about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Hi i came from philippines so my language is tagalog.I am sooo very confused about the English grammar especially the present,past and future tense. For example: is,was,been,drink,drank,drunk,ring,rang,rung,sing,sang,sung,swim,swam,swum.etc. And many many more. I think i am going to memorize all of these to make my grammar correct right? Hmm i haven't known people who can teach me on how to speak in english face to face and someone to talked with. All of my friends are tagalog language and they are not good in speaking in english fast too! It takes a minute or an hour every word and if they don't know how to use the grammar well they just forget about it! And say "my nose bleeds" hahaha. Can you give me some an advice to make my English speaking becomes faster?

Proper grammar and the English language do not go well together. Even the people native to the language tend to murder it from a grammar standpoint. It is said that that British and Americans are two people separated by a common language. That is how bad we Americans tend to be with proper grammar. So relax if you make a mistake with grammar and visiting America you will be in good company.

As for learning to speak English faster the only way I know is repetition. To do so would be having a conversation with another English speaking person which you have a problem finding. Since you are able to speak the language you will not have a problem in an English speaking country as most of us will understand it is not your native language. The more you talk with people in the English speaking country you visit the faster you will get.

If it is any help I had the same problem with the little bit of your language I learned while stationed at Clark AFB. I've forgotten it all know but most of the time when I tried to speak your language I generally misspoke. I was usually politely corrected.

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I'm an 18 year old girl and I've been dealing with depression for about about a year now and I'm trying to get better. But sometimes (like now for instance) where I just have this consuming feeling of being off. It's like I'm not quite myself and I feel strange and weird. Sometimes I want to hide from everyone or sometimes I just start crying from feeling this way. I hate it more then any feeling I get when depressed. I feel like I'm not me and like I'm off. Does anyone else get this feeling? I might be crazy but does anyone know how to stop it or make it better because I can't stand being like this and it usually continues until I go to bed and when I wake up I'm fine. But I can't just go to sleep in the middle of the day. Any advice?

Just so you know I am not a doctor, none of us on this site are.

First: You are 18 which makes you an adult under the law. This also means that under the law even though you may still be covered under your parents health insurance they no longer have any say in any medical treatment you may need or seek. They can not speak to a doctor and learn anything about any medical visit you may have or see your medical records unless you have given the(se) doctors written permission. This is all written under a Federal Law Called HIPPA. Each doctor you visit will have you complete what is called a HIPPA disclosure form for their Office detailing your rights and theirs.

That being said if you are medically depressed as opposed to common everyday type of depression. Then you need professional help to get well. We all suffer from some type of depression brought on by something happening in our lives to make us temporarily depressed such as the loss of a loved one. Most of us get over it after a while.

Medical depression is much different. In your writing you hit several of the points a doctor might use to diagnose clinical depression. The most common form of medical depression. If you have not been properly diagnosed you need to see your doctor and schedule a complete physical and request to be screened for depression at the same time.

The reason for the complete physical is the doctor is going to want to do one to rule out any organic reason for how you feel that mimics depression. The test for depression is a series of questions the doctor will ask you during the physical. From your answers the doctor can make a diagnoses. Based on the diagnoses your PCP may chose to treat you or recommend you see a specialist.

Given your age it is quite possible you are suffering what doctors call teenage depression. This is a form of clinical depression teenagers suffer brought on by the abnormal amount of stress in their lives Generally it is treated with a pill and talk therapy with a psychologist to find out what the stress or stressors are in your life and help you deal with them better.

Therefore my advice is to make an appointment with your family doctor. This is something that now that you are 18 only you can do for yourself.

Your parents cannot make an appointment for you or stop you from seeing a doctor even if you are on their insurance. Remember they no longer have any legal say in your medical well being unless you ask for their advice and then it is only advice. So see your doctor

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As a 58 yr old, married female, I am embarrassed to say I put myself in a bad situation. Up to two yrs ago, I had a high paying job my entire working career and my independence. Chances of getting that back are slim to none. I have little to show for it now, with a small cash reserve, a modest IRA and 401k, but no income. Long story short, at my husband's insistence and his promise to provide, "I'll take care of everything, you don't have to worry, what's mine is yours" scenario, I quit my job and moved with him to a foreign county where he accepted an assignment where I cannot work. Meanwhile, he has benefited financially with my help and he controls all money, all decisions, keeps me completely in the dark about everything. I am on a need to know basis. If I say or do anything he does not like, I am threatened with divorce. He is not all bad and does not physically abuse me, but emotionally I feel ruined and my self esteem is low. Frankly, I am terrified of my future and I don't know what to do. I haven't mentioned that he is impatient, stubborn and doesn't listen to anyone most of the time. He makes promises he doesn't keep. After arguments or whenever he gets upset about something, he won't talk to me for days or weeks until I apologize for whatever it is and then he reprimands me further to "behave," and most (but not all) of the time he is at fault. I feel so lost, I can't make any decisions and don't know what to do. Any advice?

If you two are US citizens and wish to retain your US citizenship then you must return to this country for a short period of time every 18 months that you are in a foreign country. Domestic US and Foreign employers are aware of this and usually include the return to the US every 18 months as part of the contract of employment.

What you need to do is to find out when he will be returning to the states and for how long you two will be here. Then ask him if you can leave ahead of him so you can visit with relatives he does not like to visit. This will probably be the best reason you can muster for him to go along with you leaving without him.

