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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Alright, so this is something I have been dealing with internally for a couple weeks now. But I suppose the advice i'm looking for requires a bit of set-up.

Right now, I am in college and recently entered my first relationship. Recently as in "this past week" to clarify. We live about 2 hours from each other but we live and attend at the same college when the term/semester is ongoing. We met the second-to-last week of the semester and we hit it off. It came to a surprise to me because it was unexpected and unintentional, as things escalated in only a few days.

However, there is another girl. We aren't dating, we are just good friends. I think it's clear to both of us that while we are good friends, we also have a strong interest in each other that hasn't been said...because the distance between us is two timezones apart. We've known each other for a few years and the past year we have getting to know each other more intimately without entering a romantic relationship.


I've realized that while i'm dating this girl close to me, who is very interested in me, I am more interested in the girl far away. I know distance-wise it's smarter to deal with it and focus on the girl right by me...but I can't help feeling like i'm being half-hearted in this new relationship. The other girl is important to me whether or not we ever date.

I just don't know how I should handle these feelings. Any thoughts?

I always share that it takes two very important things to have a great long lasting relationship, one being the best of friends which takes care of a persons emotional needs in conversational, a good listener, having someone who understands and supports you, where you can trust and share intimately with that person.

The other important thing to be present in a relationship is being in love and sharing those feelings of love through making love, sexual compatibility, each seeking to please each other before seeking their own needs.

Some people when marrying have only one or the other, a best friend, or the best and most fulfilling sexual partner they've ever had.
The goal for you is to find out which one of the two can fill both roles where you also feel the same way and want to fill both those roles for her.
Right now from what I hear, the long distance gal is just a best friend to you but you have no idea whether there could be the other part for you. And that is something not easily determined over the distance and by asking each other in text or in a call. I tried internet dating and can affirm that it is too easy to find someone that sounds most wonderful, truly is a wonderful person. Got my hopes up, met in person for first time and we both realized there was no chemistry there for part number two of the sexual attraction, and that was no matter how handsome the guy was. This is a very real problem. So to toss college girl aside in hopes that all might work out, even if LDR girl says she does have feelings for you, you need to realize that if the two of you have never met in person (you did not specify that) then theres always the question that once you do, whether it could work. On the net, its easy to fall in love with someones mind and with their personality. Those things make up friendship. But the other part is an unknown quantity until you meet. If you're so sure that there may be chance that LDR girl is the one for you, then schedule a trip to go see her your next school break...take a greyhound bus if you have to but go meet in person IF she says she is hoping for more than friendship with you. To not do so, and try to make a decision between the two is ludicrous, and something you may regret for the rest of your life.
Now college girl, I am sure you saw qualities in her and her in you that account for you hitting it off and it escalating as you say to the romance level or more too, which answers the question that at least you know there is some chemistry in that area. What you won't know in detail enough to make any good decision yet is on the friendship part because you know only what you can pick up in a few weeks time about the other person. Yes, it may be enough but most people I know, did not spend their first couple of dates with someone just sitting and talking about themselves and their hopes and dreams, what they stand for and believe in, etc...

Dating a person is needed as a period of time in which you discover more than the initial bit you know about them to see if this is the kind of person you truly can see spending the rest of your life with, or if there are enough differences or deal breakers that crop up to change your mind and break things off. If all is well through the dating period, then you make a commitment to become a couple and later marriage or at least living together for long term.
So at your stage of not having enough info on both girls, yes its easy to have feelings for both. But you have work to do to discover which one if either is, the best one for you.

Caution here: Girls when a guys starts dating and sees her more than a couple times assume this means he has made a commitment to her and can be very heart broken if all he's doing is still gathering enough info to make a decision for one or the other. I did this when dating as I looked for someone who was 2nd husband material. Told the guys that I would be dating any guys I met that I thought had potential until I got to know them all better and once I made my decision and the other person still felt the same about me, I would break off the dating of the others and focus only on the one. Men can understand this. Women may have issues with it if they have really low self confidence/esteem but will at least know the guy has been truthful with her. If at some point in the future you find a need to date to check out a couple gals at the same time, you may want to let them know you haven't made a decision yet on one girl only, but that you will. If its someone you can meet with regularly like college girl for both, then its easy to decide in a couple months at most. Some guys know right from the start but date a month to be sure. I am not talking about going to movie or bike riding, but honest to goodness communication, long talks to find out everything you can about the other and enough time spent in their company to see that what they shared about their self is indeed true as well as consistent. Right now, you can't do that with LDR girl. So like adviceman, I would tend to personally stick with acting on that saying about two birds in the hand is better than one in the bush. It means going with what seems to have the greater potential for developing into a real relationship.

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So, I've talked myself into a rut and now I can't get myself out. I'm 21 and female and presently in a funk. See, my boyfriend, of eight months, left on a three week long excursion with his best friend out to California. It's something they've always talked about doing so I'm happy for him and I can't wait until he comes back and shows me all of his photos and tells me all of the stories of the memories he made.

Today was the first day he and I talked on the phone since he left a little more than a week ago because something happened with his phone and last night, he finally got a new one. Today's conversation was great and he told me how it was finally nice to hear my voice because he missed me. But he made no mention of missing home or even being excited to come home. I told him I'm counting down the days until he flies back in and we can hang out again and he asked me how many days were left because he isn't even keeping track. I know he's having fun and everything but it just doesn't really seem like he's missing me as much as I am him and that kind of stings.

He also told me today that him and his best friend made a pact this week to see every national state park but left no mention of his best friend's girlfriend or I being able to tag along on their next adventures (even though before he left for this one, he told me that any other trip of this magnitude, I am invited on) but it didn't really seem that he wanted me to at all. I know, you're probably thinking that this isn't even set in stone, they're just talking about it like they've talked about this trip for years but have no fear, he was so hype on "yeah, we already googled where the next one is going to be and when my vacation days get replenished" and that Alaska supposedly has six so him and his best friend have to go to Alaska and see the Northern Lights - which was a little slap in the face because he knows that's been a dream of mine since I was little.

So then it got me thinking that since he and I started dating, when I made plans with my friends, I always asked him to go with. Like, there's a big music festival that my friends and I go to every summer and I asked him if he would want to tag along this year and he said yes, I didn't have to ask but I did because I love him and I want him and my best friends to be there, enjoying all of my favorite bands with me. I even paid for us to see The Blue Man Group for his birthday because he said he's always wanted to see them and for us to see Mumford and Sons because they're my favorite and he was the first person I thought of to go to those shows with me. Or like when I have to make road trips to visit my family in other states, I always ask him to go along because my family loves him and he always tags along. He was even invited by my parents to go with us on the trip we are taking to celebrate my college graduation. One night, I wanted girls night out so when he texted me to hang out, I told him I had other plans with my girlfriends and he invited himself, even though I told him numerous times to go to another bar that I knew for a fact his best friend was already at, he said no and don't you know it, he went to girls night. I just think it's weird that I always ask him to do things with me and always take him on the adventures I go on but he never really asks me to do anything huge with him.

It makes me think that I love him so much and he only returns maybe half of it. Sure he'll ask me to go to parties or to his friend's house around town but now he's across the country, continuing to plan more trips, and I'm stuck here attending my college classes and going to work. The only "vacation" we've really gone on in eight months, that he personally planned, where we spend the night somewhere was at a beach, with about four other friends. Yet, the ones I planned were to Jersey to see a band we both like, to Maryland for a family party, at a casino for my 21st birthday. His entire family lives in Romania, his mother and himself are the only two people that live in the states, his mom has made mention numerous times that his grandmother wanted to meet me and that she would fly us out for a visit but my boyfriend never even talked to me about it.

It just makes me feel that I'm not good enough for him and that his heart isn't in it the way mine is. I thought after this three week trip would be over, he would be fine staying here and being with me but it seems he's got wanderlust and he doesn't want to stay confined here and that I'm holding him back since he's already planning his next getaway and with the intention of leaving me here again.

I just don't know what to do. I know there really isn't a question in here. I just need advice, I guess. I'm starting to doubt everything about the two of us and where Im mentally at, it isn't a fun place to be.

