There's this guy from school who suddenly texted me out of nowhere saying hey! Big fan here. We started texting more late nights and I got attached. In the beginning he was very sweet to me and all. We would send heart emoticons to each other. After few days he confessed to me he likes me. But sometimes he would flirt with me saying I feel like giving you a hug from behind. In between we had a fight but then I sorted it out. After that he started telling me he is busy again and again but whenever we would text about about wwe or football because I like it. He tells me you are so awesome, Let's marry. Then tells me he is kidding. Then he asked me should he propose I told him I dont feel the same way. Recently he asked me If I am a virgin. I got mad at him confronted saying this was disrespectful he told me sorry and deleted the text and I blocked him on instagram. He whatsapped me saying thought you were mature enough and blocked me there. Now I've rekindled things with himm.. he texted me few days and even wished me on my bday but now he is avoiding me. Did he genuinly like me or did he just wanted sex?Should I block him again?
Its difficult for me to say with any kind of certainty on if his feelings are genuine or of he is just after something.
First though, I would say your reaction to his question was very much justified - why would anyone ask someone if they are a virgin and why would it even matter?! Playing devil's advocate maybe he asked to see if you are or not to determine the kind of person you are (as an example if you said no or yes, he may assume that means it might be easier to get sex from you or he just wanted to check if you are as 'innocent' as you seem). However, this would be assuming a lot and if this is a guy from school he may not have thought about it in so much detail. Either way, it was rude to ask. Generally it's hard to be able to give you an answer and being certain as to what his intentions are so they best piece of advise I can give you is to go with your instincts and not rush anything at all. Most guys will just give up after a while when they realise working someone over just for sex was a lot more hard work than they realised.
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This question is mainly for the females I guess. So my GF asked me if I fantasized about blow jobs or hand jobs since we are not having sex for moral reasons on her religion which I respect. I admitted yes I fantasize about that stuff but then I saw she was like freaked out about it when I admitted that and I said she did not have to do that if she did not want to do it just because I fantasized about it because I would be okay if that never happened but she got so upset she was not doing anything to help me out with being good and she knows I like her that way and am trying to hide my erections. I tried to make a joke and said I help myself out as needed. She did not think it was funny like she feels like she is not a good girlfriend because I guess other girls say what they do for their guys or whatever which could be lies you know. I think they are just saying things to upset her like she is not being a good girlfriend leaving me all frustrated or whatever because they do not like her religion maybe. Obviously I would like to have sex or a blow job or a hand job or really anything she is in the mood to do but I can also chill and do nothing. I was already a virgin with no experience before we got together. It is not like I did not know she was a good girl when we started dating I totally knew that and like that about her even if I am not the same religion as her. I honestly did not expect much more than holding hands, hugging, and kissing and those things are great. She says I am lying to her to make her feel better which is not true. I admitted I fantasize okay that is like unavoidable but it is also true I can handle it if we just wait on the big stuff. I just don’t want her to cry over it you know. That kills me so bad when she cries about anything. Honestly if someone else was dating her I feel like they could guilt her into doing more but I could not live with it doing something like that to her. She is so sweet. She cannot help it if she is hot also. My dad and I got this boxing heavy bag and boxing gloves and we are doing this workout thing in our garage with it so he can lose weight and not die of blood pressure and he likes boxing and if I do it with him he thinks he will stick with it and it is fun also. These girls told her I was doing it because boys exercise because they are sexually frustrated. I told her that was total crap and does not even help with that in my opinion. I know it is wrong but I want to box the hell out of these girls for making her feel this way. What do I need to do to reassure her that I can wait as long as she wants to wait and not be mad about it? My mom suggested I give her a purety ring which you can get and we both wear one and like we are in it together like not all the pressure on her. What do you think? I need ideas please.
Hi. Firstly I think it is so nice that you are so happy and willing to wait and have not put any pressure on her to go against her beliefs - more power to you guys.
So, firstly I think you might be correct and her friends may be telling her many different things that are causing her to think she is a bad girlfriend. They might not even be to deliberately upset her too, it might just be their opinion on how their relationship works - everyone is different. The thing is your girlfriend also needs to realise this. Her friend (and your friends) might be into all that stuff and don't feel religion is a reason to remain pure but their beliefs are different to what you/your girlfriend believe. Don't allow others to dictate how your relationship should be, if you are both happy then carry on doing what you are currently doing.
All people have fantasies and they are a healthy thing. I think your girlfriend just needs to realise this. The whole point is to be able to fantasize about things which are not always a possibility.
At this point I think the best thing to do will be to talk to her and just explain you are happy with how things are and to stop listening to rubbish from other people. If she has questions (such as why you do boxing) just ask you about it. People can get sexually frustrated but that's life. The worst thing someone can do is give up their abstinence, especially if it is something they are practising for a reason such as religion, and then end up regretting it because they gave it up out of fear or pressure.
The purity rings, initially I thought they might be a bad idea as they'd put pressure on her too but if your aim is to make her feel better about your position then they might not be a bad idea at all. At the very least they would show her you are taking this position and standing by her on it so may make her feel better.