Once you are in the states go directly to a lawyers office and arrange the needed paperwork to force disclosure of assets in preparation for divorce. Ask the lawyer to ask the court to hold his passport until he complies completely with your request. This probably would require an emergency hearing as time would be short.

Whether you want to divorce him or not this is the only way you can force him to divulge where he has hidden your money and to split the fund equitably between you. Once you have this information and the funds are split if you two wish to reconcile, before the divorce is final, that's up to the two of you. But any reconciliation begins with separate bank accounts, here in the states that he does not have access to and a weekly allotment from his paycheck so that you can enjoy life in the foreign country.

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I've been with this man, since March 2013. We're getting married next year, he proposed to me and I'm so excited...but, there are things that I never told him...about myself. I was raped in 2006 by a guy I knew...somewhat. I mean I've known him for a long time, I hadn't talked to him though...I don't know, if I can bring this up to him... He gets...really protective and that's really good in a man. But he STILL calls, and texts...he won't leave me alone. I tell him not to talk to me, to leave me alone. He just won't stop. But my fiancé knows nothing about this. I'm scared to let him know. My fiancé works at night...and I'm here alone with our two kids. I keep the door double locked ALWAYS. But he's come over and waited outside for me to come out and talk to him/see him. I never do. But he does it all the time. I'd mostly like guys to answer...but girls are okay too. What if you're girlfriend/fiancé/wife had a stalker, how would you feel/react/handle the situation.

First: You need to call the police about the guy that is stalking you. At the very least they will be able to help you get an "Order of Protection" against him from the courts ordering him to stay away. If he violates the order he will be arrested and sent to Jail. If you state is one of the many that have laws against stalking he could be arrested for stalking if not the Order of Protection is the next best thing.

Second: This has two parts; Part One: His raping of you. Each state has a different statute of limitations on crimes committed they range from 2 years to no limitation. Depending on your ages at the time his raping of you may still be a charge able offence. If so charge him with rape. Talk to the police officers about both the stalking and his raping of you as they are to my mind part and parcel of the first crime which may extend the statute of limitations on the rape.

Part Two: I can't speak for your future husband I can only speak for myself and some other men like me and possibly your future husband. Most of us are super protective of our wives and girlfriends. For most all of us it is how are mothers and father raised us to protect the women in our families. No matter how independent, no matter how far women may go in the business world men will always be protective of them. This is the biggest reason behind the military's resistance to having women in combat. They are fearful more harm will come to combat soldiers, both men and women, because the men will instinctively protect the women among them.

Your future husband loves you and being protective or even over protective is practically in grained in him. This is not a reason to hide something from him. It is in fact a bad way to start a marriage by keeping secrets from each other He will at some point find out about this guy camping outside you door each night. When he does it will upset him even more to learn how long it has been going on.

I suggest you tell him both about the rape and about the stalking and let him help you get the "Order of Protection. If you’re not sure how to tell him call this number; 1-800-656-HOPE.

This will connect you to an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands; for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. This hotline is available 24/7 and is answered by trained volunteers who can help you find away or find you someone in your neighborhood trained to help you tell your future husband this secret.

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I still love my ex and i dont know what to do. I thought i've moved on but i guess not. We broke up 1year ago .It's sad to say that i cant move on and its hard to be happy for both of them. Please can you help me on how to move on and get over to your ex. I cant get him out off my head! I want him back! I want him back! Oh ive missed his handsome face,the way we laughed,and the way we KISS,but its only a kiss and touch touch. I NEVER had sex with him never even though im super inlove with him. I dont know why.hmm maybe im afraid to get in pregnant. He's my first love..i wonder why he chose that bitch rather than me! But what?? Because i can only give torid kissing and touch not sex? If he really do loves me he should understand me because im a member of Mormon The Jesus christ of latter day saints. Im 20 years old and college graduate but im still VIRGIN. But tell me why i feel so lost without him?

First loves are the hardest loves to get over. I've been married for almost 43 years and I can still remember my first love all the way back in the eighth grade. We did everything together including teaching each other how to make out stopping short of actual sex. It felt like the real thing. Then her father found a new job and they moved. We were both heart broken. As you can see we both moved on and you will too but a first love will always be with you.

All firsts are a landmark event in our lives. Most of them are things we want to remember and cherish. This would include a first love even if as in your case the boy had only one thing on his mind. Understand one thing about young men and boys. They have a different definition of love than you do. TO them the definition of love and lust are just about synonymous. The fact that you wish to remain a virgin is reason enough for him to leave and go with someone else who will have sex with him.

If he indeed did leave you for someone that would have sex with him this should tell you two things. First he did not have the respect for you a person who loves someone should have. Second his love for you was one born more out of lust than love.

You can take solace in the fact that you remained true to yourself and did not give into him. Had you given in to him the chances were very good he would have moved on anyway for he is probably what is known as a player. Someone who is out to put another notch on his sexual belt and move on once he does.

If you are remaining a VIRGIN because of your religious values then I recommend you date within your church group or religion where you will find men who will value your being true to your religious teachings. I will warn you though there will be some men within your religion who do not have the same religious convictions you may have so be careful.

There is nothing wrong with being a 20 year old virgin and staying true to your convictions. There is nothing wrong with mooning over a lost love either. Mooning over this guy is something I think you should forget as he wanted what you are not or would not give him. Not giving him what he wanted he left to find it someplace else. That is his problem and he did not love you so there is no reason to cry over him.

