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How can I gain my self worth and confidence?
20/f
I've hardly had any friends because I didn't want to be anybody's slave,so to speak. I've always been called ugly just because I'm not skinny and I don't wear make-up (I put eyeshadow and mascara on sometimes) and because I don't have money for branded clothes. I've always been called a nerd because I liked to study and have all A's and thanks to that now I'm studying medicine. I'm labeled as boring because I don't go partying every weekend,getting drunk and having sex with many guys. Nobody wants to get to know me,they all judge either on what they see or what they hear about me. No matter what I try no guy will notice me. It's like I'm invisible. And the most hated person in the world. How to be confident and have self worth when your life is like this? I don't wanna stop living,even though it had crossed my mind. I can't exactly talk to anyone about this because they think I'm being a drama queen. Nobody takes into account how I really feel.
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wow I want you to change your thinking that people hates you. sometimes it do affects you and make people to hate you. again people who are good like you will only attract good people, all the guys that don't notice you is just because there not good like you. you will see that when you see a guys that is nice and want you, he will treat right. those guys need girls they will to have sex with. don't be desperate so you will not fall in to wrong hand. when I got my girl I was the first guy in her life I treat her with care because she different from others. you so special girl you just have to wait for the special guy.
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What’s made clear to me while reading your question is that you really lack self-confidence and you don’t give YOURSELF a lot of credit. You can have a good and happy life if you want to; you just have to make positive changes and be willing to change things for the better otherwise you will be stuck in an unhappy life. The major thing you need to work on is self-esteem. Maybe you could buy some self-help books on building self-esteem or alternatively borrow some books from the library. Other than that you could find a self-confidence course in your local area. Another thing that stuck out while reading your question is negative thinking. I read a quote on someone’s Facebook page the other day and it said “A negative mind will never get you a positive life” and that’s actually very true. If you fill your mind with negative thoughts then you will start to believe it. Trust me if you don’t do anything about it then it can go on for years and years just living an unhappy life. But you CAN change it. It’s this type of thinking that has got you into this world of despair you have to realise that you can come out of it. What really helps me is The Positivity Blog. I only just discovered it and it can help you. I subscribed to the free Positivity Newsletters (I get e-mails on helpful tips and strategies for living a simpler and happier life, improving social skills and self-esteem). You can visit the website here: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) it’s worth taking a look at!
What you need to do is challenge the negative thinking and try to change things around. If you don’t have any friends then make the effort to join clubs and do something that you will find fun where you can meet other people.
This is going to sound harsh but YOU are making your life the way it is. Once you realise this (like I did) then you can make your life better. It took me a very long time to realise this and I was stuck in a “Poor me” mentality. I thought of everything negatively in my life: I tried getting a job but failed in interviews so I thought that I’m useless and can never get a job, I’m shy, I don’t have any friends, I don’t know what to do with my life, everyone picks on me etc. I didn’t think I was playing the victim (not intentionally) but I now I realise that I was and I can do something about it and appreciate what I have. You need to stop caring about what other people think about you because it will get you nowhere in life. You need to think about yourself for a change and grow a thicker skin because all throughout life you will get people saying this and that about you and say horrible things about you even for no reason. You just have to learn to ignore it and get on with it.
Remember that you are in control of your life and you can change it. It may be tough but you’ll get there.
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Those people you think hate you probably really don't think about you because they already have their friends and are busy doing things you don't want to do anyway. You're looking in the wrong direction. There is someone near you who is even more lonely than you are and you could be a godsend to him or her. Somebody absolutely wants to get to know you. Think about others more than yourself--make an effort to get to know someone by him or herself, join a choir or reenactment or improv group, go to a meet up for a new hobby, get involved in community service--and you'll be greatly loved by people who share your values and aspirations.
PS--If it's still not working, you're probably being so guarded that you come across as mean. Open up and cultivate a genuine interest in what another person has to say instead of concentrating on your own self-consciousness.
