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lonely
I am lonely. I guess you probably figured that out from the subject.
I don't really get why I'm lonely though.
I am 17, F.
I have great friends. I have my 4 BFFs, and I see them 5 days a week at school, and some of them on Sundays at church. We talk about all kinds of things, but I don't always say much... Recently most of them have been doing homework at lunch and not wanting to talk a lot...we eat lunch in the art room at our school because it is quiet so we can hear ourselves talk and occasionally do homework (and we are all introverts so sometimes an entire day at school with lots of people gets tiring). I never like doing homework at lunch, I feel like doing schoolwork for the whole day is enough, I deserve a break at lunchtime.
I chat online with one of them every evening while we do homework, and we talk about everything that is stressing us out and universities and the things our families have done to annoy us.
My family is great too, but recently everything my brothers do seems to annoy me to no end. Like if one of them takes a cucumber slice off of the veggie plate before we pray to start the meal, I find myself getting upset. I used to have a good connection with both of them, but now I find myself unable to talk to them because they just ignore me if I try to talk about pretty much anything other than video games. I love my dad, but we don't have a great relationship. He helps me out with homework and plays games with me and stuff like that, but we don't talk about anything meaningful. My mom is great, but she's currently very stressed out often and she's busy.
I feel like I'm not connecting with anyone, even though I talk to my friends almost every day. I don't even know what I want...there's not much they could do better...and I have so much homework and a job and it's not like I have that much extra time to spend hanging around with people.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
It's probably all because of puberty
dont worry
im the same age and i had this problem a few months back
it all fixed itself
just try to make some new friends
but overall dont worry
if you need more help here is my email
gamersteve98@gmail.com ( its an alias )
i'll respond within 24 hours
have a nice day hope your life becomes better
good luck :)
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Your situation could be a combo of issues making it harder to identify what is at the bottom of your lonliness and feeling of not connecting with anyone. As we always say, none of us are Drs. and even a Dr. wouldn't diagnos a person by phone or text without doing an exam.
As I see it, there is a slight possibility that there is a medical reason that might be part of whats behind this and then the rest would be mental or emotional issues, and I am not talking about you Having mental illness, just issues related to the mind and thoughts.
You did say the brothers irritate you now so easily for stuff that you know shouldn;t be an issue. That could surprisingly be a medical issue. I'll explain. Lots of teen girls anywhere from the start of puberty until into early 20s can be affected emotionally by having too high an amount of the female hormones in the body. All females experience a bit of getting sad or crying or angry more easily just due to the hormones showing up. But in excess, it can create all sorts of problems like depression for one. Its easily fixed by a Dr. with meds. for the next few years until your body stablizes on its own which we almost all do sometime into adulthood. So you might ask a family dr. to check you for your hormones levels to see if too high and if not, mention what you are experiencing to see if they would recommend a mental health specialist.
A great majority of peoples problems in the world can all be traced back to their thought life. Having distorted or negative thoughts can affect a person in feeling disconnected and the more they dwell on it, the more they feel it. Find ways to cure the thought issues and you cure the problem. It is behavior and feelings related to thoughts or call it cognitive behavior and there is therapy for it. CBT , but only certain psychologists use this method. So if you end up going for counseling, make sure its one who employs cbt first and meds as a last measure as some still only use meds as the only way to attempt to help a person.
You may very well already be depressed and that would require being seen by a professional also. If you do not have chronic depression, and its more due to a current circumstance or event, then this kind can be treated possibly non medically also with CBT, I have gotten over temp. depression this way and my daughter who went to a Dr. was told to do the same things I had read about and used and it worked for her.
I only know what you have chosen to write so I dont know much about your relationships with family. There may be issues there that the parents and brothers are unwittingly adding to your problem. Not intentionally mind you, but I just wonder if any of them know what you are going through. My oldest daughter at your age was sufferin depression and tho I had pretty much daily talks with each daughter and they knew they could talk to me about anything subject even sex, she did not let us know and there were no signs what so ever. YOur family may not be aware of whats going on inside of you. I dont expect the brothers to understand but surely the parents will. Do not blame them when you share whats going on or they will close up and just attribute this to you just being a teen in a phase. So dont go saying "Dad, I am having trouble feeling connection to anyone, like you don't relate to me well or Mom you're too absorbed in your own issues to have time for me.
But you can let them know what you are feeling. I as a kid and teen rarely spoke up and complained, or even just shared what was bugging me.
It sounds like you need lots of good one on one conversation. So do I and so I wouldnt even bother making new friends with someone where I had to carry the conversation or who didnt have time to chat with me ever. Dont make it all about you but find out what you can do to at least verbally support the parents if not something you can do to help. It should be 2 way. You share what your issues are and how you feel you need more quality one on one time with each person in your life but dont share just about your problems but ask how things are going for them too. As for the friends, they have changed the schedule recently so you're not given the same opportunity to talk as before. When you have no one to listen to you, sometimes its helpful to keep a diary/journal and just record your thoughts. I did this often as a teen and young adult and it helped me. It might help you in part, at least when its not really possible for anyone you know to have time to be in conversation with you.
Asking about the other person and finding things you can do for them is a good exercise into building that connection, how we relate to others. But as a teen, I was waiting for others to approach me and seldom did I make the first move. Sometimes you gotta check yourself to see if you are putting in any effort. If you need to talk more or have more to share so I can try to be more help, let me know by writing to me thru my column. Blessings dear.
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