Yes he was a first love a milestone in your life something you might want to remember. This milestone event though is not one to be cried over. Get back in the game and start dating again and just forget about him. There is a guy out there just waiting to meet you who will give you the respect you deserve and will be honored by the gift you will give him on your wedding night.

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How much do puppy shots cost?

This is not a question anyone of us can answer as shots for pets vary by the type of shot the pet requires and from vet to vet. Also vets say in Washington DC area will most likely charge more than a vest IN Cedar Rapids, Iowa. As the cost of the shot has to take into account the Vets cost to operate the Pet clinic.

The best thing to do is to call several different Vet Hospitals and clinics and ask what they charge for the shots they recommend for your pet.

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Hi, I'm 18/f..... This guy, my neighbor, loves me but I don't love him back. I've told him before that I'm not interested in him and there's no hope for us. He's always texting me and asking to come visit me. Sometimes I say yes. He is trying so hard for me to love him back but it's never gonna happen. How do I tell him that he can stop trying so hard because he is wasting his time?? I hate to see him try when he knows I will never love him. Please help.

I believe you have already said to him all that you need to say in that regard. You have told him you have no interest in him other than that of a neighbor.

About the only thing left that you could do or warn him with depends a lot on what he says, how he says it and what he does. If he is constantly following you around, that could be considered stalking. Most states have laws against stalking. You have refused to date him and said NO to his request to date him. HIs continued begging for dates could, depending on how he asks you to go out with him. be considered sexual harassment. It could also be considered a form of stalking depending on the laws in your state.

Judging by your age I am going to assume he is about your same age. Boys this age are hard headed in that they think they can persuade you by persistence. That once you go out with them you will fall head over heals for them. You would be surprised how often this works. The problem today is what they do and how they do it can be illegal.

It is up to you if you want to file a complaint against him. What I suggest you do is tell him that his continues interest in you and continued pushing for a relationship with you is bordering on sexual harassment and stalking. If he doesn't stop immediately you will file a complaint and request a ac ort ordered Order of Protection.

Whether you follow through with this threat is up to you. The threat alone hopefully will be enough to get your message across to him that you can't do anything about the fact you are neighbors. But that doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with him and you don't want one. He needs to back off of face the legal consequences of his actions.

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I don't know why but I'm breaking out I am not technically in puberty(late bloomer no period yet) I have also noticed I am a little red(not that much just cheeks and forehead where pimples are. Is this rosacea? If so what are some DIY treatments and is there a big effect later on ill get I should be worried about?

First of all none of us are doctors so we cannot make a diagnoses for that reason alone. Even if we were doctors we would have to see you in order to make a diagnoses.

To make an assumption that whatever it this may be what you think it may be. then to treat it with over the counter medications for that problem; could be harmful. You need to treat anything with the right medication in order to obtain the results you want.

The first thing you need to do is find out what you are dealing with. That requires a trip to the doctor or a dermatologist. The doctor or a dermatologist may prescribe a medication, recommend an over the counter medication or a combination of both.

What is most important is to find out what the problem truly is and what the underlying cause may be. SIY treatments only address the obvious when it might be treating the underlying cause is all that is needed. This is why you need to see a doctor and find out the what and the way of a problem and let the doctor tell you how best to treat it.

My advice is to see a doctor and then follow the doctors advice. You will have far less problems now or in the future then by trying to save the cost of the doctors visit and treat yourself with possibly the wrong OTC medications.

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24 Male

My ex and I broke up a month ago (she broke up with me) and it was messy. She wanted me to stay in contact but at the same time she needed space. We tried for a few weeks but everytime we talked, she would get angry at me. We decided it was best for both of us to move on.

When we were together, she was still in contact with an ex-boyfriend of hers, who she had never actually met in real life. He lives in another country. She had an online relationship with him and they had known each other for 10 years. Her relationship would comprise of talking to him over Skype and texting. He was in her life through out all her previous relationships and had always had an issue with her dating guys in real life. Whenenver she would have a boyfriend, this guy would be pushed away and whenever her relationship wouldn't work out, he would be back in her life. This was a problem for me and I raised it with her. She got angry at me, saying he's just a friend. She lied to me. He was a guy she would always go to to talk about problems. She had loved this guy. Anyways, she said she didn't need him in her life and cut off all contact with him.

My issue with him was that he was emotionally manipulating her. Because he had been there for her in the past, he felt that he could have a say on who she dates. She developed this emotional dependency on him and whenever she would have an argument with him, she would take it out on me. Either way, enough was enough and I asked her to cut off all contact with him.

Fast forward to when we broke-up. We had a lot of arguments regarding this guy. She resented the fact that she couldn't speak to him anymore and that was part of the reason for her breaking up with me. I cared for her and let her know that this guy is just there to get something from her, he's there to prey on her because she's an attractive girl. He really doesn't care, but she thinks he does. It got to the point that as soon as she broke up with me, she got back into contact with him and I can only imagine the crap he's telling her.

I am worried about her. I'm worried that she'll do something stupid, like give up her life here and fly over there just to be with him. This was originally a plan of hers before she met me. When she met me, things changed and she no longer had that plan in mind. However, when things didn't go well with me, when we argued, she would go talk to him or feel the need to talk to him. I felt my relationship with her was doomed as long as he's there. I'm worried that this emotional dependency she has with this guy will make her do stupid things.

