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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I am 21 years old, gay and I'm just now exploring my sexuality. I decided to send random guys nude videos and pictures of me (non of which included my face, my real name or any distinguishable marks). I got a rush from doing it but at the same time felt really guilty. I am joining a career field where I'll be known publicly. The thought of these nudes leaking and somehow being linked to me freaks me out even thought my face isn't in them. How do I stop stressing out over these nudes. It was an incredibly dumb mistake on my part and I just want to move on and focus on doing well in my career. Please help, thank you!

Our thoughts rule over our emotions. If a person looks in the mirror and thinks they look bad, they will feel low self confidence. If you pass an accident on the road and start thinking about how it could happen to you, you can develop anxieties of fear while driving.
As with your action of sending these pics, your thinking about it keeps feeding the emotion of guilt and feeling the need to forgive yourself.
In itself, its not a bad thing if theres no face shot to id you and the people who received it are cool with it.
You are more concerned because of the profession you are going into.
Stop dwelling on it, replace the guilt thoughts with thoughts that it was okay but you will no longer do it because of your job so as not to jeopardize it. Without a face, anyone can claim its a photo of you but theres no way to prove it if this is what you fear. So rest peacefully on that.

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I'm in desperate need of advice. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now and I love him and he has been there for me and has helped me through my addiction. I'm a recovering heroin addict but my family hates my boyfriend because we got into a physical altercation once in front of my 8 yr old daughter and as a result my daughter now lives with her dad. My boyfriend has never used drugs and he wants me to move across the country with him to start my life over because I recently just started staying with my parents again to get clean. However my older sister is getting released from the hospital soon after getting an infection from drug use and my boyfriend and I are terrified of her being in the same environment as me because it may jepordize my recovery. I've always used with my sister and I'm not sure if she wants to change. I don't want to move away from my family and daughter but I'm scared if I don't I will fall right back into drugs and may never make it back out. What should I do?

If your daughter lives with her dad and that is somewhere in the location of where you are now, the best thing for daughter is to stay close enough to be able to visit often. If you move many states away, that isn't always feasible with getting time off work, or having the money to drive, fly, ride a train or however you think to travel.

I understand not wanting to life with the parents if a sister who is temptation for you to use will soon be living under the same roof. Its the same for alcoholics...they can't hang out with friends who will be drinking alcohol and think they can always have the strength of will to not take a sip theirselves. So it makes sense to not stay at home.
However, you haven't given any reason why this current boyfriend wants to move you across the country. To start a new life for you is not a good reason because a person can start a new life anywhere on the planet, even in the same state as your parents live in. Your boyfriend may not be a father and have no idea of why its important for you to live closer to your child for visitation rights. SHe will need you in her life, often, not occasionally. So if the boyfriend has his heart set somewhere else for no special reason, let him go by himself cus he isn't really thinking of all your best interests. A person who really loves you and cares about what's best for you will look at all angles, not just the fact of your sis moving back in with Mom and Dad and you. If you can't currently move out on your own, you might want to talk to your counselor about finding other options for you of a place to live.

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i have a very lot of anxiety and i worry a lot in our relationship. how do i detach from him? like i want to still love him, but i want to detach in the way where the things he does won't upset me and i could care less and still love him as much as i do now. he doesnt do bad things, its just he chooses games over me sometimes and doesnt do stuff the way thatll make me feel like im important to him. i dont want to try to chahge him to make me happy, so how can i detach where those things wont bother me? can you please give me steps and tips pretty pretty please???

If I understand correctly, you don't want him to change who he is to be just the right person, the right match for you. That is a good way of thinking and the correct way to live life, and it goes for you too, that you should not change who you are at core to be right for some guy. What this may mean is that two people are together who were never meant to be together.

If I understand you correctly, in not asking him to change who he is, you also want your thinking, feeling, emotions and everything to change from what is most important to you to being okay with him not being a perfect match, in essense considering how you are feeling as the actual problem and if there is some way to change how you feel, then you can go on loving him in this relation ship.

Been there and done that. So I can tell you that what you are asking for is in actuality wanting to squash and ignore how you feel to not being bothered by things you feel are perhaps trivial but when it comes to a relationship where often the person is someone you see on a daily basis, this is not going to work. You are still changing something about yourself to be right for him.

Its not that he plays games more than you like but what to keep in mind is whether you are being neglected in the relationship. Its the difference perhaps of these examples:
When you or he gets home, you want time to unwind and for you its having someone to tell your day to, him really listening, but to him, unwinding is time to himself immersed in games. These are the differences in people that are not bad in themselves if only the two can find and are willing to compromise. If he could drop his gaming to give you his full attention when you need it to unwind, then he is meeting your needs. It shouldn't be out of obligation, like I have to cus shes my girlfriend and she wants me to, and I have to just to keep peace in the relationship. Those are all the wrong reasons. So even if you got what you wanted but all for the wrong reasons by him, at some point in the future, things will go sideways in your relationship. Why? Because I know from experience, if the man isn't totally in love with him with that as his reason for wanting to 'be there for you' then its all for the wrong reasons. I was married almost 30 yrs to a man who at the end told a counselor that he loved me for being the mother of his kids but that no, he had never been in love with me.
Guys can use the word fairly easily but have no clue what it really entails. So while the two of you may neither be doing anything really wrong, you can be wrong for each other when your ideals, priorities, morals, hobbies, hopes and dreams, etc... don't closely match each other or at least both of you dont mind the other being different in some area and don't mind being supportive of what they like without trying to change them.

What you are asking, to stay in relationship and for it to not bother you is very hard to accomplish. If you dont want him to change and don't want to change what it is you desire in a relationship, then to detach your negative feelings from the positive ones where he's concerned, well...I've never heard of it. Maybe there is a way but You'd need to see a psychologist to verify that. All I know from life experience, my own and stories of friends, what happens in the person who is making the allowances in their mind for things in a partner that they really don't like, that grate on the nerves or upset you at some level, what happens is that resentment will eventually develop in you and that resentment will come out in how you act and treat him, in not so nice ways, or totally ignore him. Imagine two people who are mismatched for whatever reasons, and he is too dense to realize that there IS a problem to begin with or that he is part of it, and you find the love you originally had began to disappear over time as resentment eats away at it. In the end of my 30 yr marriage, I no longer felt any love for my husband. We both resented each other and he actually was angry with me often, feeling himself robbed of what he felt he should have in a relationship but not having enough guts to end it and start the scary search of starting over for a new partner. It was me who had to make the move.

If you are a long married couple, it is worth it to go see a couples counselor. If you are just dating, then let this be an example to you of what you don't like in a guy and make sure that the next you choose is several steps better. I know this may sound cold and mean but its actually a way of how people discover what they like and want in a long term mate. Until you experience some things, you might not know what might bother you to the point you can't ignore it or compromise. Compromise is a good thing but doesnt always work if one is unwilling to do so or both. So counseling is first if you're both willing. If not, then I suppose you either part ways, which I know you dont want to hear, or you continue to stay with him even though things irritate you even tho you love him.

Talking is always the best thing so let him know how you are feeling without blaming him. Own your feelings. Ask him if he thinks there are things you both can do to help the situation be one that you both will be okay and happy with. Make any suggestions that come to mind. If you two both still feel the relationship is worth s taying together for long term, then go see a counselor.

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20 year old female, usa.
I just got in a new relationship a couple of months ago. It's been almost a year since my last boyfriend of two years and I ended things. I haven't had the best experience with guys in the past, I somehow always end up getting hurt/played. My current boyfriend is honestly the best, he's seen me at my worst and yet still remains by my side. So why do I feel like somethings missing? He's not the type of guy to show me off to the world, and I love showing him off. Its not like he keeps me a secret either, everyone knows we're together. I've fallen for this guy but for some reason I seem to feel like it's one sided. Maybe it's the fact that I'm so insecure about myself due to getting played so much in the past. I also get extremely jealous to the point where even if he likes an ex gfs picture I freak out, and I most definitely don't like him texting other girls because I feel like he's seeking other girls attention. So why do I keep pushing him away with my constant insecurities? Why do I feel like he feels like he's not getting something from me so he has to find it elsewhere? How do I get over my past insecurities and keep him around? I really don't want to lose him.

Hi dear.