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I am a 33 year old year old female and I want to get my first real job but my problem is I don't have any real work experience from more than 10 years ago because I am on disability. My mo mom so I can work part time and keep my check they will just lower until I am sure I want to work not sure if my mom is correct. I have volunteered with my church worked at my cousins thrift store. Could I use my cousin as a reference and my pastor. I have also helped my sister deliver food with door dash and Uber eats ,but I don't think could use my sister as a reference with her being immediate family even though we have 2 different last names.
I've volunteered at nursing homes with my church. I have cleaned my cousins closet and baby sat but all this was from 10 years ago except for the door dash working at my cousins thriftstore . Does it matter with the time length on the jobs I've had.
Hi. I am not sure with the way your disability will be affected with part time work, unfortunately it seems you may not be from the UK so I am unfamiliar with the rules in regards to this. Perhaps speaking to who issues (the department) this disability will be better suited to this. Here, if someone is on any kind of assisted income, once you've a job (especially part time) the allowance is lowered depending on the income but it is not completely halted so your mom way be very correct in that regard but again, you should seek clarification on this from someone who will know for certain how getting a job will affect your benefits.
With the issue with references, it is general practise here in the UK to have one professional reference (last job) and a personal reference, which can be a friend that is able to vouch for you (or a second professional reference). So, if your pastor is someone you still have contact with and they are okay to be used as a reference (it's just polite to ask first and confirm their details) that reference can be your first. If it was 10 years ago it should not matter - this cannot be helped where anyone may have taken a break from working for one reason or another and have only older references. Your cousin will also make an ideal reference and as you are not immediate family that should be suitable too. During interviews (or cover letters) you can explain you have not worked a while if need be but most time this won't be necessary unless they ask about the gap between jobs.
Good luck. :)
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I am 27 my BF 27.
I am in a long distance relationship for five years. We see each other 2/3 times a year. My boyfriend is very caring and nice. And off course I trust him a lot.
A few months back a saw a girl commenting on few of his post. and by her comment it seems like they chat sometimes. She always reacts with love react to his post. and sometimes comments praising his singing.
Now my BF has other female friends, they are his classmates and colleagues. And I am not insecure about them at all. But this girl is not his classmate or colleague.
Now I am not saying that he is having something with her. Like I said earlier I trust him completely. But I don't know why I have this weird feeling that the girl has a crush on my BF and she is trying to impress him. Should I do something about it? It is bothering me a lot. I didn't ask my bf about the girl yet. Should I ask him? How can I ask him? or should I just ignore it?
BTW we don't share our couple picture online or post anything about our relationship online. As me and my BF both are very private person. Our close friends and family members know about our relationship. But we don't showoff online.
Firstly I will say that a woman and her intuition is a great thing and there are chances it is wrong but there are also good reasons to pay heed to it too. The thing is there really is no way to know without actually asking him what the deal with her is. She might be a friend who is being supportive. Or it could be a fan who saw him singing somewhere and added him as a fan. Your relationship has lasted as long as it has because of the mutual trust you have for each other and I suspect you have always been open with each other if something is bothering you so perhaps it might be worth addressing it and casually asking him about her. It could just be innocent flirting where she has no idea he has a gf. There are so many positive and negative ways to look at this situation and we could go in an endless circle of theories but as you've expressed how much this is bothering you, I think it just seems fair to speak to him about it and bring her up casually and ask him about her. I would say ignore it as at this point it may not be worth really saying anything but it is clearly bothering you and I doubt you would be able to ignore it (it will just play on your mind) and with the trust you and your bf have - I would think he would welcome you talking to him about it just to ease your mind. I would think if the situation was reversed he would also be able to feel like he could come to you and just express his worry and talk to you about it.
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I'm an 18 year old girl from the UK- but I don't wear makeup or anything, I don't drink, I rarely ever wear dresses, and I don't do anything to my eyebrows either- so I kind of feel left out when conversations about makeup, fashion or partying comes up.
My friends find it really strange- they're like 'how can you be confident enough not to wear makeup?'- but it's nothing to do with confidence why I don't wear it, it's just something that's never appealed to me. I'm not a very confident person full stop, I'm very shy- so it annoys me when people confuse the two.
And they've also all, since becoming 18, transformed into massive extroverts who drink regularly- whilst they were previously very introverted like myself, and I don't know why they've suddenly changed. 18 is the legal drinking age in the United Kingdom, but they're too much of party animals for my liking these days- do you think I should stop hanging around with them? They often wonder how I can have fun at parties without drinking, and I just find that a sad mindset and am kind of sad to see that they've changed so much.
Unfortunately people do change with time. Not wearing makeup at all is not so strange, I have had friends who have never worn makeup and still don't (in their 30's) and they look wonderful! In fact I often wonder why makeup is such a big deal with confidence. So you meet someone wearing make up and confident and it goes really well... eventually they are going to see you without makeup and, if they like you for you, they won't care.