We haven't spoken in a few weeks. I'm tired of seeing my care for her being mistaken as controlling her. I saw something that she couldn't see and that was this relationship with this guy was unhealthy. Now she's talking to him again, I don't know if it's my place to even say anything. It hurts seeing her make this mistake again and again. I'm beginning to think I shouldn't even contact her ever again.

There are times when you have to let people make their own mistakes; this may be one of those times. It is obvious that you care a great deal for this girl and do not want to see her hurt. It also appears you have done everything you can to make her aware of what you see that see doesn't see or doesn't want to see.

You have done all you can as a friend at this point. The best thing for you to do for you is to move on. As a friend the best thing you can do is be there for her as a friend when and if her world come tumbling down on her as you predict.

Even though she may not have the same type of relationship she has had or could have with you. She has known this guy for a long time. She is willing to turn a blind eye to whatever you are seeing. She may even have made herself believe he is not having any serious relationships but is waiting for her to come to him. This too is a red flag for it would be just as right for him to come to her, maybe the better thing to do.

As I said above if you can be there for her when things come crashing down. If you can continue to be her friend. You though must move on and find a girl you can build a relationship with and a life with. For until and when this girls world which is currently revolving around this other guy comes crashing down I do not see her entering into a serious relationship with you or anyone else.

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21/f

I'm dating a guy who tends to turn tables on me. For example, whenever he acts "off" or awkward and whenever I confront him about it, he tends to redirect the conversation, "turns the table" on me and says that I'm being weird. So, all the sudden I am the focus of the conversation.

I've told him if I do anything that upsets him or if something is bothering him, to let me know and to be direct and straight forward because I don't like playing the "guessing game." We're not in a complete relationship maybe that's why he doesn't feel like he has the right to tell me something is bothering him?

But I don't know what to do or how to handle the tables being turned on me since he's pretty good at it. He's good at beating around the bush.

Help?

I agree with Razhie in that this is a guy you probably should not be dating and that there is not enough information here to offer much of a solution or the one you are looking for.

People in general who are constantly turning the tables on others are generally people who are controllers. There are two reasons that I know of for people who need to be in control of everything in their lives.

The first reason is a personality flaw. Meaning this is just the way they are and there is nothing that can be done, no magic pill that will change them. With therapy with a good psychologist they may see how wrong this is and if they constantly are aware and work at it they might be able to control themselves of this problem. IF your guy is of this nature this is the reason I would say I and Razhie are saying he is not for you.

The second reason is more of a medical problem. People who suffer from certain forms of depression tend to want to control everything in their lives. For them everything has to have a place and everything needs to be in its place. This is how they control their depression. The biggest problem here is this is their norm, as they do not know they are depressed and convincing them that they are is almost fruitless. They are almost like alcoholics in that they have to hit bottom before they will accept the fact that they have a problem. The same is true with Alcoholics and other people who have problems like them.

You can beg and bleed with them until you're blue in the face. They will just turn the table on you and tell you that you and the rest of the world are crazy. They are the sane ones and the rest of the world is crazy. My father was like this and would never accept the fact he was depressed even after he was diagnosed.

Both of these problems would or will cause you great pain if your relationship with this guy were to come to a conclusion of marriage or living together. Therefore my advice is you are not going to change him no matter how much you may love him. So before you get into this relationship where leaving would be too hurtful. You should consider leaving now.

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I am a girl,age 23. my father has died in 2009, my mom is alive but she never take care of me. i live with my elder sister,she has 3 kids. she always quarreled with me. if i don't do any household work, she got angry with me. i have boyfriend,who never let me cry,he love me so much.i didn't meet with him for last 3month because my sister never allowed me to meet with him. i stay my room whole day lonely.nobody of my family call me or ask me anything. my study is also hampering day by day. for my condition my boy friend also feeling very bad for me and his study also destroying day by day.i cant tolerate this anymore.it is seem to me that my death is the nice solution for all.my family will get rid of me and my boyfriend will get a better life.i have no way to live.what should i do beyond this?

First suicide is never an answer it is the wrong solution to a problem.

From your writing I would say English is not your first language and that you are possible of Indian descent living in India or possible another English speaking country. No matter where you live even in India at age 23 you are considered an adult. No one can force you to do anything you don't want to do such as not meet with a boyfriend.

If you still live in India it is possible you live in a more rural area of India where custom more than law is followed. If this is true the simple answer would be to move to a more progressive part of the country such as New Delhi or Bombay where it is more westernized.

If you do not live in India but in one of the Western English speaking countries the laws are on your side. By not allowing you to go and do as you please your sister is actually guilty of kidnapping unless there are medical reason for her to have guardianship over you. Once again if there is no legal reason for you to stay with her you can leave and live on your own. TO do so requires you find a job so that you can support yourself if you do not have savings to draw upon.

There are solutions to every problem. Killing yourself is not a solution. I'm guessing and reading into a lot of what you wrote. If you will write back with more information as to where you live (country) and why you feel you must live with your sister. I'm sure that not only will I be able to offer better solutions for you but so will others.

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I've been to the Emergency room to see a doctor for seeing weird things and hearing voices. The doctor I went diagnosed me with psychosis nos and said I had anxiety. I've paid for & tried medicine that doesn't work. My bill is over $1,000 and I can't afford to go to the doctor or pay for the medicine. How do I get help paying for a doctor and medicine?

