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I need to fake my virginity.
I was raped at the age of 6. No one knows about this and I want it to remain that way. I am now 24 and engaged to be married to an amazing person and I need to fake my virginity for my wedding day. Please help.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
While I am a guy and cannot relate to you personal experience, I can sadly say that I have known several women who have been the victim of rape, some more than once. Some have even had it happen at the hands of a family member or a person they trusted dearly. And while I can't image how hard it must be, one thing I know for sure is that bottling it up is not the answer and could have catastrophic effects on your relationships. This includes the one with your future husband.
And always remember that in no way, shape or form was what happened to you your fault. You should not hold any guilt for it any more that someone whose house gets robbed should blame themselves for the crime.
My brother's ex-wife was molested repeatedly as a child but he never found out about it until some time into their marriage. To make a long story short, the psychological effects from that experience resulted in a painful and sad divorce.
Keeping things like this inside not can but will eventually harm your health, emotional state and yes, relationships with others. You really do have to let it out. I'd recommend seeing a therapist at first and simply getting it off of your chest in a private and confidential setting. But eventually, you owe it your fiancée and yourself, to tell him. If he's as amazing of a person as you say he is, I have no doubt that he will love you just the same or possibly even more given that you would confide in him so much.
Be strong and brave.
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There is no reason to fake virginity. You can't fake virginity. No one can actually tell if you're a virgin or not.
The hymen doesn't break, it stretches so if you haven't had sex in awhile, it'll be tight.
Plus, honesty is the best thing in relationships so I don't see a reason to hide your past when being raped wasn't your choice.
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There is no need to hide the past, In order to move on from it somewhere in life you must accept it. We don't need to forgive or forget but for your own sake acceptance is important.
It is okay to feel scared but it's not okay to allow yourself to live in fear. You were a victim, You are not a fault or a blame.
Sweetie, Let me explain something..
Sometimes horrible things happen to people, When I was young I was raised in an abusive house hold. We must learn to come to terms that the past is something that happened, We cannot deny it. As long as we live in denial and anger then we will never allow ourselves closure. It's okay to talk about it, It's okay cry and scream about it but it's not okay to allow yourself to bottle it up to where it is allowing you pain and hurt.
There are many resources and people who can help you, This would be the first step towards your healing process.
A good therapist or even someone you truly trust but you should talk about it. Nobody can understand something if they aren't aware of it. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, It wasn't your fault. Try to accept, Write in a journal how you feel, your anger and try to write how you will learn to cope with it.
A new year, A new start. Be healthy, Be happy.
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There is no need to fake your virginity. If you have not had any other intercourse other than the rape and you are concerned about not having a Hymen to be ruptured on your wedding night. You can stop your worrying.
The Hymen can be dislodged by many different way snot just by intercourse. Athletics, bike riding, tampon usage and other ways can cause your Hyman to be dislodged. Not having a Hymen would not mean a girl is not a virgin. Fingering and masturbation can also cause a Hyman to be ruptured.
By today's definition of virginity. Virginity is a person who has not had sexual intercourse. Generally for a female this means that a male penis has not entered her vagina.
By definition you lost your virginity when you were raped. Given your age and the fact that your were raped to my mind you are still a virgin. For the act of rape is a non consensual act of intercourse. Rape is also a violent crime for which the person raped is a victim. At the age of 6 I'm sure you knew nothing of what was happening to you until it happened. Even then you could do nothing to stop him as you were to young and to little to stop him. That to me spells victim. You do not penalize the victim, not in our society.
I understand why you may not want to tell your future husband about being raped. As I said rape is a violent crime even more so at the tender age you were raped. It is one were the victim is made to feel ashamed that she had something to do with her being raped. This is not true. No women ever asks to be raped.
I would suggest that before you marry that you seek the advice of a good psychologist to help you with what has to be all the pent up feelings you have about being raped. I seriously doubt your parents sought any counseling given your age feeling you were young enough to move on and forget about it given time.
I'm afraid this is not so. No matter how much you may feel you have control over this, you may not. It may happen on your wedding night or sometime in the future. But one night your husband is going to attempt to make love to you and a scent or a word or something will trigger thoughts of the rape and it will all come tumbling back.
You will freeze up and not be able to make love with the man you love. This isn't a maybe it is almost a probability as most repressed thoughts and feeling do come back usually at the worst possible time.
Rape is one of the most worst traumas a person can have happen. Without proper counseling it is hard to move forward and live a normal life. You need to bring closure. If the person who raped you never was punished, given this was the rape of a child, that person can still be punished under most state laws.
There is an organization called RAAIN which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline answered by trained counselors. They can answer questions, help you find a counselor who can help you deal properly with the rape and if you want help you tell your future husband about the rape. They will also be able to direct you where to get the legal answers about punishing the person that raped you if he has not been punished.
Please call them. To start a marriage with a secret like this is not a good way to start a marriage. If this man truly loves you he will understand. RAINN's number is 1-800-656-HOPE.
Just so you know. I am old enough to be your grandfather and I have been answering questions like yours for quite some time. I know RAINN can help you. I also know you have to properly deal with being raped if you want a happy life with your future husband.
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