My cousin doesn't drink at all either and uses no social media so when we are all drinking he still has an amazing time, he doesn't miss out on it at all. Like yourself for who you are and don't inhibit yourself because of the way your friends have changed and questioning why you have not. But that is the question, are these party animal friends of yours full of confidence really who they actually are? Alcohol brings out inhibitions and this is what makes them so confidant about themselves. There was a time I did not drink at all (I didn't start until my mid-twenties) so it was always amusing to watch people intoxicated and the way they would act compared to when they were sober.
I won't say you should stop hanging around with them because that is honestly your call. But don't allow the way they think dictate who you are and what you might feel you need to be as well. Be yourself and ask them to accept that. If they can't then maybe it is time to cast a wider net and meet new people. Unfortunately as lovely as it is to feel you can have friends for a lifetime, people do change and we must change along with them and sometimes it means finding new friends. But as I said, this is entirely your call. And also, if they ask about the makeup thing again, simply state you don't need it because you already look awesome.
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Thank you for reading my question.
I am just confused and will like some help on gender identity. Here we go….
I have been assigned the gender of a girl, but I don't always feel that way. Before you start to think "Transgender?", let me get to a point.
For example, one day I feel feminine. I look in the mirror and I absolutely love my body. But the next day I look in the mirror and I hate it so much. (Wait, I'm not done yet.) Then the day after that, I look in the mirror and I don't really care. As in, I don't feel feminine or even masculine. That was just an example. Each feeling could last a few days at the most.
Sometimes, and this just makes it more confusing, I want to wear makeup while wearing a tomboy outfit. Or even the other way around. I want to wear a dress, but no makeup.
This might seem like normal, but I am just very confused on my gender. I think I have one, but sometimes I feel like I don't. But I know that I'm not agender. Please help me.
Thank you so very much.
I think you might be overthinking this whole gender thing. Don't concern yourself over this kind of thing too much. For example I am a guy and many times I have looked in the mirror and thought to myself I look really good and at other times the complete opposite and there are times when I just don't care. I think you are thinking far too much about what gender you fit into instead of just focusing on what makes you comfortable.
If you want to wear a dress and no makeup - do so. If that is how you feel comfortable on that day then why not. The same for all these other variations you've said. You can dress up as a tomboy and still wear makeup if that's what you feel like doing. Stop worrying about what title you fit into and just do what makes you happy. The whole thing about gender identity will come to you when it is time. Perhaps you are still figuring it all out and that's okay. It took some of my friends (who went from female to male and vice versa) many years to work out exactly who they are. Just don't concern yourself with it for the sake of it. When you know you will know but from what I can see (from what you have said) it's perhaps something you are still working out and trying to find your footing. Just remember that in my opinion gender identity doesn't make who you are. Just be yourself and everything will fall into place and you'll soon know who you are.
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I have been going through a really tough time. My serious relationship of 3 yeas ended. The guy ditched me just before marriage. This my 3rd relationship failure. I'm 32. People around me are getting married and kids. I don't have many friends. I'm alone ans cry everyday. My confidence is shaking. I don't hv anyone to share my deepest feelings. I regret many things in life. I feel anxiety thinking about
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I can't agree more with what others have already told you but first and foremost - relationships fail. They are a 50/50 thing and most do fail before you find the right one. I have had so many relationship failures I have lost count and even now am single. Some relationships didn't hurt so much but others had hurt a lot - this is natural but the sooner you are able to face what has happened and begin to move forward the easier it will be for you.
The anxiety and depression is a serious health problem and I think you really should speak to your doctor about this. Once in a deep depression it can be very difficult to crawl back out of it. You are young, feeling like this was last shot at a family is nonsense. There is someone out there but sometimes sitting and waiting for them is not the answer nor is hiding yourself away in depression. You have to help them out by showing them you are there. :)
I think firstly you should speak to the friends you do have (I only have 2 close friends - not many at all but I rather have quality over quantity), speaking to them will help. There are also the people here you can speak to who responded to you, I don't think any will mind. And you should see a doctor to see about your depression and anxiety because these things will hold you back from moving forward with your life. I don't know who this guy was but that chapter of your life has ended, you can't change what has happened but you now have a whole new chapter to write and look forward to. And don't let this shake your confidence. All too often people assume it was something they did when in fact it was just the other person who has no clue what they are doing.
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F/24. This is kind of between love and work. One of my coworkers has been acting a little strange, and I didn't even think he might've been interested in me until recently, so now I'm micro-analyzing all our interactions. For example, I was working by myself, and he popped up out of nowhere and just sort of stayed there for a while. We talked for a bit but I noticed he was quieter than usual. I wasn't really paying attention to his body language because I had my attention on working.
This other time he was talking about a funny little comic taped to a door that I hadn't noticed. When I went to it to read it, he came up behind me to read it as well. I think I've seen him get that close to other coworkers as well so I didn't really think anything of it.
I realized the last few days that he's been a little quieter in general. I think he's just concerned about something in his life or maybe just not feeling too talkative. I feel like I'm just overthinking things and I'm way off base but I want to be sure to avoid an uncomfortable/awkward situation.
