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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Good afternoon,

I'm writing this because I'm reaching out for help. I've tried searching for help in many places, but a lot of those sources are helping me deal with and sort out my feelings, and barely any are helping me with a plan of action. I'm 25 years, and I'm my mother's only daughter. She adopted me at birth. Following my adoption, my father abandoned us because he got a prostitute pregnant and chose to remain as a part of that family. From that moment on, my mother grew unhealthily obsessed with me. I never had a healthy relationship with a member of my family. I realized this at a pretty young age. My mother never let me sleep in my own bed. She wouldn't let me bathe myself until I was 14 years old. I wasn't allowed to go away for college. I wasn't allowed to drive until I was 20 years old. But, these restrictions were compensated for with minor freedoms. For instance, I didn't have a curfew. My mom was considered the "cool" mom among my group of friends because she would talk to them about boys, sex, etc. She drove everybody. She put together a limo for prom. On the surface, you would think I was a spoiled brat. I attended a very expensive private school and my mom always took me to the beauty salon so that I would look top notch. I had the latest gadgets: cell phones, iPods, etc. The newest clothes. The newest music. You would think I was a princess. But, everything that glitters is not gold. I would trade, without a doubt, all of these "luxuries" for a healthy relationship with any of my parents. For parents who raised me for the world, not for themselves.

I must mention that for years, I have been financially abused. My mother has stolen my identity and opened credit cards and phone bills in my name, failing to pay them, leaving me with bad credit. Therefore, I was happy about not having to apply to lease an apartment, given that my credit is not the best. She has stolen from my savings account, emptying my college fund, therefore, I am now paying back college loans. She has had me take out payday loans, harassing me until I have done so, so that she would have enough money to pay a bill on time, and then I've found out that she has taken the money to be me clothes, but her and the rest of my family have taken the stance that if the clothes were bought for me, regardless of whether my own money or credit was used, I cannot use that against her.

A few months ago, my mom had her house rented to psychologically diagnosed hoarders. Needless to say, the house was a nightmare. Nearly $1000 were spent on just sanitation bills. After this experience, my mom had the epiphany of allowing me to live in this house in order to ensure that something like this didn't happen again. After all, at 25 years of age, I thought that maybe she realized that I deserved a little bit of independence. I'm not surprised to find out that the house came with strings. She continues to harass me, show up uninvited, knocking on my door at 5:00 in the morning and making me get up. Those are the days when I'm actually able to stay here. Oftentimes, she uses excuses such as my grandmother feeling ill, to get me to stay with her (the house is down the street). She frequently orders me to come back home. The other day, she even picked me up after I had someone over and took me in the car back home, inquiring about any sexual encounters. When I opened up to her about it, she harassed me the next day, telling me that she was going to buy me sex toys. Yesterday, I opened my nightstand drawer and found cards with sexual positions on them and two bottles of lube.

I have had enough. I don't have another place to go because she ruined my credit. So many times I've wondered if I should just give up on life because I really am never going to have freedom. I can't leave this city (or state) with bad credit. I also have a full time job that I can't just pick up and leave. I'm in the middle of graduate school, finishing my masters degree. So, giving me advice to pack up my bags and "run away" is just not feasible right now. I would leave to an apartment if the credit issue wasn't present. I just want to cut her off until she decides that she is going to get the help that she so desperately needs. I can't deal with this anymore.

What adviceman suggests I must say ditto to. I know you may want a normal relationship, but knowing what she has done and allowing her to continue on is not going to help. If you let too much more time go by, it could appear to officials as if you were okay with what she was doing as far as your credit history if you have never done anything to stop her. If it were some stranger who stole your identity, and was controlling you, would you press charges or allow them to continue to do so, in essence ruining your life. She has some emotional hold over you, the love and normalcy you want so bad and the abnormal upbringing that has basically messed with your ability to judge situations so that you are either feeling unable or unwilling to take the steps needed to get away from under her control. This is way beyond just control but criminal stuff when it comes to stealing someones money and also stealing their identity. I don't want you to be shocked but Mom just doesnt sound sane mentally. Maybe its not quite mental illness, maybe it is and from what other family has said regarding her deeds against you, they dont sound much better. She and they may benefit from seeing a psychologist which of course you can't force them to do. However, if you did press charges by going the proper channels with a lawyer, her actions and the bizarreness of some of them may come to the attention of professionals who may be able to help her...at least, I would hope so.
When the day comes that your credit is clear once again, you may need to cut off contact with her totally. The best way would be to see if anyone you work with could use a roommate or may have a room to rent as you know they are employed. What about the school, any other students finding themselves in need of roommate? If you talk to a lawyer, ask about housing help so you can get away from her. Dont use social media to post anything about your whereabouts, change your phone, change your bank and get a new acct number, just learn to disappear and leave no links a person could follow to find you. Its most likely that Mom isn't going to change at all for the better at this point in her life and the only way to prevent this happening again is to cut off communication and any knowledge of your whereabouts totally. If you belong to a church, ask the pastor for help and perhaps a church member could open their home to you. Or look for a room in a house where an elderly person will allow you a room in exchange for helping them around the house. These are a few of my ideas and I know it will hurt to cut things off with her but having her in your life is already hurting you. Its more a matter of deciding to protect yourself or not. Heres one thing I can share that may help. I was in an abusive marriage but i stayed until a couple people told me that it is not selfish to love yourself first. My biggest lesson in life to learn was to learn to love myself enough to not allow myself to be subjected to an unhealthy relationship and treatment. The bible verse about loving God and loving your neighbor as yourself is not actually focused firstmost on loving the neighbor first. I remember a sermon that finally came back to me. I have to love myself first before love would be able to flow thru me to any other human beings. I was staying by choice using the fact that I could not afford to move away and live on just my income. Thats a terrible thing, fearing one can not survive without the financial support so one stays in a bad situation because of it. YOur situation is somewhat the same, staying in a bad situation cus you now fear you can't survive on your own, yet it is all your money Mom took and credit she took. If it were fixed thru legal means, then being able to survive on your own is a lot more closer than it is now. I hope you do call the number adviceman gave as I don't know where to tell you to call. It sounds good to me. Good luck dear.

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If your a girl and a man puts his dick in your ass are u stiil a virgan

Yes and No. Yes, you are vaginally still a virgin...but no, you are not a virgin to sex if it was done anal wise. From the moment a persons hormones start flowing and their body changes, anything about sex is going to need to be learned, every little thing from stuff about periods, masturbating to proper contracepton/birth control and experiecing, touching, petting, fingering, oral sex to vaginal or anal sex.
If virgin means untouched as in virgin forests where no humans have ever been before, then a girls body is no longer untouched or virgin if a male or female has touched or done anything in the realm of a sexual thing with each other. Think a moment, at what point are gay couples no longer virgins, if there are two vaginas or 2 penises. That is why I answered yes and no, depending on how you look at it.

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A month ago, my girlfriend and I broke up. We loved each other more than ever, we saved each other's lives countless times. Along the way, her depression kicked in, and she never felt the same about us, and expected me to give everything up like it was nothing. So I tried, I tried countless attempts of fixing things, which later lead to the exclusion of her life altogether. I'm left to rot, another 15 year old guy, with depression, anxiety, and thoughts of suicide. I know, my friends try to help, and this isn't all her fault, I'm just different now. And I want to die, but I know I have to keep breathing for people who need me. Please don't recommend any type of therapy, nothing helps, just please give me advice about how I'm supposed to keep breathing. Thank you, sorry this was so long. I'm sorry

What type of therapy have you had that doesnt help?? It depends on the therapy often. Just talk combined with medications doesnt work for most people. There's another type of therapy that does have better results and doesnt involve medication. There are psychologists who use this treatment, cbt Cognitive behavioral therapy. If interested, let me know, I'll give you more info.
As for the girl, it doesnt work for relationships if one or both suffer depression. Cure the depression and then there is a chance.