First off, at age 20, no matter what past relationships or how many, the guys were most likely middle school, HS age and just post graduation age. So first, I'd like to point out something I didn't realize when I was 20 either, that 1. I still lacked lots of life experience, the kind needed to be able to choose a good partner and 2. The guys at that age were still immature and not ready to commit to one relationship, or didn't know what they really wanted in the end for a long term partner so they were dating around or keeping options open.

Those 2 things are what makes dating at those ages so painful and disastrous. Very few guys are ready to commit to one girl then. I am much older and I still see people even up to senior citizen age who want to date who still have not gotten a clue as to how to go about it in ways that are going to be more chance of success.

Our own baggage of past experiences can color how you go about choosing the next partner to be better than the last, not the same or settling for less. And the memories of what happened in the past shouldn't be the fears and anxieties that you place on the new relationship. Your very fears may create a problem where there never was one to begin with.
So it really comes down to your being very sure of your ability to truly see/spot any warning signs in the other person that are truly warning signs and not something in your mind blown out of proportion. I have the benefit of looking back dear so I don't think it will be as easy for you to see what I am trying to say, like can you see yourself being the exact same in relationship experience at age 30 or 50 as you were at 17,18 for your 2 yr relationship? If you think so, then likely, you're not going to get a word I say.

I felt very mature at 20 and married. I found out I had known very little and ended up with a husband who was abusive. So no matter how intelligent or mature you may be, theres still something to be said for what we learn through lifes experiences.
So okay, you've had bad experiences in the past.
It isnt always the fault of one person. In my case, yes, he was predisposed to act like that, but smart as I was, I had no real life experience in being able to spot the warning signs. Looking back, I now can see, the signs were there, I just didn't know enough yet to make a good decision so my part in it was lack of info, wisdom, asking for advice from others... At least you are asking for advice.

Sooo, in my opinion, a bad guy is not going to become your problem the next time around, if you have dealt with yourself first. I am not spouting off crazy stuff and don't mean to say you have issues, I truly don't know. But I do know that of friends who have broken up or divorced like myself, we all had our own issues in our minds that contributed to us ending up with losers and the others who didn't take time to learn some things and work on themselves, ended up repeating those same mistakes and ending up with more losers.
I was late forties when I finally got the guts to divorce the ex. It was now a matter of seeing a counselor, actually a friend who was retired but used to do that for a profession. So yeah, like yourself, there were insecurities, and for me, low self confidence, wondering why I seemed to run into guys with the same problems as my ex right after I divorced. I figure it was a testing by fate, God, whatever, to see if I would cave in now that I learned to run away from a bad situation once, would I do it again or when faced with being single and needing financial stability from having a partner, would I give in and allow the next guy to mistreat me the same way. I got tested twice and I broke it off immediately when I saw behavior I did not like and wouldnt put up with. Thats in essense what the dating process is, whether 3 dates only, 3 months or 3 years. You end up going thru all these relationships using them as stepping stones, of learning, discovery of what you like in a guy and what you don't like so that when the time comes to settle down with a husband or life long partner, you'll be experienced enough to know what the right guy is and how to recognize those qualitys you like in him when you meet him. So actually, what you've experienced is common and normal so there's no need to worry that the next guy is for sure the same and you can't trust. This is how dating works. It shouldn't have to take 2 yrs to discovery that something isn't working right. A couple months is more the usual since people put their best foot forward so to speak by putting on a false identity, acting the way they think will impress or that they know the other person wants. But its too much energy to keep up the pretence for too long and after a few dates or a few months for most, if you know from experience what to look for from past experience, you need to just look more closely.
If you need any more help on the subject, just let me know. If you find you cant get past the distrust, then seeing a counselor is a good idea.

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Having written to him before, a local weather man said twice he is interested in reading some stories of mine involving him. The thing is, he will know it's me, etc and having to write on behalf for others for different people has my mind going to send or not to send. I have feelings of being ignored. Printing isn't an option til next week and a friend asked what he wanted to do with no answer or luck. My friend feels if I don't send them as she told him we would be sending the stories that are done that I would send them. My friend thinks by not sending is being dishonest and lying and what not. Should I still send? Just wondering. Thanks!

I don't understand why stories are being sent for review by a weatherman (even if he's in the story) rather than to a writers critque group...nor why your friend seems to be equally or more involved in this than you. I get the impression she may be playing matchmaker.

If you really want to do this and are so concerned about your true identity not being known, then create a fake email account and fake FB or whatever with a name not your own. And you might not want to put a pic of yourself on there or its pointless.

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Hi everyone, I am 20 years old. I dated this guy who is much older than I am for about 10-11 months. Him and I lived together, and things fell apart. Even before we lived together him and I would fight. We would argue about my friends texting me late at night, we would argue about me falling asleep on the couch to early, we would fight about dinner, we would fight about my family, we would fight how if I didn't do anything around the house, but when I would do things around the house he would feel bad. He didn't like my family very much, he called my family names, he didn't like my friends very much, and anytime I would se them (which was not often) I would be very anxious, and would always try to be home as early as possible because I knew that if I walked in the door after 9 p.m. him and I were going to get into a fight, because "he's been waiting on me all night" but when he goes out with his friends I let him do his things and when he gets home he gets home. No big deal. Point is, we would fight about everything. And we lived in his house. Him and I did not have anything to special that made us, us. We would laugh sometimes, but he is very controlling and very manipulative, and I was not happy with him. There are dozens of red flags about him, like the fact that I was scared he was going to hit me every time we got into a fight. (He never did, but I was always scared he would.) But why do I Miss him so much? I feel so lonely, and so heart broken, somedays I feel okay, like I am strong enough to handle this, and other days I cry, and feel more alone than ever. Would it be so bad to ask him to get a cup of coffee, no strings attached? He is a great guy, just not a good boyfriend. He wanted me to be completely dependent on him, but I was more defendant on myself than anything and he hated it. The bad times easily out weigh the good times, now what do I do? Its been just over 3 weeks since I have seen him last. I miss him in my life as a person, not as my boyfriend But who knows, maybe if I see him hell steal my heart like he once did before. Do people change? Could he change? Should I move on? Should I reach out? I am mind bogled, and I need outside none bias advice. if you need more information please reach out. Thank you.

Well, people can change but not that quickly. In fact, most humans make more change when younger and less the older they get. As to the significance of change, usually the change is small minor stuff that doesnt overall really change the bad things about their character that make them toxic to have as a friend, a family member or a mate, whether long term gf/bf or wife/husband.
At the end of a toxic marriage when husband went to see a counselor, initially thinking it would trick me into staying, I had a chance to talk to the counselor alone and He told me not to have any expectation for great behavorial differences because its really up to the individual how much they really want to and are ready to embrace change for the better and most important recognize their need to change. And even then, people tend to change slowly and in small bits, nothing big that others could notice or that would have a positive effect on relationships. And some people do very little change and some, none in their entire life time. Being older, there is less likelihood my husband would change any or enough to make a difference for me. I already knew the husband never accepted that he had any faults and always pointed the finger at me, although the counselor didn't find anything wrong with me. And he was unwilling to go for counseling and only went those few times because I had talked about divorce. He could go to hundreds of sessions and come home still feeling arrogantly that he doesnt need improvement and be unwilling to do as the Dr told him. And I saw through what he was doing.
This part of my story is to clearly show you that it is unrealistic to expect the kind of change that will help a relationship work out, to happen in a couple weeks of absense and without the aid of professional help and a recognition on his part and desire to want to change. Even then, a couple weeks is too soon. More like a few years if he was ready working at it with professional help and even that is a wild guess cus that kind of change can take a life time for some to discoveer and accomplish.

