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I Had a Dream that My Son Punched My Dad in the Face and I Liked it
I can't even believe I just typed those words. That has to be one of the weirdest titles to a question that you all have probably ever read, but it happened.
My dad's not the greatest guy in the world and is a far worse father and an absolutely abysmal husband. He's verbally abusive to my mother and calls her names like b!tch, a$$ wipe, and other such things. He screams at her at the top of his lungs and she can't defend herself because it just makes him so much angrier and crazier. He's often in a bad mood and takes it out on her, but denies doing so. He picks on her by doing things just to make her mad because he finds it amusing to get her all riled up, While there are plenty of other ways he sucks as a husband, but you get it.
This is late Monday night and Saturday night, I had a dream that I was at my church with my children decorating one of the sunday school classrooms or something. Then my mom ran in sobbing hysterically. I couldn't get her to tell me what was wrong, but soon, my dad walked in and was yelling at her and making her cry harder. I kept telling him to stop, but he wouldn't and it was making my mom just more and more hysterical which and NO ONE would tell me what in the world was going on. He kept calling her the b word (I don't know if I can actually type it on this site) and I told him to quit that too and while he continued on for a while, eventually he acted like he'd quit. After I turned around, he said it again. Then, one of my sons punched him hard in the face and knocked him down. In my dream, I loved this and was extremely pleased and proud of my son for doing this and when I woke up, I still was happy about it.
I told my mom about it last night and I was afraid she'd think it was a crazy weird dream that I was crazy for having, but she didn't. She was happy about it as I was during the dream and when I first woke up. What kind of crazy, dysfunctional family would have these problems and feel this way about one relative punching another relative in the face.
I care for my dad very much. He can be a jerk and a horrible husband, but I care for him and can't believe that even in a dream, I enjoyed watching him be punched by his own grandson. I wish my family's situation was different. I wish we weren't this dysfunctional, but we are and I can't single handedly fix it. I guess my question is, am I a horrible person? Am I a horrible daughter or a crazy person for enjoying this dream or even dreaming it in the first place. If so, what do I need to do?
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you arent horrible for enjoying the dream. Humans like to witness justice happening and the bad people paying their dues. Its your subconscious mind that is in control when you sleep and often dictates the dreams you will have based often on what you have witnessed during the day or what lays heavily on your mind.
In reality, as you already well know, a punch in his face will do nothing to correct his behavior as he gets instead much worse. Sounds exactly like the ex husband I left but not until around the time the last child was graduating HS.
It took the husband of a couple who were new friends to us to notice that my ex had issues and he got comfortable enough with them to start treating them like he treated me and that was the beginning of the end of my marriage. I had talked about divorce before but he wouldn't cooperate and agree to get one. The male friend used to be an army counselor and told me I should mention going to see a psychologist for him. I couldn't point out this to a husband who never thought he was ever wrong and he would become enraged. So I cried. The friend said he would talk to my husband. So to keep face, hubby agreed to go. He was seen by Dr and while the exact type of mental illness wasn't pinned down yet, he was one of the many mentally ill who aren't that obvious in public when they pretend to be ok and watch their p's and q's. Only at home did he let his hair down so to speak and be himself which was the foul creature much like your dad. And I loved him as another human being but was no longer in love with him, he ran me bankrupt on love. One cant be in love with someone who doesnt love in return, treat with respect and give kindness, caring and support. Remember the scripture about "love your neighbor as yourself? In every translation I've seen, the neighbor is mentioned before your self. So the attention goes naturally to "I must love my neighbor." Thats not quite right. Its only part of the equation but terribly out of order. What Jesus was trying to say is that we need to really love ourselves in all ways before we can be a vessel that isn't clogged up by how we treat ourselves or allow ourselves to be treated by others. I loved myself enough to not take street drugs, drink until drunk, or slash wrists, but I was willing to allow myself to be subjected to this kind of cruelty 24/7. When God finally got through to me as to the real meaning of that scripture, he also told me that waiting for Him to heal my marriage as i was told in church was not going to happen because he gave free will to all and He would have totake away that free will and force my husband to magically start treating me right. Not only would that be taking awayu the mans choice to want to change but it also takes away the opportunity for his soul to really learn something. I have also heard some pastors agree that if a man treats his family in such a way, that basically he made vows to love honor and cherish and is not doing that so he loses his rights to be honored as a husband and father and the family don't owe him anything either like love and respect. He lost it long ago. Yes, his sperm gave you life but all my grown daughters see now that their Dad has not improved at all in almost 7 yrs since I left, he treats them with disrepect now too since they are adult women and they have as little to do with him as possible so as to not suffer the stress of the foul poision he tries to throw at any of us. They realize now I was right in just walking away from him one day. It took humbling myself in my situation and trying to find someone who would take me in and rent me a room in their home so i could escape him. I was so sick and tired, literally that I had to leave. The stress of such treatment enters a person being verbally, or physically abused and the stress has togo somewhere. In some, the stress leads to depression so you're affected emotionally, one can be affected mentally and begin to exhibit the kinds of distorted thought life and mental issues as the person who abused them but its more a learned thing and needs counseling to get healed. The last is the stress affecting you physically. I can guarantee it will catch up with your Mom and any siblings still living with Dad and Mom. I suffered physically with constant headaches, a couple migraines a year, total body stress rashes which hang around a month and itch like the dickens while there, stomach ulcers, just to mention a few of the stress related illnesses. Cancer and heart attack can be caused by extreme stress, the kind as i said is 24/7 with no gap of relief, down time of peace for ones body to recover. Our bodies can do miracles as far as healing goes but not when daily attacked by extreme stress. That saying of sticks and stones breaking bones and words never hurting you are a bunch of balony. Unless one is deaf, you're going to hear the hateful words and their poison is instantly inside you. So heres the hard part, God told me to leave the ex in 4 years or I would die of cancer or heart attack. They both run in the family. So I hung around another year til a daughter graduated HS and then I left. I just walked away leaving him, the house, only packed the few things that were just mine. I had talked to every female of 200 personel so roughly about 140 telling them my story and how desperate I was to get out. No one had room but a handful had stories of previous spouses and similar stories of not being able to discuss reason with their exs and also having to walk away. Finally, friends out of state said I could come stay with them. So i did. I was away for a year, came back and started living on my own and being near daughters and during those extra years of realizing he has totally lost his grip on me, the ex finally decided he was ready for divorce and paid for it totally. What I am saying is that though it looks hard now, where there is a will, there is a way and perhaps your Mom will one day be strong enough to leave your Dad. He doesnt deserve to have a family around if he won't treat them well. You realize this means your Dad likely isn't well himself and may be like this the rest of his life. I am a loyal person and found it hard to cut things off with the ex but what helped was to stop focusing on just making it thru one more day at a time. I looked forward asking, "Can I handle another week, month or year of such treatment? And I realized I probably could. But when I asked myself, can you handle it five more, ten more, twenty more years of such treatment, or til the day I die, I broke up crying and realized all i had been doing is fooling myself by focusing on just making it thru just one day at a time. All hope was gone and I knew I couldn't handle many more yrs after thirty already. So this is partly for your Mom too. If you find in your heart God confirming that this is the same path for you and siblings and Mom to take, then so be it. But she will need a lot of support from her kids to know its okay and they are backing her up on it.