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Me n my bf had swx right well I let him cum in me several times n I was wondering if u can get pregnant if I waited to after sex

If he wasn't wearing a condom and you are not on birth control, then yes, theres a chance you can become pregnant if you were ovulating. Since most females have little idea when they ovulate and when one does can vary too just like period cycles, its safer to go to pharmacy and purchase Plan B, the morning after pill to take just in case but it must be taken before 72 hours have passed since having sex. Here is a link to info on Plan B.
http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/features/plan-b-11-questions-11-answers

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I'm 15 and have asymmetrical eyes, one is bigger and lower than the other one. Will this go away as I grow older? It really bothers me and I am thinking of having plastic surgery when I'm older. I know I sound as if I'm complaining when there are people out there with real problems and I get that I can come across as a whiny, spoilt brat. But this asymmetry has bothered me and I just want to feel pretty for once.

I would think the position of the opening for the eye socket in the skull can't be messed with. But maybe changing the lids so how much eyeball is showing can be changed by cosmetic surgery but again, its expensive. Best to talk to specialists about that. As for asymnnetrical is people, just about everyone has a face where the left side doesnt match the right side. There used to be a camera at a science center i went to as a kid and teen where it would photograph one side of your face at a time and duplicate the exact same on the other side, like two right sides only the one flipped to face the right direction. Neither of them looked like me at all, like a totally different person. When my family or friends tried it, same results. No one is asymmetrical, just that some are more obvious than others. I have a daughter whose breasts are visibly easily two different sizes and has a boyfriend for whom its not a big deal at all.
If I were you, I would pay a makeup specialist, like the really good ones who do wonders with the flaws of celebrities, and have that person teach you what you can do with makeup to play the optical illusion that both eyes are the same size. If they can make a celeb with a wide nose appear to have a slender nose, it can be done with makeup for your eyes.

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I have been trying to muster enough strength to apply to college over the past 5 fall application seasons. I had above average grades in high school but I just feel overwhelmed by all the choices, especially my dream schools. I'm not targeting Harvard or anything, but I still feel overwhelmed. It must be worse for me now, applying as a 21 year old first year student, and I don't know why I step on my own feet and am so frozen by the process that plenty of high schoolers do, no problem. I've been working in the meantime, and I'm not lazy at all, I just undervalue myself in that it's hard for me to promote myself to a college with such high stakes. I wrote papers in high school for grades with no problems. But writing a personal statement when the stakes are so high terrifies me. How can I move past this and make progress, before applications are due in January? Would it be embarassing to be a 22 year old college freshman? Even if it is, college is non-negotiable for me. I figure if I'm going to debt, it better be worth it, so I want to get the best education possible, though community college will be my fall back, if I don't get in anywhere this time around. I'm so tired of my BS, and my parents don't understand it either. I shut them out because I'm already hard on myself enough, they don't know that I've never actually applied anywhere, I'll make the Commonapp and make accounts on college websites, and do everything but write the essays. I even got recommendations last year, which I messed up by not finishing my application. I felt so mortified by it that I haven't communicated with the person who gave one of my recommendations in over a year, that's how much I step on my own feet. My peers are about to graduate next year, and I'm still worried about things they advanced through as teenagers. I had depression and anxiety for most of the years before, and I've improved a lot this year, compared to the past, and the ultimate way to show that would be to make this progress in my life. Some people think they need to convince me to go to college but they don't understand that I've always had college in my plan, I plan on getting up to a PhD. I don't see what else would be the point of living if not to contribute something to the world. I want to do economics, and though I had As in math and economics (honors classes, too) in high school, I'd have to take refresher classes to remember certain formulas and what not that used to come naturally to me. I've been wanting to apply as a first year and not do the community college and transfer route since first year admissions have the highest admissions rate. Is that a smart or dumb idea? I know, my whole story probably seems really dumb, but I'm a human, and those are my irrational faults I'm working with, and trying to overcome. As a teenager, I saw several therapists, but they never got through to me. I've been getting more religious and that has been helping me, as I have a lack of friendships and what not (part of why I was depressed as a teenager, at ages when I was supposed to be having the "time of my life"). It's funny that my years 16-21 have actually been my worst. I want to turn that around by my next birthday, and get back on track on the good course I used to be on. I just don't know how I'd appear to admissions counselors. Would it be better to downplay my personal struggles or to be totally honest? What if they feared I relapsed? How would I prove to them that I wouldn't? I'm just freely speaking here, but writing is actually one of my biggest strengths, so it's ridiculous to me that has been my stumbling block. People say it's perfectionism, but I never consider anything I write to be perfect. I just have high standards about it. Heck, I even tutor kids and teenagers to help them with their reading and writing skills. Sorry this is such a mess. I can't afford a therapist right now, I have no friends to speak to (partially my fault for pushing people away, and mostly because most people don't reach out to me.). I feel I'd be a much better student than I would have been at 18, still in my depression, but I don't know how to get that across. Being a tutor has made me really miss going to school, studying for tests, and what not. I feel envious when I hear people speak of finals and what not. Ok, so in general, how do I mend relationships, get everything done by January 1st, and in general just always being my best self? Please be honest, and please also be nice, I'd really appreciate it.

Your story reminds me of a story I read recently in a book by a psychologist where the business professional discovered that what held him back was his self imposed professionalistic thoughts. He was so afraid of his own perceived ideas of what others would think of him doing less than excellant just once, or failing once, that it crippled him into not being able to continue on in life without great anxieties.
You sound like you suffer from distorted thinking. Fortunately there is a way to be healed and move past that. The part you'll have trouble with is that the person trained to help you is a psychologist, but not your average medication dispensing Dr. There have been greater and faster results that are not temporary but for ever in almost all cases where CBT is used. That is cognitive behavioral therapy. If you are sick and tired of being stuck in a rut like this, the CBT does address depression and anxities. The book I read was "When Anxieties Attack" by David D. Burns. If you can get your hands on a copy, I think reading it will give you hope. Its not easy to self diagnose yourself and what it is in particular that is holding you back but having a professional trained in CBT can help. Dr. Burns book was found at my library. YOu can search there, order it from a book store. Visit his website where you can read comments of those helped by CBT, view a video or two of the Dr. and so on. This is the only thing I know that can help. If it helps you at all to not think that you are broken or worthless, the fact is most humans tend to think way more negative thoughts than positive ones. Its just that some of us catch ourself doing it and dont dwell on the negative but counteract with positive thoughts. It isnt that well known a human frailty but it is very real and it is just that some of us are even from childhood or teen years so bombarded by distorted or negative thoughts as I was, that it really does cripple you and its like being a non swimmer, down underwater drowning until a hand reaches down and grabs you to pluck you out. You can't find a way out on your own. But therapy concerning the thought process is that helping hand. I am posting a video of Dr. Burns and his website for you. I hope it encourages you to find a Dr. in your area who does the same.

http://feelinggood.com/

Please watch this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1T5uMeYv9Q

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hi
i am a 16 year old girl without any real friends.this is mainly because of 3 reasons :
1. people are self centered , selfish and really ignorant at times.. honestly no one is perfect but i find it hard to hang out with people because of the way they treat other(i know i sometimes fall into those categories at times)
2.my self esteem is low and i hate pics... i feel so uncomfortable with the cameras and mirror and also calling myself nice infront of others... i hate persons to compliment me infront others.... this is because i have acne ( a lot) my pores are large and my skin is quite oily...i feel so uncomfortable... i am told it looks bad but not sooo bad. trust me it is and facials help but not enough... i have avoided so many pics that i cry... i hate me to be honest...
3. i am ill tempered this is because of my acne i hate to have conversations so i brush everyone off and shout so that no one speaks to me.... i am tired of it ...
i sometimes wish i could have an entire dark room to myself so i can cry and not worry but i cant ... i have graduation in some months and i dont want to go because everyone will e wearing makeup with their perfect skin and i will have to weaer to conceal...... please someone shoot me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you have bad acne at age 5, 8, 11? And did you have low self esteem then, hate having your pics takens, hate being complimented, act ill tempered and brush off people?
Answer that for yourself and you'll have your answer to whether it is who you are or whether its due to your circumstances.

