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Difficulty making / keeping friends
I'm 20/ f
I have trouble getting in touch with friends who used to be in my life. I go to Uni and live there and everyone seems to have a group at home too.
With me I kind of feel people have moved on and I haven't in the past made an effort to keep up with them. I've lost so many pals from them moving away or me moving away..
But I also feel that it shouldn't be me all the time who makes the effort.
What should I do? I am worried after uni my friends won't keep in contact. Also sometimes they organise things last.minute so I struggle to go to things. Does it make me look like I'm not bothered?
How can I make more friends? I know uni do societies but you go and everyone already comes in pairs and I feel awkward turning up on my own.
I feel that sometimes other people are jealous over me...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Have you ever heard the expression, "you can never go home again?" It applies very well to the question you are asking.
Your friends, that you have grown up with all matured together in the same manner, now you are away in school and they are at home. You are changing and maturing differently than they are. They are still changing and maturing as a group. As much as you or they might like things to be the same between you; they will never be the same.
Fact is if they are at home working and not getting some type of advanced education their maturity has slowed. You on the other hand are at University. Your entire world is expanding because you are learning. Because of this your maturity is accelerating.
I saw this when I was your age. I joined the military while my friends went off to college or to work. The Vietnam War was still going on and I was forced by the responsibilities the military placed on me to grow up in a hurry. I noticed the difference in us the first time I came home on leave. The only friend I truly identified with was my friend who had become a cop. The others were, well childish.
GO to the different events at school you think you would enjoy. Don't worry about being a single I can assure you there will be other singles there and some of the couples are not true couples. They may just be friends attending together but not in a relationship.
I'm not saying to forget about your friends at home. Just remember when you are home they are going to be different than you remember but not so. You have changed and they have not so you will be the one who needs to adapt if you want to be with them. If you open your eyes, your mind to what is going on around you. You will make friends.
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Well when it comes to friends youve had since you were younger, you have to realize that people change over time, people can grow apart while their busy leading their own lives and if you wernt there with them AS its happening then yes, you could be forgotten.
Alot of people tend to mingle with people who are also in the same phase of life as them because its just be more comfortable and they feel like their with other people who understand.
It DOES take to people in a friendship to keep the connection, BUT theres some flaws to that. If one of you has moved, lives far away, cant get together often anymore, and they have plenty of other people that they CAN hang out with, then people can some conscientiously sort of disconnect from you because they have to move on with their lives and not just sit there and be lonely and WISH you could be there, and in doing that they just become MORE involved with the people they DO have that are closer by. It has nothing to do with them not caring for you anymore or not wanting to still be friends.
People DONT WANT to feel lonely, so they will naturally seek out other people to hang out with and because they assume your busy with school and all they may also assume that YOUR busy with your college friends and your probably doing the same thing and blahhh blah blahh ya know??
If they are just getting together with friends and its on short notice then they may think theres no need to invite you if its not for something really important
try not to take that too personally, try to continue to stay connected so when or if you DO come back, it wont feel like youve missed alot.
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