I agree, it isn't a fun place to be. The part of life where we experience and hopefully learn from relationships until we find the one who is deserving of us for a lifetime, is a hard road filled with lots of disappointments, crash and burns, side tracks, etc. But it still is the best way I know of to learn what we need to learn in order to find Mr. Right.
You are a very intelligent young lady to have picked up on the things wrong here with this relationship, the things you are also sensing with your intuition are most likely right too.
You mentioned things don't sound even, like you're putting more effort into the relationship than he and I would have to agree, at least from what you have shared it seems so. Then again, at early twenties, there are few males mature enough and ready enough to know how to look for Ms Right, and fewer still who are ready to make such a serious commitment that may end up for lifetime.

For your Mom or his, or his grandmother, by this time, a young man was married or getting ready to marry. His grandma has assumed that he is that seriously committed to you to offer to fly you out. If he were totally in love with you and ready to commit to forever, then all his future plans would include you and most certainly, he'd be delighted to take you to meet grandma. He may be a nice young man and wake up in 10 yrs to be ready for a relationship but most young ladies are not willing to wait that long for a possibility that may never come to fruition for some guys never grow up and some decide to remain bachelors for life. I think he may be into the girlfriend and dating thing more for the social aspect, a female to hang out with when he wants to hang out, and to go out with to dinner or a movie. I find dating a stage where if attracted to and in initial conversation you enjoy talking to the new person, then dating is needed to discover more about the person, what you do like and don't like which is exactly what has happened to you. So now its decision time. This is the point where two people take what they have learned and decide if its mostly good and you want to stay together to learn even more about each other or if the differences are great enough or the two not at the same point in life or on the same track and decide to part ways. If all good, this is the committed couple stage, living together or not, dating exclusively, in love. Marriage plans are there for the far or near future.

Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so. That's a quote of my own that basically means, a relationship won't work well, if at all, if the efforts and work put into the relationship are unbalanced and the feelings for each other are not equal either. I know that from my first marriage. I had to do everything and he put in no effort. In the end, in counseling, he admitted after dodging the question several times, that he had never been in love with me. He only loved me as a person and mother of his kids. Thats like me saying I love cheesecake. But I can live without it. If I were to lose my 2nd husband, its not like losing a chance to have cheesecake. I can always find another cheesecake, but this new husband is not replaceable, he is unique. And thats what we all want to be for a special someone, so unique that they love everything about you, inside and out and don't want to have to live without you or apart from you for long. Loving you unconditionally. Thats being in love. You may feel thats where you are at, but I doubt this young man of yours is there.
I made a list when looking for a 2nd husband. I was willing to be a social dating girlfriend for any guys that came somewhat close and were nice gentlemen I was attracted to, but they still didnt want marriage ever. They knew if I met the right one, I'd be gone and were okay with it. You may want to have that plan and attitude. It is okay to date several people at once so as to not miss an opportunity to meet the right person, but once in the dating process you are sure enough to whittle down to just the one guy, then all your social male friends are told you are now in a committed relationship and no more social dating or friends with benefits. The guy you wish to date needs to know whether you have male friends who are only social dating friends, but with no real future potential as a husband, if thats what you are looking for. To expect tho to find a guy who will be content to be totally devoted only to you, totally in love and just date for years on end until the both of you are ready to marry and have kids and then marry that same guy, hey its fairytale stuff, of romance books and movies and not much reality in real life for most of us. I am sure there are a few lucky ones out there but in general honey, that doesnt happen. You will need to go through several relationships before deciding whos right for you.
I suggest you make a list. to help you recognize the right guy when you meet him and also to let others who ask you out and want to keep seeing you what your criteria are for a guy you remain involved with. Be clear on your hopes and dreams and goals and your 'must haves' which are the deal breakers. If he can't be that, or isnt ready to be or willing to be that, or has to change totally who his character is, then that is a deal breaker. Example: A girl wants kids someday, the guy came from a big family and hates a full house and has vowed he will never have kids, actually can't stand them. This is something to know in those initial few early dates to stop things right there. He may be great in many other ways but you need to stick with what it is you really need. What you want is another list entirely and is more like the icing on the cake, not necessary but it would be nice. One of mine was a guy with long hair since I have always since a child, loved playing with peoples long hair. Did it with my mom, my daughters and now with my husband. i lucked out on that. I will stop here and if you have more things you'd like to ask just of me, write to me from my column. I wish for the best for you. I think you'll do find in the end whatever you decide as you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and you do seek advice. Blessings!

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I had this friend that we'll refer to as "Ryan". I met Ryan 2 years ago and we didn't really talk until 2014 when I decided to talk to him more and more often. Then August of this most recent year I was dumb enough to make up something by telling him that I wanted to have sex with him. We didn't talk for months and this month his friends told me that he said that he didn't hate me but that he had no interest in communicating with me. I'm not satisfied with that because no matter what I do I still have the thought of it stuck in my head and it's hurting me emotionally and he's just ignoring people that bring it up. I'm also a guy if that's helps with anything.

Hi dear. I may be totally off track here but thats whats so good about getting the viewpoints of very different people regarding your situation. Some may see something that someone else didn't and address the issue. So if I am wrong, please forgive, but if right, here's something to think about.

Lots of people call someone a friend these days when the person is nothing more than an acquaintance, just someone they met and talked a bit with but both didn't necessarily connect at the time in a way that people do when they desire to become friends. There may be a good chance here that Ryan when he met you, became an acquaintance, not a friend cus there were big gaps of time with no talking or meeting up going on. Nothing sparked on his side to want to spend time with you as more than the little there was if you met through mutual friends or some such thing. You did say that You decided to talk to him more and more, not that he initiated and tried contacting you. If he did make the calls first and showed interest in getting together to spend time as friends, then, thats not what you wrote here. Without that being true, I can only assume Ryan has no interest in you what so ever, not as a friend and certainly not as anything more. Ryan politely explained that he doesnt hate you but that he has no interest in communicating with you. I understand that you aren't happy with that. But there is nothing you can do to change how he feels. This is why not every single teen in HS was a friend of mine, but that is not realistic. We tend to gravitate toward certain people with certain traits and personalities that compliment our own and since all the people in the world can't be a carbon copy of you, not all are going to feel the same about you. It isn't always like in the movies where two people meet and become friends or lovers, both mutually responding the same way. More often than not, one person likes or loves someone and the other has no such feelings at all. Yes, not fair but that is life. To change oneself to be with someone or expect them to change who they are and how they feel to be with you is not what someone who truly loves a person should be doing, but us humans tend to do that exact thing all the time and it causes great troubles and distress. Ryan is smart enough to realize he isn't willing to change who he is to be a perfect friend or more for you. If you are taking this personally in a bad way, then might I suggest that the issue here has more to do with your feelings and what is going on in your mind. I'm not saying you're crazy or mental. What you are doing isn't very different than what all humans do every day at times. We tend to let our thoughts stray, not stay on subject, tend to imagine the worst possible things happening to us or in the world, we tend to have distorted thoughts and unhealthy thoughts.
These thoughts can distract from focusing on work or school and doing ones best, can create anxieties, depression, obsessions, etc.

The difference is that lots of people don't tend to focus too long on a negative thought or distorted one and let it go again as crazy musing during waking hours. But What some of us do is tend to imagine more than there is to a situation...I know cus I used to have extreme social anxiety and looking back, I can see I was overrun with tons of negative distorted thoughts. There is a way to get healthy again, no matter in what area a person struggles. So if you ever feel that it just might be that your emotional problem is unrealistic thought processes regarding Ryan, then I invite you to check out what helped me. It is called Cognitive Behavioural therapy or CBT. there is a website one Dr. and author has devoted to it.
http://feelinggood.com/

If you choose to find a psychologist to help you, make sure that they are trained in this particular non prescription way of being healed in ones thought processes. It would amaze you to learn how many of the major problems in our world are all stemming from somewhere, someone having distorted, unhealthy thought processes and the effects of that trickle down to hurt others. good luck!