A hospital emergency room is the worst place you can go for mental health issues. On issues of mental health there concern mainly is to decide if you are a danger to yourself or anyone else. If you are not believed to be a danger to yourself or anyone else they treat you and street you.

I will assume you do not have private insurance and you did not sign up for Obama care when registration was available. Texas being a Republican dominated state probably made it hard to do so as the only way to sign up would have been through the federal site which we all know had it's problems.

I have reason to believe you are younger than 65 which would leave the only medical assistance available to you would be the Texas Medicaid system. Contact your County Department of Mental Health or Department of Health and Human Services for assistance in getting coverage under Medicaid. Then go to the website I have included below for Magellan Health Services.

Magellan Health Services is the largest provider of mental health providers in the country. From their provider list you should be able to find a psychiatrist who will treat you close to where you live and accept Medicaid patients.

https://www.magellanprovider.com/MagellanProvider/do/LoadHome

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During the beginning of the semester, my biology teacher listed me as a no show b/c I asked her what the course ID for our class was on the second week of school. She automatically thought I was not doing my work and deleted me from the class. I asked two teachers who are also counselors on the same day about what I should do. They said I should be fine and not to worry. This should not affect me. I received a bill mid semester for $50 for the bio teacher dropping me. It was a small amount so I paid it. I had some questions about why I was billed since I am fully covered by two grants. The clerk didn’t know the answer and suggested I talk to the dean. I said no, since I was planning on calling financial aid about it. She went behind my back and told the dean anyways. The dean pulled my out of class to talk about it. She said she’ll look into the bill and teacher. I found out from a friend that I could call the business office as soon as it happened and they would fix it for me if the teacher made a mistake. I found it strange that the two teachers/counselors didn’t tell me this.
A few days later, the dean said it was too late to do anything. I was very emotional b/c I recently found out from my doctor that I developed an incurable neurological disease that might make me permanently blind. I had a nervous breakdown in her office and told her about my health and cried. She wished me well and A few days later I went to the bathroom to finish crying and went back to class. The dean’s secretary heard everything and followed me to class. She suggestions I speak to a financial aid rep. who is on campus. I told her that I spoke to one on the phone already and was sure I would get the same answer. I told her I want to be alone and please give me some space. The secretary would not leave until I went and so I reluctantly did. The financial aid rep. was in the library. I speak to her about the bill and my health. She told me the same thing as the one on the phone. I had another cry session in front of everyone and felt humiliated. Even now I am still crying about my diagnosis. I am undergoing treatment. My condition is improving, but I have to wait to get an all clear from my doctor. I took the summer off school to focus on my treatments. If I don’t get better I might have to have brain surgery.
I spoke to the clerk and asked her why she told the dean. She said it was her responsibility to report any grievance against the school. I was not filing a grievance I just had questions. Now I am considering filling one because of her actions that made this incident spiral out of control.
I have not spoken to the secretary. I didn’t know who she was at the time. A few days after all of this occurred I spoke to the dean about the woman who was eavesdropping on us. The dean tried to explain that it was not called eavesdropping when the door is open and the secretary’s desk is right there. The bottom line is. I was never introduced to the secretary. I didn’t know she was there. How was I supposed to feel when a stranger comes up to me and tells me she was listening to a conversation that I thought was private. I told her I was offended by her secretary and am considering transferring to another college. I don’t know what the proper procedure is, but the way they handled it was completely disorganized and unprofessional.
I am very angry and upset by the actions of the clerk and secretary. I knew that they wanted to help me, but I said clearly said no to both of them. Yet, they violated my privacy. I am going through a tough time and told them to please leave me alone, but on one was respecting that. I asked one of my teachers for advice and she said I could file a written complaint on the teacher, dean, secretary, and clerk. I feel like I don't want too b/c I didn’t want to get them in trouble. But this has caused me a lot of stress and I have fallen into depression. Please give me advice. I would really appreciate it.

On the issue of privacy the legal definition has a very fine determination. With the door to the deans office open during your conversation with the Dean it would be apparent to any reasonable person (legal meaning of the words) that there is no expectation of privacy. Had the door been closed then you would have had a reasonable expectation of privacy and the secretary could be seen as eavesdropping.

From a purely legal standpoint your belief that you were having a private conversation with the dean does not meet the test and any grievance you might file on that point won't be accepted or adjudicated by the panel reviewing your grievance.

Where you do have a right to file a formal grievance is on the teacher for her automatic belief you were not working in the class and dropping you. This to me is a givable offence. As for the unprofessional way this was handled and the interference by the secretary. I'm not sure fileing a grievance on those things will get you the resolution you seek and may only add to your depression.

My advice therefore is that first you concentrate on your health and seek treatment for your depression if you are not already getting treatment for it. Depression is a strange malady in that while depressed we perceive thing not always as they are. They tend to be colored by are depression making the depression even worse.

The depression you are probably suffering from is called Clinical depression which is brought on by stress and pain. Between your health issues and what is happening at school you certainly have the stress to bring on depression and that depression cause mental pain and can cause physical pain as well. Worse it works in a cycle building on itself. It could even slow your recovery from your other health issues.

How do I know all this. I'm not a doctor but I had a similar situation as yours when I was involved in an auto accident. I was stopped at a traffic light when I was run into in an accident that in total involved 2 other cars; With everyone trying to duck their responsibility to me. It became too much and I fell into a depressive state probably just like the one you are in. So I know how you may feel and I can tell you that professional help with your depression is in order and will help in dealing with your other medical problems as well.