I cannot say for sure if he is interested, there just isn't enough there for me to say for certain. It could be that he is acting this way to try make conversation so he can get closer to you and get to know you better and at the same time it might be he is interested in you and just hasn't got the nerve to show it yet. All I can suggest is you make it easier for him to talk to you (make conversation) and see where it goes from there. Really, there is just no way to know his intentions but what are your intentions? If he likes you what would you want to do? Are you interested in him? If you are interested in him then try talk to him and perhaps indicate that but if your not then do what you have been doing and just ignore it. If you don't know where you stand again, just ignore it and don't overthink things and they should all fall into place.
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My 18 Year old sister at this point wants me to hate her she constantly leaves the house everyday to do stupid shit, she says she’s going to the store but is really going to other people’s house to smoke or other stuff that idk. She walks out with a mask but takes it off once she’s outside, she doesn’t believe that corona virus is real and is being an ignorant fuck, me and my mom have to see her ass still since her college campus isn’t letting anyone on yet until a few months, I was counting down to this month in hopes that she could leave but now that she can’t I have trouble bearing with her being around me, especially with her putting our health at stake everyday over idiotic shit. What is there to do about this? She’s not a great listener so telling her anything wouldn’t be effective honestly.
This is a difficult situation because on the one front your mom should speak to her and lay down the rules - if you want to live in that house it means following the rules and wearing a mask. But, reality of the situation is that there is absolutely no way to know that if she is doing this.
Over here barely anyone wears a mask outside in public, it just isn't necessary because of such open space so her taking it off when she leaves the house is not a big deal. When she visits people she might be wearing it or keeping her distance - there is no real way to know.
All I can suggest is that your mom talk to her about the situation and explain that whether she believes it is real or not, you and your mom believe it is real and want to be safe. Your anger at the situation is obvious and resorting to throwing insults back and forth will solve nothing. I am unsure where you are from but here (UK) going outside has been encouraged but they do ask that you are smart about it and keep yourself and others safe. This is all she needs to do unless the situation where you are is different.
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So it all starts with the ADHD I had when I was a kid, and how I grew up with it I guess. I had not the best childhood as my mom abused me and left me. I was bullied at this time and still have traumas.
I'm now 20 and it was only this year I was diagnosed with social Anxiety and a Cluster B personality Disorder, likely BPD.
I have a history of cutting myself and only this year I picked it up again. I can't move forward in life, I just can't. I have burns and cuts on my arms currently. I went to the ED (Emergency department) three times so far this year, and this was on my own accord. The first time I visited ED I felt normal, or what I perceive as normal. After being assessed I walked out. Second time was an interesting one, after getting off the train I had the urge to just buy a knife at the shops and stab my hand just so I can have a reason to go to the hospital. I stabbed myself decently just as planned in toilets, I would have liked to go deeper though. Got there and told them I stabbed myself. After getting cared for and being questioned by the psychology team, I felt a little crazy and wanted to make a scene cause why not? I actually did have a head ache and unfamiliarization tho :/ The nurse got worried and called for the psychology team again, this time the Psychiatrist. She put me on meds said I couldn't leave. The third time was a few days after cutting my hand rather deep and letting the blood drip on the pathway cause idk. I stopped going to my psychiatrist cause I don't trust him and think he's no good for me. He doesn't understand me at all. I'm now off Quetiapine and Escitalopram. I hate them. Recently I cut almost all remaining friends and acquaintances. Started drinking. I'm isolating myself. Not sleeping enough. Went to the GP today and he prescribed me with some other anxiety meds... whatever, he doesn't understand me either.
Anyway I feel like i'm heading towards a even darker place and don't know what my next action will be. I need advice. Help?
Dragonflymagic pretty much said everything I was going to say. I just want to reiterate that a psychologist CAN help you but the relationship of psychologist and patient is one of trust. If you don't trust them then they will not be able to help you because you will not want to open up to them. You have to be able to feel comfortable with them and if you don't - switch to a different one. Ask to be referred to a different psychologist but don't give up on them because they can help you. Whatever you are going through you don't need to be dealing with it alone and since pushing everyone away this is what you are doing. On the plus side you are reaching out for help by posting here and asking for help - this is a good sign.
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Hey, I met this guy a week ago. He grabbed my attention once I met him.. he took me out twice. On the second day he asked if i ever gotten my feet’s licked and my butt. Lol that sounded weird. I told him if he is only looking for sex to let me k ow because am not trying to waste my time. He told me no that he finds me attractive etc. But after that day he havent written back to me. I don’t know if to hit him up or what . What do you think of this hun ? Thanks
Personally I would say no, move on. If you are not looking for someone who is just after sex then this guy clearly is not the right guy. There are not many guys at all who would just admit right out on a date that they are only interested in sex (I've not even known one who has admitted it) so the fact that after you told him you are not interested in just casual sex he has gone silent it kind of says to me that it was all he was looking for. It could be that he may have got busy with something else so you never know, there might be a good reason for him not writing. If he hasn't got back in touch after a couple of days or so though then I would say just move on and save yourself a lot of trouble - clearly what he is after is not the same thing you are after.