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You are afraid to try to make friends because you can't picture yourself on an equal footing with your peers. You even go as far as to say you believe they would consider you a slave. How you present yourself to the world is all in your ATTITUDE! You have to realize how unique and wonderful you are and embrace it! It really isn't that no one wants to get to know you but your negativity is projecting that onto them. Write down everything you like about yourself! You might be surprised to see how many good qualities you have! Next, write down what you consider to be your worst qualities. Those are the things you need to work on. Yes, I said work. If you are complaining but you are not willing to WORK to change it then you are just looking to throw a pity party! When you say "no matter what I try no guy will notice me" Sorry, but that sounds like the self defeatist beginnings of a pity party to me! No offense I hope, but this Geezer is too old and out of shape to beat around the bush so I have to give it to you straight! Frankly there were a couple of times I wanted to offer you some cheese with that whine! You are a straight A student with the opportunity to study medicine! Girl, that is nothing to sneeze at! You have all that going for you but you seem to feel that you need a man to validate you! Instead of looking for someone you want to date why not make YOURSELF into someone you would want to date? Moving on to some of the other issues you mention, you don't need brand names to look stylish. Get on Pinterest, find some looks you like and go to the thrift shops and look for something similar. Find a girl whose makeup you admire(someone you know is a nice person) and ask if she would mind giving you some pointers, or go to the make up department and get the sales person to help you. You will learn the best make up looks for you and you might just make a new friend in the bargain! Start doing your nails, find a new perfume, get some sexy new undies(they will make you feel sexy even if no else can see them!)Get the best haircut you can afford. I know I am suggesting some things that might not be in your budget but what I'm proposing is not outlandish and you ARE worth it so try to find a way if possible. If not, you can still work with what you have and make some big changes. For some inspiration try watching the Queen Latifah movie "Last Holiday". You will see the kind of attitude transformation I am talking about! If your self esteem issues are deeply rooted and you just can't seem to feel better about yourself no matter what then you need to seek counseling. There may be deeper issues than you realize. Whatever you do, stop feeling sorry for yourself and take action! You can believe you are beautiful and interesting or you can believe you are boring and unattractive but whichever one you believe you are going to be right!( take the time to think about what I just said) By the way someday when you are a brilliant self confident doctor, don't forget this old geezer who came down so hard on you but hopefully imparted a little wisdom in the process! Good luck!
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I think you're just surrounding yourself with the wrong people.
You have some self worth and confidence because you said you liked to study and you're now studying medicine. That's a great thing to be proud of.
Honestly, you're just really busy caring about what people think of you and you define yourself of what they think. It really only matters what you think.
So if you think you're overweight, start working out. You don't need to have a lot of money to dress nice. I have really nice looking clothes that were extremely cheap and not name brand.
As for being called a nerd and boring, that's just you hanging around the wrong people and talking to the wrong people.
Like adviceman said, I think you should join clubs or different activities that you'd enjoy so that you can make friends with people who share the same interests as you. You'll make new friends.
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Actually I think you have a lot of self-worth and self-confidence you even said so; "I liked to study and have all A's and thanks to that now I'm studying medicine." To get where you are at today at your age takes more than just being bookish or nerdy, take you pick of terms. It takes a great deal of self-confidence and self-worth to define who you are, what you want to do and to make a plan to get there then work that plan.
You are correct most twenty year olds are still, as the expression goes, wet behind the ears tied to their parents apron strings and have no idea of what they want from life. So they party hardy and then cram for exams hoping to get by. Some of these kids, yes they may be of adult age but they are still kids, will never grow up.
You on the other hand are much more mature than they are. I know how it feels to be twenty and watch the others partying and getting drunk every weekend while your home studying. The payoff for all this hard work comes possibly in med school but definitely after med school during your residency when you pulling down a living income and the party goers are still living at home with mom and dad.
When they finally can afford to live on their own you will have found a Mr. Right, be earning a high 6 figure income, have a nice home and family while they are hoping to someday have what you already have. I see no reason for you to anguish over this though I know you may be lonely. What I suggest is you sit down and look at what interest you may have outside of school.
These interests could include things like hiking, boating, cooking, camping, art, music drama so on and so forth. Make a list of these things then start looking at what is on your list and what clubs the school has or offers that may be on your list. Go and look at these clubs, if you like one or more of them join them. Great relationships start off from friendships and great friendships start based on common interest.
By looking at clubs or activities that are of interest to you; this gives you an opportunity to meet people who have interest common to your own. This is very helpful in meeting people and starting a conversation with them. Conversations can lead to going out for coffee after a meeting to continue the conversation which can lead to a relationship.
Give this advice a try as I have given it to others and have received many a thank you from those who have tried it.
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