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Fearing That Your Husband is Having an Affair
What do you do when you fear your husband is having an affair? When there have been signs for a considerably long time? There have been all kinds of little things such as that he's been incredibly secretive. He never tells anyone where he's going when he leaves the house or where's been when he comes home late. When anyone asks, he asks why they want to know. If you ask again, he flips out and starts screaming, turning it into a huge fight for absolutely no reason at all. He claims that he got angry and started screaming because whoever asked him used a "hateful" tone of voice even though they didn't and even if they did, he still blew it way, way, WAY out of proportion. Also, what if your daughter said she's seen him flirting with single mothers at said daughter's basketball practices and other such things? Then you saw his truck (a very distinctive looking truck) parked at the home of one of the aformentioned single mother's? AND you found a second cell phone filled with texts from a woman that NOW, he seems to have hidden somewhere? This marriage is on it's last leg. If he is seriously having an affair, i'm afraid divorce will be unavoidable. But I can't prove anything yet. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Take you kids and get the hell away from that man, just by you saying what you have I can tell you right now he is cheating and for him to be that verbally abusive is absolutely unacceptable. You do not deserve this and your children do not deserve this. let him go fuck around with his whores because in the end its you he is going to miss and guess what you will be moving on to bigger and better things. Don't wait around for a man that doesn't know how to be a man. You're strong and you don't need him. There's my advice:)
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Are you happy in your marriage?
You describe a man who is verbally abusive, and whose own children believe he is betraying their mother.
Imagine, for a moment, that is he not cheating on you. Does that make this okay? Does that make it good enough to stick around for? Does that make this an okay environment for children? Would you want your daughter to marry this sort of man if only he doesn't cheat on her?
Get your butt into counselling. If he'll go with you, great. If not, go yourself.
It's not the cheating that makes divorce unavoidable. It's when one of you realizes you'll be happier apart. You don't need proof of cheating to realize this marriage isn't working for you.
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Whether its an affair or not, his behavior is bad enough that you have plenty of reasons for divorcing him other than there being affair. The fact that he's a father and husband and is missing at all times and wont give an explanation means he is not committed to this family any more. He may attend a basketball practice but I highly doubt its to support his child, only as a chance to flirt with other women. Usually, its hard to have real solid proof, the kind that stands up in court, but if he is no longer caring about you, treating you as if he's in love with you, supportive and all, then you've lost a husband a long time ago.
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If you feel your husband is having an affair then he probably is. The first thing you should do is seek out a good divorce attorney if that is the direction you think you need to go. Find out from the attorney what grounds you need to file for to get the best settlement for you and any children still living at home with you.
Most divorce attorneys will work on contingency, meaning they will take their fee from any settlement the get you or from your husband as part of the settlement. You may have to hire a private detective to get the goods on your husband. An attorney who practices divorce law may have one he or she works with. Their fee may also be part of the settlement.
As you go through this process say nothing and do nothing to make your husband suspicious. Do keep an eye on the finances. Make sure all of his income and yours are going into joint accounts. If you see evidence he is moving money out of your Joint accounts advice your attorney immediately.
When you do serve you husband with divorce papers arrange to have a locksmith on call. You will want the locks on you house and your car changed immediately. The locks and the ignition on newer cars may have to be done at a dealership. If so it will be expensive as it involves reprogramming the computer. You need to do this to keep your husband from taking from you anything that are marital assets even if titled in his name. This
will all be settled in the divorce.
If divorce is the only answer please remember that as much as you will hurt over this; the divorce is not your fault. You are not the one having an affair. You are not the one who has left the marital bed to have sexual relations with another. This is all on him. What ever excuse he comes up with, what ever his lawyer uses against you it is being done to hurt you and to get you to agree to a settlement favorable to him. Ignore what they say as it is mean to hurt you even more then you are already.
In fact I would recommend you find a good psychologist to work with while going through all this. I would suggest a women who you can talk to and get everything out rather than keep it inside you. If you can show that you are strong and their attacks are meaningless your attorney can do his or her job better.
Good luck and I'm sorry your marriage has come to this.
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