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Hi so i am a 17 year old female and i am dating a male the same age. We have been dating for about 7 months now and we were both kind of scared to make the first move so the first time we kissed was prom night before we went out to eat. So it was graduation day and at our school juniors show up to support the seniors (the place they hold the ceremony is right by the school so everyone shows up to school and seniors ride over first and then juniors and then we come back blah blah blah)and there is a little ritual going on, anyways that day came and me and my boyfriend were both there and were in the same class and i was just sitting on the table and he was sitting in the chair across from me and at first that was all it was i was just sitting across from him then he kind of leaned in and grabbed my ass and pulled me in towards him so we were sitting closer and had kind of burrowed his head in my chest - i had on a low v-neck romper and a big fluffy jacket because i was cold - so he had his head on my chest and put his hand behind the jacket like out of peoples view and was rubbing my back and my ass , mind you we had just had our first kiss like a week ago, so anyways the teachers had left to take care of stuff and half of the class migrated out so it was just us and then some of my friends and some of his friends. So we were cuddling as we were before and i leaned in and kissed him and we kissed like a couple of times and i was happy because after 7 months i was ready and wanted to get things moving along like i am still a teenager. So we were cuddling and at some points kissing, but after i kissed him one of those times he started kissing my chest area, the area in between my breasts. now remember i had on a big fluffy jacket so he was somewhat hidden and i was getting turned on but we were still at school so i kinda backed up and we went back to playing a card game but i could clearly see he was turned on and so was i so we went to the classroom next door which was open and no one was in there and we started kissing and what not (which we adapted to pretty quickly surprisingly) so we were kissing and he was grabbing my butt and i had my hand on his head and of course the sexual tension was building but we were still at school so we both kind of broke off and it was time to leave for the graduation. by the time everything was over it was like 9:15 and we had gotten invited to a graduation party which i decided not to go to because there was going to be heavy drinking and i don't drink so me and my boyfriend decided to go to his house and watch a movie. so we got there and started off watching a movie but half way through it turned to me on top of him, he was kind of dry humping me, we were kissing and things were getting very heated, but then his older sister came home so we stopped and went upstairs and things started again but no clothes came off he was thrusting but it was never any penetration and he came just in his pants.. i don't really know what i am asking or how to ask it i don't know like what next, i want to wait to have penetrating sex until marriage but our relationship is getting pretty serious i have known him since 8th grade and we have had little crushes on eachother but this time it turned ready, i am open to oral sex. i dont know what i am really asking i guess what are some things we can do to relieve sexual tension between us, why do you think it was such a quick switch between us first kissing to like all of this, anything like that. he is supposed to come with my friends boyfriend over to my friends house who i am staying with this week and they're also in a similar place but they've been dating for like a year and aren't having sex but have done stuff, so there will be a lot of sexual tension, do you think it would be a good idea to even have them over if they do come over should we all stay together...ughhh i am so sorry this is messy and i don't completely know what i'm asking i am just confused and ready.
Hi. I think one of the reasons things switched so quickly between a kiss and things getting to the point they are now could be for a few reasons. Firstly I think with how old you both are your hormones will be going crazy. Now although the same is true for you as well and you have been wondering when things will move on he was likely also wondering the same thing but did not want to seem like he is being pushy or forcing something to happened when perhaps you wasn't ready so just waited until he got some kind of sign. That first kiss was likely that sign he was looking for which is why things have suddenly just jumped so dramatically forward. When you are in the heat of the moment things can get a little out of control and although this is nothing new it can also be a dangerous thing because the last thing you would want happening is something you later (when the rush of the moment and the adrenaline) wears off.
You already have set and know your own boundaries on what you want to do and don't want to do (until much later) and the best thing you can do at this point it speak to your boyfriend about this and discuss it with him so he is aware of your boundaries and that he is able to respect and be happy with them. You can't realistically avoid being alone with your boyfriend for long, at least not without him noticing that something is wrong which will likely cause unnecessary problems. The best thing to do is talk to him and explain what it is you are okay with and not okay with. Your friends have been together a year and are managing not having sex (and you said you are okay with oral just not full on sex) so it's not like it can't be done. But it has to be something that you both will be okay with because otherwise it will be an issue that will just cause problems especially if he really doesn't agree with it and constantly pushes the issue (especially in the heat of the moment) and you give in then later on regret that choice. Not saying it will happen but best to see things from all angles and I think it will just make things easier if you and your boyfriend both know where you stand with things.
All I will add is not to change your principles for anyone else. I have seen it happen over and over and whenever people have done so I can't recall any one of them who have ever not ended up regretting it down the line. Good luck and if you need any further help please don't hesitate to get in touch via my column contact details.
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TRUE OR FALSE, Flirting while married or dating one person exclusively is normal, healthy, fun, and perfectly fine so long as everyone involved knows it is meaningless?
I think this depends on the circumstances. If the person who is being flirted with knows that it is innocent flirting and nothing more (like between two friends) then I see nothing wrong with it at all. In fact one of my friends and I are like this all the time and it has never been an issue because we both know it is completely innocent and our partners also knew this.
If you are flirting though and the other person has no idea you are already with someone because they maybe don't know you that well they may then not be very happy with then only later finding out that you are taken. In this situation it just is not worth it as it'll cause more problems than anything else.