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Embarrassingly I'm 21 and female, terrible self esteem, but I dont find that a problem, as the they say, if you haven't got the confidence fake it! Well here's thing I find myself soo lonely, I'm nearly always broke and I live on my own, I want to hang out with people and make friends, but I dont know where to start, friendships use to come easily, but now, as I've drifted from my last friends I realise I need to make the effort, but I never know what to talk about.. I would invite people to go places but I never have money! On advice on how I can go forward, what I can talk about, any fun/interesting things to do for free? I need to stop being such a loner! Life is so boring!

Adviceman mentioned making your list of things you like. I have something to add. To find others with the same interests, try meetup.com and it will bring up your citys meetups based on where you are using a computer from. Scroll through all the main titles and check out some of the subtitles. I have seen board game playing groups, people into energy healing, walking groups for Moms with kids in strollers. If a group doesnt exist you can create one for others to find although that does cost a little to set up in this site. But i would start with showing up at other groups. All meet in public places like the meeting room reserved for them at a local library, at a coffee shop, at a community center, the cabana of apt bldg, where ever people can meet for low to no cost. You could even host a meet up group in your home with the topic being something near and dear to you. Perhaps if there isn't one that addresses support to others in same boat of single, looking for relationship experience and having low self esteem, low self confidence, then perhaps you could start one. You dont have to have all the answers, this is for the members to discover together. There is much info to be found on the internet that is helpful. I can see a group that meets to view something from the internet together on a tv screen to discuss afterwards, the pros and cons of anyones experiences so far and have all bring snacks to munch while doing so. This way, you'd not only be solving some of your problems but together you all may be able to help each other.

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Hello, if a bloke flirts with you, that means he's only flirting with you or is there anything behind it? Thanks

Some people flirt only with one person they are attracted to. Others learn that flirting is fun and being outgoing personalities, they will flirt with everyone. What you need to do is observe the man enough to see if this is how he treats everyone or if it is only you.
If it was a random one time flirt in public and neither of you know each others names or have a way to contact, most likely he wasn't really all that serious about you. Love at first sight does happen but very rarely. For men, its more likely its lust at first sight. And while they may never seriously have an affair while married or in a committed relationship, they do enjoy at least the flirting cus its harmless, and its fun. I have flirted with guys I am not serious about being with, heck married couples often have the individuals flirting with the partners of close friends who know them well enough to enjoy the compliment but know to not take them seriously.

If a guy is flirting, he may be hoping you will flirt back if equally attracted to his looks. this means, it is up to you to decide whether to say anything back, introduce yourself, etc. Otherwise, with a strange person or even a co worker whom you only know one side of from work, you really can't know if he just likes flirting with you compared to other cus of your reactions that are rewarding to him, or that he is serious. Only way to find out is to start talking to the guy if you are even remotely interested in his looks. Step two is talking enough to decide if you find some things you like about him enough to want to learn more thru dating, or find he's not interesting at all, boring, or too agressive and seems focused on nothing but sexual talk. Steer clear unless you're looking for just a sex partner cus thats all a flirter like that will be.

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22/f, 29/m

I just recently got out of a relationship. He was the one who broke up with me. The thing about this, is that it's confusing about what he wants. He tells me that he loves me and that he cares about me. He keeps talking about the "future" when we don't have a future.

But the one thing that bothers me a lot, is that he has removed any trace of me on his Facebook. All the posts that he tagged me in--removed. He hid the photos that I took of him, too. It shouldn't bother me, but it really does. It hurts.

The one thing I don't understand is that he removed any trace that I ever existed in public, but I'm still his background photo on his phone, etc. But yet, he kept up the photos that his ex-girlfriend (the one before me) posted of him. What is even worse is that I took a lot more photos than she did, and yet he put in the effort to remove everything that even related to me, but not hers.

I know that if I confronted him, he would end up saying one of the two things:

1) "Well, we did break up"--Which doesn't make sense because him and his other ex-girlfriend broke up but still kept photos of her.

2) "I didn't look very good in the photos you took."--There were more than 200 photos that I took, not all of them could've been completely terrible. Plus, the photos of him that his ex took, didn't look that great, either.

So, I'm confused. I'm not sure what the think or what to say or do. I'm trying to "let it go" because it's just social media, but I can't help but keep thinking, "why did he put in so much effort just to do all of that?" My sister came down to 3 conclusions.

1) He's keeping me on the side until he finds someone better.

2) He was embarrassed of me and still is, that's why he removed any sign that I existed

3) This is an extremely harsh way of him wanting me to move on.

But even if it was the 1st or 2nd reason, they're both really harsh ways of telling me that he really wants me to move on if he's willing to keep his ex's photos up.

Is there another reason why he might've removed every trace of me (in public)? Should I just completely let this go even if I kind of want answers?

So the only thing that bothers you is him removing all trace of you on FB? What about breaking up with you and after the break up still saying he loves you and cares about you and if I understand correctly, he's talking about a future between you and him still? That last piece makes me wonder if he's got mental problems.
I know from experience that males can do very weird things simply from how they reason out a situation in their mind and due to any real love they have for you, want to shield you from the hurt of this so perceived situation in their mind, that they will distance themselves, cut things off, all because somehow they think that breaking up is the best thing they can offer you cus do to whatever it is they fear, they think that it would be unfair to you to be hooked up with them and possibly have to endure whatever the mysterious thing is. Its a weird thing men do, trying to save the feelings and the life of the gal they love by sacrificing their love, via giving her up. And due to the pain it causes them, cuts out anything that reminds him of her, thus the social media stuff. I can't say this is whats going on in his head. But he's very unsuccessful at stopping his feelings for you if he's still seeing you after a break up, saying he loves you and talking about the future.

Now if he discovered he had a rare condition and has 3 yrs or less to live, he may have decided to release you to find a guy you can grow old with rather than be hooked to him and go through having to lose him to death. So without telling a gal the whole story, makes the decision for her by breaking up, etc, etc...
I have had a guy distance himself from me and saw how it was hurting me. Never told me a thing till I dragged out of him what was going on in his mind, he wasn't dying or anything but was in love with 2 people, me and ex wife that came back into the picture and he loved us both but couldn't have both and thought that not telling me how much it was hurting him to decide was better than me seeing him sad and crying. He decided for her by the way. As Razhie says, it could be many different reasons why he's doing this. If you think you can get him to be honest and tell you whats up, maybe then there is a chance for you two.
But in a true solid loving relationship, there is trust, ability to be intimate with ones thoughts, no fear of ones partner criticizing or attacking their thoughts and feelings or beliefs on something, just understanding and support, and there is honesty, no skirting around the truth, no making decisions on ones own. In a relationship, there are two people to affect the relationship. Without trust and honesty and good communication, you can't have a relationship with anyone. So if he's not doing any of those 3, he's bombing out as a possible love partner in your life. When a person is in love, they don't want to hurt the one they love. Let him know what he's doing is hurting you and ask for the truth once last time. If he isn't forthcoming, that fact may be that he hasn't a clue what love really is. He may love some aspects about you, same as he might like about Mexican or Italian food, but he can't be 'in love' with you, which is what you really need, to have a relationship with a man that is rewarding and healthy. By not caring whether what he's doing is hurting you, he's just shown there isn't enough real love there for you to make this work. If this is so, you need to walk away.

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The one who loves you is the one who cares for you////

You did not exactly state a question but attempted to state a situation. However I would need clarification as to what you need to know and that might begin with knowing what you meant by the word "cares". I can take it two ways, cares as in having feelings for, of course love being the strongest which isn't a problem as far as I can see. Or the cares means as in a caregiver. If the caregiver is not ones spouse but just a hired caregiver for those with illness, elderly or mentally handicapped, then Yes, there is a problem. I used to be a caregiver. Rules at least in my state did not allow for a caregiver to have any romantic sort of relationship with a caregiving client. If this is what you are concerned about, please be clear as to what your exact situation is and I'll see if I may have any advice to give.

