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He removed every trace of me on his Facebook
22/f, 29/m
I just recently got out of a relationship. He was the one who broke up with me. The thing about this, is that it's confusing about what he wants. He tells me that he loves me and that he cares about me. He keeps talking about the "future" when we don't have a future.
But the one thing that bothers me a lot, is that he has removed any trace of me on his Facebook. All the posts that he tagged me in--removed. He hid the photos that I took of him, too. It shouldn't bother me, but it really does. It hurts.
The one thing I don't understand is that he removed any trace that I ever existed in public, but I'm still his background photo on his phone, etc. But yet, he kept up the photos that his ex-girlfriend (the one before me) posted of him. What is even worse is that I took a lot more photos than she did, and yet he put in the effort to remove everything that even related to me, but not hers.
I know that if I confronted him, he would end up saying one of the two things:
1) "Well, we did break up"--Which doesn't make sense because him and his other ex-girlfriend broke up but still kept photos of her.
2) "I didn't look very good in the photos you took."--There were more than 200 photos that I took, not all of them could've been completely terrible. Plus, the photos of him that his ex took, didn't look that great, either.
So, I'm confused. I'm not sure what the think or what to say or do. I'm trying to "let it go" because it's just social media, but I can't help but keep thinking, "why did he put in so much effort just to do all of that?" My sister came down to 3 conclusions.
1) He's keeping me on the side until he finds someone better.
2) He was embarrassed of me and still is, that's why he removed any sign that I existed
3) This is an extremely harsh way of him wanting me to move on.
But even if it was the 1st or 2nd reason, they're both really harsh ways of telling me that he really wants me to move on if he's willing to keep his ex's photos up.
Is there another reason why he might've removed every trace of me (in public)? Should I just completely let this go even if I kind of want answers?
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Girl, most people would say you are still in love with him, but i'm not with that. if he removed every single picture you took, that would definitely hurt.
he may have done that-
1) Maybe he didn't want people assuming things
when he got a new gf
2) he may have gotten bored of the relationship
but it'd still loved you
3) maybe he had mixed feelings and didn't want to
hurt himself by looking at those pics
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Men are logical and practical. He removed them because you guys broke up, it's that simple. Also he can be interested in another girl and don't want her to see the pics. The truth is also the girl picture he still has up may be the one he wants to get involve with again. It's harsh but it's life, move on and do things that make you happy. Take awesome pictures and put them on your profile.. it's not healthy to watch his profile either. It's only gonna hurt you. Get out there and meet other people and sometimes it best not to broadcast your relationship on social media.
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ok again, Lets divide and conquer
your quotes, my answers:
"I just recently got out of a relationship. He was the one who broke up with me. The thing about this, is that it's confusing about what he wants. He tells me that he loves me and that he cares about me. He keeps talking about the "future" when we don't have a future."
I would be insulted by this, a man that broken up with you yet speaks of the future is just playing to your emotions as a woman and trying to just tell you want he thinks you want to hear.
"But the one thing that bothers me a lot, is that he has removed any trace of me on his Facebook. All the posts that he tagged me in--removed. He hid the photos that I took of him, too. It shouldn't bother me, but it really does. It hurts."
Well, i think that could bother alot of people but the point is he wants to break up. Theres no way to keep someone who does not want to be with you in that way anymore, and this could just be his way of making it official.
"The one thing I don't understand is that he removed any trace that I ever existed in public, but I'm still his background photo on his phone, etc. But yet, he kept up the photos that his ex-girlfriend (the one before me) posted of him. What is even worse is that I took a lot more photos than she did, and yet he put in the effort to remove everything that even related to me, but not hers."
Yeah sounds like hes just making it official. Weather its for the right reasons or not, hes clearly done.
"I know that if I confronted him, he would end up saying one of the two things:
1) "Well, we did break up"--Which doesn't make sense because him and his other ex-girlfriend broke up but still kept photos of her."
Heres the tricky part ok, He can do whatever he wants with his facebook, and maybe there was something he had with her that holds a special place in his heart still so thats why he keeps her photos up. But im not going to lie, it DOES look like a really passive aggressive move on his part.
"2) "I didn't look very good in the photos you took."--There were more than 200 photos that I took, not all of them could've been completely terrible. Plus, the photos of him that his ex took, didn't look that great, either."
Well see, this wont matter if you read the answer to the last statement see.....
"So, I'm confused. I'm not sure what the think or what to say or do. I'm trying to "let it go" because it's just social media, but I can't help but keep thinking, "why did he put in so much effort just to do all of that?" My sister came down to 3 conclusions.
1) He's keeping me on the side until he finds someone better."
Ok to the first part of this statement, is i think your over analyzing. Dont worry women tend to be more emotional creatures and we can sometimes pur "how does this make me feel" over practical or even sometimes logical thought into things and try to FIND things that arent there.
Secondly, if he IS trying to keep you as a side piece then youll know SOON because he'll still be trying to contact you after youve "broken up" and then in that case you should cut that off immediately and not allow any kind of "sweet talk" he might pull out of his little bag of emotional cards to play on you. but thats a big if and only you know him, we dont, so all we can do here is make guesses and try to help you avoid any pit falls before they happen.
"2) He was embarrassed of me and still is, that's why he removed any sign that I existed"
Well thats speculation because if he was embarrassed of you "this whole time" (which you never said HOW long you were together) then why would he at ANY POINT had ALL these photos of you up there and only just NOW removing them?? lol. You'd think if you were ashamed of someone your dating that youd NEVER allow it to be known that you were even currently dating them. Its a little late for shame ok. lol
"3) This is an extremely harsh way of him wanting me to move on."
