How can i help both my friends who are into each other
Question Posted Monday February 22 2016, 6:44 am
I have this guy friend, (that i really like but i'll save that for another day) who likes to talk with me about a lot of things. Recently he was talking about my good friend Kristina and how he thought she was moving too fast. Kristina has been hugging him a lot and holding him arm (almost clingy if you get what i mean) and laying her head on his shoulder in church. For my church that's really awkward and jaedon (the guy friend) finds it all too awkward and fast. he also said that he thinks they haven't been talking long enough. So i thought about telling Kristina, but i have never told anyone anything jaedon has said to me privately. They are both my friends and whenever me and him talked before it would always be someone i had no relation to. So i don't want to betray him by telling Kristina what he told me. But i also don't want to see my friend unhappy. What should i do?
Also i like jaedon a lot but i wouldn't want to date someone she likes (especially since so is a drama queen, like she calls this one girl who likes jaedon boyfriend stealer and satan... its bad lmao)
Jasmine23 answered Wednesday February 24 2016, 12:04 am: Express to J. That he has every right to speak to her about this matter. And that it should be done sooner rather than later. He needs to address to her that he is feeling uncomfortable with her touching and that he is not resdy for that yet.
It is best to not tell your friend K as she will not take it well coming from you and it could turn very ugly. But you should not get in the middle amd be there to support both friends.. [ Jasmine23's advice column | Ask Jasmine23 A Question ]
Razhie answered Monday February 22 2016, 5:21 pm: It's probably best you do nothing.
Jaedon didn't ask you to interfere to help, and Kristina is almost guaranteed to perceive any comments as meddling or worse - as an attempt to steal her boyfriend.
Best to just relax. Give advice if it's asked for (without betraying confidence) and encourage Jaedon to stand up for his boundaries and comfort level. Right now, that is what Jaedon needs to hear: That it's okay to ask for his boundaries to be respected. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
Dragonflymagic answered Monday February 22 2016, 2:50 pm: Whats told to you in confidence should not be shared withanyone else unless you ask Jaedon and he says its okay. If he doesnt like it, then actually, he should be the one to say something to her. You wouldn't even know there was an issue unless you had observed this happening between your friends yourself, but he said something.
There are different reasons for dating if indeed thats what they are doing. If they are not dating or gf and bf, then I can see how this would be very awkward and uncomfortable for the person receving such treatment from someone else just because that somone else has a need for love and attention and is boldly going after it.
Now if You have observed Kristina hugging him excessively and leaning her head on his shoulders, then you are a witness to this and as a friend, without telling her what he said, just stating to her what you have observed, its easier to say something like: Kristina, I need to tell you something I see, it may be nothing and I am not saying this to make trouble, but I've seen his face when you go and hug him and lay your head on his shoulder. It looks like it makes him very uncomfortable. He likes you but my guess is he doesnt like it. You might ask him if he likes it when you hug him always. Guys are pretty picky about that sort of thing."
However, if you feel SO intently about this that you can't leave it to Jaedon to say something as he should and you say that all, then its likely to backfire with this girl who is a Drama queen giving you a lot of drama for your efforts rather than see this as being a helpful friend. I will be even worse if she does say something to Jaedon and he 'Assumes' you told her what he said to you and know you'd have both of them mad at you. Meddling in others business rarely turns out well. [ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question ]
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