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Okay well to start I am 13yo and I just wanted to say u have had sex before but nothing happened. Now there is someone I am dating that is wanting to have sex but I am scared, because isn't there supposed to be a cherry or something that pops? isn't it supposed to hurt? I am actually really scared and I don't know what to do. I need answers and help. I just don't want to be judged for my mistake and want answers, PLEASE HELP😢😬😪

Here's the best thing I know of to answer your questions, a short you tube video with visual prop to explain what a hymen is. This video called, You can't POP your Cherry" is just one of many sex education style videos by LaciGreen. I suggest you watch this one and save her site and watch all the rest. Going into new territory such as attempting having sex when you know nothing about it is about as crazy as wanting to drive a car when you have had no lessons on how to operate a vehicle, learn how it responds, knowing the rules of the road, etc... It takes some studying and preparing for everything you will come across in life. You can't be an expert and automatically know everything. There is also contraception to think about dear cus young teen periods are irregular and a female may not ovulate on a regular basis so she can just count days on a calendar to know when she is fertile and to avoid sex. Condoms only protect when a guy is wearing one and that is for intercourse which is the part you know as penis in the vagina sex. But there are plenty other sexual acts where a condom is not worn and there is always a slim chance of sperm in precum or an external ejaculation getting too close to the entrance of the vagina or transfered there by fingers, and that means there is a chance of pregnancy. So if you intend to be having sex at this young an age, then you need to study all you can cus schools don't tend to teach relationship or sex 101. You need to self educate. And my opinion is that Laci fills the void, when teens can't talk to their parents and their friends really dont know any more than they do. Laci has been researching and learning everything about sex and relationships since she started as a teen herself with this site. The videos are short and she's very entertaining and the info so far has been very true, helpful and I can't recommend her more highly. Please watch this one and the many others she has.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA


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Okay, I've already asked this, but I feel as if I have not given enough information.

1) I am NOT selfish. I am very nice and caring and I aim to help people/ animals as much as I possibly can. I have a big heart and I am not a sociopath. When I say something extremely rude, I will feel bad. Sometimes I might cry.

Personality problems...?


Please do not just say it's because I'm a teen, or because it's a phase.

I'm 16 years old, and I don't know if this would quite classify as a personality disorder as I have not done much research.

Everyone I know would describe me as quick witted and majorly sarcastic. I would describe my sarcasm as rude... Whenever someone says something, I'm immediately coming up with something to say back, inappropriate or not, I will say it. And I will not hold back what I have to say. Impulsivity maybe.

The people around me laugh, and say, "Wow I wish I could do that." Almost thinking that being sharp and sarcastic is a gift or something.

I have A.D.D it runs in the family, and I've noticed it's getting worse. I struggle with chronic depression, anxiety and panic attacks. (Also in this horrible bloodline.)

I'm also extremely antisocial. I have two people in my life who I consider friends. I don't hate people, I just have an extremely hard time being around them.

I do believe that my way of sarcasm and humor I use to protect myself and do the whole thing of (I'm not hurting inside.)


What I'm wanting to know is how I can stop myself from saying such things, and maybe train myself to... not be the way I am.

I don't even know if that's possible. (I've been this way my whole life. EVERYONE around me would agree.)

With your statement: (I do believe that my way of sarcasm and humor I use to protect myself and do the whole thing of (I'm not hurting inside,) i can see that i was pretty much correct in guessing that the hurtful sarcasm is your way to mask or distract from something else going on inside you. Since you say you are hurting inside, you need to go after what is causing that hurt, find a solution to that, in essense taking away that hurting inside which then makes the use of sarcasm needless. It will be easier to stop then. i do not know what your situation is so I can't say anything more as to how to go after and solve with hurts on the inside dear. But i will say this, continueing to focus on the sarcasm as the problem when its only a symptom of the true problem is not going to solve anything. Its like a person with a fever given pain reliever to lower the fever without checking into what caused the fever in the first place cus if it was due to a bladder infection, then only antibiotics will cure that infection and thus, the fever disappears. Same pretty much goes for your situation dear.

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My son is 9 years old. He has been diagnosed with aspergers. We have tried counseling , therapy , medication with no avail. We recently just switched to another therapist this past week after being with our last for two years. He has anger issues. My ex husband was abusive as far as locking the kids in bedrooms pulling down his pants to spank him kicked him with a steal toe boot etc. His best friend was taken by social services recently and we haven't seen them since. Another friend and down syndrome and passed away. I bought him a puppy to try and help with the loss of friends and responsibilities he wants nothing to do with the dog he says he loves him but doesn't want to take care of him
He is constantly yelling and screaming calling us all names. If I ask him to do something it's no no no until I hate to actually yell at him to get him to do anything. I have spanked him before I feel like I spend all day yelling and him and it's not good for either of us. I just don't know what to to anymore.

I suggest support groups for parents of kids with Aspergers. Or you might find the help by searching first for the broader group, of anything that qualifies as part of the Autism Spectrum disorders of which Aspergers is one. I have heard of so many great steps in understanding of all the autism spectrum disorders and how to best meet the need of those with the symptoms and the parents and family of those who have it. It just sounds like you have not yet come across the right health professionals here.

I am sure you can find many support groups on line. I did a search for aspergers suppport groups and got a lot of hits of which here is one. I think it would be good for you to search for more.

http://asperger-syndrome.supportgroups.com/

Talk to your family Dr. and ask to be recommended to a professional who specialized in aspergers or autism spectrum disorders so You can have the best help possible or ask in the support groups on line.

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My boobs have been itching for about a month now and I have no idea why. I saw somewhere that they itch when they are growing... Is that true? I have also had allergies that started about about a week after my boobs started to itch. I get little red bumps that itch rlly bad and once i itch them they itch more and more and then I get a gigantic red thing... I only itch on my stomach and back though. So the main question is why are my boobs itching... R they growing?

Heres a site that goes over reasons for itchy skin on boobs.

http://www.phaa.com/itchy-breasts-causes-treatment-and-prevention.htm

Since different types of clothing is one reason, I must add that it may not be the clothing but the residue of any laundry detergent you may be using or soap in the shower. While we tend to think most of soap is rinsed out in the machine, our clothes does have residue and that high perfumy scent of clothes after a wash is a tell tale sign. Anything that comes into contact with your skin, even cologne, or skin creams, soap, shampoo can cause itching and rash.
So if its been a change of laundry soap or shower soap a month ago, thats a likely culprit and I would discontinue using it. For a detergent, since we're sensitive, we switched to using Dawn dish soap for cleaning our clothes after my daughter learned it cleans cloth baby diapers better than anything, getting out any remaining urine proteins and oders that may still be stuck in the diapers after washing. It cleans well, removes soil and smells and doesnt leave any high perfume scents afterwards. For body soap, perhaps Oil of Olay body soap for sensitive skin. It worked when we switched a teen daughter to that long ago.

Itching can be due to hormonal changes in cycle and has been cited as common among teen girls. Whether its due to growing larger or not, I can't say though.

Since you do mention a rash on stomach and back, it may be related, but again may not be. As I've gotten older, when I tend to stress for too long, I sometimes get patches of itchy rashes on my body that can show up just about anywhere. At the time I was getting a divorce, it was maximum stress and I had a rash that covered my whole body except for my face thank goodness. I am not a Dr. so its best to be seen by your Family doctor who can then send you to a dermatologist. My regular doctor gave me a medicated ointment that worked well on the rash that I had on my neck about 6 months ago. In the last month, it began to crop up again but I have lots of this ointment to use as needed whenever and this time, using it right in the beginning and not scratching helped in heal and be gone in 5 days. Yes, the scratching spread what ever it was that caused more rash and I found it hard to resist scratching and would be doing it without thinking about it. So even if its just stress related, you'd need to see a Dr. and get medication for the skin to get rid of it. As for stress, each persons body reacts differently to it and the amounts or type of stress can differ. Whats stressful for one person doesnt faze another. Rather than list those possibilities, I leave it to you to think about what has changed in the last month or month leading up to when it started. It could be anything, change of school, dad lost his job, boyfriend break up, tests coming up in school, etc...

