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My Emotional Problem
I had this friend that we'll refer to as "Ryan". I met Ryan 2 years ago and we didn't really talk until 2014 when I decided to talk to him more and more often. Then August of this most recent year I was dumb enough to make up something by telling him that I wanted to have sex with him. We didn't talk for months and this month his friends told me that he said that he didn't hate me but that he had no interest in communicating with me. I'm not satisfied with that because no matter what I do I still have the thought of it stuck in my head and it's hurting me emotionally and he's just ignoring people that bring it up. I'm also a guy if that's helps with anything.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hi dear. I may be totally off track here but thats whats so good about getting the viewpoints of very different people regarding your situation. Some may see something that someone else didn't and address the issue. So if I am wrong, please forgive, but if right, here's something to think about.
Lots of people call someone a friend these days when the person is nothing more than an acquaintance, just someone they met and talked a bit with but both didn't necessarily connect at the time in a way that people do when they desire to become friends. There may be a good chance here that Ryan when he met you, became an acquaintance, not a friend cus there were big gaps of time with no talking or meeting up going on. Nothing sparked on his side to want to spend time with you as more than the little there was if you met through mutual friends or some such thing. You did say that You decided to talk to him more and more, not that he initiated and tried contacting you. If he did make the calls first and showed interest in getting together to spend time as friends, then, thats not what you wrote here. Without that being true, I can only assume Ryan has no interest in you what so ever, not as a friend and certainly not as anything more. Ryan politely explained that he doesnt hate you but that he has no interest in communicating with you. I understand that you aren't happy with that. But there is nothing you can do to change how he feels. This is why not every single teen in HS was a friend of mine, but that is not realistic. We tend to gravitate toward certain people with certain traits and personalities that compliment our own and since all the people in the world can't be a carbon copy of you, not all are going to feel the same about you. It isn't always like in the movies where two people meet and become friends or lovers, both mutually responding the same way. More often than not, one person likes or loves someone and the other has no such feelings at all. Yes, not fair but that is life. To change oneself to be with someone or expect them to change who they are and how they feel to be with you is not what someone who truly loves a person should be doing, but us humans tend to do that exact thing all the time and it causes great troubles and distress. Ryan is smart enough to realize he isn't willing to change who he is to be a perfect friend or more for you. If you are taking this personally in a bad way, then might I suggest that the issue here has more to do with your feelings and what is going on in your mind. I'm not saying you're crazy or mental. What you are doing isn't very different than what all humans do every day at times. We tend to let our thoughts stray, not stay on subject, tend to imagine the worst possible things happening to us or in the world, we tend to have distorted thoughts and unhealthy thoughts.
These thoughts can distract from focusing on work or school and doing ones best, can create anxieties, depression, obsessions, etc.
The difference is that lots of people don't tend to focus too long on a negative thought or distorted one and let it go again as crazy musing during waking hours. But What some of us do is tend to imagine more than there is to a situation...I know cus I used to have extreme social anxiety and looking back, I can see I was overrun with tons of negative distorted thoughts. There is a way to get healthy again, no matter in what area a person struggles. So if you ever feel that it just might be that your emotional problem is unrealistic thought processes regarding Ryan, then I invite you to check out what helped me. It is called Cognitive Behavioural therapy or CBT. there is a website one Dr. and author has devoted to it.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
If you choose to find a psychologist to help you, make sure that they are trained in this particular non prescription way of being healed in ones thought processes. It would amaze you to learn how many of the major problems in our world are all stemming from somewhere, someone having distorted, unhealthy thought processes and the effects of that trickle down to hurt others. good luck!
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I think you know what the answer is. If a guy is interested in you he will contact you. It sounds to me like Ryan needed some space and that he isn't interested. It's better to leave it as is. If he wants to talk to you then he will come to you. For right now he doesn't want any communication and you need to respect that. If you care about him like you say you do you'll leave him alone. After all there are other fish in the sea.
Peace & Love,
Advice Mistress
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