And now I will share something that might sound silly that I want you to try by sharing my story. I went to a Shamanic circle for a while in my past. Part of the time, the leader beat out a tune on a Native drum while we were to meditate and see what pictures or images came to mind for us. And I had a wild one, or so I thought at the time. This occurred before going to the counselor. I had a vision in my mind where my angels came to me and asked me if I saw the cord that attached me to my husband standing a few yards away in this image. The cord is an energy connection between me and my husband and I had to decide if I was going to be willing to cut that cord with him or not and if I was, I had to do it then. Cutting that cord would cut the emotional bond that had kept me there with him about 30 years. So I would not be making decisions to stay or go based on the emotions I felt, like caring and such, despite how terribly I was treated in the marriage. I could then make my decisions based on fact and logic and if things improved, then work towards repairing the relationship and falling in love again. I tell you, it was a scary thing, I believed this wasn't some random vision that meant nothing...I took it seriously and did decide to take a pair of large scissors and cut that cord.
I recently saw something on youtube, just days ago that talked about cutting that energy connection you have with someone.
But it also went further to explain how oft times we unknowingly repair and rebuild a new connection by everytime we think about a past partner or try to spend time with them,or write them or talk to them. In the mind, it starts creating that cord that attaches you to that person and thats why so many women have trouble getting away and staying away from a toxic man, someone who just isn't right for them. thats why so many settle for less. Those emotions keep you holding onto him. Sure there were a few good points in my old relationship and I didnt' think I could find something exceptionally better but I did with the man I have now for over 6 years. So if you really want to be rid of him and ready to look for your new and much healthier match, then I suggest you do this thing of visualizing you and him and a cord connecting the two of you, usually it connects at the stomach or heart level. And if you have to redo it daily cus you may have unintentionally given brief thoughts to him, then cut this energy cord in your minds eye again and do it as many times as you need to. This isn't just an exercise to do mentally and still meet in person...Oh no...this means no seeing this person At All. And so this explains my answer to wanting to just go have a cup of coffee together...bad idea. Dont do it. If you did something like this daily, either meet, text, call or write him, you are undoing what you did with the breaking of the cord connection and not going anywhere and you will remain stuck with him for as long as one of you lives. I didnt pay it any mind at first but now looking back, its so clear that this helped me once it came time to talk with the pyschologist and I was able to at that final point realize it was time to part forever and no longer be his wife. We have kids and grandchildren together so at times there have been some family events, usually a few Holiday, not all, where we have seen each other and I can tell you that since I did nothing to recreate the cord between us that brings the emotions into play, I can tell you that I have no lingering feelings for him and he doesnt for me. He doesnt know I did this cord cutting in my mind but that also released him as well to move on. Although since he still hasn't owned up to his issues and failures and gone for help, he has not been able to find any healthy lasting relationship and all his daughters now want as little contact with him as possible due to how he treats them. I hope you are done with your guy and try what I have suggested, even if you feel silly doing it. I did but the results are great if you do nothing to rebuild the connection.

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So I have this friend let's call her Rebecca whom I was always there for, but she's the type of person to abandon all her friends for her boyfriend. Everytime she and her bf would break up she would call me crying and I would listen. Anyways I have another friend let's call her Carrie, Rebecca and Carroe were really close friends but since Rebecca is glued to her boyfriends hip she told me she hates "Carrie" because she feels like Carrie flirts with her boyfriend. (In Carries defense she's very friendly and anything she does could pass off as flirting) Long story short Carrie and Rebecca stopped talking and Rebecca went on vacation to Colombia. Rebecca recently came back from Colombia now she ignores my texts and Carrie told me Rebecca got her a gift from Colombia. Should I be upset about this? I was always the one there for Rebecca and then she does this. Also btw she never texts me anymore in the first place unless she's on bad terms with her boyfriend when they're on good terms he's the only person she sees. I'm not upset at the fact that she didn't get me a gift, cause I wasn't expecting one but I upset at the fact that she specifically stopped talking to Carrie before her trip, talked behind carries back to everyone, made me make sure Carrie stayed away from her bf, then all of a sudden comes back from her trip with souvenirs for Carrie? That's what upset me the most she was being fake to Carrie but brought her a souvenir and me being always there for her she didn't even bother. What should I do about this situation? I'm always the friend who is always forgotten when it comes to gift giving. Btw we are all 17 & 18 year old high school senior girls

Theres a saying that some friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I believe this refers to fate, or God or a higher power bringing along just the person you need at a certain time in life or for certain situations. Looking back over my life, I can see clearly the reason, season and lifetime ones.

What I think goes wrong with this concept is

when some humans try to decide to assign someone as their reason or season person. In your example, we've got a gal who probably out of total ignorance is using you for what seems like only a reason, to help cheer her after breakups. The fact she's having so many breakups means that she is doing something wrong with guys as well and I would venture it goes even further, that she has difficulties relating to people no matter who they are, family, teachers, friends, strangers...

Perhaps she will learn somehow as she gets older. I like how missundersmock put it to mention what you feel, like she only seeks you out when she needs you. ( not considering that you or anyone else might need and want her friendship) This is selfish on her part but hey, we all can probably remember moments when we've been selfish. Its only when it continues on and on that it really gets old for those who are feeling used.
So if she has troubles in relating to people, in all relationships, that would cover the buying of a gift for one and not all. There doesnt have to be any sense to her decisions, she only does what occurs to her at the moment, without thinking of others and how someone else might feel overlooked and not appreciated. So what this all boils down to if what you are willing to put up with or not, whether you have expectations of how people should be treating you. Humans have basic needs, to be loved, cared about, have someone there for them, a listening ear, empathy, for fun and activities, to be supported and built up, compliments included, etc. Theres much that goes on that list. You are entitled to want those things from a friend. You only can't expect or force that kind of behavior from someone who isn't willing, isn't ready or mature enough. So its down to a decision of whether or not to allow her into your life at all or even try to spend time as friends. Wait for the future, hopefully when shes matured and if she has, then decide whether to welcome her back into your life. This may mean not seeing Carrie when she's hanging out with Rebecca and you need to let Carrie know.
As for the next time Rebecca comes sobbing, if you want to, then listen, accepting that she only comes to you for her own selfish 'reason' . If you no longer want to do so, don't make yourself available. Tell her you don't have the time to spend with her and that she'll need to go tell her breakup story to someone else right now. When you are not available the next time if she tries again, you will have to let her know that you want to be more than just a shoulder to cry on. And if thats all she's willing to offer in friendship, then she needs to consider you as no longer available for just that. Let her know anytime she's ready to be a full friend, you'll welcome her back, no questions or explanations necessary. This doesnt mean you totally ignore her presence as you see her in passing, You can nod and say hi, but thats not friendship, thats just being friendly. And theres a difference.

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let's say you went to a grocery store and you mistakenly dropped a glass bottle on the floor and it broke open and one of the cashiers call you crazy in Spanish and the other cashier laughs and says yeah in spanish....(assuming you don't speak nor comprehend Spanish) but you do, would you report them to the corporate office if there was no manager around? it's like todays cashiers etc fail to realize that If they didn't have customers at their store they wouldn't have a paycheck.....

I am a cashier and from that stand point, can share what companies usually teach their cashier. Customers are going to see and notice cashiers, not the shelve stockers, or other staff, or in restaurants, the wait staff not the cooks. So their best impression of customer service and the whole company as well is going to come from the cashier. It does not matter if a customer spills something, knocks something over, is very tedious to deal with because they can't make up their mind, or if they're in a bad mood dumping on everyone including cashiers, basically they can have valid reasons or no reason at all to act as they do, but no matter what, you treat them like a guest or friend in your home. Smile, friendly, never argue, never ridicule, always say please and thankyou or remember your manners.
The reason why is simple, customers help supply the money that goes into your paycheck and on a grander scale, keeps the company not just afloat but thriving from many happy return customers who also tell their friends and family.

So according to what a cashiers role is, either these gals were never trained properly or think they are above the rules. And so, they are totally out of line. Call the management and tell them. People don't usually bother with little errors or mishaps. Even sometimes a few people will not call and complain about a grievious one like this. But they pay attention when someone takes the time to call in complaints or compliments because a big impression was made there, a bad one or good one so its most likely that they will believe you. Notes like that go into an employees personell file and if there are ever future complaints, its likely they will be fired. Plus this helps give management an alert to s tart watching those girls more closely, especially when they dont think they are being watched.

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I'm a female who happens to be 32... I've been single for about 7 years now... Men who's my age never approach me, unless it's some weirdo... Most times I get approach is my men in their 50s and 60s... I've been out of a relationship so long... I come from a big family with seven sisters, seven happily married sisters... And I'm the only single one... So yesterday I thought what the heck... I was off the weather was superb... I dressed up nicely applied makeup, and I went out to a bar I use to work at... And then walks in my crush... I mean I had a crush on this guy for like a year now... So I walked over to him, started up and convo... We talked a bit, and I offered him my number... He put it in his phone... 2 days past... Well today makes it 2 days and nothing... No call, no text... Nothing... How do I feel hurt embarrassed, half of my old co workers and friends were there and seen the exchange... And I'm thinking wow he don't even like me... Ugh! Like what should I do? I'm bummed out because I'm so sick of being lonely

If someone you weren't interested in offered you their phone number, you are faced with either telling them you aren't interested in that way, wondering if you don't ask if they're just giving it in friendship, or feeling that to avoid hurting their feelings, the best thing is to accept that.
So if a guy hasn't asked for your number and you just volunteered it, most likely, He accepted it just to be polite.