I think flirting can be fun and is healthy and agreed that as long as everyone involved, including the partners, know it doesn't mean anything then there's nothing wrong with it. But, only if the partners are okay with it. This is important because if they are not okay with it (perhaps they can be very insecure) it is not worth it at all and I think their feelings should be respected - just because some people think it is okay and innocent not everyone will feel the same way and they do have the right to feel that way about it.
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Okay so my question starts with two nights ago when my boyfriend did not have service and he went to some waterfall place with his friends did not tell me. Then he went to one of my childhood friends house who was having a small party and didn’t invite me or tell me. I was in the wrong also because I was helping my good friend dan to set a picnic for his friend Ryan and Ryan’s gf and didn’t tell him. My bf thinks I was sneaking around. So therefore we both suck at communication and to him it’s not fair and I suxk more. Even though last night he was at a friends house with this girl that I do not like and she put my bf all over her story and yeah I was upset. So my question is how do I approach the situation do I get mad at him for being with this girl last night and tell him I’m upset or do I just let it be and try and move on? Do I text him or wait till in person? Please help!
Communication is important for any kind of relationship to work but you both need to trust each other too and it seems trust is an issue. If you both can't trust each other you are both wasting each others time in this relationship because you will both spend more time being suspicious of each other than actually being in a healthy relationship.
Firstly I am a firm believer in everyone having their own life - in a relationship or not. By this I mean I have never had a problem with my girlfriends having their own friends they can go out with or hangout with whilst I do the same. I certainly have never felt the need to notify any person I am with everywhere I go or who I am with all the time. This starts to feel like you belong to them and that in my opinion is not a relationship built on trust.
I'm not going to analyse the events you mentioned because that would be pointless as would picking who was more wrong than the other. Instead, I'm going to ask you, if you just let it be (about him being with this other girl) would you actually be able to let it be or will it just eat away at you at the back of your mind? Because if you can just let it go, like really just let it go, then it seems it really wasn't an issue in the first place. If however it is not something you would be able to let go and will just eat away at you then it is something you need to talk to him about. I think you both should sit down and talk things through especially on trusting each other and more importantly on talking to each other if there is something bothering either of you. Leaving things and just jumping to assumptions is the cause of so many misunderstandings in relationships and it's because of stupid misunderstandings that people tend to make real mistakes that are harder to come back from.
Don't use text to try discuss this. Text messages can be misinterpreted so this is something that should be done in person. Discuss and talk about it. If you guys can't work through this is will just continue to be an issue.
If you need more help with this feel free to message me directly via my column page.
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Hi,
I am a female preteen. I recently found porn in the search history of our family computer. I didn't watch any of it, but I saw that there were many, many searches for this. My mom and dad both use this computer, and I am allowed to use it. My older brother will be leaving for college soon, and he has his own computer, so I do not suspect he is the villain. Should I confront my parents? I live in a household where sex and the like are never mentioned, so this is especially hard. Thank you for taking the time to read my question, and sorry for the grammar mistakes, I am only twelve.
There's a chance that it may have been accessed by one or even both of your parents especially if they are the only other ones who use it besides yourself. You could confront them but the question is what exactly would you be confronting them about? They are old enough to be seeing that stuff so it is not exactly anything wrong with what they are doing although you could just ask them to be more careful about covering their tracks in future so you don't have to see what they have been searching.
However, this brings me to my second point: if it is just one of them who has been searching this stuff without the other knowing (perhaps one of them feels it was the only way because you did say that sex is not really something that is mentioned in the house so this was a way to vent frustration) by confronting them both you may end up causing unnecessary issues between them by bringing this up and the other finding out about something the other may have wanted to keep a secret. It's not really healthy, if this is the situation, for one or the other, not to talk about things if this is indeed the problem but sometimes pushing two people to talk about things before they are ready to could do more harm than good.
Personally I think it might be best just not to say anything for now unless you think one of them might assume you are to blame in which case it might be a good idea to just confront them and mention it.
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I'm not sure how to handle the situation. A guy was apparently talking to both of us at the same time (we're in the same social circles) and neither of us ever told the other one because it all happened over the course of two weeks. All I knew was she was seeing somebody briefly and that they had supposedly stopped talking.
Well I guess he had stopped talking to her because he was talking to me and we wound up sleeping together. Then literally the very next night my friend and I were talking and she told me she still had feelings for the guy she was talking to before and told me how they had a lot of chemistry in bed and it sounded like she was going to try and start talking to him again so as a friend I wanted to know who it was because I was excited for her and that's how I found out we both slept with the same guy.
I don't know what to do now. I think we both slept with him within the same week and he's still been trying to talk to me. I obviously lost any kind of feelings for him because I know that he knows me and her are really close and that might have been his motive because we're thought of as the best two girls in the social circles were in so he probably set out to get with both of us. However, I realize it also could have been a fluke and he started talking to me during the time they had stopped talking.
I don't know if I should say anything to her about it. I think maybe it might be better to keep my lips sealed and just quickly end things with him. I think she really likes him, but I don't have any feelings for him yet so I'd rather she was with him.