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im 32 and he is 27 he is a store manager at a grocery store...from the looks of things he is doing quite well for himself. well ive had a couple of customers ask me was I his girlfriend..i said no.....and he looked up at me and then put his head down....anyway he is shorter than me im 5'3 and he is 5'0 and he is fluffy ( I normally don't date men of that stature ) but if he was to ask me out id give him a chance, he seems like a very nice guy..he picks on me constantly, he knows I like to cook so now he asks me what am I going to cook him......lmao.....even my brother was like that dude wants you.....well today I went up to him and I was like, hey and he turned around and stared at me with this shocked/stunned looked on his face and I said here and I gave him a folded piece of paper with my name and number on it and I walked away...since I did that do you think he will finally get some courage and ask me out? thanks

I cant even pretend to know his psyche and whats going on in his mind and in his life to know whether he will respond to this or not. But it does seem as if he has some interest. You don't know what may be holding him back. Sometimes a person thinks they have some physical defect or condition which if seen by others would make them undesireable. For example:Guys who are too hairy think no gal will ever accept them like that. He may be shy be he may also never have at his age yet had a real relationship and have dated any one girl for a while. And going out just once with a person doesnt count in relationship experience. Society seems to place leadership responsibility mainly on the male and as such, he feels it. He may feel lacking if he's never dated and never had sex with a girl, something most guys will be so embarassed about that they would rather not ask anyone out. So if you like him, I would ask him if you could call him and get his number. You're going to have to take the initiative here and make the first moves until you find him becoming comfortable with you and gaining enough trust to tell you if there is something that worries him. So you could wait a week. If a guy is interested, he'll likely call within that time unless as I explained, there are reasons in his life that at least in his mind are holding him back from making any moves to ask a girl out.

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(I guess this would go with mental health?)


Please do not just say it's because I'm a teen, or because it's a phase.

I'm 16 years old, and I don't know if this would quite classify as a personality disorder as I have not done much research.

Everyone I know would describe me as quick witted and majorly sarcastic. I would describe my sarcasm as rude... Whenever someone says something, I'm immediately coming up with something to say back, inappropriate or not, I will say it. And I will not hold back what I have to say. Impulsivity maybe.

The people around me laugh, and say, "Wow I wish I could do that." Almost thinking that being rude is a gift or something.

I have A.D.D it runs in the family, and I've noticed it's getting worse.

I'm also extremely antisocial. I have two people in my life who I consider friends.

What I'm wanting to know is how I can stop myself from saying such things, and maybe train myself to... not be the way I am.

I don't even know if that's possible. (I've been this way my whole life.)

There is nothing about this that sounds like a personality order and I'll agree with Razhie that it still wouldn't hurt to see a counselor. See, a conselor can help you discover why you do this. People don't all of a sudden start doing something new for no reason, even habits, good or bad. The tricky thing is that your conscious mind may have no idea what the cause is but your subconscious mind where all your emotions live, is most likely causing you to do this behavior and has what it deems a reasonable idea for doing so.This is why a counselor would be my first choice here.

I figure you dont want to see a counselor and I know how hard it is to change a bad habit but if you can stop a habit for a month, you are likely to never repeat it. So if you want to wing it on your own, try this: when the urge hits to say something sarcastic, take a deep breath and count to 20 or to whatever number it takes for you to focus on until the urge passes. Or You could try this technique for stopping a bad habit, of wearing a rubber band on the wrist and everytime you are tempted to say something bad, start snapping the rubberband against your wrist, with enough force to sting so you are distracted by it or associate pain with the delivering of your sarcasm. If you need more ideas, perhaps a book of how to stop a bad habit would be helpful or even an online search for how to stop a bad habit and choose what speaks to you and sounds do-able.

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26 female

I have been dating this guy on and off for 2 years now and I have loved him ever since we started dating and the last time we broke up we decided it was for good because of his work schedule and today he called me asking if I would agree to a one night stand and without thunking I agreed and now I am feaaring the possible of pregnancy and I thinking I am about to make a mistake this is suppose to happen tomorrow at 1:00 pm help.

Its understandable for a healthy adult female to want a sexual outlet, even if its not with someone with the potential of becoming your mate for life. But a friends with benefits thing is best done with someone who is not an ex. Females tend to believe that thru sex they can win the love of a guy while it doesnt work quite the same way for him. To break up over a work schedule doesnt mean that the two of you don't get along fine though. So your situation may be an odd one.

I do know that work load was the reason my 2nd husband didn't go on a dating site for a long time, and once he did, he thought it would be for just some light social dating, not to find his marriage partner cus he thought with the little time he had to give a gal, that no one would want to get involved and it wasn't fair to the gal. If this is his thinking, remind him that the job he has now may not be what he's doing in 5 yrs or 10 yrs. We found that by my moving in with him, we were able to find and use the free time he did have to its optimum best and it worked for us until later his work situation changed, freeing up more time with me but by then we were married.

So I am wondering if this is more about why you two arent together, the actual reasons, vs worry of becoming pregnant.
By now, you've likely made a decision. If you have unprotected sex, go to the pharmacy and ask them to show you where the Plan B, also know as the Morning after pill is. YOu take that and it shoud protect against pregnancy. However it isn't meant to be used all the time. You need to get on birth control. I can see not being on it if not in the relationship and not wanting to fuss with daily pills for no good reason. However there are other choices, the IUD, intra uterine device, placed inside uterus, a one time insertion and it is good for something like 10 yrs. It is rated better than even the pill. The Mirena is a hormonal one but if that doesnt work or you prefer non hormonal, there is the copper iud too which I used and it worked quite well. Its so fuss free, You just forget about it and you are covered at all times, and still have your regular period cycles and you are ready for a one night stand, and whether you have a current boyfriend or not. You might seriously think about that. Once thats covered, then focus on finding what you want for a lifetime partner. If this guy isn't it, or he is no longer interested in you, then look elsewhere. Its no fun to end up someones sex toy, their outlet only when They are horny. What about your needs? Only if you can find a man who is in love with you and wants to make love, to please you first, see your needs met, will you have the right man. this guy may be a great guy but all i know is that he has wimped out on the relationship for a reason of not enough time, and then calling for a sex fest cus he's horny....did he ask if you've been horny? He may be too focused on himself to be a good candidate for your future. But it may be just an error he's willing to change once pointed out. It really depends on whether the guy just loves some things about you like people love about certain foods, music, clothes, or whether the man is in love with you. two years is enough time for him to fall in love or not but if he keeps breaking things off when the going gets tough, theres no permanecy to a future with him. Therefore, even just sex with him is futile if he hasnt grown up yet or may never do so. As long as he is ready to take the easy way out rather than work things out with you and have you in his life permanently rather than booty call which does not happen just once dear. I've had someone like that too. The call always started out with "What are you doing tonight.." which meant he was horny and wanted sex. I did that for a while until I found someone I could have a more full relationship with. So this is not likely a one night stand. It may be a weekly occurance eventually, or once a month but its easier/more comfortable/safer to have sex with someone who is a known factor rather than a stranger. So if you need the sex that bad, get birth control and go for it but don't count on it leading automatically to a commitment. It sounds like there are some things that need to change in his thinking and in his life before he will be ready to commit, no more breakups, for better or worse, richer or poorer, til death do you part as the marriage vows go.