Not knowing you, I can't say if theres something you are doing that turns guys off. But my guess is that it isn't something tangible, or something that you consciously do. What has just as great an effect at making people stay away from others as far as making friends as kids in school or for relationships as adults is what others pick up on at a subconscious level. So I will mention that right now for you to give thought to. Its basically, low self esteem, and low self confidence. In your case, even if you never had low self confidence in the past, enough rejections in a row could cause you to think in ways that bring on low self esteem.

Not to pick on you dear, but I see myself in the past by some things you stated, things I needed to learn how to deal with properly in me before I'd have more success in life not to mention relationships. As a kid I had extreme social anxiety or shyness as it was called back then. I followed a treatment plan where I over came that, but as I learned about 10+ years later, is that I still had something hard to detect in myself, a fear of what others might be thinking, no matter what I or someone else I was with, was doing.
I feared what awful things a person may think of me, and then those fears lead to more emotions like embarassment and such.
So even tho your coworkers saw the exchange of phone number, there is no way for them to know that it wasn't for just a pick up. It could be in talking that you mentioned Dad collected old cars but never fixed them up and you inherited them when he passed and this guy happens to like old cars and wants to come over and buy some off you. Okay, wild example, but truly, people don't really know...and what we don't know, our minds will make up in our heads all sorts of stories to fill in the gaps. It is only my distorted thinking that held me back and a lack of self confidence. Now that I know about this, it isn't a problem that overcomes me anymore. But being human, I am prone to bein affected just like anyone else by a new situation or unknown territory...cus new stuff and change is scary for us all and so I will see those distorted thoughts pop up in my head still. What I do now, is recognize the distortion and replace it in my mind with the truth.
Hon, rather than go long length in trying to explain more, you might benefit from either seeing a life coach who would work with you on how to be ready for dating and finding a mate. If it comes to the point you may need to see someone to get the specific help for distorted thoughts, fears, anxieties, you would want to look for a psychologist who uses and teaches the CBT method, cognitive behavioral therapy. This works so well because our behavior, is going to be spurred on by our thoughts. Good thoughts, good behavior, distorted thoughts, problems in what you are doing that may be hard to see until someone else who does it for a living can point it out to you.

Dont worry, this does not mean theres something wrong with you, that you are mentallly ill, etc. Most humans live with distorted thinking. Its the amount of it that begins to bog down a person in certain areas of life. Low self confidence can add to the issues you experience. In tests done with men in a room of women of all sorts, model types to average in looks, after initial conversation with the lookers, they gravitated to and found the ones with self confidence to be sexier, no matter what their looks. I believe this from my experience as an adult who after divorce got out there dating again. I now had the self confidence and so many men were attracted to that, even if they werent perfect for me in may other ways. I wish you the best, don't give up. And 32 isn't too old to find a good guy. There are many who avoid marriage and play and take all this time to learn, grow up and mature and realize what theyve been doing wrong with women and are finally ready in their early 30s to settle down and marry the right one.

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My boyfriend and I have been together for about nine months now. He is a smoker and I have expressed my dislike for it very much and how I just want to keep him around for as long as possible as I have experienced quite a few of my family members passing away due to smoking and he agrees, he said he wants to stop and I would be the perfect motivation to do so. He has since joined the gym, he says working out makes his desire to smoke very minuscule and I am so proud of him for that.

We were watching a movie the other night when he brought up the idea of me joining the gym with him. He has expressed numerous times that he does not think I am unfit or overweight, he just thinks that since he is quitting smoking for me, the least I could do is go to the gym with him. I don't think it is a bad idea at all but I am thinking about whether it would be weird or not. He and I are close but I have not a single clue about anything gym related and he's been doing this for a while so I don't want to look incompetent to him or anything or get out of breath doing things while he is just motoring along.

I do jog (definitely not run) and he does too so he brought up us doing that together as well but I think I have the same issue, that i am not as fit as he is. For instance, when I jog, if I get tired, I walk until I'm not tired anymore....I went for a jog the other day and texted him when I got back home to come over and hang out. When he did come over, he told me the entire hour he was out, he ran the entire time, two miles around the local high school track and then back home... I just don't think I would be able to keep up and I'm nervous that he would see that and not so much think differently of me but change his perception of my fitness or physical abilities, I guess.

Anyway, I want to do this with him - it would be better for me to get healthier and work on my willpower to actually go and work out every night with him and I think it would bring us closer together (my brother and his girlfriend work out together and they love it and says that's what keep them as close and as strong as they are that they experience that hour workout together everyday). I just want to know how I can get over this nervousness of not being able to live up to his standards or look unfit to him.

Thanks for any input!

Both my husband and I joined a gym and yet I had the same feelings you do, not that my husband could do better than me, but that I would look pathetic to the gym staff or other gym goers for where I had to start at.
Its a feeling you have to learn to deal with and its not about your boyfriend, because as I said, if even you could keep up with him, there's always gonna be someone at the gym who can do much more than him.
So this means having to face reality. Heres what I found at my gym. Yes, theres lotsa young people but there's also a lot of senior citizens who simply want to hang on to their health and they're just starting like me. I knew nothing and neither did my husband about the weights and other equipment. I had to have personnel there show me how to use it. Discovered my legs are stronger than my arms and chest muscles. The weights i did for each machine varied depending on the strength of that particular muscle. I had to start at the lightest weight on some which felt embarassing until I followed other older people around the circuit and could see where they left the weights they'd just used, same as what I was doing. I was told to not go for too many repitions, just do the highest weight I could complete successfully for 5 reps, then next time go for 10 and up to 20. When it becomes too easy, move up to next weight level.
As for endurance, yup, I was lacking also so for the bikes, stair steppers, elipticals, etc....I was sweating like crazy and exhausted in little time and pushed myself to go a little bit past where I thought I couldn't do any more. On the stair climbing equipment for example, it was easier to see how my endurance increased over the days. It records how many steps I climbed. I only did 10 first day, but 2nd day that felt easier. Went on to 20 the 3rd day. The fourth day, I was doing many stair levels but still at a slow pace, not as fast as others, yet I was completing much more in just a weeks time and was proud of myself and yes, it does make you feel better overall.
So I see nothing wrong with going with the boyfriend. The best way to get over a fear is to face it and the first step would be to tell him how you feel embarrassed to be starting from scratch and knowing nothing. Once you do that, the fear will flee. You may feel fear the day you actually go with him and are entering the gym, but just remind yourself that others start at the bottom and its not where you started that matters, but the end goal of being healthier over all which you will eventually get there...and might I say, a lot faster than myself, being that I am in my 50s and I assume you are much younger.
Good luck dear.

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I've been seriously thinking of becoming Buddhist. How long should I study before I make the life-changing choice?

Interesting question. How long to study? Hmm, well the only thing I can think of is an analogy, a comparison to something else in life that will hopefully make the answer clear to you.

How long does a person study to pass and get their drivers license. The study is one part, and then there is how many times one takes a test to pass. Now the person is a licensed driver.
Does this mean the person knows the things that the drivers ed class or book does not teach? There's much to be said for instinct, anticipating another drivers bad move, quick reflexes with split second choices that determine whether you are in an accident or are spared. Those are the kinds of things that are life learning things you will gain once already on that path. I would have to say that fits the description of my spiritual growth including a switch in beliefs. I can not even now in my 50s say that I know and have experienced everything but I have read alot. I can say that reading about it is a far cry from experiencing things once immersed in the trying to live and practice what you do know. You will always come up against concepts that sound good but are they really solid? Or better yet, is it really going to be the best thing for you to move on farther in your faith or discovery of new beliefs.
I think you will know how much basic study to put in before you actually start applying it to your life or decide something isn't right for you.

