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Why doesnt he like me?
23/F the guy i like is 25/M
We met on tinder (oh gosh) i know. I was with someone for 5 years and we broke up in June, i hooked up with a kid on my cruise in August and was like OK i can get through this so i decided to make a tinder. The first person i met i went over his house and he was great. Our first convo we had he said he made tinder to make friends was new to the area and just got out of a relationship because of the move wasnt trying to cross the line or anything. We kind of did the netflix and chill thing and for some reason i started everything and started hooking up with him and then insisted on having sex. I think part of me was because i was only with 1 person and i wanted to see what it was like having sex with someone else and i was into this guy. I slept at his house and went home the next day. Few days later he invited me over his house and said we don't have to hook up and i was like no i want to. I was drawn to him for some reason. This was back in August. For about the month of September and October he was going home about every weekend and hanging out with his ex. We texted pretty much every day but i was upset about him being with his ex. We have only hung out twice and that was the end of October so its been a while since ive seen him. He told me not to worry about her because they werent getting back together but it still bothered me. I found out that i had Herpes and i told him it was either him or my Ex. still to this day im not sure who it was but anyway Last month in November i don't know what happened but they unfriended each other on facebook and he hasnt hung out with her since. I tell him how i feel like i like him and i confided in him with all of my background history of my aniexty and depression. He was there for me one night when i texted him saying i took a lot of pills and wanted to die. I had to gain his trust back because of how irrational i acted and now we are fine. Right now im upset because i texted him asking why he doesnt want to hang out and he says its because of work which i understand but deep in my head i wonder if its because i have Herpes. I asked him why he doesnt want me and he told me hes busy with work and living a single life because he hasnt that that free time in a long time. And i was like i understand that, that was the first convo we had ever but i meant sexually. he responded with hes just no getting with anybody right now its nothing against me and im not the only one who wants to hook up with him. So im like okay Im sorry ill stop with the pictures (i send him daily pictures of me some are bad some are good and we flirt back)and ill stop texting you whatever. He said that he likes the pictures and hes not turning me down because hes dating someone else hes just enjoying personal time. So im wondering am i wasting my time i like him so much i have genuine feelings for him and i don't know why.He told me he cares about me as a friend and will always be there for me. Do you guys think he likes me or not? what should i do i feel broken. Also, when i was drunk a few weeks ago i told him i had sex with someone else because we arnt together and he asked and i was just trying to get my mind off of him and he got angry with me. So he was obviously jealous right? And then he got angry and was like now im just curious on who else gets these pictures and i told him only him. Did i ruin it then or what should i do? guy perspectives? lol I just want him to want me
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Did it ever occur to you that he might be not jealous but upset that you tend to have sex a bit too casually? Condoms only cover certain parts and herpes virus can be contracted by other areas in the same region not covered. The only way to be totally 100 % safe with a new partner is to wait until both of you have gone for an STD screening and asked for them to add on a check for Herpes as it isn't routinely done with STD tests which I was good about but didn't learn about the fact I was a carrier until a break out.
Theres no way to know if he's being honest or if the herpes thing bothers him. Either guy could be a carrier their whole life and never have an outbreak. Outbreaks occurs most often during times of great stress to the body, great changes, other illnesses or when the bodys immune system is over taxed.
He may have been okay with daily texts and pics but not all people are. You can come across as very needy by going after a guy so often and so hard and that alone is enough to turn a guy off. Guys are usually not truthful to girls they no longer like because of the fear of their emotional breakdowns and crying, so someone this new, will likely not come out and tell the truth but simply distance himself from you, hoping that you get the hint and give up.
By the way, in case you aren't aware of it, there are dating sites for people with herpes, no fear of catching it if both have it. When I discovered mine, I hadn't yet found my 2nd husband and was on a regular site so I added the info right up at the top that I recently discovered this. I wrote that if a guy couldn't handle that info , to not write me. I still got lots of guys writing to me who said they've been carriers for years and it is a non issue to them and so we got together to meet. So the answer the original question, does he like you or not, I don't know. He hasn't known you long enough to get to know your character and personality, your beliefs, hopes wished, dreams, goals, your hobbies, etc. The only thing he got a chance to know right off the bat was your body. If every time you see him, the first thing you do is have sex and really not do other stuff together or have really in depth convo's, then he really doesn't know you well enough to like you as a person yet, he may only like the sex, if that. I have no problem with sex early on, I'm no prude and I've done the same but its rounded out by having some things in common like going hiking together, to art shows, cooking meals together, etc. not just sex and casual conversation.
For example, does he know if you have siblings, the names of your family and where they live, your favorite colors, foods, your birthday, what some of your favorite things to do were growing up as a kid, what you excelled in school wise and what subjects were hard for you, your current hobbies and any collections you have, favorite type of music, books, movies, your hopes and dreams, etc. If he knows very little of that after a few months of seeing each other, then that is missing. I learned the great majority of that all within the first 2 weeks of meeting my current husband. I knew he had an ex who lived in the boonies, they had out grown each other and parted as friends. but shes an orphan who has no family other than his dad. So when she gets emotional like the death of her dog, she will call him for emotional support and he loves her like family, but the role of wife is no longer and they each consider each other more like siblings or cousins. I know how I compare to her and in each progressing relationship we have in life, its best not to settle for less or just the same but for someone better. I know I am his some-one better and she could never compete now even if she wanted to which she doesn't. They were a mix match to begin with. If a guy falls for you, says he loves you but has someone like this in his life, it shouldnt be a threat to you if he has revealed all there is to know and answered all your questions. And without being asked, tells you how lucky he is to have you because he's never had it this special or had someone care about him this deeply before even......and then he mentions any ex wives or girlfriends.
I think there is something you are not facing and brushing under the carpet which will effect any relationship you try to start because you simply can't be your most healthy and whole, stable self, and that is to address the fact you may have depression, anxieties or just plain old thought distortions that affect you. When you are ready to look into that, I suggest you find a psychologist to meet with who deals with CBT cognitive behavioral therapy.
I wish you the best dear.
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