You'd know if you had social anxiety early on. I did from kindergarten on, I also did not like superficial friends, but kids and teens are not adults and mature yet and this is really all you can expect from the majority. There are though quite a few who will feel as you do, are looking for caring and true friends but finding them is not as easy because they don't stand out like the popular kids. They likely hide in the background like you do. Its up to you to look for these kids/teens and befriend them. Also, what you look like now is not what you're going to look like at 26 for example. All my girls had some acne and grew out of it by time they hit mid twenties.

As for the acne, applying stuff on the outside to make it go away is the very least effective way to handle acne cus its due to something being off inside your body. Perhaps, toxins don't flush easily out of your body, your diet contributes to the problem, it might be something hereditary, in your genes (ask the parents if they had bad acne as a kid cus i doubt they have it now) I know its a fact that all the changes due to being pregnant can cause a womans face to break out with acne. I had friends pregnant often same time as me and some had that issue. So I am just saying that to help clear it up a little more for now, you might ask the parents to allow you to see a dietician to ask about what foods can make it worse, and what things to eat instead. Perhaps there are certan vitamins and minerals your body is also needing. Most standard doctors know little of whole body health, meaning they look at just physical symptoms but not at life habits, exercise, diet, mental or emotional things that can add to a problem. I've had all over body itchy rashes that drs. couldn't treat because they were rashes caused by my extreme stress of having an abusive husband. A holistic or naturopath may have some helpful ideas. I have heard that perhaps facial massage including especially the lymph nodes to help drain away toxins is a good idea as well as changes to diet. I know if I had had acne while young on top of social anxiety, I would have felt as badly as you do. Acne is something that plagues young persons. You don't see it often on adults other than those in their early twenties or some pregnant women. So in time, it should get better. But even so, you'll still need to watch your diet. For me, even tho in my fifties, If I indulge in too much chocolate with the holiday season, the type of fat in chocolate will make me develop a couple of pus zits faster than anything even at this age. Talk to your parents about how you feel and that you want to try other methods than face creams to try to help clear it up. It may not all go away for now but you may be able to clear it up some. Seeing a dermatologist wouldnt hurt either.

My daughters got some acne, not bad but they hated pics being taken too. I promised to photo shop the zits out which I did so that whenever I showed a photo of them to friends, there was no acne.

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My friend lets call her kim so kim likes this boy lets call him jess so i told her that he likes her and so yesterday i called him chimichangas cus of something and then later on i told kim that i will dare him to ask kim out but he even admited that he likes kim and at afterschool i waved by chimichangas and so did kim and our other friend and he smiled and waved back at us and mostly looked at her i told her that is a sign and everytime he looks at her and today when i was eating popcorn he dropped it all over me and i waited for a moment and got the bag and droped everthing on his head and My friend started laughing and so did he so u think that they are a good match they pretty muchos hace stuff un common and i knw he tries to hide his feelings when he is around kim lol help

Hon, in middle school, kids are only just beginning to notice and feel attraction to the opposite sex but obviously have little to no prior experience with the whole attraction, dating and even just talking to each other or understanding the opposite sex. Our middle school through college years should be a time of learning about all this and since there is no such thing as a class called Relationships 101, you have to learn by experience. If two people are too shy, or afraid of being rejected, or afraid cus they don't know anything yet and are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, then neither person is going to get any experience. Boys are really scared to make the first step. You'll find even adult men who are real gentlemen, may not tend to make the first move either to some extent. My 2nd husband wrote to me first on a dating site, but once we met, he didnt want to scare me away. I could tell he was interested but I had to make the first move to kiss. So if your friend likes him, encourage her to go talk to him, ask him to hang out with her. For you to be the inbetween person, attempting to force the two to get together, even tho its obvious they are attracted, isn't the best thing to do because in too many circumstances from older teens, the person delivering messages back and forth in some cases can later find themselves attracted to the same girl or guy and purposely say the wrong things on purpose to kill the interest and attempt to get the interest on themselves. Not that you might do this but you may have it done to you. Dont rely on friends talking to your male interest for you. Do it yourself. It really doesnt make a person look good if they don't have enough guts to come talk to me themselves. So when given a message someone liked me at that age, I replied, Tell them to come tell me that themselves. Its like reading celebrity magazines that make up all sorts of falsehoods and stretches of the truth about celebs. I wont trust those, only live interviews with the actual celeb. It should be the same even if its an interest in middle school.
The best thing you can tell your friend and remember for yourself when you find a guy you like, is to be honest but also ask the guy for help. Males like to feel needed and be able to help a girl and its the easiest way to be able to spend time hanging around a guy enough to decide if you want to date now or not. So here's what she/you say in your own words: Hey John, I am interested in you but really new at this and feel awkward as I don't know anything about boys and how to talk to them or understand them and such. I want to learn this kind of stuff and was hoping that since I feel attracted to you, you'd like to be the one to help me. I am willing to teach you all about how girls think and how we view things so you can learn with me.

This takes the pressure of asking first off the guy and takes takes away the fear of doing something stupid cus he doesnst understand girls yet.

I know of many girls who had a male friend who helped answer all her questions about what a male is thinking when he acts a certain way, etc. and along the way of asking advice about other guys, they both fall in love with each other because they are already best friends, are open and honest with each other and have good communication. Its a good place to start and guys love to have a mission, to help teach the girl they are interested in, what he means when he says something. However that only works if both are asking questions often and not just assuming they understood what the other meant. PUt it in your own words by rephrasing it and asking, Did you mean this?

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So I have always prided myself on my oral abilities but I need advice and need it fast I need to know of some new ways to give my man head and spice thing up for us some things that will help me push my man over the edge

The only new thing I can think of doesn't involve your mouth but hand. I once had a very sexual female friend who showed me with a dildo how she would shake or vibrate her whole arm and hand while holding a guys penis. She says it gave her guy lots of pleasure in a different way than the usual up and down motion by feeling like a real vibrator. I tried and its not easy and not everyone likes the same stuff. Although I was able to master it too, my new husband wasn't impressed.
Really, its up to your guy to communicate things he'd like you to try.
If for example he has a hard time coming when you do this since you said, "help me push my man over the edge", I want to mention that for many men, oral sex done on him is more a mind thing and so it may take them subconsciously getting to a point in familiarity with you and how close his heart is tied to yours, his trust, etc. before he can come easily no matter what you do. With 2nd husband, other than the first time I did it for him and he came, we had years of difficulty. He enjoyed that kind of attention but didn't come that way. He wanted to, at least his conscious mind wanted it, but subconsciously after an ex wife who didn't like to give oral and past girlfriends who found it gross or wouldn't swallow, his subconscious just didn't feel deserving of such a wonderful experience. Once time went by and I kept up giving this kind of attention, he got to a place where it didn't matter what I did, theres always a release now.
Try the difference in feeling for him by sucking on an icecube right before to make mouth really cold, or something really hot, even a strong peppermint right before can often be felt by the guy if he likes that kind of sensation. Other than that, it doesn't always have to be deep throating or a wonderful acrobatic tongue, but mix things up using the hand for an up and down on the shaft while sucking the tip, circliing it or even playing with the slit using tip of your tongue as if trying to enter it. Other than all this, its a matter of perhaps a trip to sex toy shop and seeing what there is he may want you to try on him.