I have learned that of all the belief systems on earth, it seems that most of them all have some nuggets of truth and all also have some parts that are off target, misconceptions, etc. So as you mature as a spiritual creature, it becomes easier to see those things that don't match up to you. I really cant give you an actual time frame as you have asked for, but having switched from basically Christian to a more eclectic solitary belief that leans toward paganism, wicca, I'd be willing to share or answer any questions you may have on the process. Good luck!

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What do you do when you fear your husband is having an affair? When there have been signs for a considerably long time? There have been all kinds of little things such as that he's been incredibly secretive. He never tells anyone where he's going when he leaves the house or where's been when he comes home late. When anyone asks, he asks why they want to know. If you ask again, he flips out and starts screaming, turning it into a huge fight for absolutely no reason at all. He claims that he got angry and started screaming because whoever asked him used a "hateful" tone of voice even though they didn't and even if they did, he still blew it way, way, WAY out of proportion. Also, what if your daughter said she's seen him flirting with single mothers at said daughter's basketball practices and other such things? Then you saw his truck (a very distinctive looking truck) parked at the home of one of the aformentioned single mother's? AND you found a second cell phone filled with texts from a woman that NOW, he seems to have hidden somewhere? This marriage is on it's last leg. If he is seriously having an affair, i'm afraid divorce will be unavoidable. But I can't prove anything yet. What should I do?

Whether its an affair or not, his behavior is bad enough that you have plenty of reasons for divorcing him other than there being affair. The fact that he's a father and husband and is missing at all times and wont give an explanation means he is not committed to this family any more. He may attend a basketball practice but I highly doubt its to support his child, only as a chance to flirt with other women. Usually, its hard to have real solid proof, the kind that stands up in court, but if he is no longer caring about you, treating you as if he's in love with you, supportive and all, then you've lost a husband a long time ago.

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I have this guy friend, (that i really like but i'll save that for another day) who likes to talk with me about a lot of things. Recently he was talking about my good friend Kristina and how he thought she was moving too fast. Kristina has been hugging him a lot and holding him arm (almost clingy if you get what i mean) and laying her head on his shoulder in church. For my church that's really awkward and jaedon (the guy friend) finds it all too awkward and fast. he also said that he thinks they haven't been talking long enough. So i thought about telling Kristina, but i have never told anyone anything jaedon has said to me privately. They are both my friends and whenever me and him talked before it would always be someone i had no relation to. So i don't want to betray him by telling Kristina what he told me. But i also don't want to see my friend unhappy. What should i do?

Also i like jaedon a lot but i wouldn't want to date someone she likes (especially since so is a drama queen, like she calls this one girl who likes jaedon boyfriend stealer and satan... its bad lmao)

Whats told to you in confidence should not be shared withanyone else unless you ask Jaedon and he says its okay. If he doesnt like it, then actually, he should be the one to say something to her. You wouldn't even know there was an issue unless you had observed this happening between your friends yourself, but he said something.

There are different reasons for dating if indeed thats what they are doing. If they are not dating or gf and bf, then I can see how this would be very awkward and uncomfortable for the person receving such treatment from someone else just because that somone else has a need for love and attention and is boldly going after it.

Now if You have observed Kristina hugging him excessively and leaning her head on his shoulders, then you are a witness to this and as a friend, without telling her what he said, just stating to her what you have observed, its easier to say something like: Kristina, I need to tell you something I see, it may be nothing and I am not saying this to make trouble, but I've seen his face when you go and hug him and lay your head on his shoulder. It looks like it makes him very uncomfortable. He likes you but my guess is he doesnt like it. You might ask him if he likes it when you hug him always. Guys are pretty picky about that sort of thing."

However, if you feel SO intently about this that you can't leave it to Jaedon to say something as he should and you say that all, then its likely to backfire with this girl who is a Drama queen giving you a lot of drama for your efforts rather than see this as being a helpful friend. I will be even worse if she does say something to Jaedon and he 'Assumes' you told her what he said to you and know you'd have both of them mad at you. Meddling in others business rarely turns out well.

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First, I don't know what to do to my hair this week. Any suggestions????

Second, i'm going to a wedding this saturday, how should i do my hair?

btw, i'm 12

You don't give much info. But I will assume this is a girl asking because a guy wouldn't worry about such details.
I have watched those who attend a wedding but are not in the wedding party such as bridesmaids, flower girl. I've been to lots of weddings and never seen attendees attempt to dress any fancier than when they attend church.
Theres also an unwritten rule that wedding goers shouldn't try to look so pretty as to outshine the bride. Most recently, my daughters were in a wedding and their hair was done by a professional since they were in the wedding.
If your hair is shorter, there's not much you can do with it. Perhaps used hair combs to pull your hair away from your face, a hair clip with a flower on it. If you have long hair, have someone do a nice braiding do for you. There are many simple diy videos on youtube and braiding looks very fancy. It the hair is long enough to twist until you can twist it into a bun, then use a hair clip to hold it up in place. Or just go with your hair freshly washed and hanging down or as you always were it. If your hair is dyed colors that are not natural, then that is what you will go to the wedding with. You can't really make drastic changes depending on what your hair is like. Whatever you are in the mood for most likely will be fine.

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Do you guys think if a 13 year old is talking to or dating a 15 year old is it ok

My first thought to your question is as to who is doing the asking, are you the parent of the 13 year old or are you the 13 year old?

Either way, no matter which you are, I will share what I did with my 3 daughters when they were that age. I told them that once I got to know a boyfriend of theirs and knew I good trust them with my daughter to treat them well, then at some point, and this depends on the maturity of the individuals, I would allow them to date without chaperones.
But until that time,here was the deal..since young love or first love can be a very real thing, I told my girls that if a guy if interested in you and wants to date or asks you to be his girlfriend, if you are interested in him as well, then tell him that you'd like to but for starters, to spend time with her, the parents are okay with a male friend or boyfriend spending time with her at our house, same as having a girlfriend over, except that her bedroom door must stay open at all times. The way a guy would treat us and her would be observed by us and we being the adults had a better chance of spotting any warning signs. Now here is where I was perhaps a more progressive parent. I told the girls if in this period of being together they got to the point where they felt they couldnt keep their hands to themselves and privates covered and wanted sex, then all they had to do was come to me and let me know and i'd make sure our Dr. saw them and got them on birth control. I would rather have a daughter not have sex until she was older, but if the choice was between a pregnant teen and a non pregnant one, I'd choose non pregnant. The girls let the guys know this and not a single one of them had the guts to come and hang at our house. I feel this is a reasonable alternative to teen who cant drive yet and do real dating, to have a way to spend time together getting to know each other better and do fun stuff together. On the other hand, my sister had the same rule for her daughter and that boyfriend agreed to the deal, I saw him over visiting my niece very often, everytime I went over to see my sister. So i am not talking about something a far stretch outside of reality. this is very do able and sets parents minds at rest if that is the big concern.

As for talking to boys, girls should be able to talk to guys as well as girls. As teens, it is a crucial part in them learning how to gain understanding of the other sex too. However too many have lost the ability to talk face to face or on the phone due to the texting craze and that is detrimentral to their ability to gain some experience in how to relate to others, especially boys and boys as well need to learn that girls aren't all that mysterious, just different. You did state talking, not texting. I do not consider texting to be a good form of conversation. Talking on a phone or face to face is a much better way to learn about each other and is healthy and normal. FOr teens to think they can hold intelligent info gathering conversation about the person they are interested in by the infrequent texts or replys to texts is liking expecting pigs to be able to fly. Ain't gonna happen folks. I know my girls had plenty of questions for me, what does it mean when a guy says and does this? What should I say to my girlfriend who is doing this and that? In the younger teens, no matter how mature a teen is,(I was one of the mature ones) and I also know I lacked the perspective of life experience yet, plus I know something now I didn't know then, that the pre frontal lobe of the brain which is responsible for making good decisions, having better judgement of people, etc. is still not fully developed growing and wouldn't be until about the mid 20s according to scientists. This doesnt mean this age group can't talk to or date each other, but they require adults they trust who know them well and can be available to give their guidance and advice each step along the way rather than just allow teens to jump into the dating world to figure it all out on their own.

