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Jealousy
13-14, females
So there is this girl in my friend group. I can tell pretty much everyone in our friend group is jealous of her, including me.
She's pretty and even my separate friends, they'd see a selfie with me and her and be like "she's so pretty what's her name?"
She's smart and she doesn't do extra for it (that we're aware of)
She's super nice
She's skinny
She's sporty and girly
She's mature
Basically I, and a bunch of our friends can't find a flaw in her.
I am not kidding I even had a thought to myself that she was like 30 and went back in time, and has all this knowledge. She always knows what to say with advice, and she has so many people who tell her secrets and come to her to talk through problems. She's good at like every subject and when she's just learnt something, she just gets it and can explain it (from what I've heard and witnessed).
Everyone in the group wants to be her best friend it seems.
Now I've been noticing people are trying to be like her. I've been there, last year, but then I realised that no one can be like her (it seems that way), and also I want to be my own person, have my own interests, etc.
Recently we've been noticing how she is making so many new friends, and she kind of seems embarrassed to be around us. She's so perfect that I don't want to be around her!
I know this isn't good, I don't have the best self esteem, and at this point it's like any flaw I can find in her will make me feel better. It's not just me, some of our friends said that to me as well!
She's not very relatable, she doesn't seem to ever embarrass herself. It seems like she doesn't care what anyone thinks, she doesn't get mad, she's figured out herself, etc. It also seems like she 50 steps ahead. How is she like this at just 14?
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I will agree that its highly unusual to find someone like this at this age, who is how you describe, but it also isn't an impossibility. Knowing how she can be like this isn't going to be a magic formula you can follow to become the same. And as you said, you want to be your own person and thats one of the smartest things you could have said.
This gal may have had exceptional parents, maybe one who is a counselor or psychologist with lots of insight and ability to reach their kids and teach their kids in ways that help the kids mature in ways most kids dont get a chance to. Or perhaps she had grandparents would told lots of stories and taught her lots of life truths simply because she was the kind of kid willing to listen to them. Perhaps she was born with a higher IQ than most humans and is at professor level or beyond. Or theres a really way out possibility if one believes in such things....that she is a really old soul who has the experience of so many more past lifetimes than the rest of us and so are much more mature and just stand out in many ways behavior wise from most humans at any age. I have people close to me tell me that...that I am so far different from the average human that one can't help but notice theres something about me that makes me not blend in but stand out. I dont have that kind of ego and don't tend to think that way of myself but I hear it told to me over and over. Maybe I'll believe it someday before i die. Of the few possibilities I mentioned, as you can see, if any one of them were true, there would be no way for you to copy what made her turn out this way.
I am sure you find it irritating to see others try to copy her. When younger people feel like they lack their own self confidence, they will naturally tend to copy someone whom they believe has it all. I want to tell you a story about self confidence and how the concept of copying someones self confidence is actually a very good trick for giving yourself a jump start to becoming your own person with confidence that can never be taken away from you. That is what kids at your age really want to have and guess what, its something I didn't have at your age. As a kid, and teen and even into my 20s, I was struggling to overcome social anxiety and then later, gain self confidence too.
Looking back, I can see that in some way, the kids by instinct are somewhat headed in the right direction but they are trying to gain what she has by copying all the unimportant things that won't change their own self confidence because that occurs in the mind with a cool method you use on yourself. Its not going to come from copying how she talks or smiles or laughs, how she dresses or does her hair and makeup, how she does in her grades, how she seems to have the knowledge of an older person.
I hope you are excited to hear about the trick that worked for me...something I didnt do until I was an adult, divorced and contemplating dating and finding a new partner, scary after marriage for many years. I needed a self confidence boost and can't say where I read this, but basically we all feel that actors and actresses are confident or at least act confident and people really notice them. I know I have average to good looks but look no where like the people we see on tv and in movies, not the model type. However, it was easy enough to find one thing about my looks I did like. I like my eyes and feel they are also very expressive eyes. So I thought of an actress I liked whose eyes were similar to mine. Thats all you need, one little thing, whether it be your height, bone structure, hair, mouth etc... that you can say is just as good or pretty as actress so and so...
Then every day I left home and every time I was about to enter a building, school, work, grocery, a diner or bar, etc... I imagined that I looked like her total body, at least the self confidence part because that actress is already accepted and liked by many. I pictured this in my mind. Some days I wasnt wearing makeup and I kind of forgot at times I had done this imaginary trick until after a couple days, both women and men even those I didnt know, would approach me to tell me I have the prettiest eyes they'd ever seen. My eyes had not changed from before the experiment, but my self confidence had gotten its start without my realizing it. And the self confidence is what had others noticing me. Peoples subconscious minds will pick up on things like this while you are awake and it will make an impression. I would hope this could also work on younger people. I would be interested to hear from you if you try it, what results you get. Its the only way I gained some initial confidence and once you can feel that self confidence cus of compliments, it doesnt take much more to grow from there into being your own person without having to really copy anyone else. Hopefully your friends will realize this as they grow older. Or you never know, when they begin to subconsciously pick up on changes in you, they may all of a sudden be asking you what has changed about you and the next thing you know, peole are interested in you and being around you. You may not have the IQ of this girl but you can be a shining star with confidence in a world where few people even smile.
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