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Hey, I REALLY need your help on what to do regarding these Christmas gifts. I'm sorry to treat it like it's such an emergency, but there's so little time before Christmas. Let's say I have two daughters who've both had babies over the past year. My oldest had a son named Lane and my youngest had a healthy set of triplets of all things. We're all going to be together for Christmas, so I want to get the kids stockings to put over the fireplace and I have just a couple of questions.

The first is about the names. Lane is easy and two of the triplets names (Aaron and Corbin) are also easy, but the other one is named Weston and we call him Wes. When I typed Wes into the box where it lets you personalize a stocking, it looked cute, but it also looked a little... incomplete for lack of a better word. I'm not sure it looked as cute as Weston did, so should I put Weston on the stocking or the name he actually is called by, Wes?

The second question is about the design. Let's say my youngest daughter and her husband want me to surprise them with the design and are so sweet and easy going that I know they'll like whatever they get. They said they'll be happy with the usual Christmassy designs (Santa, snowmen, Rudolph, ect). My oldest daughter's husband though is an avid hunter and fisherman. Avid is actually an understatement. He is obsessed with it. If he INSISTED that Lane's stocking had something hunting or fishing related on it, how would I even do that? I don't want to do that at all as it doesn't make a lot of sense. Not only is it not Christmas related, but I can't find anywhere where I can even design such a stocking. I'd go ahead and just buy a Rudolph stocking or something, but he's the kind of guy that'd throw it away if it's not what HE wanted, even if my daughter liked it.

So what should I do? Opinions on both issues will be greatly appreciated.

We're talking about babes or young kids too young to have any hobbies or items of significance to them. Hunting items are fine if on Dads stocking as that is HIS favorite thing. With kids you have to guess if you want a theme. What I did for each my daughter is assign some animal as its Mascot for lack of the best word. I tried to go with something other than bears for teddys bears which lots of people give as gifts. The first was assigned lambs and got lots of stuffed lamb toys. The 2nd was assigned bunnies and she still loves anything with bunnie themes to this day as an adult, and the youngest I assigned elephants and also to this day, elephant themed items is one of her favorite things, not the top one but close. Have a talk with the mothers as dads usually aren't as good at the create a memory type of thing. See if they want to assign different animal themes to each child. I gave it some thought when it applied, using for clues the childs characteristics. The bunnies I see as a soft, gentle animal and the daughter had a gentle caring spirit. Its hard to see traits like this at so young an age so for me, I relied mostly on my intuition and got it right for 2. The one with lambs grew up to not like it. If moms won't go with an animal theme, then its up to you if you like the idea. Otherwise go with general Christmas themed Characters. Minions dressed as Santa, Snoopy in a Santa hat or other Cartoon characters dressed as Santa as good choices aside from Reindeer and snowman. As for the one husband you believe would throw away a handmade item you make for a grandchild because he doesnt like it, you are letting his attitude control how you act, live your life and decide to do things. This is wrong. I don't know how many examples of this you already have to believe it, but make the stockings as you wish, and if he throws them away, let him know that you don't appreciate the disrespect he's shown a handmade gift you gave to a grandchild. Its one thing that your daughter chose to marry a guy that sounds like an asshole, but you don't need to let him control you too. And I would pray for that daughter and his marriage, that whatever it takes for him to improve happens, marriage counseling, etc. or that if need be, she see's the light of day and leaves him. Sorry but he sounds like my ex husband. My 3 kids are screwed up in some ways as adults from watching him verbally abuse me all their lives til I left him once they were out of the home.

Put the full legal name on stocking. All parents shorten their kids names or come up with pet names. Theres nothing wrong with having ones legal name displayed, the one they will have to sign legal documents with someday, so a kid called Scooter or Junior as a nick name has a real name of William for example.

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How do you feel while masturbating?

Each person is different in how long they need to stimulate their private area, how soft or hard, how fast or slow or perhaps a combo of all the above. But once the stimulation is working right, then the feelings for both sexes is the same, you can feel a tingling of pleasure in the area while your heart rate increases, and your breathing changes to either become deeper, some may do more shallow, gasping breaths or hold their breath at some point. The intensity of pleasure is like a spring that is being wound tighter and tighter and a great pressure is experienced, until the point one climaxes. The climax is the peak, at which point shortly after the intensity begins to slip downward again, like climbing a mountain and once at the peak, the only way to go now is back down. Climaxs aren't always the same for each person but can be. Either way is normal. Some feel like waves going out over your body, like waves crashing on the shore, for some their minds feel like being in an altered state for a split second or a bit longer, the tensed muscles start to relax. Some people don't relax fully but feel tremors in their body, involuntary smaller climaxs like the after shocks of a strong earthquake. The intensity of what I felt the first time I masturbated as a teen scared me so bad because I thought I was having a heart attack, not knowing anything about it. It wasnt surprising to learn later that the French called orgasms "the little death".

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23/F the guy i like is 25/M

We met on tinder (oh gosh) i know. I was with someone for 5 years and we broke up in June, i hooked up with a kid on my cruise in August and was like OK i can get through this so i decided to make a tinder. The first person i met i went over his house and he was great. Our first convo we had he said he made tinder to make friends was new to the area and just got out of a relationship because of the move wasnt trying to cross the line or anything. We kind of did the netflix and chill thing and for some reason i started everything and started hooking up with him and then insisted on having sex. I think part of me was because i was only with 1 person and i wanted to see what it was like having sex with someone else and i was into this guy. I slept at his house and went home the next day. Few days later he invited me over his house and said we don't have to hook up and i was like no i want to. I was drawn to him for some reason. This was back in August. For about the month of September and October he was going home about every weekend and hanging out with his ex. We texted pretty much every day but i was upset about him being with his ex. We have only hung out twice and that was the end of October so its been a while since ive seen him. He told me not to worry about her because they werent getting back together but it still bothered me. I found out that i had Herpes and i told him it was either him or my Ex. still to this day im not sure who it was but anyway Last month in November i don't know what happened but they unfriended each other on facebook and he hasnt hung out with her since. I tell him how i feel like i like him and i confided in him with all of my background history of my aniexty and depression. He was there for me one night when i texted him saying i took a lot of pills and wanted to die. I had to gain his trust back because of how irrational i acted and now we are fine. Right now im upset because i texted him asking why he doesnt want to hang out and he says its because of work which i understand but deep in my head i wonder if its because i have Herpes. I asked him why he doesnt want me and he told me hes busy with work and living a single life because he hasnt that that free time in a long time. And i was like i understand that, that was the first convo we had ever but i meant sexually. he responded with hes just no getting with anybody right now its nothing against me and im not the only one who wants to hook up with him. So im like okay Im sorry ill stop with the pictures (i send him daily pictures of me some are bad some are good and we flirt back)and ill stop texting you whatever. He said that he likes the pictures and hes not turning me down because hes dating someone else hes just enjoying personal time. So im wondering am i wasting my time i like him so much i have genuine feelings for him and i don't know why.He told me he cares about me as a friend and will always be there for me. Do you guys think he likes me or not? what should i do i feel broken. Also, when i was drunk a few weeks ago i told him i had sex with someone else because we arnt together and he asked and i was just trying to get my mind off of him and he got angry with me. So he was obviously jealous right? And then he got angry and was like now im just curious on who else gets these pictures and i told him only him. Did i ruin it then or what should i do? guy perspectives? lol I just want him to want me

Did it ever occur to you that he might be not jealous but upset that you tend to have sex a bit too casually? Condoms only cover certain parts and herpes virus can be contracted by other areas in the same region not covered. The only way to be totally 100 % safe with a new partner is to wait until both of you have gone for an STD screening and asked for them to add on a check for Herpes as it isn't routinely done with STD tests which I was good about but didn't learn about the fact I was a carrier until a break out.
Theres no way to know if he's being honest or if the herpes thing bothers him. Either guy could be a carrier their whole life and never have an outbreak. Outbreaks occurs most often during times of great stress to the body, great changes, other illnesses or when the bodys immune system is over taxed.
He may have been okay with daily texts and pics but not all people are. You can come across as very needy by going after a guy so often and so hard and that alone is enough to turn a guy off. Guys are usually not truthful to girls they no longer like because of the fear of their emotional breakdowns and crying, so someone this new, will likely not come out and tell the truth but simply distance himself from you, hoping that you get the hint and give up.