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I've been seeing this great guy for a couple of months now, since july from last year and from the moment we met we clicked and it feels perfect. He shows me attention and treats me like his girlfriend when were together BUT we aint a couple and its starting to get to me now, reason being is because i've caught more feelings. Like we act like a couple when were together and were not, i feel like im getting mixed signals.. however last saturday night we had our first time together and it was really nice i won't deny to say i loved it, and since then i feel like i have more feelings for him. His parents even know about me and stuff, i dont know if 7/8 months is too fast for him to ask me to be his girlfriend? I wanna ask him but i dont wanna scare him away by asking what he feels for me or what we are cause i feel confused, the way he treats me and acts with me makes me feel he has a lot of feelings, but why hasnt he asked me out yet?? i dont wanna keep sleeping with someone and they aint my boyfriend. I dont wanna keep waiting months and months and were in the same position.. What should i do please? im so stuckkk!!!!!

Not knowing your age makes it a bit harder to advise. If you are both teens, there is no hurry to become 'officially' a couple by hearing the words that confirm it in your mind. I'd have more to say if you are a teen but i don't know.

If you are old enough to be of age to seriously date to find out what you want in a mate/husband/father of your kids someday in the near future, then by all means...do not keep silent!!!

First tho, ask yourself what you are looking for, just a boyfriend as a social companion and someone compatible for regular sex...thats a good reason but not the only reason to be dating.
The other reason, learning what you want in a future mate and recognizing that quality when you meet a guy is important if that is your current reason for 'seeing' a guy or 'dating' him.

To me, seeing a guy and dating him mean the same thing. So I am not clear on what you mean by seeing him. If you feel that 'seeing' is equal to just being friends, well it can be good news depending on the situation. The situation depends on him and you having same reasons to date and also having the same idea of what 'dating' is and isn't.

For you, it might mean hearing the words, "I want to ask you out on a date." But for the guy, it might mean getting hungry while hanging out together and then asking if you want to go somewhere to get a bite to eat. That to him may qualify as a date. In my book, dating means a time of discovery about the other person if your goal is to find your long term, or life long partner. I dont think many girls want to find a guy with whom the relationship will be short, months or a year or two but in the learning process, thats exactly what its going to be dear.

It may be nothing more than a game of semantics between you both and the meaning of the words you each put to your situation.
If you have a male who doesnt see you only to have sex and do nothing else together, then you can rest assured you are not his booty call. From what it sounds like you're saying, the two of you hang out together doing a lot of things and you feel right together and enjoy each other. If you didnt have sex until just recently, then this guy either has a low low libido and can do with very little sex, or he is a gentleman who is seriously interested in you because the plain fact with males is that they don't waste their time hanging out with a girl they don't really like as a person, loving your character and personality as well as how attractive you are to them. Men are very visual and if they like what they see, they will invest the time hanging out with a girl whether its officially called dating or not, in order to learn if she's not just beautiful to him on the outside but just as beautiful under her skin. That is what most women want and not many find. It sounds like this guy may be that kind of guy. Do you really know him, have met his friends and family? A guy without anything to hide who truly is available and really likes you will introduce you to friends and family. Some males never figure out if they like a girl, and are totally inept at relationships, and dating and all that goes with it. Other males know what they want at an early age and go after it. And then again, other males don't trust their own instincts or are afraid of commitment but at the same time want to hang on to a girl because she's the best thing in his life. Sounds strange, right? But some guys are like that and take a bit longer to get in touch with their real feelings.

Females on the other hand are terrified they will never have a guy who is interested in them, who will 'see' them or date them or want to marry them. Why they feel this way, I don't know but I suspect that self confidence in part is a cause.
Females also are afraid to ask a guy certain things or tell him things for fear of scaring him away. I have learned much through experiencing many years as an adult going through the school of hard knocks where relationships are concerned. I've learned that if a guy was to be 'scared off' in the beginning by my stating to him why I am dating and what I am expecting to find in a man who will qualify as being my boyfriend and later my long term mate or husband, then I am lucky that theres one less piece of straw in the haystick so when I search for my Mr. right, the needle in the haystack, I've eliminated another wimp, another guy afraid of commitment, another guy who may dislike self assured women because he cant control them, etc. You are looking at this from a standpoint of it being a loss if you were to be open with him after 7-8 months and he were to stop seeing you and run away, when you should be thinking of it as a plus, as being one step closer to finding the right guy because the wrong one got scared and ran.
SO talk to him. Let him know what you really are looking for in a guy. What criteria you have for him to be willing to meet and if he won't then say goodbye.
I know...you have feelings so its hard to think of possibly saying goodbye.
Feelings and emotions can be misleading dear. Females tend to develop feelings as strong as love when they begin to have sex with a man. Its something about the way we are wired. But having sex with a man, if its good, isn't the only criteria your mind should be realistically thinking of when comtemplating having any male as a boyfriend, friend with benefits, short or long term mate. How a guy treats you in other ways is important as well as many other things.
When on a dating site to meet my next husband after a divorce, I was ready to count myself lucky to find a guy who could meet my list of criteria who was either willing to be a boyfriend only or who was looking for a wife. At my older age, having raised kids, I was willing to accept either and found a husband who not only met my criteria but wasn't afraid of it either. Oh plenty guys complained when they read my list or I told them what I wanted and how i wasn't willing to settle for less. The complainers even got mad and I got glad, there went dozens who automatically ruled themselves out for being so sensitive they took things personally or didn't like a woman who was looking for an equal partner instead of a controlling abusive one as I had last time. As long as you remain fearful of losing a guy for any reason, you are not in a good advantageous position dear and thats an unhappy way and more likely to be an unsuccessful way to go through the world of dating and trying to find a partner. I know I am a stranger to you, but I am a stranger who has gone through a bad relationship, fear of speaking up, lack of and then gaining self confidence, deciding what I really wanted out of life in the relationship area, and not being afraid to ask for it. Cus often, you get what you ask for. I did. But you have to make the first step of asking and stating what you want, not settling for less and not fearing the what if one guy gets upset or scared and goes away. good luck dear.

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Hello.

22/F here with a 8 year old nephew who is in 3rd grade. Currently he came home crying saying his teacher denies him going to the bathroom all the time and called him a "knucklehead" in front of the whole class. Also said what he has been wearing lately to school is "weird" mind you they have to wear uniforms. She constantly messages my sister about stuff like "he was eating a lollipop while walking in the hallway when he should know better" I understand rules are rules but this is a 8 year old child and don't believe he should be picked on. I have actually watched her talking to her students and it sounds like she's always yelling and her kids look terrified of her. She's a young teacher and this is her 1st year teaching. One of his Lighthouse teachers (afterschool program) said he needs 2 bottles of shampoo and 1 Bottle of conditioner and 3 bottles of Gel simply because my nephew like to have his hair slicked to the side when he goes to school. He came home crying the other day and I'm not sure of what to think of this. Please give me some insight on this and what we can do in regards to this. Truly appreciate it.

I don't know about all the rest of what you mentioned but picking out one child and name calling in front of others is a very demeaning thing to do. It is demeaning at any age. I had an ex like that who instead of waiting until home beyond closed doors would decide to chew me out (as adults in our 20s and on thru marriage) in front of other people, often enough, others who knew me, like friends and family. And anyone who stood up for me got yelled at by him too.
So I know how it feels and it is not right.
With uniforms, I would guess this is a private school and private schools can be stricter than a public school and involve parents more in the process of their childs progress and behavior at school. I had one daughter in private school for a couple years as she was floundering in learning at public schools and this helped her catch up. So it may not be unusual if this is a private school for a teacher to report to parents often on their child. There should be positive things in the reports however rather than the focus all negatively based. Even if a public school, its unusual for teachers to call and pester parents a bout their childs behavior. The proper thing to do if they were really concerned about there being a learning disability or behavioral problem or something like ADD, is to hold a meeting with the parents at school along with any other teachers that know the child, maybe a gym teacher, etc and the principal and then have a good discussion about whats going on. You didn't say what the childs mom has to say about this all. If you are concerned as Aunt, I wonder what the parents are thinking or if they are just ignoring this hoping the issue will go away.

Being young and a first year teacher may or may not be an issue. There can be many who are naturally good with children and with all people in general. Then again, teachers are human like the rest of us and perhaps if something is going on in her personal life that is making her upset or unhappy, if this is really happening,she is not thinking that in the need to release her frustration and stress, she isn't doing it the right way but bringing it to work and dumping on people there. Unfortunately where she works is with kids who don't have other adults around to watch and see that a teacher doesn't go out of line. Being the age they are, they are more vulnerable to abuse in the world, no matter where it comes from, at home or at school.

