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being brave and talking to him
so me and my boyfriend are I guess sexualy active...I mean he hasn't penetrated so I guess it doesn't count its mostly fore play and making out any way its heating up and you see im a virgin.. I want to have sexs with him but im afraid of pain and I know fore play makes it hurt less and I know I have to communicate with him but im realy shy
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I found the website, shown at the end, while answering a very similar question for other young ladies. I believe you should review this website before making any decision about having sex, starting with “Am I ready?”
On the subject of are you ready: all I will say is sexual intercourse is a beautiful thing between two loving responsible adults. Sex for you as a woman is different than for the boy. You are more emotionally mature than a partner would at your same age by about 2 years. Sex for a woman most always have a loving relationship, meaning women usually do not hop in and out of bed. Where for a boy of the same age sex is more of a conquest, away to satisfy raging hormones. You need love, security and comfort to enjoy sex. A boy needs none of this just a willing partner.
All the above is important but most important is communication and understanding. Your boyfriend has to know and you have to trust that he understands that no means no and stop means stop. This is important for you so you can relax knowing that he will stop when you sat so if your first time cause you more pain then you can accept at that moment. IF you are trusting he will listen then you can relax and things will be less painful for you.
Before you have sex you should be on birth control. If you are under 18 but 14 or older there is a Federal Law called HIPPA that grants you medical confidentiality fro you reproductive system. Under this law you can be seen and treated by a doctor without parental knowledge or permission. This also means you can request birth control medication from a doctor and they will supply it. Just the doctor it is your right under HIPPA to have. You can go to any woman's clinic and they will prescribe for you.
Also even though you are on birth control never have sex with a guy who won't wear a condom. Besides being an extra form of pregnancy protection. A condom protects against many STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
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Communication is the most important key in any relationship :) No matter how shy you are, you need to say something to him! Be honest with him and say I am nervous and if he is a great boyfriend he will understand and make you less nervous!!!
Email me at irish817@verizon.net for any other questions :)
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I've been in your situation before, where being shy was an issue for communicating. You may not like my answer but if you're that shy around your boyfriend, maybe you should just stick with how things are now until you're more comfortable with him to express your feelings. I'm SUCH a shy person but trust me, if you both are serious about each other you will eventually feel comfortable around him enough to tell him what you want and need. Stick to the "oral stuff and hand stuff" until you've gotten over being shy.
Also, if you really are set on taking the next step just remember it probably will hurt more than not. My first time, we couldn't even finish because it hurt so bad so we had to go a different route... But I was sooo comfortable with him and we dated for awhile that it wasn't embarrassing and I made it clear I was a virgin so he knew what to expect. It took a few times before I enjoyed it. I'm telling you that because sometimes if you build enough trust and communication and it'll pay off in the end. It will also be a better and memorable experience.
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just buy some lube and use lots of it for the first few times. usually your body will create its own natural lube once things "get going".
just be sure to use a condom, lube and have him go slow and everything will be fine after the foreplay. if your ready to have sex with him then you should realize youve already kinda READY to let him "get to know you" on that personal level, so have no fear girly! ; )
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