By the way, in case you aren't aware of it, there are dating sites for people with herpes, no fear of catching it if both have it. When I discovered mine, I hadn't yet found my 2nd husband and was on a regular site so I added the info right up at the top that I recently discovered this. I wrote that if a guy couldn't handle that info , to not write me. I still got lots of guys writing to me who said they've been carriers for years and it is a non issue to them and so we got together to meet. So the answer the original question, does he like you or not, I don't know. He hasn't known you long enough to get to know your character and personality, your beliefs, hopes wished, dreams, goals, your hobbies, etc. The only thing he got a chance to know right off the bat was your body. If every time you see him, the first thing you do is have sex and really not do other stuff together or have really in depth convo's, then he really doesn't know you well enough to like you as a person yet, he may only like the sex, if that. I have no problem with sex early on, I'm no prude and I've done the same but its rounded out by having some things in common like going hiking together, to art shows, cooking meals together, etc. not just sex and casual conversation.
For example, does he know if you have siblings, the names of your family and where they live, your favorite colors, foods, your birthday, what some of your favorite things to do were growing up as a kid, what you excelled in school wise and what subjects were hard for you, your current hobbies and any collections you have, favorite type of music, books, movies, your hopes and dreams, etc. If he knows very little of that after a few months of seeing each other, then that is missing. I learned the great majority of that all within the first 2 weeks of meeting my current husband. I knew he had an ex who lived in the boonies, they had out grown each other and parted as friends. but shes an orphan who has no family other than his dad. So when she gets emotional like the death of her dog, she will call him for emotional support and he loves her like family, but the role of wife is no longer and they each consider each other more like siblings or cousins. I know how I compare to her and in each progressing relationship we have in life, its best not to settle for less or just the same but for someone better. I know I am his some-one better and she could never compete now even if she wanted to which she doesn't. They were a mix match to begin with. If a guy falls for you, says he loves you but has someone like this in his life, it shouldnt be a threat to you if he has revealed all there is to know and answered all your questions. And without being asked, tells you how lucky he is to have you because he's never had it this special or had someone care about him this deeply before even......and then he mentions any ex wives or girlfriends.
I think there is something you are not facing and brushing under the carpet which will effect any relationship you try to start because you simply can't be your most healthy and whole, stable self, and that is to address the fact you may have depression, anxieties or just plain old thought distortions that affect you. When you are ready to look into that, I suggest you find a psychologist to meet with who deals with CBT cognitive behavioral therapy.
I wish you the best dear.

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I am friends with benefits (FWB) with an ex. I know - terrible idea, but I really had trouble letting go after we broke up. He just didn't have feelings for me. Aside from sex, we kiss, cuddle, speak on a daily basis, and spend a lot of time together. From the outside looking in, what we have greatly resembles a relationship.

My FWB is not a jealous person and has actually encouraged me to go out and start dating again - but I have been very hesitant because I do not want to end our relationship. I know that we can obviously just be friends with no physical intimacy, but it will certainly be different not being able to cuddle while we watch TV or kiss him or even just hold hands. I really don't want to let go, for fear that I'll never get our relationship back.

I have finally taken the first step in moving on and am going on a date soon. I don't plan on mentioning this to my FWB as of yet. My date seems like a really nice guy, but I don't want to give up my FWB relationship for someone I have just met. What are the guidelines for dating while I still have a FWB? Is it considered cheating after a first date?

Basically, what is/isn't okay? From my experience, most people are not considered exclusive after a first date, as they may be dating many people to try to figure out who is right for them. Is it wrong to continue my FWB relationship while starting to date? When do I stop? And if you believe I need to end my FWB relationship now, how do I go about doing it in a casual way, without sitting down for a "talk" or being dramatic about it?

Thank you!

Dating or seeing several people at the same time is okay however, it would be best to tell any person you plan to go out on a date with that you are currently dating and seeing others too before you decide which guy to settle on. This way, potential applicants for the role as your 'boyfriend' will know that you haven't already chosen him but theres a chance you may not commit to him. I did this after a divorce before finding my 2nd husband. The men were late 40s into 50s and they were okay with it. Having any kind of other guy on the side, even before making a commitment to one, can be seen as being untruthful by with holding such info but you have every right to do so.
The danger you face is you and another falling in love but you not being able to let go of ex and at the point you become committed to the new guy, you would now be 'cheating on him. I can understand liking the sex part with ex but you need to find a man with whom the sex is just as great or even better plus him being like your best friend. Both scenerios are needed to have a complete healthy, fulfilling relationship. Too many are in relationships where they have only one or the other, a best friend but no sex life, or a sex life but no best friend which can include being always at odds and fighting often.
When I was in between husbands, being very sexual, I didn't want to go without sex and found myself a friend with benefits and from my being honest upfront, he knew this and was okay with it.

If you are ready to let the ex go fully and want some idea's on how to get your heart and mind around that, let me know and I'll try to help.

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I'm a 19 year old college sophomore and am going through some indesicion to the point that its driving me nuts! You see, I love the idea of helping others, especially animals. It makes me feel so happy and satisfied whenever I can make someone feel better about something or just bring smiles to people's faces. I'm in an English major but I honestly don't feel satisfied with such. Today I went to eat at KFC (I'm currently going through finals, and tend to go to fast foods during this time), and when I came out with my roommate to head back to our apartment there was this poor dog smelling garbage bags. I had some leftovers I was going to save for later, but I felt bad for her so I gave her some of it. That dog has been on my mind the whole day as has been my 11th grade idea of becoming a vet. I dropped it when I realized my GPA was too low, that I was too sensitive to put animals to sleep, and that I wasn't sure if I could even gt through med school. Now I feel really bad about dismissing the idea so quickly.

I was thinking about transferring to another college to study Biology or Animal Science, but I'm just not sure if I should go through with it. People tell me I have the temperament, patience, and attitude to become a doctor, but I feel really insecure about doing a decision such as this. I was wondering, first, if there is any college with low tuition that has a good program? I've been looking but can't seem to find one I'm satisfied with. Secondly, I'm stil not sure if I should go for medicine, so I was wondering any other path to helping animals, from major to actual job.

If you like animals, especially dogs, you might consider becoming a professional dog trainer or working towards what qualifications you'd need to work at a Doggy daycare or motel for pet owners who are going away to a place they can't bring their dog along. There are also people now into holistic treatments for animals, including massage and chiropractic. I would guess it is specialized but its a practice where pets are not being put to sleep or even operated on. THats all I can think of at the moment. Good luck.

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Female
So me and my bf have been together for a year. We broke up for a couple of days but got back together. Ever since we have gotten back together our sex life has been different. He's been putting the cookies in the oven before the oven is even warm. He used to give me head all the time but stopped once we got back together. What seems to be the issue?