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Okay I'm turning 18 this year and enough is enough I'm tired of feeling unattractive and I'm tired of being unattractive. I know most teen girls go through this but I can't help it. My whole life nobody has really called me pretty and if they did it was to be nice or its because they called someone beside me pretty. In 6th grade when I started developing crushes on guys this one guy that I liked actually liked me back, he was gonna ask me out but then this girl that liked him was like "eww you chose her over me? She's so ugly" mind you that girl was my friend. After that he never asked me out and blocked me on Facebook lol. My eyebrows not that they're bushy they're just uneven, that same year in grade 6 this guy told me his brother said I looked like a man so I assumed it was my eyebrows so in the 8th grade I started getting my eyebrows done. At high school orientation I was hanging with my friends and this one group was looking for girls to hook up with and they point at me and they were like "her? No way that's gross". That kind of bummed me out, high school didn't even start yet and they don't know me and they judged me by my appearance. High school comes along and my friend starts wearing makeup, I didn't care for it as much but she did, I'm not even exaggerating but by the third day of school she was approached by a guy he called her beautiful and wanted to get to know her, then a couple days later she became popular known as one of the prettiest girls in the school. She dated this one guy and I would always third wheel it wasn't until the fourth month they were dating that he finally asked me what my name was smh. I also remember in grade 9 being in her shadows while guys would acknowledge her they wouldn't acknowledge me unless I had candy or food. I also remember there were these seniors that said they were gonna go up to ugly girls and call them pretty, 3rd period comes along and as I was walking in the hallways those same guys came up to me and were like "look at this one" then one guy of the group came up to me and was like "I think you're so beautiful" I got mad because I overheard their little plan so I told them that I saw them tell that to 10 other girls and then they called me ugly and ratchet. Nothing really happened in grade 10, except in class when these guys were joking about dating me and all yelled eww. but in grade 11 second semester this guy who I thought was cool called me ugly right behind my back While I was talking and then he looked at me and laughed at his friends and said "she's so ugly" mind you this is a guy that says what Evers on his mind. That really killed my self-esteem cause he's popular and you know when popular people say stuff others follow. Also a girl in his group whom I've never talked to called me a bitch and said my hair looked bad right behind me too. Now it's grade 12 I thought I could fly by I don't have time to look good and now I finally wanna start doing make up I just don't know how and YouTube doesn't help when you don't have the products to follow. Today at school this guy with a girlfriend came up to me as a joke and called me cute. I walked passed him cause I knew he was joking, as I walked by him and his group of friends I heard him say I called this ugly girl pretty and she just blew me off she should be happy someone said that too her. This is why I'm writing this enough is enough and I'm tired of going to school with all these judgemental superficial people. In not perfect either I'm judgemental too but I don't base my friends off of how they look. I wish I just looked attractive or decent not for them but for myself because even this past summer when I went to summer school these group of guys were looking for girls to hookup or potentially date (typical teenager boys in my city) when I walked by this one guy was like "haha Jason it's your girlfriend" they all had disgusted looks on their faces and Jason said don't even joke like that again. Also a group of girls were judging my hair. Before you say oh you should change your hairstyle it's not that easy in my family and I'm not even gonna explain why. Anyways some background information on me is that I'm 17 year old african Canadian girl. My school is multicultural so everyone is from a different race majority of the people that judged me in this whole paragraph were people from my race but they're Jamaican. Except for the group of people from the high school orientation they were Caucasian, Jamaican, Indian etc. There's many interracial couples in my school, so I generally think I'm unattractive to everybody, nobody has had a crush on me since grade 6.

Honey, sadly to say, I don't have good news for you, at least not what you're wanting to hear. The problem here is not you and your looks, but the attitudes of all your peers. Changing your looks, whether subtly or drastically is not going to change their poor attitudes and assumptions and cruelness. It is going to take time for them to grow up. I remember my 1st HS reuniion 10 yrs later and was shocked at the difference in people. I was the one teased, who had little friends and not part of any click, nor the popular kids. But at reunion, they had all grown up and matured into nice people and a whole lot were saying things to others and me like, if I was ever mean to you in school, please forgive me, I just didnt know any better." I even felt no more boundaries, and the popular kids were people interested in talking to me.
The problem in our teen years is that while our bodies may be looking very adultlike and sexy, a crucial part of our brain is no where near done growing and wont be until our mid 20s at the earliest. The prefrontal cortex covers how a person makes the best decision, able to see both the pros and cons of any decision ahead of time and it also covers how we judge things and people and frankly, all these teens are operating with the same lack of a mature brain part that would help them treat others better and make safer judgements. I am very sorry to hear how they have treated you. It is cruel. And while cruel, it often lacks any real truth. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So once these 'guys' mature and grow up and are far from HS, they will begin to develop their own tastes in women which will differ greatly from their attitudes in school. Women are the same. You may like brunettes better than blonde men, longer hair compared to short, etc... Guys too will decide what is most important to them. I'm white but have family that is biracial. I tend to find the people who are blends of races to be some of the nicest looking people you can find. So it really had nothing to do with your race or skin color or hair. Some men decide they like women who don't wear makeup, the natural look. My husband prefers that, even in hair too, no coloring to hide the silver. He loves the silver and the mature woman look. There is an educational site about womens breasts and nipples and the varied sizes and colors. Women send in pics of just their chest with their story and ages. It is a site that proves that whether the gal has a chest bigger than bowling balls, or flat as a pancake, she tells the reader that her boyfriend loves her just as she is and is never wanting more breast or even tempted to stare at other breasts. these are men who have figured out what they want.

You have heard this message of 'you are ugly' for so long that it has destroyed your self condidence. I can't say anything will help right now in HS but for later once you are out, I would work on rebuilding the self confidence because in tests done, men preferred women with self confidence and average looks over the model types and sexy gals without self confidence. Men say they find self confidence to be sexy in a female and I can attest that it is true. After a divorce from 1st husband, before finding my 2nd one, not only him but many men were attracted to me by my self confidence and I can assure you I am not a raving beauty by media standards of the model type or actress looks, even for my age. I have uneven coloring of my face skin from sun damage, a beak of a nose inherited from my dad, and the lower half of my eyebrows are thinning and fading aways. And yet, I still get men ogling me, of various ages, and whether I am with my husband or not. I know I am not pretty to all, but I am pretty still to many. You will find this too some day. As for building self confidence, I suggest borrowing it from a famous person, someone whom you feel your eyes have the same shape, slant, same lips or something you can make a connection with. Then imagine yourself to be this person in popularity everytime you leave your house, visualize it. I did this with just my eyes. From the start I was surprised at how many not just men but women also, stopped me and told me what beautiful eyes I had. My eyes hadn't changed, I wasnt wearing makeup...so what did they see? Actually they didn't see a set of pretty eyes, what they picked up on is something that cant be seen, my borrowed confidence, of having the eyes of a famous older actress. Once you begin to receive compliments often enough, your natural self confidence will kick in and remain. Hope this helps to at least encourage you.

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Hi! I'm a high school girl in need of some advice. For whatever reason, I wear basically the same thing everyday. Every single day, I wear the same black leggings and my jacket, alternating between two or three different t-shirts. The thing is, I physically CANNOT wear anything else. I've tried wearing jeans, and I always end up putting my leggings on first period (I bring them for gym) because it's too stressful for me to wear anything other than my set clothes. Recently, I tore a hole in the leggings, and I was so depressed for that whole week until I went to the exact same store and bought the exact same leggings. If I wear anything else, I have mental breakdowns beacause I feel like I look ridiculous. It's really wearing away at me.