Only someone who has really observed the teacher running the class and how she is acting & seems to be treating them is any "real" proof, the kind that when it comes to proving something isn't heresay that is passed on. So if your sister/brother has seen this behavior then they can mention it to the teachers superiors. If not, they do have the emails or phone calls of what the teacher tries to report and complain about and if they like, you could go along as an extra witness as to what you've seen in the teacher and both how the boy cries when he comes home.

Sorry but I didnt understand the part of an after school teacher reporting that a child needs shampoo, conditioner and gel. Are they trying to say his hair is dirty, or lice infected. Lice is the biggest hair concern in schools and I went thru lots of that. My opinion to comments on how he dresses weird when they all wear uniforms would have been to immediately comment back, exactly what do you mean by weird because that word 'weird' really means nothing unless you are mind readers and can know what is going on in the teachers head and why she used that word to describe his looks. I understand that uniforms must be worn with certain criteria (I wear one to work) to be clean, non wrinkled, buttoned up, hems not undone and sagging, no holes or rips or seams unraveling in uniform, and it can go further to the color of socks and shoes allowed, and perhaps for older grades, no jewelry, makeup, tattoos, certain haircuts and styles not acceptable especially if a very strict private school. Employers have dress codes for workers so this is not a foreign concept. Basically, at this point, you only know what you have seen and have no idea what the teachers mean by their choice of words or suggestions with shampoo etc.

So its their right as parents to call a meeting with the teacher and other school officials and to air out all their questions, get some answers and also to bring up their concerns as to things the child is upset and crying about, how it seems he is being singled out and picked on by the teacher. Get her point of view on whats going on.

When my kids were in school and came home to complain about kids who were mean to them or other problems in class, I walked in right after school that day or day after and asked the teacher if he/she had a little time to talk. I told them what my childs complaint was, what other kids were supposedly doing. I was going to first of all, believe and back my child until he or she was proven guilty as having caused their own problem or perhaps it was more imagined than reallity. I as a child was extremely shy, great social anxiety so most of what I imagined wasn't reality at all, or I had some part in causing others reactions and treatment of me by how I acted and they didnt understand.
This nephew needs the adults who know him best to get involved and have a talk with the teacher at least and if things don't improve, her boss or the principal. It would be good to take a pen and notepad and write down your questions to remember to ask them and also write down her answers exactly as she words them. I dont know if it's okay or appropriate but if you ask for her permission, you might just tape record the meeting so you can go over it again and it becomes real proof as to what the teacher said vs what you tell her superiors that she said which they won't be able to know for sure if they werent there. She may need some redirecting by her superiors. In her zeal to prove herself in her first year, she could be going out of bounds or have a warped idea in her mind of what carrying out her duties as a teacher are compared to what the schools actual rules for how to run a class and treat a child are. Wondering about this will get you no where.
I don't care how little a problem seems or even if you're not sure its a problem...but a child who feels it is a problem and is crying about it...means that there is something there that the parents need to look into and they are not being out of line for checking on this.
I even talked to one teacher about my daughter complaining about a boy she says was being mean to her. I asked her what she has observed. This was 2nd grade. I didn't accuse the boy of being mean and stated that I had no way to know if my daughter was totally innocent, I was just gathering info. The teacher only saw the two seeming to tease each other and not act upset by it. However my daughters story was different. Either the boy was being mean when the teacher didn't see it, or my daughters interpretation of the 'teasing' was that the other child was mean.
So one day, after school, I asked the older boy waiting outside class if he was this kids brother and he said yes. I gave him my phone number and asked him to give it to his parents to call me tonight. I didnt get the call so the next day I asked if his parents were home after school and If I and my daughter could walk along home with him so I could meet his mom. Well both parents were there. Wonderful nice people. I told them what was going on and that I was sure it wasn't anything like a real problem and that I suspected it was how my daughter was interpreting things. Sure enough, once the kids saw the adults laughing and getting along fine, they began to play and became friends that evening.
My daughters next complaint in the following days at school were that the other kids were teasing her and this boy that they were bf and gf. I told her to ignore them and enjoy her friendship with him, they're all just jealous. End of problem.
Sometimes the problem(s) aren't as big or unsolvable as you might think. And my kids appreciated that I cared enough about their little worries that even if blown out of proportion, I followed through on fact gathering and then speaking to the people who could help turn things around. That is Exactly what needs to happen hear. A kid knowing he's backed this way by his parents may have a greater chance of growing self confidence...something I saw in all my kids throughout their school years, a time when many kids have low self confidence. Anytime they had an issue come up as teens, they'd come talk to me instead of being afraid I wouldn't understand because of how I supported them when they were younger. I am glad I accidently did the right thing at the time without realizing how much it would help during their teen years. If you want, go ahead and show the parents my response here, at the very least, it gives them another way to look at this, at whats going on with their son. If it was my son, I wouldn't ignore. Don't accuse but ask questions and gather info before taking any further steps. GOod Luck

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13-14, females

So there is this girl in my friend group. I can tell pretty much everyone in our friend group is jealous of her, including me.

She's pretty and even my separate friends, they'd see a selfie with me and her and be like "she's so pretty what's her name?"
She's smart and she doesn't do extra for it (that we're aware of)
She's super nice
She's skinny
She's sporty and girly
She's mature

Basically I, and a bunch of our friends can't find a flaw in her.

I am not kidding I even had a thought to myself that she was like 30 and went back in time, and has all this knowledge. She always knows what to say with advice, and she has so many people who tell her secrets and come to her to talk through problems. She's good at like every subject and when she's just learnt something, she just gets it and can explain it (from what I've heard and witnessed).

Everyone in the group wants to be her best friend it seems.

Now I've been noticing people are trying to be like her. I've been there, last year, but then I realised that no one can be like her (it seems that way), and also I want to be my own person, have my own interests, etc.

Recently we've been noticing how she is making so many new friends, and she kind of seems embarrassed to be around us. She's so perfect that I don't want to be around her!

I know this isn't good, I don't have the best self esteem, and at this point it's like any flaw I can find in her will make me feel better. It's not just me, some of our friends said that to me as well!

She's not very relatable, she doesn't seem to ever embarrass herself. It seems like she doesn't care what anyone thinks, she doesn't get mad, she's figured out herself, etc. It also seems like she 50 steps ahead. How is she like this at just 14?

I will agree that its highly unusual to find someone like this at this age, who is how you describe, but it also isn't an impossibility. Knowing how she can be like this isn't going to be a magic formula you can follow to become the same. And as you said, you want to be your own person and thats one of the smartest things you could have said.
This gal may have had exceptional parents, maybe one who is a counselor or psychologist with lots of insight and ability to reach their kids and teach their kids in ways that help the kids mature in ways most kids dont get a chance to. Or perhaps she had grandparents would told lots of stories and taught her lots of life truths simply because she was the kind of kid willing to listen to them. Perhaps she was born with a higher IQ than most humans and is at professor level or beyond. Or theres a really way out possibility if one believes in such things....that she is a really old soul who has the experience of so many more past lifetimes than the rest of us and so are much more mature and just stand out in many ways behavior wise from most humans at any age. I have people close to me tell me that...that I am so far different from the average human that one can't help but notice theres something about me that makes me not blend in but stand out. I dont have that kind of ego and don't tend to think that way of myself but I hear it told to me over and over. Maybe I'll believe it someday before i die. Of the few possibilities I mentioned, as you can see, if any one of them were true, there would be no way for you to copy what made her turn out this way.

I am sure you find it irritating to see others try to copy her. When younger people feel like they lack their own self confidence, they will naturally tend to copy someone whom they believe has it all. I want to tell you a story about self confidence and how the concept of copying someones self confidence is actually a very good trick for giving yourself a jump start to becoming your own person with confidence that can never be taken away from you. That is what kids at your age really want to have and guess what, its something I didn't have at your age. As a kid, and teen and even into my 20s, I was struggling to overcome social anxiety and then later, gain self confidence too.
Looking back, I can see that in some way, the kids by instinct are somewhat headed in the right direction but they are trying to gain what she has by copying all the unimportant things that won't change their own self confidence because that occurs in the mind with a cool method you use on yourself. Its not going to come from copying how she talks or smiles or laughs, how she dresses or does her hair and makeup, how she does in her grades, how she seems to have the knowledge of an older person.
I hope you are excited to hear about the trick that worked for me...something I didnt do until I was an adult, divorced and contemplating dating and finding a new partner, scary after marriage for many years. I needed a self confidence boost and can't say where I read this, but basically we all feel that actors and actresses are confident or at least act confident and people really notice them. I know I have average to good looks but look no where like the people we see on tv and in movies, not the model type. However, it was easy enough to find one thing about my looks I did like. I like my eyes and feel they are also very expressive eyes. So I thought of an actress I liked whose eyes were similar to mine. Thats all you need, one little thing, whether it be your height, bone structure, hair, mouth etc... that you can say is just as good or pretty as actress so and so...

