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Advice on growing up and moving out?
So I realize that I'm 23 and still living with my parents. I know I need to first get a better job so I can afford to live on my own. But I guess I'm afraid that I will fail and that I cant do it. Any advice?
Female
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First off, in many places around the world people feel that they have to move away form their parents by a certain age. This is a social stigma and sadly has caused a lot of anxiety for a lot of good people. And most importantly, it's not necessarily true. There is no single right or wrong here.
The global economy is not all that good right now and it can be hard to find a job that pays an adequate amount to live on your own. So I commend you for recognizing the importance of the financial aspect here. That is a very mature and far more adult thing to do than simply to try to find an apartment now and worry about the money later.
As far as your fear of failure, we all face that at some point in our lives. As children we fear falling when we are learning to ride a bike. As teens we fear the rejection of our first real crush. There are countless more situations but I'm sure you get my point.
Think about it this way, what's the worst that can happen? So you fail, I'm sure your parents would be caring enough to either let you come back home until your ready to try to go out on your own again or at least help you find another living arrangement.
And when you are ready, consider the option of getting one or more roommates. This can be great for both companionship and spitting the bills.
Hope that helps.
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Fear of failure is I believe normal. What you cannot and should not allow is to let what is normal become a paralyzing fear that causes you to do nothing. If you never venture outside your comfort zone you will never now the joys of success.
Failure is nothing more than a learning opportunity. A chance to scrutinize what was done wrong; correct how that was wrong and move on. We are human, as such we make mistakes. Not all mistakes are failures.
Don't be paralyzed by fear. Take the first step. Find a place to start living on your own away from mom and dad. It does not have to be your own apartment at first. You can start by looking to see if anyone is looking for a roommate to share an apartment with. There is also the possibility of renting a room someplace. You start by doing what you know you can afford. Then as your income increases you move up to better.
If you start by renting a room some place then the next step is sharing an apartment with someone. After that an apartment of your own and then into your own home maybe renting a room to someone to help pay the mortgage.
Make a plan and a budget of how you want to proceed with your independent living. How much money will you need for step one, step two so on and so forth. Make sure your budget includes all those things you need to maintain yourself as well as you living choice. You need to budget for food, clothing, utilities, medical, medicine, transportation, Insurance, entertainment, savings and incidentals also known as emergency funding.
Not knowing you financial situation as you go through each step is how you can fail. Remember this their are those who fail to plan and those whose plans fail.. There is nothing wrong with a plan that happens to fail at least you planned. You go over your plan, find the weak spot fix it and move on. If you fail to plan your are destined to fail.
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Finding a cheap place is a good place to start. Maybe you can already afford something like that? I don't know.
But remember, you do have a safety net. If things don't pan out, you can move back to where you are and try again. You can pretty much always try again. Don't let the fear of failure stop you from moving to the next step.
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