If he tells her he slept with me my plan is to just deny it because he doesn't have any proof. I don't want to lose her as a friend or have her think we slept together after she told me who he was because the dates are all so close together that she might think after I heard he was good in bed that I wanted to be with him, when that wasn't the case.
What do I do? How do I handle the situation?
Hi. I think lying about the situation might be the wrong way to go about it but at the same time I can see why you would want to keep it all a secret too as it might avoid unnecessary problems but I think it would be better that your friend hears about it from you than from this other guy. True that you can deny it and say he is lying but I think further lying about it will only cause more problems - they say nothing remains a secret forever.
I think this is really your call as you know the situation the best. I would have thought that if you explained yourself to your friend and told her what happened she will be understanding but more importantly she will know what this guy did. Although it could be a fluke the fact it happened so close together it seems he just set out to sleep with you both and then decide who he prefers (crude but this is what it seems like). Maybe it's not the case but given the way it happened it seems more likely especially if he knew that you both are very close in which case sleeping with you both should have been a warning light for him in the first place and he probably should have told you.
It is best not to say anything at this point and if it comes out then tell her the truth but you could also just tell her the truth now and give her a heads up on what you have said here because if he's trying to talk to you and then goes back to her you have to wonder if he's then going back to her because he likes her or it's just a matter of convenience.
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I'm a Junior in High school. I have a bf who most people don't like and spread rumors about. Nobody talks to him and think he's weird for being an introverted person that wears all black, even going as far to spread a rumor he was going to shoot up the school (the police got involved with that one!) and that he's a serial killer. It hurts me to see him isolated, not only as his girlfriend but as someone who knows he's a good person.
For example, this Freshman girl was falling into a state of suicide-level depression because of some issues in her home life, and she was worried that everybody secretly hated her and believed no one would care if she were dead. My boyfriend got the kids in her grade along with people who participate in the same extra curriculars as her to all write down reasons why they like her, good memories they have of her, ways she's helped them, etc, and put it in a binder. He got everyone in the drama club, band, and her ENTIRE grade to write real, genuine things down. People thought this was really creepy and he had to deal with a lot of harrasment from kids who didn't realize he was trying to help this girl. He put all the papers in a binder, then gave it to her. I saw the whole thing, where he explained to her what he did, and how people do care about her, she isn't alone, and that her life will get better. The girl's face lit up when she read what people wrote. She's a lot happier nowadays. He didn't even know this girl, but he just didn't want anyone to feel alone, so he went completely out of his way to help her.
I wish people would see that side of him, the side I see, and not just think he's some creepy serial killer but I'm not sure how. What should I do?
What your boyfriend did is very touching and certainly something he should have been recognised for doing, it was a very kind gesture. However I will have to agree with adviceman on her not being completely out of the woods. This is something that someone in authority should be made aware of so she can get some help. Feelings like those she had are not something that can be resolved so easily or quickly and tend to linger and resurface especially at emotional times.
As for your boyfriend though and what people think of him... I think the most important thing is that he knows what YOU think of him. People will always be judgemental of others and be stuck in that line of thought. He could become a priest tomorrow and people will make a million assumptions of that too and twist it around in some way or another. People like that just have nothing better to do and are not people you need to convince of anything because chances are they won't want to listen or care. Not all people are like this however but a majority that have made their minds up will just not care because he is different and that's all they will see.
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It's long, I know, but please read, this is important.
I'm a 14 year old female. I've always had a particularily hard life being from a relatively poor family that often struggles to pay for rent and food. I've had issues within my family involving alcoholism, mental illness, and drug abuse. Often times when I see people on Instagram doing things I can't do, like going on vacation, living in mansions, seeing broadway shows, etc, I can't help but feel extremely envious. It just makes me think about how much happiness is in the world that I have never felt. My life can get better if I get my education and go on to be a succesful person, but that is so far away. I could die tomorrow and have never experienced a world outside America, and never have done all the things I want to do. I want to be able to see broadway shows, to go on vacation, to learn all the insturments I wanna learn and to go to the mall without worrying if something is too expensive. I know I sound self centered, but I would use that money for good too. I already donate my spare money to charity which I never see any of the rich kids do.
I always try to remind myself I don't know what other people's worlds look like, and that they are going through problems too and on Instagram and snapchat they are only showing the glamorous parts, how my social medias make my world look like a perfect place too, and that there is more to the world than material goods. Aside from my finances, I enjoy life, and I have such great experiences without the money, but I still want money so I can do everything I want to do. It makes me so sad and envious to think about other people and their beautiful, bourgeouise world.
It seems like life just keeps throwing more and more things at me. My parents used to have well paying jobs but they both lost them and had to settle for crappier jobs. Then my dad has an injured back and needs to get all these surgeries that make him addicted to the medication and don't even work. My landlord keeps getting ruder and ruder to the point where I can't even take long showers anymore because she's timing them. Then my brother had autism. My dad got a job in Alabama and worked there for a while, making some money, but then gets into a car accident and most of the money ends up going to that instead.
It's causing me a great deal of stress and anger that are only harming me more to envy other people. How do I stop?
