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should i let him know???
I've been seeing this great guy for a couple of months now, since july from last year and from the moment we met we clicked and it feels perfect. He shows me attention and treats me like his girlfriend when were together BUT we aint a couple and its starting to get to me now, reason being is because i've caught more feelings. Like we act like a couple when were together and were not, i feel like im getting mixed signals.. however last saturday night we had our first time together and it was really nice i won't deny to say i loved it, and since then i feel like i have more feelings for him. His parents even know about me and stuff, i dont know if 7/8 months is too fast for him to ask me to be his girlfriend? I wanna ask him but i dont wanna scare him away by asking what he feels for me or what we are cause i feel confused, the way he treats me and acts with me makes me feel he has a lot of feelings, but why hasnt he asked me out yet?? i dont wanna keep sleeping with someone and they aint my boyfriend. I dont wanna keep waiting months and months and were in the same position.. What should i do please? im so stuckkk!!!!!
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Not knowing your age makes it a bit harder to advise. If you are both teens, there is no hurry to become 'officially' a couple by hearing the words that confirm it in your mind. I'd have more to say if you are a teen but i don't know.
If you are old enough to be of age to seriously date to find out what you want in a mate/husband/father of your kids someday in the near future, then by all means...do not keep silent!!!
First tho, ask yourself what you are looking for, just a boyfriend as a social companion and someone compatible for regular sex...thats a good reason but not the only reason to be dating.
The other reason, learning what you want in a future mate and recognizing that quality when you meet a guy is important if that is your current reason for 'seeing' a guy or 'dating' him.
To me, seeing a guy and dating him mean the same thing. So I am not clear on what you mean by seeing him. If you feel that 'seeing' is equal to just being friends, well it can be good news depending on the situation. The situation depends on him and you having same reasons to date and also having the same idea of what 'dating' is and isn't.
For you, it might mean hearing the words, "I want to ask you out on a date." But for the guy, it might mean getting hungry while hanging out together and then asking if you want to go somewhere to get a bite to eat. That to him may qualify as a date. In my book, dating means a time of discovery about the other person if your goal is to find your long term, or life long partner. I dont think many girls want to find a guy with whom the relationship will be short, months or a year or two but in the learning process, thats exactly what its going to be dear.
It may be nothing more than a game of semantics between you both and the meaning of the words you each put to your situation.
If you have a male who doesnt see you only to have sex and do nothing else together, then you can rest assured you are not his booty call. From what it sounds like you're saying, the two of you hang out together doing a lot of things and you feel right together and enjoy each other. If you didnt have sex until just recently, then this guy either has a low low libido and can do with very little sex, or he is a gentleman who is seriously interested in you because the plain fact with males is that they don't waste their time hanging out with a girl they don't really like as a person, loving your character and personality as well as how attractive you are to them. Men are very visual and if they like what they see, they will invest the time hanging out with a girl whether its officially called dating or not, in order to learn if she's not just beautiful to him on the outside but just as beautiful under her skin. That is what most women want and not many find. It sounds like this guy may be that kind of guy. Do you really know him, have met his friends and family? A guy without anything to hide who truly is available and really likes you will introduce you to friends and family. Some males never figure out if they like a girl, and are totally inept at relationships, and dating and all that goes with it. Other males know what they want at an early age and go after it. And then again, other males don't trust their own instincts or are afraid of commitment but at the same time want to hang on to a girl because she's the best thing in his life. Sounds strange, right? But some guys are like that and take a bit longer to get in touch with their real feelings.
Females on the other hand are terrified they will never have a guy who is interested in them, who will 'see' them or date them or want to marry them. Why they feel this way, I don't know but I suspect that self confidence in part is a cause.
Females also are afraid to ask a guy certain things or tell him things for fear of scaring him away. I have learned much through experiencing many years as an adult going through the school of hard knocks where relationships are concerned. I've learned that if a guy was to be 'scared off' in the beginning by my stating to him why I am dating and what I am expecting to find in a man who will qualify as being my boyfriend and later my long term mate or husband, then I am lucky that theres one less piece of straw in the haystick so when I search for my Mr. right, the needle in the haystack, I've eliminated another wimp, another guy afraid of commitment, another guy who may dislike self assured women because he cant control them, etc. You are looking at this from a standpoint of it being a loss if you were to be open with him after 7-8 months and he were to stop seeing you and run away, when you should be thinking of it as a plus, as being one step closer to finding the right guy because the wrong one got scared and ran.
SO talk to him. Let him know what you really are looking for in a guy. What criteria you have for him to be willing to meet and if he won't then say goodbye.
I know...you have feelings so its hard to think of possibly saying goodbye.
Feelings and emotions can be misleading dear. Females tend to develop feelings as strong as love when they begin to have sex with a man. Its something about the way we are wired. But having sex with a man, if its good, isn't the only criteria your mind should be realistically thinking of when comtemplating having any male as a boyfriend, friend with benefits, short or long term mate. How a guy treats you in other ways is important as well as many other things.
When on a dating site to meet my next husband after a divorce, I was ready to count myself lucky to find a guy who could meet my list of criteria who was either willing to be a boyfriend only or who was looking for a wife. At my older age, having raised kids, I was willing to accept either and found a husband who not only met my criteria but wasn't afraid of it either. Oh plenty guys complained when they read my list or I told them what I wanted and how i wasn't willing to settle for less. The complainers even got mad and I got glad, there went dozens who automatically ruled themselves out for being so sensitive they took things personally or didn't like a woman who was looking for an equal partner instead of a controlling abusive one as I had last time. As long as you remain fearful of losing a guy for any reason, you are not in a good advantageous position dear and thats an unhappy way and more likely to be an unsuccessful way to go through the world of dating and trying to find a partner. I know I am a stranger to you, but I am a stranger who has gone through a bad relationship, fear of speaking up, lack of and then gaining self confidence, deciding what I really wanted out of life in the relationship area, and not being afraid to ask for it. Cus often, you get what you ask for. I did. But you have to make the first step of asking and stating what you want, not settling for less and not fearing the what if one guy gets upset or scared and goes away. good luck dear.
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