The reason for the break up may shed light on this. Otherwise, a man who has been giving satisfactory sex all along doesn't change so drastically and go backwards in a couple days time if the days leading up to the break up were still good sex. There's another issue and the only one as Adviceman said who can answer that is your boyfriend. I can verify that with all the partners I've ever had for sex, that each one if different, and has to be relearned specifically for that persons likes and such. We all have the same equipment and the round peg goes in the round hole, thats easy. But if a person is unwilling to put in the effort to please their partner sexually, I'd say he's not happy about something in the relationship and It most likely has nothing to do with you. He may have secrets he's been keeping from just stress of a beloved grandmother who is in danger of dying and can distract him from being able to be fully there for you in a relationship, to finding that his feelings for you have diminished over time and it took the break to confirm it for him. So you need to have a good talk with him. If you need someone to talk to after you have some answers or regarding any decision making you need to make, just let me know.

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I'm 21/F and currently single. I got out of a 3 year long relationship early this year and tried dating again for several months. I went the online route because that's how I met my first fiance and also because I currently live in a small town where it's very difficult to meet people.

I went on dates with men in the age range of 21-50 though only went on dates with 9 men.

In turn I only really dated 5 of these men for very short periods of time as by the third date things always took a turn for the worse.

The two guys I liked the most both wound up lying to me about more than one thing and got caught. One of them I thought I was in love with, I liked him so much and he wound up lying to me about his name, age, job and the college he was (not) attending so I had to break up with him.

The other guy lied to me about having two jobs when he didn't even have one and also seemed to be lying to me about where his ex girlfriend lived.

Another guy I actually went on five dates with wound up admitting to me that he had herpes and I couldn't risk that because of the work field I'm in (medical) and because if I continued dating him and took things to another level I could have also contracted herpes and then if things didn't work out some day, I would be left suffering with herpes for the rest of my life and trying to find another partner okay with this.

The next guy I also kind of liked, but he wasn't in college (or planning to go) which was kind of a big deal for me because I want somebody who's on my level or already passed it (A.K.A. somebody who's also in college for a good career path or who's already graduated or has a good job). He also lived an hour and 10 minutes away so I didn't see that working out and he had a huge badly done tattoo of a tiger across his chest and stomach, which I thought was hideous.

The last guy had a good job making good money which was a plus and had some really interesting skills (like tricking out cars). I also really liked his name and our first date was a really cute story. However, I just didn't feel any chemistry between us. He really liked me and wanted to continue dating me, but I just didn't feel the same way about him and when we kissed I didn't feel anything. I also didn't like his sense of humor and even though he seemed to want to go out and do things he just came off boring. I tried dating him again after giving it a break for a few weeks the first time and him begging me to come back, but then I felt like there was tension between us because I stopped talking to him the first time and just decided to let it go because all of my previous issues still remained as well.


I'm moving to a much bigger city in a month and plan to date only people who go to the college I'll be attending or who I meet naturally because dating online seems to be mostly cast outs.

My mom and one of my friends tell me I cut off men too fast, but I feel like all of the above reasons that I broke things off were good reasons.

My mom also told me that lying isn't a big deal with men because they all tell big lies and that it's just finding one who's lies you can get over. I don't like that though and would rather not date at all than date a liar?


I guess my question is am I being unreasonable with my reasons for breaking things off and what are some good reasons to stop dating a man V.S. bad reasons to stop dating somebody?

No you are not unreasonable. there are good men still out there and they have just as bad a time of finding a good trust worthy woman. my husband and i have come across some of them and i wonder why they aren\'t married as they wish for. i used the internet and dating sites to find my 2nd husband. the 1st marriage a disaster being we were sexually mismatched and he was also verbally abusive. so after 30 yrs and me going for the divorce, i know i no longer could or would tolerate certain things or settle for less. i even made a list of criteria the men had to meet to even write to me. it pissed off the kind of guys i wanted to avoid in the first place, weeding them out, got others to write and thank me for being such a confident woman who knew what they wanted and shared how they couldn't meet some of my criteria but they wished me luck and then there were the ones who seemed to meet the criteria but after the third date revealed something like lies which i wouldn't tolerate, or anger issues, or verbal abuse tendencies. yup, it was my third date this time going to the guys house and he was cooking dinner, healthy food type like me, however it all fell apart the moment i arrived he apologized for his meticulously clean home being a mess and disaster and began to use racial slurs against a maid he says he has and said some horribly terrible things about this person i don\'t know. that was my warning. it wasn't directed at me but the tendency lies deeper inside him and it would be just a matter of time before it was directed at me and i was not going there again. people put on a false self to impress others either intentionally or unintentionally, out of the desire to attract someone and feeling that the real self isn't good enough. but it is hard to keep a false facade/character going for too long as it uses too much personal energy and like with this example i gave and many others, by the third date, i saw things in a guy that according to my high standards i could not live with so i cut them off. I also know a woman my age who lives in a very secluded rural area far from any town in an area inhabited mostly by rednecks. She has tried to find a good guy by dating sites but the pickings are slim due to her location.I imagine that may have been a contributing problem for you. since you are moving to a larger city, you might want to try the dating sites again. but find an area in profile to use to state your critieria for men. if you are looking for someone positive and stable and ready to commit and settle down and have kids, make sure this is part of your criteria. like attracts like. so be careful to use the positive descriptions of what you are looking for rather than negative sounding ones if you choose this route again. if you need to discuss anything more about this issue, just let me know. i wish you the best in finding your prince. don\'t settle for less, no matter what mom and all your friends say. part of the reason so many men are douche bags is that from puberty on, girls have been so desperate for a guy that they have settled for less and put up with bad behavior instead of setting boundaries and telling the guy what is acceptable or not if they want to date her. the problem is most guys learn from this age on if one girl doesn't like something, he can find another who\'ll settle for less and put up with crap so he doesn't have to learn to change and become a better person. and these often are the guys who just use a girl for a while, an warm body will do for social and companionship not to mention sex. and they grow up to expect grown women will continue to fall over themselves to be with him and take him just as he is. so turning the tables on them by making the guy need to meet your criteria makes you the female to be desired by those who were brought up by their mama's to be gentlemen and they will recognize that you are someone to treat well and yes, you can find an honest man. I did through a dating site. married 6 1/2 yrs now. i wish you the best. dont give up. write me any time you need some moral support dear.

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He's amazing. He's the guy I've always dreamt of marrying. It's crazy how this happened. I had his business card and I meant to call him for something related to the business. i was given this card by someone else, so I hadn't met him in person yet.

I had no idea what this person looked like and I was imagining someone much older than me, someone like my parent's age or even grandparent's age! But, a thought entered my head that I just laughed off. The thought was very clear. This is the guy that you are going to marry. I thought this was the most ridiculous thing I could ever think. Especially because I imagined him to be old enough to be my father. But... then, by pure chance, I met him in person... having no idea that he was the guy whose business card I had been given. When I met him, the world just stopped turning. And you could tell that it happened to both of us. I've never in my life felt that before. I thought to myself, he's so handsome and he has such a kind spirit. Then, the guy hands me his business card and I realize that it is the one that I already had! I was shocked! Ever since then, we've become very close friends, but you can tell that the attraction is mutual.

His mother and I have become the best of friends. We frequently go to each other's houses and have lunch together all the time. She's been the kind of mom I always wanted and the kind of mom I've never had. I was adopted at birth by a narcissistic mother. She is emotionally and verbally abusive. She meddles in every aspect of my life. She humiliates me and ridicules me. As a person whose adopted, I feel like I lost out on the chance of having a good mom twice. So, having her in my life as a mother figure has really meant a lot to me. This woman has answered the phone to me at the late hours of the night because I've been devastated and distraught by the arguments I have had with my mom. We are so alike. And he has even told me that in my character, I remind him of his mom. I couldn't feel anymore blessed that I've met these people by pure chance.