This made me smile remembering one of one daughters in high school. Her entire wardrobe was blue, no other color and jeans and tops, nothing else. It wasn't until a few years later she decided she was ready to try out other clothing. There is something to be said about clothes that are easy, fuss free, comfortable and you look good in. So I see no reason for you to worry about having a small wardrobe of things you will wear. If you think it may be the sameness of the look that might be boring you, then try to come up with ways to change just how you accessorize. If you wear any kind of hat, a baseball cap, let it be different ones, earrings can change while an outfit stays the same, socks and shoes can change if you are comfortable with several different pairs, if you wear a belt, it can change too, to fit the outfit. I know some gals while my kids were in high school, crocheted their own beanie style hats to wear and in different colors to go with different outfits. Or if a certain scarf would go with a tee, try that.
I do think it sounds from what you said that you have only the one pair of leggings. That is not enough if this is all you wear and it would give stress to any female trying to have a wardrobe with only one pair of wearable pants/leggings. You need to speak to Mom about what you are comfortable wearing and perhaps putting your minds together , you can come up with a way to fund getting more pairs. I would think if you have tons of clothes you're not wearing, that having a garage sale to sell them at and lettng your friends know, might bring in some money to get leggings. I know that in some brands and styles, leggings can be found in lots of dark colors. Black of course goes with everthing. But a navy blue, dark green and dark grey could give you a few other choices. And 4 pairs to switch between will make it less stressful.
If Mom is worried about you not liking jeans, and insisting on using what you have, then you may want to share my opinion on jeans and slacks for females. It isn't always the overweight women who have a hard time finding pants that fit well, are comfortable and one looks good in them. I am a size small and am short. I still have a hard time in my fifties finding jeans that fit my waist and bottom well and don't pinch and bind at the crotch. All makers of jeans have a set style of how they cut the jeans that will be the same as long as their brand name is on it. I've learned some things by spencing lots of time at 2nd hand stores trying on all the brands in my size to get an idea of what brand fits me. You are still young and your adult female body in 10 yrs may look quite different and you may find that there finally is a brand with a cut you look good in. If the waist fits, the bottom looks terrible on me. If the bottom fits well, the waist doesn't, of the legs are too thin and tight, meant for girls with pencil legs and I do not have big thighs, I am petite. It wasn't until maybe 2 decades ago I finally learned that all the Gloria Vanderbilt pants seem to be almost tailor made for me and fit me perfects, no matter which one I pull off the rack. I also have found that some of the Lee's jeans will fit good too. And I make sure the fabric has spandex in them or I don't even try them on. There is no rush for you to figure out other leg wear that fits now, as it may be for you a journey like it was for me, where I accidently tried something that worked and worked well each time. Let Mom know that as you grow older, your taste will change a little in clothes and you may wear more variety. I had 3 girls and they all wore their favorite stuff as teens which to me looked all the same, every day. As long as you're covered, warm and following school or work dress codes, then all is well. Next time you have thoughts of worry about how you are with clothes, take time to tell yourself that theres nothing wrong with it, its perfectly normal and you have good reasons to not like wearing jeans or other tops, mainly due to what feels comfortable and looks good to you. The longer you dwell on your negative thoughts without doing something about it like telling yourself this is normal, you will begin to feel badly, maybe even depressed and it will be all because of your own thoughts and not learning to discipline them. I wish you the best dear.

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I know that having sex without a condom isnt good to do but isnt it kinda hard to get pregnant without using a condom anyways???

I dont know if you're the girl or the guy so I will write it as if for both.

Condoms today are called the best thing to use for safe sex, claiming it protects against disease and pregnancy when wearing during intercourse which is the part of penis in vagina sex. There are a lot of other things that can be done that qualify as sex during which the guy isn't usually wearing a condom. If he ejaculates near the entrance to the vagina, then sperm are able to make it in. If he has precum, the bead of liquid on the tip meant to help lubricate, it also comes with sperm, not as many as when ejaculating but it takes only one sperm to impregnate a female.
yOU May be under the impression that it is hard for a female to get pregnant because the majority of the days of her cycle, she is not ovulating but indeed her fertile period can be 2 weeks. Once a fertile egg is released, any sperm released inside or near her vagina have a good chance of finding it. It the sperm joins the egg, it then takes several days travel yet to make it to the lining of the uterus where it attaches itself. this is where the growing baby will get food from and it isn't until it attaches that it releases that hormones that tells in a pregnancy test if the girl is pregnant. So if taken too early it may be negative while she is indeed pregnant.
I will list something made for those just learning sex education to understand the difference of a female being fertile to ovulating.

Ovulation is just a few days of time compared to the 2 weeks of fertile time, the week of a period and the week leading up to the process starting all over. Maybe someone read somewhere about ovulation and mistakenly assumed that is the only time a gal can get pregnant and think that means its really If the female is taking some kind of birth control like the pill which tricks her body into believing its already pregnant so it doesnt go through its full cycle, that's the only time she is about 99% or so safe. Even on the pill, there are rare occasions where a female still gets pregnant.

Heres a link about fertileness vs ovulation:
http://www.differencebetween.net/science/nature/difference-between-fertile-and-ovulation/


Another thing about ovulating, it is hard for a gal to tell if she is, to simply avoid having sex those days. Then if a gal having here period means its too late to become pregnant, lets have sex!, Think Again!! During the early day of ones bleeding cycle, its possible for females to still get pregnant if all conditions are right and the egg has not yet flowed out with period blood and there is no way for her to know this. There have been a few pregnancies that happen this way.

Lastly, if we're talking young females from beginning of puberty thru teens, their cycle can take some time to become regular and dependable/predictable like those of older adult women. A young girl having sex without birth control is an invitation to become pregnant for sure. Their cycle while their period may come regular, may not stay regular as to the days she is ovulating. Young girls periods can start and then stop for a few months, or she can have two periods in one month. Internally, the things we can't see are as likely to be off and unpredictable so a young girl simply counting on a calendar to know when to avoid sex is not good enough if her cycle is all over the place. Then her period can be delayed by stress or sickness and this delays the entire process all over again. This is why it is important to have some kind of birth control which is available to girls age 14 on up through Planned parenthood for one, or likely any womens clinic or even your own family Dr. You can be seen and it being due to your reproductive cycle is something that according to Hippa law is kept private, your parents won't hear unless you decide to tell them. So the girl can be on birth control at least by that age. Any younger, I suggest no sex and just masturbating until old enough to qualify for birth control.

This is but one subject on sex and there is way more you can study. Luckily there is Lacigreen on you tube with her sex education videos which I highly recommend.
heres a link:

www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

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Hello. I'm an 18 year old female, who is very frustrated and confused, and mostly just lonely.

I want to finally be over my ex completely. It has been about a year since we stopped being friends with benefits, after about 5 or 6 months of us breaking up. We were only together for 2 months.

Let that sink in for a bit.

We broke up because he realized he was losing feelings for me anymore. He tried to develop them back but it didn't work. He started being resentful toward me, forcing himself to like me. He started to be very mean. Then he felt bad because he didn't want to keep hurting me to he broke up with me. A few weeks later I ask him to be FWB. He says no. Then he goes out with a girl he probably really feel in love with. She breaks up with him. I take advantage and ask him again to have sex with me, he says yes this time, I'm very excited. We do some things, but it was unclear to me what we were doing. I still had feelings, and when I asked what we were doing he said "we're talking", so I thought he was trying to say he was planning on us getting back together so i was like, cool. and then i got scared he would just do the same thing to me, because i knew he might, so I cried to him over the phone and said something that he really didnt like so now he wants nothing to do with me at all because all i do is make him feel like a horrible person (because im right about him)

The part of me that wanted him in my life mostly wanted a relationship before. But now I just want to have sex with him. I don't want to be friends, I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to have him exist in my world at all except to come pleasure me when I ask him to. For so many reasons, but really I just want really high quality meaningful sex. I also know now that in order to get over him, I have to fall deeply, hopefully much much deeper (if that is even possible -.-) in love with someone else or at least meet an awesome guy that actually likes me back, & soon, because I'm afraid I'll lose my patience & give my virginity away to a random guy. Which is what I think I want. But that is just because I am frustrated & I have wasted two precious high school years of my life loving a boy that just doesn't like me. I really don't want that for myself. Not for one second longer. But the harder I try to forget about how sexually compatible I am with him and start developing feelings for someone worthy of me, I'm just making it take longer!

The part of me that knows better knows that I want to lose my virginity to my future husband. I really do. At least that is the ideal, but I'd just as well be perfectly happy with losing it to the next guy I fall in love with. How do I know this?

I tried just having sex with this guy I was talking to for a while both before & after I was friends with benefits with my ex. I cut him off this week, both because I knew I wasn't gonna give it to him and because he was talking to a girl that he didn't even tell me about, he let me find out from her. Now this guy, I don't even like or respect this guy as a person. He is a liar and a player & just generally has no idea what he is doing when it comes to relationships.

(I took Girl Code a little too seriously -- they say to never be friends with benefits with an ex, (i totally ignored that part) & instead to do it with someone you would never go out with, have no feelings for, no possibility of ever developing them, although you are physically attracted to the person)

I don't even respect this guy. He doesn't believe in love, he let his first girlfriend hurt him so badly that he is closing himself off to the idea of love, therefore he doesn't want to fall in love. This really gets to me. I don't respect him because that mindset makes him a coward in my eyes. You need to be bold enough to try again and again and again until you find your soulmate because i imagine once you find them, its the best thing in the world. Love is everything. I want to see him happy, just because that is the type of person I am. I am very emotional. I like to see happy people.

