|
Help me....please
I've been with this man, since March 2013. We're getting married next year, he proposed to me and I'm so excited...but, there are things that I never told him...about myself. I was raped in 2006 by a guy I knew...somewhat. I mean I've known him for a long time, I hadn't talked to him though...I don't know, if I can bring this up to him... He gets...really protective and that's really good in a man. But he STILL calls, and texts...he won't leave me alone. I tell him not to talk to me, to leave me alone. He just won't stop. But my fiancé knows nothing about this. I'm scared to let him know. My fiancé works at night...and I'm here alone with our two kids. I keep the door double locked ALWAYS. But he's come over and waited outside for me to come out and talk to him/see him. I never do. But he does it all the time. I'd mostly like guys to answer...but girls are okay too. What if you're girlfriend/fiancé/wife had a stalker, how would you feel/react/handle the situation.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
Why are you keeping this to yourself?! If this person has been following you to another state this is a serious problem and one you need to address immediately. You need to go to the police right away and have a talk with them about this and explain and tell them all of this. If he was willing to follow you all the way there and has still not left you alone you have no idea just how far this guy would be willing to go or what could spark him off to push him over the edge. Not only do you need to make sure you are protected but also need to make sure your family are protected.
Speak to your partner about this and just explain to him about it. I'm sure he will understand and he may even want to go talk to him or tell him to leave you all alone but this is NOT a good idea and will more than likely only make things worse. Explain to him you have decided to go to the police about it and you'd like him to come with you then go to the police and tell them everything. every guys instinct will be to step up and protect his family and loved ones and be the one who saves the day as such but unfortunately sometimes actions like these will just make things a lot worse or dangerous so do the best thing for yourself and your family and go to the police immediately.
]
First: You need to call the police about the guy that is stalking you. At the very least they will be able to help you get an "Order of Protection" against him from the courts ordering him to stay away. If he violates the order he will be arrested and sent to Jail. If you state is one of the many that have laws against stalking he could be arrested for stalking if not the Order of Protection is the next best thing.
Second: This has two parts; Part One: His raping of you. Each state has a different statute of limitations on crimes committed they range from 2 years to no limitation. Depending on your ages at the time his raping of you may still be a charge able offence. If so charge him with rape. Talk to the police officers about both the stalking and his raping of you as they are to my mind part and parcel of the first crime which may extend the statute of limitations on the rape.
Part Two: I can't speak for your future husband I can only speak for myself and some other men like me and possibly your future husband. Most of us are super protective of our wives and girlfriends. For most all of us it is how are mothers and father raised us to protect the women in our families. No matter how independent, no matter how far women may go in the business world men will always be protective of them. This is the biggest reason behind the military's resistance to having women in combat. They are fearful more harm will come to combat soldiers, both men and women, because the men will instinctively protect the women among them.
Your future husband loves you and being protective or even over protective is practically in grained in him. This is not a reason to hide something from him. It is in fact a bad way to start a marriage by keeping secrets from each other He will at some point find out about this guy camping outside you door each night. When he does it will upset him even more to learn how long it has been going on.
I suggest you tell him both about the rape and about the stalking and let him help you get the "Order of Protection. If you’re not sure how to tell him call this number; 1-800-656-HOPE.
This will connect you to an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands; for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. This hotline is available 24/7 and is answered by trained volunteers who can help you find away or find you someone in your neighborhood trained to help you tell your future husband this secret.
]
More Questions: |