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Would you trust someone who cheated once in the past?
Two years ago, I was in a very bad relationship. It was long distance, with a huge age gap, and we definitely should not have been together. For whatever reason, I just could not cope with the thought of breaking up. Two weeks before finally ending it, I cheated on him whilst drunk; I made out with another guy at a bar. I had to be carried out of the bar crying from how guilty I felt, and I told my then boyfriend right away. He forgave me immediately, and I broke up with him two weeks later.
My current romantic interest was cheated on once in the past. He HATES cheaters and whenever infidelity is brought up he mentions how awful cheating is. I have casually brought up my past infidelity before and he didn't really seem bothered by it, but we are not officially dating so maybe that's why. He also is kind of forgetful so I think maybe he has forgotten since. I really get anxious whenever cheating is brought up and I don't know if I should remind him.
Should I mention it again if he brings up cheating? Should I just let it go since I told him once?
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Yeah i'd say if he brings it up then you can say that YOU did it once but your situation was a unique situation. It wasnt a committed relationship, it was long distance, and we are all only human and have needs and when those needs cant be met, sometimes people are really just pushing their needs to the side and trying not to think about them because they are in a relationship like your was and you mix drinking in with that and inhibitions are let loose and you really needed a lovers touch at the time and someone was giving you what you so obviously desperately needed and were deprived of at the time so you fell victim it.
Then explain to him that this is WHY long distance relationships DONT work out half the time. Its just too hard. We're all human, we all have needs even sexually and people ACTUALLY think they can live without that special someone for long periods of time. Well guess again.
You dont have to try to cover it up, you were in a bad relationship and he needs to understand that not every situation is the same. Not all couples are the same, and its not fair to "blanket" such a topic so generally like that.
If he tries to say "well what if i had to go away for a long time like that would you be over here cheating on me? and you then can say "well are we in a bad relationship?? are you way older than me, and are we not in the same place i life??"
see?
you hold more cards when someone calls you on cheating or brings up cheating then you think. Its not something to be proud of but you got yourself into a situation with a person that you wernt prepared to deal with and it resulted in it ending badly. So long as you make it known that you ARE capable of learning for your mistakes then there should be no question of your decency, here or your integrity.
I would say be willing to have that discussion with him should him if it comes up and dont be ashamed to defend yourself. he needs to except you for who you are and the mistakes you made in the past and if he cant do that then hes not the kind of person who deserves you.
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You've told him. You can let it go, unless he says something that makes it clear he didn't understand or remember.
It's probably a case where he is choosing not to 'count' your situation for whatever reason. As long as you know that you were honest, relax for now.
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