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so me and my boyfriend are I guess sexualy active...I mean he hasn't penetrated so I guess it doesn't count its mostly fore play and making out any way its heating up and you see im a virgin.. I want to have sexs with him but im afraid of pain and I know fore play makes it hurt less and I know I have to communicate with him but im realy shy

I found the website, shown at the end, while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”

On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible adults. Sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than a partner would at your same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones. You need love, security and comfort to enjoy sex. A boy needs none of this just a willing partner.

All the above is important but most important is communication and understanding. Your boyfriend has to know and you have to trust that he understands that no means no and stop means stop. This is important for you so you can relax knowing that he will stop when you sat so if your first time cause you more pain then you can accept at that moment. IF you are trusting he will listen then you can relax and things will be less painful for you.

Before you have sex you should be on birth control. If you are under 18 but 14 or older there is a Federal Law called HIPPA that grants you medical confidentiality fro you reproductive system. Under this law you can be seen and treated by a doctor without parental knowledge or permission. This also means you can request birth control medication from a doctor and they will supply it. Just the doctor it is your right under HIPPA to have. You can go to any woman's clinic and they will prescribe for you.

Also even though you are on birth control never have sex with a guy who won't wear a condom. Besides being an extra form of pregnancy protection. A condom protects against many STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.

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I'm a junior in high school right now. I've only been dating my current boyfriend for four months but I've liked him since August. He means everything to me and I swear I'm in love with this boy. But there's only one problem, his friends. I'm his first girlfriend so before me he was always with them. And he used to also act like them. They are all immature, rude, obnoxious, annoying, ect. I'm sure you get the idea. But after him and I began becoming more than friends, he started to mature. He stopped acting like them. Then after we began dating he started spending each and every day with me. We will hang out after school for about two hours, and then All day Saturday and on Sunday he eats dinner with my family. So needless to say, he has totally stopped acting like them. During this period he has been telling me how rude his friends always were to him and that they took advantage of him (he doesn't ever say no to anyone) and it makes me feel sad. We will be walking in the hallways and they will call him names and make fun of him right to his face in front of me. And he lets them. But today he hung out with them again after school and I'm not against him hanging out with friends it's just I wish he had better ones. He was already starting to act like them today. Also he said he is going to start hanging out with them at least 1 time a week. I love him and I'm trying to protect him without hurting him. What should I do? I don't think we can date if he's going to do this. Help!

The fact that you are a junior in High School tells me that you two are somewhere between the ages of 15 to 17 years of age. If I had to take a guess I would say you are both probably 16 close to your 17th birthdays. Fact is girls at this age are more mature than boys of the same age by at least 2 years if not more. Boys remain less mature than girls well into their early twenties and there are some boys that never really mature into adults.

You have been a good influence on your boyfriend and I can understand why you do not want him associating with his friends as he did before you two started dating. To abandon him because he wants to spend some time with his friends would be like throwing him to the wolves for he will most certainly return to his old way. There is a middle ground here.

I was attending a company meeting once and I was talking with a coworker and our manager. We worked as Sales Representatives for a National Manufacture to the Building Trades. At some point in the conversation my coworker remarked that he had never heard me cuss. My manger said that in all the times he had worked with me he too had not heard me cuss. I explained to them that I knew all the words but chose not use them and had trained myself not to use them during the work day or on a fire ground in front of the public; I was also a volunteer fire fighter. If they wanted to hear me cuss they should come down to the fire station, especially after a bad call and listen to me.

What I’m trying to point out is there and a time and a place for everything. Since my job took me not only on to jobsites where there was a whole lot of cussing going on. I also went into the offices’ of the distributors who sold my products where there were many women working who might not like to hear me cussing, so I trained myself not to cuss when working. I felt it wasn’t appropriate and that I was capable of making my points without cussing. A funny thing I should pass along. As the different trades’ people I met with on a regular base got to know me; they too stopped cussing when dealing with me.

Your boyfriend can adopt my method of dealing with cussing when he is with you or with his friends. When he is with his friends to fit in he can act like them. What he has to remember is you don’t appreciate it when he is like that and prefer the boyfriend you know he can be when he is with you and your family. You can’t shelter him from how his friends act and you shouldn’t keep him from his friends either as that would be controlling. The middle ground if he wants to be with you is the Jeckle and Hyde approach of being different with you then when he is with his friends. If he loves you he can do it.

What this requires of you is a conversation with him. One where you tell him you have noticed him slipping back into his old ways. You tell him you understand when he is around his friends you understand he has to be like them. When he is around you and your family he has to be what he has become for this is the person you and your family have grown to love. If need be you can explain in detail but I don’t feel that will be necessary.

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How do i know he really loves me when he says it?

As everyone else has said you don't. Love is not just words; in it is less words and more actions than anything else. Is he kind and considerate to you? Does he listen to your opinions or just blow them off. Will he sit there and let you vent when you need to.

When you go to the movies do you go to movies you want to see or just the ones he wants to see? Being in love means he will sit through a romance movie when he would rather be watching an action movie.

IF he is a teenage boy and he constantly tells you he loves you then you need to beware for teenage boys confuse LUST and LOVE. For them it is all hormonal.

The old saying that; "Actions speak louder the words," is very appropriate when it comes to matters of the heart. How he acts when he is with you should tell you if he is really in love with you.