Well thats just how hes choosing to handle things. When it comes to relationships, men are usually very simple creatures ok. They usually will not stick around if they really see no good reason to, and are not extremely emotional like women tend to be. So something that may seem to US like its "harsh" to them is "not that big a deal". At least thats what ive come to learn in my years on earth and having had MANY MANY guy friends.
"But even if it was the 1st or 2nd reason, they're both really harsh ways of telling me that he really wants me to move on if he's willing to keep his ex's photos up."
Well maybe he just didnt see a reason to remove ALL the women from his fb photos....if theyve been there longer and all.
"Is there another reason why he might've removed every trace of me (in public)? Should I just completely let this go even if I kind of want answers?"
Heres the thing, i think your looking for something thats not there. If you want to know the answers to these questions, youve got to just ask him, i mean your broken up at this point so what do you really have to lose?
The other thing to remember is that when asking someone for important answers like this or trying to have an important talk, its extremely easy for someone to kind of slip away, not answer, ignore you, or dodge your questions. So what im saying is that if you want any kind of answers (even if he refuses to out right answer them) you need to have this talk in person. Doing everything online or over texting will not bring you the closer your acting like you need right now.
So what you wanna do is get together with him (even if its for some other reason) and its just the two of you, and TALK to him. You can really get down to the bottom of things with people when your there, in person, face to face, and they cant hide how they feel. You can always read body language and facial expression when you hit someone with important questions like this.
Remember to stay calm, if he wants to talk, tell him that your over it and your ok, and you just want to know why he did that. Tell him you wont get mad at him, and then be QUIET and let him talk and just sit and hear him out. Say "yeah"......uhuh....."oh i see" in a CALM, CHILL manner and act like someone who needs guidance it venting to you and trying to tel you how they feel about things right now and that your job is to sit and listen. You can get guys to open up to you if you assure them that you wont get angry with them, and that every things going to be ok and you just want some straight answers, but you wont be very effective if you do it over texting or online where he can hide behind a screen and choose to just NOT deal with you.
This is all part of what comes with the territory when choosing to try to have adult relationships. Its real, ITs raw, and it MEANS risking hurt in order to get the answers you need.
You may end up talking to him and still not feel satisfied with what he DID say, but at least after that you will be able to look back and say that you gave him every chance to be honest with you, and he still couldnt bring himself to do the same. There fore hes not ready to be in a relationship PERIOD and most likely doesnt even know what he wants yet and if thats the case then you need to move on to someone else who wants the same things you want, and not someone whos lost in life and just kinda floating through.
good luck ; )
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So the only thing that bothers you is him removing all trace of you on FB? What about breaking up with you and after the break up still saying he loves you and cares about you and if I understand correctly, he's talking about a future between you and him still? That last piece makes me wonder if he's got mental problems.
I know from experience that males can do very weird things simply from how they reason out a situation in their mind and due to any real love they have for you, want to shield you from the hurt of this so perceived situation in their mind, that they will distance themselves, cut things off, all because somehow they think that breaking up is the best thing they can offer you cus do to whatever it is they fear, they think that it would be unfair to you to be hooked up with them and possibly have to endure whatever the mysterious thing is. Its a weird thing men do, trying to save the feelings and the life of the gal they love by sacrificing their love, via giving her up. And due to the pain it causes them, cuts out anything that reminds him of her, thus the social media stuff. I can't say this is whats going on in his head. But he's very unsuccessful at stopping his feelings for you if he's still seeing you after a break up, saying he loves you and talking about the future.
Now if he discovered he had a rare condition and has 3 yrs or less to live, he may have decided to release you to find a guy you can grow old with rather than be hooked to him and go through having to lose him to death. So without telling a gal the whole story, makes the decision for her by breaking up, etc, etc...
I have had a guy distance himself from me and saw how it was hurting me. Never told me a thing till I dragged out of him what was going on in his mind, he wasn't dying or anything but was in love with 2 people, me and ex wife that came back into the picture and he loved us both but couldn't have both and thought that not telling me how much it was hurting him to decide was better than me seeing him sad and crying. He decided for her by the way. As Razhie says, it could be many different reasons why he's doing this. If you think you can get him to be honest and tell you whats up, maybe then there is a chance for you two.
But in a true solid loving relationship, there is trust, ability to be intimate with ones thoughts, no fear of ones partner criticizing or attacking their thoughts and feelings or beliefs on something, just understanding and support, and there is honesty, no skirting around the truth, no making decisions on ones own. In a relationship, there are two people to affect the relationship. Without trust and honesty and good communication, you can't have a relationship with anyone. So if he's not doing any of those 3, he's bombing out as a possible love partner in your life. When a person is in love, they don't want to hurt the one they love. Let him know what he's doing is hurting you and ask for the truth once last time. If he isn't forthcoming, that fact may be that he hasn't a clue what love really is. He may love some aspects about you, same as he might like about Mexican or Italian food, but he can't be 'in love' with you, which is what you really need, to have a relationship with a man that is rewarding and healthy. By not caring whether what he's doing is hurting you, he's just shown there isn't enough real love there for you to make this work. If this is so, you need to walk away.
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You should let this go. It's normal to want answers on this sort of thing after a break up, but being broken up means not knowing.
There are tons of reasons he may have done this. He may have even just 'felt like it' and not have put any of the thought into that you are.
Whatever his reasoning, he has chosen to make himself look as single as possible online, and that is a message you should take loud and clear.
There is nothing to confront him over. It's time to unfollow or unfriend him, and find other things to spend your emotional energy on. This guy may still be talking about love and a future, but he's choosing to tell the rest of the world he is single. Probably time to accept that what he is telling everyone else is the truth, and what he was telling you isn't.
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