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humorist-workshop
How to look more attractive?
Okay I'm turning 18 this year and enough is enough I'm tired of feeling unattractive and I'm tired of being unattractive. I know most teen girls go through this but I can't help it. My whole life nobody has really called me pretty and if they did it was to be nice or its because they called someone beside me pretty. In 6th grade when I started developing crushes on guys this one guy that I liked actually liked me back, he was gonna ask me out but then this girl that liked him was like "eww you chose her over me? She's so ugly" mind you that girl was my friend. After that he never asked me out and blocked me on Facebook lol. My eyebrows not that they're bushy they're just uneven, that same year in grade 6 this guy told me his brother said I looked like a man so I assumed it was my eyebrows so in the 8th grade I started getting my eyebrows done. At high school orientation I was hanging with my friends and this one group was looking for girls to hook up with and they point at me and they were like "her? No way that's gross". That kind of bummed me out, high school didn't even start yet and they don't know me and they judged me by my appearance. High school comes along and my friend starts wearing makeup, I didn't care for it as much but she did, I'm not even exaggerating but by the third day of school she was approached by a guy he called her beautiful and wanted to get to know her, then a couple days later she became popular known as one of the prettiest girls in the school. She dated this one guy and I would always third wheel it wasn't until the fourth month they were dating that he finally asked me what my name was smh. I also remember in grade 9 being in her shadows while guys would acknowledge her they wouldn't acknowledge me unless I had candy or food. I also remember there were these seniors that said they were gonna go up to ugly girls and call them pretty, 3rd period comes along and as I was walking in the hallways those same guys came up to me and were like "look at this one" then one guy of the group came up to me and was like "I think you're so beautiful" I got mad because I overheard their little plan so I told them that I saw them tell that to 10 other girls and then they called me ugly and ratchet. Nothing really happened in grade 10, except in class when these guys were joking about dating me and all yelled eww. but in grade 11 second semester this guy who I thought was cool called me ugly right behind my back While I was talking and then he looked at me and laughed at his friends and said "she's so ugly" mind you this is a guy that says what Evers on his mind. That really killed my self-esteem cause he's popular and you know when popular people say stuff others follow. Also a girl in his group whom I've never talked to called me a bitch and said my hair looked bad right behind me too. Now it's grade 12 I thought I could fly by I don't have time to look good and now I finally wanna start doing make up I just don't know how and YouTube doesn't help when you don't have the products to follow. Today at school this guy with a girlfriend came up to me as a joke and called me cute. I walked passed him cause I knew he was joking, as I walked by him and his group of friends I heard him say I called this ugly girl pretty and she just blew me off she should be happy someone said that too her. This is why I'm writing this enough is enough and I'm tired of going to school with all these judgemental superficial people. In not perfect either I'm judgemental too but I don't base my friends off of how they look. I wish I just looked attractive or decent not for them but for myself because even this past summer when I went to summer school these group of guys were looking for girls to hookup or potentially date (typical teenager boys in my city) when I walked by this one guy was like "haha Jason it's your girlfriend" they all had disgusted looks on their faces and Jason said don't even joke like that again. Also a group of girls were judging my hair. Before you say oh you should change your hairstyle it's not that easy in my family and I'm not even gonna explain why. Anyways some background information on me is that I'm 17 year old african Canadian girl. My school is multicultural so everyone is from a different race majority of the people that judged me in this whole paragraph were people from my race but they're Jamaican. Except for the group of people from the high school orientation they were Caucasian, Jamaican, Indian etc. There's many interracial couples in my school, so I generally think I'm unattractive to everybody, nobody has had a crush on me since grade 6.
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First off, high school kids can be cruel and very immature add to that there are also superficial. Pay them no mind. I know exactly how you feel. But you gotta be strong. Work on you. Start from inside and then out. Think of all the things that are great about you. You obviously are very smart. Not good with makeup either but am great with fashion. You gotta show Them that you love yourself and accept yourself. Laugh when they make jokes about you.
