someone no longer a virgin.
Then how about two girls or two guys, they don't have one of each, one penis one vagina between them, its two penises or two vagina's with them, ...so at what point do they "lose their virginity" so to speak. There is no such thing. Both you and he have a misconception of the sexual experience. It is something experienced in steps, first with masturbating by yourself, then kissing and foreplay, oral sex and finallyits not about a penis entering a vagina intercourse. So not only are you not a virgin, neither was he when he started masturbating...since that is the b eginning of our sexual experiences when we first hit puberty. It is a better concept to visualize gaining rather than losing something, gaining sexual experience which starts with puberty and continues on throughout your life. I am 55 and still finding new experiences from time to time with my husband...not because we arent active, we are...there just are things/experiences you stumble upon as you go through life. I have discovered more about my capabilities and new things I am able to do in my forties and 50's than I did when I was your age.
If you are able to convince him to have sex with you, please realize that a man who is crazy in love with you would not find the fact of you not having had intercourse, lesson any desire he has for you sexually. If a man like that asked you and you said you were a virgin, but were willing right then, he'd have bedded you that night. This man is just looking for a sex partner/companion, someone for company, it doesnt have to be love.
If you want to experience the intercourse part, then just dont announce in the future that you are a virgin, cause technically you're not. Some hymens are stretched by use of tampons or dildos so they dont tear or break. Hymens is no way for a man to know whether a female has had penetrative sex before or not. Even with sex, some women remain tighter than others, so if you don't tell him, there's no way for him to know, there never in the history of man has been.
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Hi,
It appears that you have a real keeper on your hands. This means: he respects you so much, he wants to make sure that you are absolutely, positively 100% sure that he is the one you want to share that first time with. Now, why would he do that? It is because he is different, and he is different because he royally respects you unlike the other guys you may have met. Most guys would not think twice about taking a girls virginity and that is because they weren't raised with the morals and wisdom your man has. The other guys Just Don't Care.
What you must understand is: that when you give someone your virginity you are giving them something special that you will never ever get back. It can be the feeling of honesty, purity, heartbreak and of course undeniable love. It all depends on the situation. You will think about that guy for the rest of your life. If for some reason it doesn't work out you could be shattered and in all honesty, girls will either: feel soo much more in love after the act Or it can break them into little pieces. He knows this. He doesn't want you to break into pieces if suddenly you think you did the wrong thing, but it also sounds like this guy will be there for you if you ever feel like it was the wrong decision. I believe you have thought about this for quite some time, but do yourself a favour and think about this everyday for the next week and make sure he is 100% the guy. Trust me, he will be honoured if you say yes, but he will also still love you if you say no. It is and always will be your choice.
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