Hi. I think the idea of being in someone else's shoes is something everyone may have done at some point or another. I think the hardest part you are struggling with at this point is not the being jealous it's the frustration of having all these things you would like to be able to do but can't at this stage in your life. Everything you have spoken about is not something you need a miracle for to achieve. Just opportunity. A good education will help you get a good job. This will equal income and stability for you as well as for your family. The first time I got paid from my first proper job, I went out on a spending spree not caring about how much something cost - if it was something I wanted I just brought it. It felt good to be able to spend and not worry about how much I'm spending (to a degree).
You and your family have been dealt a bad hand with all that has been happening with you all and that is unfortunately not something anyone can change but the thing you can change is how you deal with it and achieve despite the hardship you are facing. Continue to do well with studies. When you are legally able to, get yourself a little summer job so you can get some experience with work and earn a little extra money. There might even be places that will hire you at 14 (paper routes for example).
As for all these people on social media, as you said, life is never so perfect as they make it out to be. This is not something you need to tell yourself to feel better this is a fact. All my friends use social media and in fact a majority of them come to me for help with problems and issues and looking at their social media feeds you would never think that any of them have problems because their life just seems so perfect. It's a mask many people wear for the world, to show everything is perfect. It might look that way from the outside but get closer and it can be a different story.
There's nothing wrong with a little envy, it can push us to excel and give us something to try and achieve but its when that envy becomes an obsession or a source of depression it is a problem. Try and be patient and all will come in time but don't stop aiming for the things you want because some people will just sit back and expect them to fall into their lap and this is the complete opposite of what I am saying.
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23/f
So I'm a flight attendant. Me and my ex broke up a couple months ago.
I'm now out of a complicated, stressful, unhealthy relationship and I'd like to thank everyone who helped me out on here :)
Ive been on a few dates here and there.
Now a pilot has asked me out. He's 33 and I'm 23. That's a 10 year age gap. I talked to my friends, coworkers and even my dad. My friends and coworkers have told me to at least go out to dinner and see if I even have a connection with him. My dad told me to be careful if I do decide to date him.
Makes sense. I've heard my fair share of cheating pilots lol.
Is 10 years too much of a gap? Am I over thinking? He's cool so far. But it makes me worry a little bit, like in my opinion older guys might either want to settle down faster or not settle down at all. And both scare me a bit haha.
Although older guys are generally thought to be more focused on settling down this does depend on each individual. The things you have heard about pilots is also something I have heard many times from many people that I know who work at the airport and this alone may be a reason a pilot may not want to settle down or commit. However, each person is different and I think someone who is looking to eventually settle down is a better choice than someone who never wants to but this is something that can be discussed if and when things got to that point. It's not really something to worry about at this point.
I would say go for it and see what happens. I don't think the age gap is an issue at all (you're both adults so it shouldn't matter) and go on a date and see how it goes. If you think there might be something there or even if there isn't at least you will know for sure. :)
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At the beginning of the year, my resolution was to be transparent and build closer relationship with people. I felt like I only had surface relationship and I wanted to change that this year. I started with my sister, I told myself I would reach out to her and go beyond the surface. Unfortunately, we had a misunderstanding and I quickly realized that she was incapable of giving me what I needed. I expected her to be more emotionally available, I expect her to be consistent in keeping in touch, I expected her to be understanding. She let me down and I built a wall. Then, there was the relationship I had with two women that were once my friends. The first girl she was understanding, supportative and there for me. But, she changed. It seems like she didn't care about my feelings anymore. Then, the last girl I don't know what happened. I expected so much from her. I remember we were working on a group project and I left and didn't come back. I was disappointed that she didn't text me and asked if I was okay. I was stressed and I expected her to be there for me. Well, after letting go of these relationships because I feel like they weren't meeting my need, I feel sad. I just expect more from my friends and family and tend to let go of relationships that don't meet my expectations. I guess I am protecting myself. I just need to know if their anything I can learn about myself from these relationships. I know what I want and I feel like I deserve it. Is there another way to look at this?
What you experienced here my friend is life. People come and go in our lives but as people leave we can also welcome more people into our lives. I used to have a friend when I was younger and we did everything together and we were pretty much inseparable but eventually he moved and made new friends and I never heard from him for a very long time (even got married and had 2 kids). Eventually I did what you did though and went out my way to try and reconnect to some level which worked but we were far from as close as we once were but this was something I expected as he has his whole own life to lead with his own friends and such but we still talk here and there on social media and if ever I am in the area where he lives I will certainly go and visit. This has happened a lot but one thing I did not do was turn away disappointed and then put up a wall around me for those who just never bothered to make an effort. If they couldn't be bothered that was their choice and it made no difference to me, but at the same time I will not turn away if they actually do decide to get in touch one day, you just never know.
Family is a little more complicated because you can't choose who you have as family and all I can try and say is maybe give it a bit of time and perhaps try again with them. Maybe you can explain why you have been trying with them - because their your family and you want them to be a family to you. If they understand why you are trying so hard maybe it will make them more receptive to the idea of trying to connect.
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