Regarding looking more attractive. Dress in clothes that show your best features. If you got great legs wear skirt, great arms wear tank tops and etc. Wear an hairstyle that fits your face. Go to a professional and get those brows fixed, even if it is a barbershop. Be confident! That's the key and show off your great personality. Be friends with people who are nice and avoid negative people!
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Honey, sadly to say, I don't have good news for you, at least not what you're wanting to hear. The problem here is not you and your looks, but the attitudes of all your peers. Changing your looks, whether subtly or drastically is not going to change their poor attitudes and assumptions and cruelness. It is going to take time for them to grow up. I remember my 1st HS reuniion 10 yrs later and was shocked at the difference in people. I was the one teased, who had little friends and not part of any click, nor the popular kids. But at reunion, they had all grown up and matured into nice people and a whole lot were saying things to others and me like, if I was ever mean to you in school, please forgive me, I just didnt know any better." I even felt no more boundaries, and the popular kids were people interested in talking to me.
The problem in our teen years is that while our bodies may be looking very adultlike and sexy, a crucial part of our brain is no where near done growing and wont be until our mid 20s at the earliest. The prefrontal cortex covers how a person makes the best decision, able to see both the pros and cons of any decision ahead of time and it also covers how we judge things and people and frankly, all these teens are operating with the same lack of a mature brain part that would help them treat others better and make safer judgements. I am very sorry to hear how they have treated you. It is cruel. And while cruel, it often lacks any real truth. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So once these 'guys' mature and grow up and are far from HS, they will begin to develop their own tastes in women which will differ greatly from their attitudes in school. Women are the same. You may like brunettes better than blonde men, longer hair compared to short, etc... Guys too will decide what is most important to them. I'm white but have family that is biracial. I tend to find the people who are blends of races to be some of the nicest looking people you can find. So it really had nothing to do with your race or skin color or hair. Some men decide they like women who don't wear makeup, the natural look. My husband prefers that, even in hair too, no coloring to hide the silver. He loves the silver and the mature woman look. There is an educational site about womens breasts and nipples and the varied sizes and colors. Women send in pics of just their chest with their story and ages. It is a site that proves that whether the gal has a chest bigger than bowling balls, or flat as a pancake, she tells the reader that her boyfriend loves her just as she is and is never wanting more breast or even tempted to stare at other breasts. these are men who have figured out what they want.
You have heard this message of 'you are ugly' for so long that it has destroyed your self condidence. I can't say anything will help right now in HS but for later once you are out, I would work on rebuilding the self confidence because in tests done, men preferred women with self confidence and average looks over the model types and sexy gals without self confidence. Men say they find self confidence to be sexy in a female and I can attest that it is true. After a divorce from 1st husband, before finding my 2nd one, not only him but many men were attracted to me by my self confidence and I can assure you I am not a raving beauty by media standards of the model type or actress looks, even for my age. I have uneven coloring of my face skin from sun damage, a beak of a nose inherited from my dad, and the lower half of my eyebrows are thinning and fading aways. And yet, I still get men ogling me, of various ages, and whether I am with my husband or not. I know I am not pretty to all, but I am pretty still to many. You will find this too some day. As for building self confidence, I suggest borrowing it from a famous person, someone whom you feel your eyes have the same shape, slant, same lips or something you can make a connection with. Then imagine yourself to be this person in popularity everytime you leave your house, visualize it. I did this with just my eyes. From the start I was surprised at how many not just men but women also, stopped me and told me what beautiful eyes I had. My eyes hadn't changed, I wasnt wearing makeup...so what did they see? Actually they didn't see a set of pretty eyes, what they picked up on is something that cant be seen, my borrowed confidence, of having the eyes of a famous older actress. Once you begin to receive compliments often enough, your natural self confidence will kick in and remain. Hope this helps to at least encourage you.
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