The fact that you are asking this question of us tells me you doubt his sincerity for some reason. Trust your instincts for they are generally correct. Don't give your heart away easily for it can easily be broken. When it is broken it will mend but it is painful at first.

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20/f
I've hardly had any friends because I didn't want to be anybody's slave,so to speak. I've always been called ugly just because I'm not skinny and I don't wear make-up (I put eyeshadow and mascara on sometimes) and because I don't have money for branded clothes. I've always been called a nerd because I liked to study and have all A's and thanks to that now I'm studying medicine. I'm labeled as boring because I don't go partying every weekend,getting drunk and having sex with many guys. Nobody wants to get to know me,they all judge either on what they see or what they hear about me. No matter what I try no guy will notice me. It's like I'm invisible. And the most hated person in the world. How to be confident and have self worth when your life is like this? I don't wanna stop living,even though it had crossed my mind. I can't exactly talk to anyone about this because they think I'm being a drama queen. Nobody takes into account how I really feel.

Actually I think you have a lot of self-worth and self-confidence you even said so; "I liked to study and have all A's and thanks to that now I'm studying medicine." To get where you are at today at your age takes more than just being bookish or nerdy, take you pick of terms. It takes a great deal of self-confidence and self-worth to define who you are, what you want to do and to make a plan to get there then work that plan.

You are correct most twenty year olds are still, as the expression goes, wet behind the ears tied to their parents apron strings and have no idea of what they want from life. So they party hardy and then cram for exams hoping to get by. Some of these kids, yes they may be of adult age but they are still kids, will never grow up.

You on the other hand are much more mature than they are. I know how it feels to be twenty and watch the others partying and getting drunk every weekend while your home studying. The payoff for all this hard work comes possibly in med school but definitely after med school during your residency when you pulling down a living income and the party goers are still living at home with mom and dad.

When they finally can afford to live on their own you will have found a Mr. Right, be earning a high 6 figure income, have a nice home and family while they are hoping to someday have what you already have. I see no reason for you to anguish over this though I know you may be lonely. What I suggest is you sit down and look at what interest you may have outside of school.

These interests could include things like hiking, boating, cooking, camping, art, music drama so on and so forth. Make a list of these things then start looking at what is on your list and what clubs the school has or offers that may be on your list. Go and look at these clubs, if you like one or more of them join them. Great relationships start off from friendships and great friendships start based on common interest.

By looking at clubs or activities that are of interest to you; this gives you an opportunity to meet people who have interest common to your own. This is very helpful in meeting people and starting a conversation with them. Conversations can lead to going out for coffee after a meeting to continue the conversation which can lead to a relationship.

Give this advice a try as I have given it to others and have received many a thank you from those who have tried it.


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I feel like my parents dont care about me any more ;(

If you can give us a reason as to why you feel this way, we may be able to help you. At present you have not supplied us with enough information to help you with.

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I am a 22 yr. old female who lives on her own in the US. I rent and live with my boyfriend of three and a half years. The guy I’ve been with has put me through hell in the last three years we have been together but I stuck by his side fearing that I would be alone. He has abandoned me several times even on our anniversary and I know deep down I deserve better. I go to school PT and I work FT. To give you a vague idea of what life has been like for me, I do everything- tend to his needs, clean up after him because he won’t clean up at all, buy all the food, he treats me poorly- has no consideration for my feelings at all, doesn’t acknowledge anything that I do, is jealous that I’ve got a better job than him, refuses to work FT, won’t help out at all around the house without complaining about it, he has no interest completing his college education, and now he’s asking his job to cut back his hours so he can play card games all day. I’ve asked him nicely to pursue counseling, offered to pursue counseling with him as a couple, and he is being stubborn about it. He thinks he doesn’t need it at all. He has been talking lately about quitting his job because he doesn’t want to be work for retail all his life, and recently, dropped the only class he was taking at college. He has Asperger’s so he sees the world a bit differently than you and I, but I’ll be damned, he’s very manipulative and super quick to create conflict if things do not go his way.

That said, I’m in a pickle and I’m growing very unhappy with him. My heart genuinely loves and cares about him and his overall well being but am I in love with him? I don’t think so. We don’t connect like we used to, I am not attracted to him anymore (been over a year since we’ve done anything sexual), and I do a lot of things on my own. I feel like he’s my child literally. Because his name is on the lease, I am reluctant to say how I really feel because I am worried it would create a mess of problems that I do not need at this time. I have been saving up for a down-payment on a house of my own and I’m very close to being able to get one. My goal is to drop him when the lease is up if things do not get better.

As silly as it is going to sound, I think I have found someone who I really enjoy talking to. I met him through eBay of all the places but we immediately clicked. We like almost all of the same things and we can talk non-stop for six hours. We have so much to relate to it isn’t even funny. He is attractive, a bit older, and he happens to live in Arkansas, which is very far away from New York, but I guess it could be worse. We are discussing meeting sometime this year presumably if all goes well. He seems like my other half and I get very giddy when I hear from him (sometimes anyway). Although I don’t know him as well as I would like to, I do have a strong gravitation towards this person and I’m not fully sure why exactly. Maybe it is because we are so alike. He is a college graduate and has been a dept manager at a retail store for five years. He was studying graphic design and has even done a few book covers for local authors. I find it impressive that he has done so much at his age. If you believe in Astrology, his sign is Gemini (air) and I am Leo (fire), it says we are highly compatible. He is highly skilled in many areas including photography and art. I could go on and on about how wonderful this guy is but I’ll stop it right there.

