|
Help making a huge decision to move across country
I'm in desperate need of advice. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now and I love him and he has been there for me and has helped me through my addiction. I'm a recovering heroin addict but my family hates my boyfriend because we got into a physical altercation once in front of my 8 yr old daughter and as a result my daughter now lives with her dad. My boyfriend has never used drugs and he wants me to move across the country with him to start my life over because I recently just started staying with my parents again to get clean. However my older sister is getting released from the hospital soon after getting an infection from drug use and my boyfriend and I are terrified of her being in the same environment as me because it may jepordize my recovery. I've always used with my sister and I'm not sure if she wants to change. I don't want to move away from my family and daughter but I'm scared if I don't I will fall right back into drugs and may never make it back out. What should I do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
If your daughter lives with her dad and that is somewhere in the location of where you are now, the best thing for daughter is to stay close enough to be able to visit often. If you move many states away, that isn't always feasible with getting time off work, or having the money to drive, fly, ride a train or however you think to travel.
I understand not wanting to life with the parents if a sister who is temptation for you to use will soon be living under the same roof. Its the same for alcoholics...they can't hang out with friends who will be drinking alcohol and think they can always have the strength of will to not take a sip theirselves. So it makes sense to not stay at home.
However, you haven't given any reason why this current boyfriend wants to move you across the country. To start a new life for you is not a good reason because a person can start a new life anywhere on the planet, even in the same state as your parents live in. Your boyfriend may not be a father and have no idea of why its important for you to live closer to your child for visitation rights. SHe will need you in her life, often, not occasionally. So if the boyfriend has his heart set somewhere else for no special reason, let him go by himself cus he isn't really thinking of all your best interests. A person who really loves you and cares about what's best for you will look at all angles, not just the fact of your sis moving back in with Mom and Dad and you. If you can't currently move out on your own, you might want to talk to your counselor about finding other options for you of a place to live.
]
Your daughter needs you...time flies on, faster for you, but slow for children. Your "location" isn't the issue...it's what's in your head..your bad stuff you shove deep down...fix that. Don't compromise your awesome chance at making the world a better place through your little girl... God gave you the gift of procreation, of life...because he knew you were the best decision for her life...you got this....he will understand.
]
A question about your daughter; who has legal, court ordered custody, of your daughter. The reason I asked is just because you had a "physical altercation once in front of my 8 yr. old daughter." This may not be a legal reason for the courts to take your daughter from you. Even if family services removed her they still need a court order for her to remain in her father’s custody. IF you want her back you could go to court and ask a judge to award custody to you.
The reason I asked this is if you do want custody of your daughter this could complicate you moving with your boy fiend as the court could also order you to stay so he has visitation. Conversely if you do move with your boyfriend, I will discuss this next, you can ask for visitation rights and have her sent to you for winter or spring and summer vacations.
As for moving with your boyfriend: Any addiction is a horrible thing. Being around another addict especially with someone you shared your addiction with is a step towards failure as you have pointed out. I support you moving with your boyfriend.
Once you reach you new home, if you are not already a member you should find a local AA meeting and join. AA is not just for alcoholics they have helped thousands of narcotic users recover as well. Below is link to the AA website from which you will be able to find a local meeting for NAA which are the meetings for those recovering from Narcotic addictions.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
My brother in-law is a 25 year recovering alcoholic and swears by AA. The 12 step program and their system of help works. Best of all it cost nothing or whatever you can afford to donate as they pass the hat at each meeting.
]
More Questions: |