My mom, on the other hand, is completely and totally against this relationship happening. She claims that he is gay and that he is likely having a rendevouz with his friend, who lives with him and his mom. First of all... there is a legitimate reason as to why he lives there. it's not like one day he just packed his bags and knocked on the door. Second of all, everyone in this scenario is still in school, so money is a factor. But she claims that she had a "vision" about it in the bathroom. That's ridiculous. And I think it's really prejudice of accusing people of being gay just because they have a roommate of the same sex. I'm just flabbergasted by this whole situation. My mom has someone else in mind for me. This guy with a lot of money. He's really sweet and nice and we have a lot in common! For one, we both happen to be adopted, we have a lot of mutual friends in common, and he is a sincere gentlemen. I'm willing to go out on a date with him. That's all fine and dandy. But, she's pushing him down my throat because of the money and I don't like that. My feelings for guy #1 are real. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I think I'm in love. His family has made me his own and I love them.

This other guy's mom sounds really mean, just like my mom. I don't know that for sure because I've never met her, but what has been described to me. She definitely isn't the same type of person. Maybe I may change my mind. Maybe I could fall in love with guy #2 and maybe I'm wrong about his mom. I'm willing to give him a chance since I have the option to. But, I don't like him being pushed down my throat because of money! That's disgusting. And the fact that my mom is spreading rumors about guy #1 being gay and telling the WHOLE family. I hate that. I just want to feel my feelings in private. When I make a decision that effects my family, I will listen to their input. But, I don't need their permission to feel.

So, I have two questions:
1) How can I make my feelings for guy #1 more known? I mean, I can't just come out and tell his mom: Cynthia, I'm in love with your son! I would like to tell one of his friends to maybe get more valuable input by someone who knows him well. But, then I'm afraid that they'll tell him right away. I have to make things a little more obvious and move them along, but with a hint of subtle.
2) I need to make it known to my family that I'm tired of the mistreatment. That if guy #1 feels the same way about me... then I'm all for it. That I'm head over heels in love with him and I don't care what anyone says. That if I marry him, they can never speak to me again for all I care. I sincerely love him. I love him as one my best friends. And aside from that, I'm in love with him. I can't feel the same love for a group of people who treat me so badly. So, I'm not choosing this guy over my family because I'm some rebellious kid. I'm an adult and I'm choosing to be with whoever treats me with the love and respect I deserve.

I really look forward to your responses. Thank you

Sit Mom down and have a talk with her. She may not have a life of her own outside of you. If since you are adopted, you're the only child, theres also the chance she may be trying to resist the empty nest feeling, of knowing you'll soon be on your own with a family of your own. This could be why she meddles with you as she does, continueing to make decisions on your behalf. You need to reassure her that you love her for who she is, the woman who raised you and was a mother to you. However, you are now an adult and have been a long time and its time for you to make your own decisions. Remind her that if you want any advice, you will ask for it but until you ask for it, advice, or insistance on choices or dAs much as I love you, if you persist in pushing your ideas and suggestions on me without being invited, it opens the door for me to become resentful of you and want to avoid you. I know I dont want that to happen and hope you don't either. (remember, dont ask for permission but state will is acceptable to you) If you say "Mom, could you please let me start making my own decisions about who to date?" Thats asking permission. Even, 'Mom, I want to make my own decisions" is still a bit too weak, its only stating what you want, not stating what you are going to do whether she likes it or not. This should help some unless Mom is very unreasonable and argumentative by nature or may have some cognitive distortions or possibly undetected mental illness that prevent her from seeing your rights and the good reasoning here.

As for the guy, I dont know what business he's in that you may have need of but you say your intuition picked up on the attraction for both of you. If he only wanted your business, giving the card makes sense but business people don't have time to cultivate an ongoing friendship with every potential client they meet or theyd have no time for clients. The fact you've both become best friends means he is attracted to you for you, not as a possible client. So you need to start talking. This holding ones thoughts and feelings inside and not talking to the object of their interest is more like middle school or HS relationships. Its was already pointed out from the other advice person, by now you should have learned enough to know the best thing to do is talk to him. To do so without scaring him, don't come out with I like you or I love you as if its already a done deal, that scares a guy. State it as if it is just beginning to happen as in, "Troy, I want to let you know that I am starting to have feelings stronger than just friendship for you. I need to know if you are available and if you have any feelings like that towards me. If not, I'd still like to remain friends as I enjoy your Mom very much and dont want there to be any awkwardness.

This is his chance to let you know he still only sees you as a friend which means that still could change, or that he doesnt have any romantic feelings towards you or that he;s glad you mentioned it cus he is feeling the same as you and would like to explore getting to know you better and date.

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SO i like this boy and he seems to like me too. At times anyways. We have been through alot together, he is my best friend. We dont talk in person like ever and if we do its a little weird. He is in a relationship and says he happy. I know we shouldnt but we have sexual conversations and he talks to me about his relationship. We planned on having sex but i decided agianst it. He doesnt know what he wants and its really bothersome. His gf pretty much hates me in my opinion. But she keeps telling me she didnt. We dont talk that much anymore. But i believe he still likes me. Side Chick? He says even if he was single he wouldnt date me because if he hurt me that would be the end, because i would hate him and he couldnt live with out me...I dont know anymore.

It isn't uncommon for two people of opposite sex who are just friends to develop romantic interest in time. This is actually a very good situation. The healthiest long term relationships have a foundation of both being best of friends and both having a healthy romantic relationship/sex.

Young people either get stuck in the friend zone or have some silly belief that because the other is their best friend that a couple relationship won't work out if they are also attracted sexually.

His belief that he'd rather not be with you cus he's afraid he'll hurt you is ridiculous. If he wants to live his life traps by his fears, he will live a most unsatisfactory life. His gf likely wants to also be not just romantic interest but considered his best friend also and so see's you as a threat.
Until he has come to his senses and totally broke up with her and is now available, I advice to not have sex with him, so that was a good decision on your parts. No one wants to be the chick on the side cus women really want commitment from a man and that is not commitment, that is the man running the show and deciding who gets a piece of him or not. He may need lots of time to grow up and mature. Unfortunately from some things I've watched on youtube, a couple of guys running an advice show on dating and relationships confessed they didn't wise up until into their 30s and hurt many wonderful girls along the way that they can see now would have made wonderful girlfriends and later, wives but they weren't ready at the time. You may have to wait quite some time for him to wise up and even then, there's no guarantee that the two of you become a couple because you may have grown and matured way beyond what he can give you that he no longer qualifies as Mr. Right for you and you find someone way better. Just focus on being friends for now, explore dating casually with other guys cus nows the time to gain experience in knowing what you do and don't like in how a guys acts or treats females and that can take many many relationships of learning by experience. Dont wait around for him to decide he has changed his mind.

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I'll use fake names
(My friend)- Barbie
(Her crush)- Adam


Ok so my best friend "Barbie" has a crush and i fully support her having a crush on him. She likes this guy named "Adam" and i think he likes her too. Well the bad thing is that he lives on my street and her parents say she is not allowed to date yet. Barbie lives 15 minutes away by walking. The first time she went to his house was when she told her mom that she was going to my house to do a project. She actually just came to go to his house. I was little hurt that she used me. So she went and she had her first kiss yay for her. For a few weeks i would let her come over but she would always go to his house instead of spending time with me. BUT IM TIRED OF DOING IT, but im afraid im going to hurt her. her mom would pick her up in front of my house pretending that she just came out of my house and i had to make excuses to why she was at our house. My parents do not know she came over. they are becoming suspicous. today Adam texted her saying that he wanted her to come over and she was so excited. I told her that she couldnt because i was afraid of getting in trouble and that she could walk to his house. Then i told her if she wants things to work for them then they got to work something out instead of bringing me into it. Then she cried and got pissed at me. I felt horrible because she was upset.
WHAT DO I DO. I hope im not a bad friend... Sorry for being dramatic i just really need advice...