Then every day I left home and every time I was about to enter a building, school, work, grocery, a diner or bar, etc... I imagined that I looked like her total body, at least the self confidence part because that actress is already accepted and liked by many. I pictured this in my mind. Some days I wasnt wearing makeup and I kind of forgot at times I had done this imaginary trick until after a couple days, both women and men even those I didnt know, would approach me to tell me I have the prettiest eyes they'd ever seen. My eyes had not changed from before the experiment, but my self confidence had gotten its start without my realizing it. And the self confidence is what had others noticing me. Peoples subconscious minds will pick up on things like this while you are awake and it will make an impression. I would hope this could also work on younger people. I would be interested to hear from you if you try it, what results you get. Its the only way I gained some initial confidence and once you can feel that self confidence cus of compliments, it doesnt take much more to grow from there into being your own person without having to really copy anyone else. Hopefully your friends will realize this as they grow older. Or you never know, when they begin to subconsciously pick up on changes in you, they may all of a sudden be asking you what has changed about you and the next thing you know, peole are interested in you and being around you. You may not have the IQ of this girl but you can be a shining star with confidence in a world where few people even smile.

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Im in school, stepped out side of my classroom for a brief moment and i was very focussed on where i was headed too, i was casually listening to my music and all of a sudden i hear "sppphhh" like someone called me. i go up the stairs and look back too see, a boy looking at me blankly and then winks at me. I Never met him but seen him around my school, i smile amd look down shyly. And i look back again at him and he has the biggest grin looking at me , i give a bigger flirty smile. The eye contact was crazy it didnt break, sucks we didnt stop or say anything, kinda wanna see him sometime again but how will this turn out, pointless i hope not.

If he did that, then he is visually attracted to you. Can't go as far as saying he likes you because neither of you know anything about each other but that can be remedied if both of you like what you see. It all starts with attraction for both females and males.
The unfortunate thing for young females is that at a young age, it's hard to tell when a guys attraction is purely one way track, only sexual, or is he the kind of guy looking for a girl who can be a close or best friend as well as having the romance with her.

I know how fun and great that feeling is when a guy looks at you like this...and it continues thru life no matter how old you are. I am in my 50s and still there are guys that look at me appreciatively and interested until they discover I am married. But it still feels good. tHE only way you can know if something more can happen from this encounter is that next time you see him somewhere around school, boldly walk up and say, "Hi, can I talk to you a minute?" If he's with other people, you don't need others listening in. So when you can talk to him alone, just rely on using the little you know of him and that encounter and the questions it raised in you, in essense...use the truth to say something to him. Bring it all up as a starting point for your convo. You will use your own words but heres some examples of what to say. No matter how awkward it feels, often the more awkward and scary it is to speak up and admit something, the other person will admire you for having the guts to do so rather than think you are a weirdo.
"Hi. I don't see you often but I remember the time you called out to get my attention in a hallways and smiled at me. So, I've been thinking about that, wondering why you did that. I guess I am going out on a limb here asking, but do you flirt with everybody like that, or were you specifically wanting to get my attention, cus you got it, especially since we don't know each other so it stood out in my mind. Were you just doing that for fun or hoping to talk and maybe become friends cus I regret that I didn't take the time to chat with you at least a little. So I apologize now if you had wanted to talk...but I'm here now and we can trade names and numbers and keep in touch if you like.

That might be too wordy or not sound like you so just basically bring up that you remember him going psst to get your attention but you regret not having time the time right then to talk and you want to make up for it now.

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So my friends are ranting about my other friends to me (who are their friends as well). I love that my friends don't create drama, but they're being two faced. They're so nice to someone's face and then they go and rant about them to me, or maybe someone else. Who knows what they've said behind my back! I mean, if they have a problem with someone, tell them nicely, otherwise they'll probably keep doing it without knowing it's affecting them. Instead, they rant about it to me.

The thing is, I would tell them to talk to the other person about it, but then they might take it the wrong way, and not come to me if they have an issue and I can help, like they'll feel like they can't talk to me about their problems.

I don't want to just stand there and agree with everything they say either.

One time one of my friends texted me ranting about my other friend who is her friend too and then when I told her to talk to her about it and not me, she was like "I can't even talk to my own friend". I know this was a bit dramatic of her, but my point is I want to still be thought of as nice and I want to be there for my friends, I just don't know what to say when they do this.

Sorry if this was confusing to read, but hopefully my question is somewhat clear. Thanks for reading!

Perhaps your friends are unaware of what they are doing, it started as fun and something to do and quickly became a bad habit.
Its going to be touchy attempting to bring up the subject tactfully so you don't offend them but it may go wrong simply because they are young and immature to begin with. But if you want to keep the friendship and this drama of being two faced is beginning to affect you in not so good ways, then its time to say something or stop seeing any of them. I am sure you'd rather find a way to continue to be friends if possible.

I;ll use name of Kim for friend. Lets say Julie just left your group to go somewhere and as soon as Julies gone, Kim says, I can't stand how she does her hair, she's always spending less time on her hair than the rest of us, and then others say her hair looks better than ours. They should like our hair cus we know how to style it better."

There is always a reason in a persons mind for saying things. It always starts with a thought but unfortunately, in that statement right there, is distorted thinking and jealousy, very good causes of why she is spouting off in negative ways about someone. So you need to draw her attention to what shes doing and most important ask what she is hoping this will accomplish and or how it will help her.

You: Kim, exactly why are you telling me this? (she says her reason which wont be the cause of the reason why she does this) Next you can ask, so is your saying this stuff about her making the issue in your mind go away? Is it making you feel better, so you get over it and its no longer a problem? (If she says yes it makes her feel better, you only need wait until the next time Kim brings up the subject of Julies hair and complaining about Julie) Then you can say, As I remember, I asked you if talking about it helped you to get over it so it no longer bothered you. Did you realize you are talking about the same issue again? This means the talking about it isn't helping you deal with it. I know that there are two sides to each issue. If you want to sit and talk with me and not afraid to explore the root issues that might be here causing this to bother you so much, maybe a constructive talk like that will help. I dont know much like a counselor would but I can at least tell you what I see if you want to hear. Then give your opinion. If you agree that Julies hair looks better than yours or Kims even though she spends less time on it, less fuss, then agree. But life isn't fair or exactly the same for all of us. We only have the kind of hair, thick, thin, straight or curly that we inherited through our genes so its not fair either to compare ourselves to her. What we can do that is more help is learn how to care for our hair type and colors and styles that fit our skin color and face shape better and how to find alternative ways to fix up our hair so it also looks nice but it doesnt have to look exactly the same as Julies.
If you can get someone like Kim to admit She's envying Julie but knowing you and her can have fun trying to explore different things you can do for your hair types, it will refocus her attention from bitching behind someones back to doing something constructive/that helps. Thats a lot to ask of yourself. So if you feel this gal is worth helping, do it. Make sure you dont come across as better than her cus that will shut her down to not be willing to listen to you. Its best to start out with saying something that lets her know you understand cus 'you've been there and done that" whether really true or not, if you can say, You know, I am tempted to say things like that too, cus I see how easy it is for her hair to look great but I found that complaining about it to others didn't solve my problem with my hair. Mines too straight, perms just hurt it and I want some way to make it look fancy and still fit in at school and not stick out as odd looking. (in this case you both could explore the internet together for hair tricks for straight hair.) If you see what I am trying to say with this long drawn out example, there may be help for your two faced friend if someone could get her to see that its not that Julie is doing something wrong or bad, its that she, Kim isn't happy about something. I hope this works for you with that friend. I know its a lot and perhaps at her age, it might not work or be worth the bother for you, but its all I know to suggest.

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