Anyways, I told him my disposition with my boyfriend a few months back and recently told him how I started feeling about him. I was scared to bring the topic up mainly because I wasn’t sure if he felt the same way but I also did not want there to be a relationship between him & I- at least not until I have successfully ended the relationship I am currently in and after he and I have met in person first. The more I have talked to him, the more I feel like I am falling for this person, but I will say this feeling comes and goes and fades away when he isn’t talking to me as much. I think I take it personal or something, assuming it’ll never happen and that he is not interested anymore. It sucks having a pessimistic mind. There have been spouts where this person just disappears for days and I grow concerned, I don’t understand why it happens and when I try to reach out, I don’t get any response back. He tells me there is something there for me but has forgotten the feeling of love. If you are genuinely interested in someone, you don’t do that to the person who has feelings for you.

Maybe my thinking is off or I’m taking way too much to heart so soon when I hardly even know this person. It has been a while since he has been in a relationship and while he has forgotten the feeling, what do you think this feeling could be? Did he just say that because he did not know what to say? Anyways, I can understand being busy but at least tell the person you are interested in or who is interested in you what is going on in your life so they know you are OK. If I stop talking to him, he does try to initiate conversations which confuse me. It seems the more attention I give him the more he runs away but the less I give, the more he comes back for more. He will on occasion send me text messages in the morning or call randomly to chat. And no matter how much that guy is on my mind or not, I do dream of meeting him when I am asleep even if he hasn’t been on my mind at all. I sometimes smile myself to sleep when I’ve talked to him and had a great conversation. But in these dreams, I am subconsciously trying to hide it away from my current relationship. I guess the conscious is playing a part. I’ve had maybe 2 or 3 dreams where I’ve come close to telling the person I am with now about this guy. I don’t believe in cheating and that is why I am stuck, I can’t move on until the relationship I am with is done entirely, but it seems I’ve felt alone for so long my heart is ready to love again. I’m worried of the situation altogether backfiring. I don’t know what to do. Do I have genuine feelings for this guy? Is this just a crush? Will it subside? Am I a complete nut-case? Am I putting things in my head that should not be there? Should I just stop talking to this person or view him more as a friend? What would you do in my shoes?

I believe that the key to your problem given everything you wrote us boils down to this one portion of a sentence you wrote; "fearing that I would be alone."

I am not a psychologist and my high school psychology class does not qualify me to truly give you the reason why you feel this way. The fear of being alone can be just as real as it can be irrational. From what you have written you have no reason to fear being alone. You are working a full time job, going to school to complete your education and have the money for a down payment on your own home.

At 22 you are in a far better position than 99.9% of the people your age. The 0.1% who may be equal to you most likely were given not earned what they have, at least as far as money for their own home. I see a very mature 22 year old that is quite capable of taking care of herself.

My advice is to leave your present relationship as soon as you can. That you should not rush into a new relationship before you have had a chance to sit down with a psychologist and find out why you fear being alone. This fear can and may be causing you to jump into another relationship that just may not be a perfect relationship but one you are forcing it to be. I really can't tell.

The fear of being alone distorts perception just as depression does and your current friend Asperger’s does. A few sessions with a good psychologist will help you see the reason for this fear and work to overcome it. Fears can be good as they work as a safety net; until they become irrational. Your fear of being alone may have reached that point. Based on just what you have written I see no reason for you to fear being alone as you sound like a very capable person. A person some young man will want to have as his wife who will be a true partner in your life.

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I'm driving myself litterally inane someone please help 16/f I overreact idk is it normal for your boyfriend to talk to other girls as friends and hangout with them on weekends if he's with his friends and his friends invite the girls? Or if he tweets them and was like had a great day wih you guys. I'm just such an over thinker and it's because I love him so much and we are very serious with each other. Also is it true that the newness of a relationship wears off after a couple months ? My mom said it did numerous times like all of the lovey dovey things wear off some because of getting used to each other please help me please thank you I do give stars

Yes your mother is correct. Just like everything else in life the glamor of new love wears off after awhile as you get more comfortable with each other. Just as it does with a new dress or a new cell phone.

As for your boyfriend talking to other girls or tweeting them. I see no reason why he cannot talk to other girls or interact with them as a friend. Just as it is perfectly okay for you to talk to other boys and to interact with them as friends. Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not mean you become a social hermit.

I will be married for 43 years come next month. It has never been unusual for me to answer the phone and it be a friend of my wife's and for the two of us to talk and joke before I give the phone to my wife. The same is true for my wife if she answers the phone and it's one of my friends. In fact when I'm out of town and my wife has a problem that needs a mans help I expect her to call one of my friends for help. Just as they expect their wives to go me of I'm home and there not.

The only difference between you situation and mine is you want your boyfriend to go out with you at night or with you only on a date. My wife and I expect that we sleep only in our bed together and not with anyone else. With the exception of those nights I'm out of town I have not slept in any other bed then with my wife. when I am out of town she knows and trusts that I am alone in that hotel bed and I am.

Don't start you love life as a jealous women. You both can have friends of the opposite sex. This is the time when you learn how to trust one another. Maybe you marry this boy but most likely you will not. What you will learn now is how to trust so when you do find Mr. right you will know that even though he may talk or even flirt with other women. The only bed he sleeps in is your.

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