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What are good reasons to stop dating a man?
I'm 21/F and currently single. I got out of a 3 year long relationship early this year and tried dating again for several months. I went the online route because that's how I met my first fiance and also because I currently live in a small town where it's very difficult to meet people.
I went on dates with men in the age range of 21-50 though only went on dates with 9 men.
In turn I only really dated 5 of these men for very short periods of time as by the third date things always took a turn for the worse.
The two guys I liked the most both wound up lying to me about more than one thing and got caught. One of them I thought I was in love with, I liked him so much and he wound up lying to me about his name, age, job and the college he was (not) attending so I had to break up with him.
The other guy lied to me about having two jobs when he didn't even have one and also seemed to be lying to me about where his ex girlfriend lived.
Another guy I actually went on five dates with wound up admitting to me that he had herpes and I couldn't risk that because of the work field I'm in (medical) and because if I continued dating him and took things to another level I could have also contracted herpes and then if things didn't work out some day, I would be left suffering with herpes for the rest of my life and trying to find another partner okay with this.
The next guy I also kind of liked, but he wasn't in college (or planning to go) which was kind of a big deal for me because I want somebody who's on my level or already passed it (A.K.A. somebody who's also in college for a good career path or who's already graduated or has a good job). He also lived an hour and 10 minutes away so I didn't see that working out and he had a huge badly done tattoo of a tiger across his chest and stomach, which I thought was hideous.
The last guy had a good job making good money which was a plus and had some really interesting skills (like tricking out cars). I also really liked his name and our first date was a really cute story. However, I just didn't feel any chemistry between us. He really liked me and wanted to continue dating me, but I just didn't feel the same way about him and when we kissed I didn't feel anything. I also didn't like his sense of humor and even though he seemed to want to go out and do things he just came off boring. I tried dating him again after giving it a break for a few weeks the first time and him begging me to come back, but then I felt like there was tension between us because I stopped talking to him the first time and just decided to let it go because all of my previous issues still remained as well.
I'm moving to a much bigger city in a month and plan to date only people who go to the college I'll be attending or who I meet naturally because dating online seems to be mostly cast outs.
My mom and one of my friends tell me I cut off men too fast, but I feel like all of the above reasons that I broke things off were good reasons.
My mom also told me that lying isn't a big deal with men because they all tell big lies and that it's just finding one who's lies you can get over. I don't like that though and would rather not date at all than date a liar?
I guess my question is am I being unreasonable with my reasons for breaking things off and what are some good reasons to stop dating a man V.S. bad reasons to stop dating somebody?
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No you are not unreasonable. there are good men still out there and they have just as bad a time of finding a good trust worthy woman. my husband and i have come across some of them and i wonder why they aren't married as they wish for. i used the internet and dating sites to find my 2nd husband. the 1st marriage a disaster being we were sexually mismatched and he was also verbally abusive. so after 30 yrs and me going for the divorce, i know i no longer could or would tolerate certain things or settle for less. i even made a list of criteria the men had to meet to even write to me. it pissed off the kind of guys i wanted to avoid in the first place, weeding them out, got others to write and thank me for being such a confident woman who knew what they wanted and shared how they couldn't meet some of my criteria but they wished me luck and then there were the ones who seemed to meet the criteria but after the third date revealed something like lies which i wouldn't tolerate, or anger issues, or verbal abuse tendencies. yup, it was my third date this time going to the guys house and he was cooking dinner, healthy food type like me, however it all fell apart the moment i arrived he apologized for his meticulously clean home being a mess and disaster and began to use racial slurs against a maid he says he has and said some horribly terrible things about this person i don't know. that was my warning. it wasn't directed at me but the tendency lies deeper inside him and it would be just a matter of time before it was directed at me and i was not going there again. people put on a false self to impress others either intentionally or unintentionally, out of the desire to attract someone and feeling that the real self isn't good enough. but it is hard to keep a false facade/character going for too long as it uses too much personal energy and like with this example i gave and many others, by the third date, i saw things in a guy that according to my high standards i could not live with so i cut them off. I also know a woman my age who lives in a very secluded rural area far from any town in an area inhabited mostly by rednecks. She has tried to find a good guy by dating sites but the pickings are slim due to her location.I imagine that may have been a contributing problem for you. since you are moving to a larger city, you might want to try the dating sites again. but find an area in profile to use to state your critieria for men. if you are looking for someone positive and stable and ready to commit and settle down and have kids, make sure this is part of your criteria. like attracts like. so be careful to use the positive descriptions of what you are looking for rather than negative sounding ones if you choose this route again. if you need to discuss anything more about this issue, just let me know. i wish you the best in finding your prince. don't settle for less, no matter what mom and all your friends say. part of the reason so many men are douche bags is that from puberty on, girls have been so desperate for a guy that they have settled for less and put up with bad behavior instead of setting boundaries and telling the guy what is acceptable or not if they want to date her. the problem is most guys learn from this age on if one girl doesn't like something, he can find another who'll settle for less and put up with crap so he doesn't have to learn to change and become a better person. and these often are the guys who just use a girl for a while, an warm body will do for social and companionship not to mention sex. and they grow up to expect grown women will continue to fall over themselves to be with him and take him just as he is. so turning the tables on them by making the guy need to meet your criteria makes you the female to be desired by those who were brought up by their mama's to be gentlemen and they will recognize that you are someone to treat well and yes, you can find an honest man. I did through a dating site. married 6 1/2 yrs now. i wish you the best. dont give up. write me any time you need some moral support dear.
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Look, the only reasons for breaking up with someone are your own. You don't have to be reasonable or justified, you just have to look inside your own mind and admit what is and isn't working for you.
So really, there aren't any bad reasons to stop dating someone. There are self-destructive reasons, but as long as you are working to bring yourself closer to your own happiness, then you did the right thing.
And of course you shouldn't date habitual liars. That's a no-brainer. Don't be angry with your mother, just pity her. A woman who expects men to lie will ALWAYS end up with liars. The only way to find an honest man is to expect and demand honesty. Men aren't monsters just because they are male. They are capable of all the same good and evil as any woman.
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