Secretwinkie said everything I would say. No you are not a bad friend. But she is actually the bad friend for 'expecting' you from the first time to be her excuse so she could fool her parents and go visit Adam. My mind wonders if each these times, Adams parents are home or gone. If gone, she and he may be tempted some day soon to have sex and she could become a pregnant teen. Then what? The anger she has against you would pale in comparison to her new situation! She is breaking trust with her parents which is wrong. She needs to come up with an alternate idea that her parents may not have thought of, that they might agree to. I did this for my daughters. Told them if any boy wanted to date them or be their boyfriend and they liked him in return, just to invite him to come hang at our house when I was home. If i caught that happening when I wasn't that privilege is taken away. They could be in her bedroom but door must be open or spend time in dining or living areas together, same as when their girlfriends came over to visit. Parents have these rules cus they remember how strong first attractions and love is and how easy it is for a girl to get into trouble-being pregnant, even with good intentions. If she asked her parents for this and they agreed, she would have no need to sneak behind their backs to see him. In our teens, the part of our brain that can see the pitfalls to any decisions we make, is not yet developed fully and wont be until we are in mid 20s so its so easy for teens to see only one path, one answer, even if its sneaking around.
You did the right thing but need to explain your parents suspicions as to you canceling the deal.
Let her know this. Heres what happens if your parents found out (other than you telling them) you were helping her by being her excuse so she could sneak off to Adams: Your parents could forbid you to ever associate with her because they see her now as a possible bad influence on you. As a parent of only girls, if their close friend started sneaking around with a guy, it would make me awfully nervous and I can see myself telling them to drop the girl as a friend.

Second, instead of not trusting Barbie, or perhaps including not trusting Barbie, your parents might worry about you. The thinking would be, if my daughter can help her friend be dishonest to her own mother, just how much can I trust my own daugther? They may bring great restrictions down on you regarding dating if you are yet or not and be constantly checking up on your whereabouts to the point of embarassment and teasing from friends. YOu don't want any of that to happen which is most surely can. If your friend becomes vengeful and does things to try to get back at you or get you in trouble with your parents on purpose in other situations, then you may need to let the parents know what is going on. You might let them know it wasnt your idea but she begged you to let you be her cover and after the one time she kept repeating it not really wanting to see you, you felt used, you began to realize this was a bad situation she placed you in. Save our advice responses to show the parents. They need to know you realized you were in a bad situation and wanted advice but were too afraid to tell them. I hope they will remember what its like at that age and understand and forgive you. But they would also realize that you were actually being responsible by reaching out and asking for help and advice.
Now remember, in our teens, girls suffer the emotional effects of puberty for quite some time, long after the bodys have curved out. I had 3 girls so I know what its like, the smallest thing seeming so big and bad, easily irritated, or angered for nothing. So your friends reaction is normal.

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Why does dating always have to be such a negative experience? I've never had a boyfriend and haven't had much experience dating because every time it sucks. It crushes my heart and soul in some way and I always end up disappointed or disgusted, by guys who treat me like shit. My mom says "dating is supposed to be fun and at your age (24) you should be dating a lot of people at once." Yeah I wish. That would be nice, for it to be just fun and that's it. Unfortunately, after going out and/or making out with a guy, what follows is debilitating sadness and disappointment. And cynicism. It is just never "fun." It's never a good experience. How am I going to reach the "destination" of having a good, trustworthy boyfriend, if the process of finding it is so painful and unenjoyable? Is this normal?

What do you really want? A long term or short term boyfriend, or are you looking for the love of your life to spend the rest of your life with, married or not. MsCece is right that dating is merely a way to get to know a persons potential of being the right person for you to marry and settle down with.
If you have never had a boyfriend, there must be something that is repeling them or not attractive to guys at this age. I am not talking about your looks as I know there are plainer looking girls, even with totally flat chests who have boyfriends who love them just as they are. So if it really isn't looks that determine getting a guy to notice you and want to spend time with you, it must be something else. I can only guess as I don't know you. Shyness, or social anxiety can effect attracting a BF, low self confidence is a definite killer to relationships, even to attracting but girlfriends. Did you have lots of friends in HS as a teen. If you were popular enough then, perhaps its not self confidence. I really dont know hon. If you go out with a guy and on first or 2nd date have sex, thats too soon for 99% of people to having feelings for each other. Sex then is not the wonderful warm cuddling, exciting experience and there is often a let down feeling of disappointment after, cus it was only just a sex act to relieve someones sexual urges. I am not against two people if so very attracted to each other having sex early on, I've done the same but you can't place any expectations on sex helping you to snare a boyfriend.Women want to experience a certain emotional closeness before sex, while men view sex as a route to this closeness. Woman regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them.
One Night Stands: involves maximum excitement and minimum commitment. Men are more interested in them than women because they are better at separating sex and emotion than women are. Therefore after a one-nighter with a guy the female is left wondering what their encounter meant or where it will go from here, believing there must be more to it than just sex at the spur of the moment.
How much have you read or studied about the do's and don't for dating and relationships? If you haven't, it's time to start. When you wanted to drive a car, you didnt just grab the keys and go sit in one and try to start driving, you had to take driving lessons. You had to learn something first before you could be a good and confident driver. Well, there unfortunately aren't any classes one can take like 'Relationships 101' so you need to study all you can get your hands on. Theres lots of stuff on You tube.
Something that might help you is to write a list describing yourself, much like selling yourself at a job interview only this is for attracting a serious boyfriend. If you don't want short term only social and sex minded boyfriends but want someone willing to commit to you for life, then you need to narrow things down. Just hoping to run into someone or a friend introduce you to someone is like looking for a needle in a haystack. It is a long tedious and frustrating process so I assume that is what you are doing. Using a dating site can speed things up but then again, you need to have some skills at being able to pick up on warning signs just based from what they write and how they talk when you phone each other. I used such a site to find my 2nd husband after a divorce. I wanted to long term commitment type of guy. I wrote to them a clear concise list of what I was like, including not just my strengths but weaknesses. I didn't hide anything cus if a man didn't like what he saw and it scared him away, then good, I wanted a strong man confident in his own skin, of his own masculinity and a mature man who didn't just assume stuff but was willing to fully check out a situation. I also made a list of what I was looking for in a guy and criteria they must meet to date me. I am allergic to cigarette smoke so I wrote Must be non smoker. Who wouldn't believe how many nice seeming guys passed the test by writing and by phone only to meet me in person and there they are smoking and their excuse always was, "I didn't tell you because I wanted you to meet me because that way you might like me and it wont be so important that I smoke. That reasoning means, they expected me to settle for less. That was the man trying to take control of the situation. I ended things on the first meet up, usually a coffee shop. Even if you never use a dating site, having these lists that you go over several times a week if not daily will drill into you what you are really looking for, and then you go after the guy and dont wait for them to come to you. My 2nd husband had his profile turned off so I couldn't find it in a search but he read mine and wrote to me and his was the only message that ever stood out from all those hundreds I'd seen before. I had a feeling he was special and we chatted immediately by phone meeting a week later. You may have high standards but in a good way, not willing to settle for less. And often in the 20s, guys haven't matured enough to know what they want in a girl or are unable to recognize a gal as a jewel. So it may be that you need to start looking at guys aged 30, to 31. If you have more info for me, or something I mentioned brought up more questions, let me know by going to my column and writing me from there.

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