Basically what I am trying to say is that I can't be friends with benefits, with anyone really. I need to be in love in a relationship with a boy before i can enjoy sex. But I really want to stop wanting to have sex with my ex. So should I just find a better guy to have sex with? Is that even what I should do? I know I'm ready to have sex but I want it to mean something, with a boy that is at least worth my time.

Thank you for taking your time to read this and try to help me today. I truly appreciate it :)
PS: If you're confused about anything at all, please feel free to ask me to clear it up for you. I'll add info for you

PPS: have a great day, because they all are.

All you shared is very typical responses for the situations you wrote about.
We broke up because he realized he was losing feelings for me: This can happen if the initial attraction and feelings were more due to NRE, New relationship energy/excitement. It can mimick the real thing and fool couples into thinking they are a good match. So the time line of aboutd 2 months to figure this out is about right. It generally takes around that much time for this excitement to slowly wear off.
Being the 2 of you are young and don't have much life experience, you didn't see this for what is was.

The next problem is him trying hard to regain these feelings, pretty much impossible is the two of you dont have the level of chemistry together to make this work. His reaction of becoming resentful and mean is also very typical. When a person forces themself to be something, someone they are not, to be perfect for another person, what ends up occurring is what you witnessed, humans sub conscious mind rebelling at being forced to go thru the motions.

His refusing to have sex at first was a smart choice. With the feelings still there for you, it could not have been platonic sex but when he didnt have an outlet and you didn't, the 2 of got together just for sex and it as you know was a mistake. There is a difference between making love and just fucking. Making love is an outpouring of ones feelings for their partner and wish to see them totally sexually satisfied. It is not gone into for self gratification as the foremost importance. In friends with benefits, the leaning is more towards the self gratification, using each other to get ones sexual needs taken care ofYou may have a high libido and need it often. I have also had sex as FOB's, guys I knew I could not marry in the end, I knew it up front and let the guys know that we could be friend, social partners and sex partners but that I couldn't see them in the role of my future husband. They we ren't looking to marry and were fine with it. I liked them well enough, you kinda do to have satisfactory sex but if I loved them, it certainly wasnt anything near to
being in love' with them, which is a
whole lot different.
You mention a 2nd guy you know and have reasons for not wanting to associate with him, so don't, not even for sex.

I need to be in love in a relationship with a boy before i can enjoy sex: You are on the right track here with that statement. The most successful long term relationships are built on a foundation of 2 things,
being compatible in sex and the other, being each others best friend. Some girls go straight for the sex, and attempt to create a friendship too but not all guys will care about the whole you, not just sexually attracted and excited by you, but love how your mind works, your character and personality and so much more.

My suggestion would be to masturbate until you can find a guy where you get both a sex partner and best friend and who not only loves you but is in love with you.
As for having constant thoughts of the ex, its the memories of your subconscious where all our emotions are stored that has you trapped. You need to retrain yourself. So each time a memory or thought of him comes to mind, tell the thought to go away.Tell yourself that you want to have sex with a guy who is in love with you. Girls feel love too easily so dont just go for a guy cus you have the feelings and see how he feels about you after 2,3 months so you know if it was NRE again or if theres something really there.

This retraining of your mind and especially your thought life is important and our subconscious mind isnt always on the same track as our conscious mind plus led about by our emotions so easily, you can not rely on it doing something that is the best for you. If you have questions, please feel free to write me dear. and good luck

,

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I live with three random roommates. They are nice girls and we get along well, but at least one of them has been consistently getting their period all over the bathroom, and not just on the toilet but on the floor, bathmat, etc. It is hard to say for sure who is responsible for the issue because we kind of get our periods around the same time. I just know that it isn't me, because I meticulously check the toilet area after changing my tampon/pad.

This started happening within the first month of us moving in. I waited a while and then said something to the effect of; "Hey guys, there's been period blood on the toilet seat for a few days now. I'm very squeamish about blood and would prefer not to touch it because it isn't mine." I ended up cleaning it myself, however, because I was sick of not being able to use my own toilet.

I know it's not *that* big of a deal to just wipe down the seat, but it's just really unpleasant. Currently there is blood down the sides of the toilet, on several splotches of it on the floor, etc. It's not really noticeable so it's plausible that the person who made the mess didn't notice, but *I* did and I'm not on the lookout for it.

What should I do? I don't want to be the one roommate who makes a big deal out of everything.

They need to know you are serious, so your casual mention didn't faze em. There may be a second issue here where the one responsible is embarrassed by a 'problem' she has and so is unwilling to fess up, plus she doesnt have the same cleaning standards as you.
She may be a heavy bleeder and its fast too. I knew of a coworker who in just the time of stepping out of the shower to dry off and put on p anties with pads, she'd already dripped blood all over the rugs. To always have an uncontrollable gushing type of period and never having gone to the Dr. for help, I suppose a person can mentally shut down inside and become tired of the constant cleanup required after them self. So you might ask the group as a whole if one of them suffers with constant heavy periods with uncontrollable gushing. Because that can be treated with medication by a doctor so she can have more normal flows. My daughters friend in 6th grade had the same issue and was taken to a Dr. who put her on something to help normalize the period flow. If there is such an issue for one of your roommates and it is taken care of, then there should be less occasions where she needs to clean up after herself. You might also mention that for health reasons, they all should be cleaning up their own blood and not having to do anyone elses. Blood can pass along born born illness's. Caretakers, Dr.s nurses and dentists all take this very seriously because its dangerous to have someone elses blood come into contact with your skin.
You may have to take control of the situation and get the cleaning products needed and bring all roommates into the bathroom and tell them you want to show them how you were taught to clean a bathroom. Make sure you have a box is disposable medical gloves under the sink and each gal if squeamish about cleaning up after herself, checks the bathroom each time after her use of it for blood, puts on a pair of gloves and cleans up her mess. Blood just wiped off with tp isn't good enough. You need a bottle of sanitizer to spray both sides of the toilet seat and the toilet rim and anywhere else blood landed such as dripped near the waste basket, on the walls, etc. The sanitizer may as well be sitting out on the floor next to the toilet for the days you all are on your period, and the garbage will need to be wearing tainted gloves, the safest way to remove them is have everyone practice wearing a pair and grabbing at the fingertips of one to ease it off the one hand and scrunch it into a ball with the one remaining gloved hand. Then insert a finger at the wrist of that glove to pull it off inside out with the other glove hidden inside it. This is a way to make sure your fingers and skin do not come into contact with the blood or harsh cleaners that were used. Hope this helps.

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If you have seen my previous posts, you will know that there is a boy that I really like, and I still really like him, but something happened that messed up everything. A boy (let's call him Ethan) liked me, and after he told me that I kind of liked him too, which was true. He now thinks that I completely like him and I don't know where we stand. I didn't realise it would be taken this far. He now constantly texts me, and I completely regret telling him that I kind of liked him. I really like him as a friend and don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't want it to turn into anything. I am starting to think that I felt as if I liked because he liked me! I have no feelings for him in that way and feel awful. I was caught up in the moment, and now it is giving me very bad anxiety. I still like the other boy from before in truth, but I don't think I will ever have a chance with him. How do I stop the situation from forming into something more with out hurting Ethan, and still pursue the other boy who I like? Please help, as I am so stuck on what to do!

Talk to Ethan face to face. Tell him that you like him as a friend but you don't have feelings any stronger than that to be BF/GF and your are feeling by the way he is constantly in contact with you that he may think you feel differently.

Girls your age like receiving verification from For next time, enjoy the attention but dont automatically tell a guy you like him cus they will assume it means you are attracted to them over other males, like a girlfriend. You can specify that you only like them as a friend, nothing more. And dont be hard on yourself, this is a common issue when we first start being aware of the opposite sex and having any feelings and wanting to try dating and relationships.

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