I know the hardest thing to be okay with is violence in a dream especially if you or family is doing or receiving it. Our baser self, deep at core, wants to see the bad guy get knocked down or totally killed. We also know that Jesus would say that love is the answer, not violence. And yes, that is true but we also need to love ourselves enough to protect ourselves from willingly submitting ourselves to this kind of treatment. So instead of loving what he does, you love the man, but not his sin, however his sin is what is hurting you and our subconscious minds are more closely tied to our soul and its goal is to protect us and keep us happy and so the dream is really just a reminder to you of what should be happening, but not exactly as portrayed in a dream which do tend to go over the top or be distorted and so... The man shouldn't be allowed to continue to treat any of his family, kids, wife, grandkids in such a way. That's what your subconscious is saying. You're an adult, no longer a child unable to protect yourself from him and he's been getting away with this a long time. I believe that if a person is abusive, its likely due to his having grown up witnessing the same or in some way mental issues or illness is involved or lots of alcohol or illegal drugs for a person to behave this way. I am sure that people born with such treatment as kids and not being healed as adults or having mental illenss is something they could not avoid and the loving God I know takes that into the equation. I dont believe its so cut and dried as heaven or hell not matter what. Or that a person can accept Jesus as savior and still act this way. Its not the words that hold water with God but ones heart. And if God sees a soul born into such circumstances, He will still love and not send sucha person to Hell. Think of Judas. Someone has to be the bad guy, to bring the world harshness and pressure for others to strive against, against the odds to choose what is right. So the souls like my ex and your Dad can be seen as necessary for the spiritual or personal growth in others. I would never have made it to the place of growing to learn to love myself 100% without fail if not for the adversary nature of my ex so I am thankful for the situation. But there comes a point when its no longer needed for one to learn and the one who was in the role like a Judas character, has forgiveness offered just as Jesus offered Judas after what he did. But Judas wouldn't accept it and hung himself. I think some people die before God can get through to them on earth and if he see's their heart as they stand at the entrance to heaven and see their repentence, they can come inside. Maybe they even get another chance, a stretch for many Christians to believe. Thats another story. But this is what Jesus was talking about in his parable of the rich man who invited some men to work for him for the day, day labor, promising a certain amount by end of day, the payment its really about is Entering heaven and getting a mansion there. Midday as well as throughout the day he kept adding laborers even up till the last couple hours of work, offering each the same pay as those who started early. Those who started early complained that the man didn't deserve the same pay as them. We think a person like my ex or your Dad lived such bad lives they are not fit to enter heaven and somehow have decided the cut off time for making an agreement with the master has to be while still alive. I dont see where Jesus said one has to accept him while still alive. Once dead, they get to stand before him. Its then they either are repentant and God see's their heart and gives them the same reward as those who were Godly and served Him all their lives. So pray for him, but no one should willingly have to subject theirselves to his treatment. This means having the upper hand for Holidays, such as having Christmas at your place, not going to the parents. See, if he's a guest at your house and he starts to treat you badly, if you've warned him he's welcome but the first offense of speaking hatefully and unrespectfully to anyone under your roof, then you and hubby will ask him to leave immediately. If he agrees to the conditions and comes over, then you have to follow through with it and if he threatens to not leave, you will call the police to have them remove him from your home. Your house, your standards, and biological father or not, you need to draw the line at how he treats your whole family. Part of your dream could be instigated by anxiety of what to expect over the Holidays. It hurts not to have some family come over for Holidays, like him and Mom staying home but it will hurt worse if over time Dad learns he can get away with anything he likes with you and your family now that youre grown and adult so the boundary needs to be established or it will affect and hurt you and your kids in ways you cant see now but crop up later onces its too late. God Bless dear.
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You aren't terrible. You are human. We aren't in control of our dreams. We are capable of dreaming about truly terrible things, and feeling in ways about them we never really would.
You can understand the difference between shooting an enemy in a video game, or watching a movie where it makes you feel good to watch the bad guy get tossed out a plane, then you can understand that having an idea of someone getting hurt, isn't the same as actually wanting someone to get hurt.
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